Junkie Jokes - 43 Hilarious Junkie Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sold some baby laxative to a junkie and told him it was cocaine...

The next day he told me that was the best shit he ever had.

Did you hear the one about the sleepy junkie?

He’s an oxymoron

upvote

downvote

report

What do junkies and adulterers in the Middle East have in common?

They both get stoned.

upvote

downvote

report

I saw on this girl's dating profile that she's a "health and fitness junkie." So that's cool...

We've got one of those three things in common.

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a tweeker and a junkie?

They'll both steal your shit, but the tweeker will help you look for it.

The junkie tried but couldn't quit

All of his efforts were in vein

upvote

downvote

report

A junkie broke into the local linguistics department

They were looking for morpheme

upvote

downvote

report

A junkie walks into a bar.

SMACK!

upvote

downvote

report

One in our friend group is supposed to be a dyslexic junkie.

Needles to say it's not me.

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the junkie buy a bidet?

He wanted to shoot crack

upvote

downvote

report

What did the Power Ranger say after becoming a Junkie?

Its Morphine time

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just saw a junkie at Wal-Mart put his whole dick in a tube of Planter's Cashews

Dude was fucking nuts.

What do you call a sad junkie with a lisp?

Metherable

upvote

downvote

report

Where does the junkie duck live?

At the quack-house.

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call two junkies trying to split a bag?

Crystal Math

upvote

downvote

report

What's a junkie's favorite videogame?

Need for Speed.

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?

So he could get crow cane from his vet

upvote

downvote

report

A junkie told me a joke the other day

It cracked me up

upvote

downvote

report

What did the Italian junkie say?

Giovanni Change

upvote

downvote

report

What is 5 times 5 junkies?

Crystal Math

upvote

downvote

report

Why did the junkie keep accidentally calling his dealer?

Because he had him on speed dial.

upvote

downvote

report

What did the self-contradicting junkie say to the other?

It's an Oxy, moron.

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the junkie who beat up a nun?

He kicked the habit.

upvote

downvote

report

I'm an adrenaline junkie and an agoraphobic.

I talked to the mailman through the door once, that was a rush delivered.

upvote

downvote

report

So someone asks a junkie..

Do you still use heroin?

Well.. On the one hand yes, on the other hand no.

upvote

downvote

report

What do an internet junkie on dialup and an F18 pilot have in common?

Both break out in cold sweat when their screen show NO CARRIER.

upvote

downvote

report

Why Do Adrenaline Junkies Go Camping

Because it's in tents.

upvote

downvote

report

What did the demonic junkie get charged with?

Two counts of possession

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a junkie use for protection during sex?

a bus shelter

How do you find a needle in a hay stack?

Lock a junkie in the barn

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear the one about the homeopathic junkie?

Unfortunately, he died of an underdose.

upvote

downvote

report

What do you call a fat drug addict?

Chunky junkie!

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A monkey is smoking a joint.. (NFSW)

A monkey is smoking a joint when rabbit arrives and says: “ Come on monkey leave the joint and go for run with me, its healthier...”

A monkey thinks about it and says: “You are right, lets go!”

They both start running and after a while they see a zebra preparing some hash.

Rabb...

What does a junkie have in common with a quiet kid?

Shooting up

upvote

downvote

report

Did you hear about the two junkies that fell in love?

They tied the knot.

upvote

downvote

report

What did Velma say to Scooby at the haunted methadone clinic?

"Junkies!"

upvote

downvote

report

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood...

And my mom would constantly yell at the top of her lungs “get back inside boy, there’s a goddamn junkie heading this way!”

Now that I’m an adult she yells “get back inside you goddam junkie there’s a boy heading this way!”

upvote

downvote

report

What goes “quack, quack, quack?”

A junkie with a speech impediment

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a homosexual?

One's crack is in a junkie and the other's junk is in a crack.

My girlfriend keeps joking she’s addicted to chocolate.

She eats it every chance she gets. I finally got so fed up that I took her downtown to see a homeless junkie. I pointed at him and said, “Now that, see that? Why can’t you be that skinny?”

upvote

downvote

report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite joke

I went to go visit my friend Chuck on his farm out in Greater Minnesota, and he's showing off his barn, crops, and livestock. When we get to the swine corral, there's an enormous boar... with three wooden legs.

So I ask him, "why does that pig have three wooden legs?"

"Well, Steve, tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

Joe, you're not going to believe what I just saw.

A fitness junkie buys a new bike and takes it for a long ride on a stretch of road going over many hills. On his way home he finds he is to exhausted to continue, and rests on the side of the road. After an hour a Lamborghini Veneno pulls up and the young man driving offers him a ride. After realizi...

upvote

downvote

report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.