This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anyone know of a cure for sex addiction?

I’ve tried fucking everything

My wife is fed up with my constant stream jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?!" She shot back, "Whatever means necessary!!"

I chuckled, "No it doesn't!"

What do you call a fat drug addict?

Chunky junkie!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandfather is addicted to viagra.

My grandmother is taking it pretty hard.

A drug addict calls the police to report something interesting

The police officer, interested, asks. "What is it?"

The addict responds. "Okay, I-"

The officer interrupts, quickly making sure they're not on drugs "You're sober right now, right?"

"Yes, this happened when I was sober too."

All seems okay to this point. "Okay, go on."...

I used to be addicted to showering…

I got clean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex addict, an alcoholic and a pot head die and arrive at the gates of heaven.

Jesus is standing there looking at them sternly he says, " I stand at these gates to judge the souls that have passed on. If you do not deserve to enter heaven then you will be cast to the fire filled depths of hell where you will spend all eternity in agony."

The three sinners knowing the l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be addicted to masturbating

I overcame so much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a porn addicts favorite browser?

Edge

I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid...

But I can stop when I want.

What do F-18 pilots have in common with internet addicts during the dialup times?

Both of them break out in cold sweat when their display shows NO CARRIER.

Two heroin addicts die and stand before Saint Peter at the pearly gates

They ask Saint Peter if they’re allowed in, and Peter reviews their records.

“Wow, I’m really not sure guys. It says here you’ve done a lot of bad things. Stealing, lying, generally bad addict behavior things. I can’t make this call, I have to go ask the big guy himself”, Peter says.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a therapist addiction.

I don't know who to see about it.

Scientists have developed a new alcohol so addictive you can’t live without it. It’s name?

Oxy-Gin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a masturbation addiction

But I'm beating it

What do rich people and drug addicts have in common?

They both have friends in high places.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My family is getting very concerned about my Grandfather's Viagra addiction.

My grandma Is taking it particularly hard.

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to eating salt?

Don't worry, he was cured.

A meth addict tried boxing for the first time yesterday.

He got hooked.

My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

no one is taking my cries for help seriously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yesterday I learnt that I have a real problem with heroine addiction.

I have to have sex with a woman admired for her courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who do you call for questions about sex addiction?

Nympho-mation

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous.

I see some new faces today and I must say I'm pretty disappointed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m convinced I’m a sex addict

Everyone else tells me it hasn’t gotten *out of hand*

My wife and kids are threatening to walk out of the house because of my addiction to horse racing.

And they’re off!

A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

What are a user, a snoozer, and a sore loser.

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bee landed on a girl's chest at the sex addiction therapy course.

Apparently screaming Boo Bee at her chest was wrong...

What do you call it when you fail to break your addiction to mid-day rests?

Re-naps

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ted Cruz, a porn addict, a sociopath, and the Zodiac Killer walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a drink.

My girlfriend was addicted to period dramas, but now she's moved on to period soaps..

It's wonderful how fresh and clean the sheets are now!

I'm on medication for my Pokemon Go addiction.

Gotacachemol.

Did you hear about the cocaine addicted improv actor?

He was constantly thinking about his next line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There wasn’t any parking at the Sex Addict Support Group

So everybody came on the bus

I was addicted to the hokey pokey,

but then I turned myself around.

I have an addiction to making references to random Bruce Willis movie titles. People have tried to help me stop but you know what they say. Old habits...

Pulp Fiction

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

How did I not know you can be addicted to cats??

It seems even the Pope is a cat-holic.

Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting people on their knees to test their reflexes.

He really gets a kick out of it.

A coke addict accidentally snorts his grandma's ashes; how much of it did he snort?

About half a gran.

My wife left me because of my poker addiction.

I for sure thought she was bluffing.

You hear about the addict

Who used to keep his drugs in broken kitchenware, he was a bit of a crackpot

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables?

He staged a high coup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a drug for people addicted to anal sex?

Trinoacetol

I was addicted to not defending myself against nuns.

But I finally kicked the habit.

What does an Internet-addicted frog say?

Reddit reddit

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict.

It starts in a box and moves to a house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are days when I truly think I've gotten over my porn addiction

......then I remember my favourite Michael Jackson song is 'Beat It'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a sex addict with a rhinoceros?

Fuck-if-hino

I went out to dinner with a mathematician who was addicted to addition...

