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Addicts Jokes

"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."

"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

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”Hello. My name is Paul, and I am a sex addict.“

Group leader: ”Hello Paul. Nice to meet you. But I have to tell you that the sex addicts meet three rooms further down the hall. This is the group for single moms.“

Paul: ”I know.“

Everyone thinks drug addicts need advice

But they’ve already added enough vices, they need to subtractvice

What do politicians, drug addicts and birds have in common?

They all have friends in high places.

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The Devil Makes a Deal with 3 Addicts Sentenced to Hell

Three sinners are sentenced to Hell for their various addictions. One is addicted to drinking, one is addicted to sex, and one is addicted to smoking. The Devil tells them that he is going to lock them in a room with their respective desires for a thousand years, and if they manage to resist temptat...

Q: What do Herion addicts do?

A: nod a lot...

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what do depressed people and sex addicts have in common?

nuttin’ matters

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The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

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What is a porn addicts favorite browser?

Edge

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Overweight porn addicts

They're massive wankers.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

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3 Addicts

There was three guys; a sex addict, a weed addict and a alcoholic they all went to hell for their sin and was standing in front of the devil.

The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with what ever you did for a 1000 years and if you get over any of your sins I will se...

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

What is it called when a group of drug addicts overthrow the government?

A high coup

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I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

Two heroin addicts die and stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates

They ask Saint Peter if they’re allowed in, and Peter reviews their records.

“Wow, I’m really not sure guys. It says here you’ve done a lot of bad things. Stealing, lying, generally bad addict behavior things. I can’t make this call, I have to go ask the big guy himself”, Peter says.

...

How do meth addicts pay for their habit?

The tooth fairy.

Why do drug addicts like my jokes?

Because they are all one-liners.

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

What’s a meth addicts favorite game?

Need for speed.

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What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

How do computer addicts buy weed?

They press the hash key.

Why are all Leprechauns drug addicts?

Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow!

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