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Smuggler Jokes

The Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike." The guard detains Juan overnight and has the sand a...

The Irish Smuggler

There was a man who would cycle across the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland every single day without fail carrying nothing but the clothes on his back.
The border guards stopped him every day, patted him down, searched his bike, deep thorough searches and never found ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How much cocaine can a smuggler sneak into prison?

a buttload.

The clever smuggler

At a border between 2 countries, the Customs Officer stops a man. He's riding a bike and holding a huge sack.
The officer asks "What's in the sack?"
The man replies "Just some mud."
The officer checks. Sure enough- mud.
He's very suspicious, but has no choice, and lets him go.
Next d...

Budgie smugglers and getting girls

So about 10 year s ago , I went to Benidorm with a friend and we we’re sitting on the beach and My friend wanted to know the best way for him to get attention from the girl s

I told him to go find a pebble and put it down his budgie smugglers and walk up and down the beach for a while
...

Why does the rebel alliance need multiple intergalactic smugglers to change their lightbulbs?

Many Hans make light work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mexican Smuggler

A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a customs officer while crossing the US-Mexican border. "What's in the bags?" asked the guard. "Sand," the cyclist replied. "Get them off. We need to take a look." The officer emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing b...

What do you call a Mexican intergalactic smuggler?

Juan Solo.

I've got a secret to reveal, guys. I don't think I can be a drug smuggler any longer.

I've kept it inside for so long.

What did the frustrated smuggler say to the Californian?

This is the LAST straw!

What's the difference between a pirate and a smuggler?

If you're a famous smuggler, you're not doing it right.

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

Animal smugglers

A man wants to smuggle a snake and a skunk through customs. The wife says to her husband "how are we going to get them through?'. Hubby replies "I'll tie the snake around my waist and you shove the skunk up your skirt". "But what about the smell?" she says to which he responds "Well if it dies, it d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a lazy person and a drug smuggler?

One has to get their arse in gear...

The other has to get their gear in arse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Cake Day penis joke:

A guy goes to the beach for vacation, and he really wanted to impress the ladies on the beach. He worked out a bunch, tanned in advance, and bought a tiny banana hammock bathing suit for himself.

Each day, he put on his tight budgie smuggler and began walking the beach, smiling at the bathin...

What do you call a person who illegally transports cups

A smuggler

Not mine found it somewhere

A master smuggler bragged to border control that he was about to start smuggling but they wouldn't be able to catch him.
Soon, he crosses the border on a donkey.
The guards diligently and thoroughly search him and the donkey, but come up empty.
The smuggler smiles and passes.
The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl I know got collagen injections in her butt. Now she looks like a smuggler's desk.

She's got a false bottom in her drawers.


Just thought of that one today.

My first day working at border customs was hectic

we arrested a big group of German meat smugglers. It was a wurst case scenario.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the day, Chicago was run by the Irish mob

Now, before the Italian mob took over- I'm sure you all know Al Capone, Frank Nitti, Lucky Luciano, and the like- Prohibition era Chicago was run by the Irish mob.

The Irish gangs owned Chicago outright for a solid 18 months after Prohibition went into effect, before police raids, pressure fr...

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really ...

On a border patrol agent’s first day on the job...

...he’s checking people coming in and out of Mexico. At one point, a guy pulls up on a bicycle, and is wearing a large backpack.

“Aha!” says the agent to himself. “I’ve caught my first smuggler!”

He stops the guy and searches his backpack. He’s astounded to find nothing but rocks. The ...

An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.

"What do you have in this sack?"

"Sand."

"Well let me check."

The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's ...

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