UPJOKE
alcoholismjunkiedrugjunkyhookcocaineaddictiondrug addictuserreward systemgene expressionfreakdsm-5d1-typehabituate

Addicts Jokes

"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."

"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

”Hello. My name is Paul, and I am a addict.“

Group leader: ”Hello Paul. Nice to meet you. But I have to tell you that the addicts meet three rooms further down the hall. This is the group for single moms.“

Paul: ”I know.“

Everyone thinks drug addicts need advice

But they’ve already added enough vices, they need to subtractvice

What do politicians, drug addicts and birds have in common?

They all have friends in high places.

Q: What do Herion addicts do?

A: nod a lot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do depressed people and addicts have in common?

nuttin’ matters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a addicts favorite browser?

Edge

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Addicts

There was three guys; a addict, a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.

The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will se...

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

What is it called when a group of drug addicts overthrow the government?

A high coup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a support group for addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

Two heroin addicts die and stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates

They ask Saint Peter if they’re allowed in, and Peter reviews their records.

“Wow, I’m really not sure guys. It says here you’ve done a lot of bad things. Stealing, lying, generally bad addict behavior things. I can’t make this call, I have to go ask the big guy himself”, Peter says.

...

How do meth addicts pay for their habit?

The tooth fairy.

Why do drug addicts like my jokes?

Because they are all one-liners.

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

What’s a meth addicts favorite game?

Need for speed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a bunch addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

How do computer addicts buy weed?

They press the hash key.

Why are all Leprechauns drug addicts?

Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow!
2 jokes are hidden here because they may not be suitable for all ages.
show them anyway

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.