I have never seen so many positive signs on the first date.

What do you call a heroin addict-turned Harvard student?

IV League

As a child of a meth addict, I want you to know you can make DIFFERENT CHOICES from your parents

I prefer heroin

Making bread is very addictive

First I was enjoying just mixing the ingredients. But after a while I kneaded it.

Why did the amphetamine addict have to clean his room so often?

He wath a methy perthon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex...

Would it be safe to say that my addiction got ot of hand?

What should you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

Sea-kelp

What did the drug-addict writer say when his wife told him to come to bed?

Let me finish this one line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to a support group for masturbation addicts the other day.

It was the best meeting I've ever been to, hands down.

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”

What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

Sea kelp.

What’s the best gift you can give to a gym addict?

A mirror!

Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much better if...

Every fifth caller was a winner.

I don't have a cocaine addiction.

I just like the way it smells.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i asked my therapist: can you cure my bondage addiction?

he said: "i wish i can help you but my hands are tied"

What do you call Jesus when he becomes a meth Addict

The methiah

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pete goes to a masturbation addiction meeting

The meeting had been going on for hours and he really had to pee.

He raised his hand and asked "May I use the restroom?"

The host said that it was alright, once Pete had turned around he heard a voice saying "Ya need a hand?"

What sound does a duck addicted to drugs make?

Crack!

I'm absolutely heartbroken. My Girlfriend has broken up with me over my chronic gambling addiction..

.. Desperate to win Her back.

My uncle got addicted to deli meat

But I heard he quit cold turkey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I beat my addiction

To porn, single handedly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sexist, an alcoholic, and a drug addict walk into a bar

The bartender says: hey aren't you that horse from Horsin' Around?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 people die and end up in hell...

The first was an alcoholic, the second was a womanizer, the 3rd was a pothead.

Satan spoke: "Your punishment for squandering your lives on addiction is simple. What you valued the most in your life will be provided to you in infinite supply, however, you will remain with only your vice in a l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm no drug addict but they still took me to the substance abuse department

All I said to my friend doctor was
"I'm a dick, Ted"

Did you hear about the hardworking heroin addict?

He was always up burning the midnight foil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a bunch porn addicts and living disappointments?

The reddit community.

I have a oxygen addiction

I tried to stop yesterday, but after a minute I started feeling blue

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need t...

As weird as it may sound, I think I’m addicted to religion

I’m a real Cathoholic

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend who is a sex addict says he loves camping.

I guess pitching tents is in his genes.

I have a sausage addiction....

.....and it's getting Wurst.

My friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures of himself in the shower.

He has some serious selfie steam issues.

What do you call a knight who turned into an upvote-addict on Reddit?

Sir Karmalot.

I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.

Now my jaw’s all methed up.

What did the addict say when a dust devil hit his home?

I got sand in my crack!

My wife gave me an ultimatum today - it was her or my shameless addiction.

The decision was a piece of cake.

What is an addict's favorite dance?

Depen-dance

I have an addiction to stealing traffic signs.

But I can STOP whenever I want to.

I used to be a a heron addict, but after 6 weeks of rehab

I've got no egrets

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn addiction has cost me everything I hold dear in my life....

But I’m glad I got a handle on it.

+how's your gambling addiction going?

\-i don't know but i bet is fine.

How do you call an alcoholic that doesnt admit the addiction?

Jack Denials

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are addicted to masturbation, talk to a priest.

He'll be happy to help you beat it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m an sex addict and my wife said I should get professional help.

It’s been three happy years now, but I’m starting to think she meant a psychologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do a serial porn addict and a Christian body builder have in common?

Muscly forearms and a squeaky clean search history

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

I’m addicted to thanksgiving leftovers

I can’t stop cold turkey

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm a sex addict so I went to see a sex therapist

After an hour of all talk and no sex I realized she was just a regular therapist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Devil’s Deal

There were three guys- a sex addict a weed addict and a alcoholic. They went to hell for their sin and were standing in front of the devil.

The devil made a deal with them saying I will lock you in a room with for a 1000 years with your temptations and if you get over your sins I will send y...

Do you know why the duck went to narcotics anonymous?

He had a quack addiction.

Can radio be an addiction?

Depends on the frequency.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend's writing an erotic novel about a sociopathic sex addict.

It's called 'Journal.'

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.