I was just struck in the head by a flying bottle of omega 3 pills!

.... luckily, my wounds were only super fish oil.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills

A man walked into his doctors office, and asked him for 3 viagra pills.

The doctor asked, "Why only 3?"

The man said, "Well, Friday my secretary is coming over, Saturday my girlfriend is coming over, and Sunday, my wife is coming home form her vacation".

The doctor said, "That's...

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend regularly takes anti-diarrhea pills and claims it increases his work productivity, due to reduced trips to the restroom daily.

I think he's full of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I gave my friend penis enlargement pills

She didn’t like it very much

I actually overdosed on anxiety pills a few minutes ago

I’m not too worried about it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Anybody ever heard of those Viagra pills?

I heard they were sinking a crate of the stuff down to the Titanic to try and raise it.

To the guy who stole my weight loss pills..

You'll have nothing to gain!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do guys have such difficulty in asking the cashier for sex pills?

I mean, it's not that hard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aleve pills and viagra look way too much alike.

I keep winding up with two pounding heads instead of one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas.

Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't k...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to the dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled The dentist pulls out the novocaine freezing needle to inject the man. “No way! No needles! I hate needles!” the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing – the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!”

The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.

“No,” the patient says, “I am fine with pills.”...

What’s IT slang for male enhancement pills?

Front-end developer

Why are birth control pills so hard to get out of the package?

Childproofing

John rolls out of his room into the apartment,

John rolls out of his room into the apartment, looking like some misshapen ball. His roommate Ron, horrified, asks what happened.

“Oh nothing major, I just found a genie and told him I could use a joint, looks like he misinterpreted and turned me into a human knee,” said John.

“A kn...

One thing at a time.

Once upon a time, a little old lady went to the doctor.

She said, "Doc, I don't know what's wrong, but I've had an constant problem with flatulence for weeks now. It's not much inconvenience, because they're quiet, and they don't stink, but I've farted 4 times just while I explained this to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man took penis enlargement pills but still his wife left him

She just couldn't take it any longer.

Did you hear about the guy that overdosed on his homeopathy pills?

He forgot to take them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting... [warning: offensive!]

\[I once killed a party with this joke. You have been warned!\]

Three expectant mothers are sitting in the doctor's office, knitting.

The first mother puts down her knitting, picks up her handbag, pulls out a bottle of pills, takes one, then resumes knitting. She sees the other two mot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman goes to see the doctor with complaints of a low sex drive.

She tells the Dr “My husband wants me to get medicine so I’ll want sex as much as he does”, Doc tell her no problem he will give her the same hormone pills the Olympic weightlifting team uses . He confidently explains, “all of them want to have sex multiple times a day”

2 months later the wom...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I just ordered some pills from Amazon Prime to help sex go faster.

Came real quick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Viagra pills walked into a bar

They sat down next to two marijuana plants who were engrossed in an animated discussion.
"I don't get it," one marijuana plant said to the other, "Why aren't we legal? Nobody's being hurt by us."

One of the Viagra pills scoffed at them.
The marijuana plant turned to him and asked, "What...

My wife told me to go and get some pills that help with an erection...

You should've seen her face when I tossed her some diet pills.

A woman with a 69 inch waist goes to the doctor (Calculator Joke)

A woman went to the doctor.

He measured a waist of 69 inches (type into calculator).

He said that that was too, too, too, much (type 222).

And gave her 51 pills (type 51).

But she took 8 times that my (type x8)

Do you know what happened? She became...(Hit = and fli...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a box of viagra pills?

An expansion pack.

So a couple of farmers are standing around talking. One goes you know, "I had a bull who just wouldn't breed anything, so I took him to the vet and she gave me some pills to give to him. Well he bred all of my cows and jumped the fence and bred all of the neighbors cows!"

The other farmer looked at him and asked what kind of pills they were and the first one responds, "I don't know, but they kinda taste like mint."

“Doctor, those pills you gave me are working well but they are making walk like a crab”...

“Oh, that it’ll be the side effects”

Doctor: I have bad news for you. You’ll have to take one of these pills for the rest of your life.

Patient: But... Doctor... you had given me only three pills!?

Doctor: I told you it was bad news.

.

.

.

.











*Edit: I can’t correct the title but it should say “... take one of these pills **each day** for the rest o...

"Barkeep, why are there pills glued to the top of the bar seating?" "Oh, some people complained that our seats were too hard. Those are stool softeners."

"And, cushions would have rectal the loose vibes we work so hard to cultivate."

Weight-loss pills are very effective...

They drain your bank account so you don’t have money for food.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s one product Microsoft can never put their name on?

Boner Pills !

Bad dream

A guy went to the doctor complaining about a bad dream.

Doctor : what seems to be the problem?

Guy: I'm having dreams about this chickens playing in a soccer championship, every night.

Doctor: for how long?

Guy: must be a weak or so.

Doctor: okay, we'll solve this ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to visit his elderly father in a nursing home.

He's running late, so arrives later than normal. The nurse on duty tells him visiting hours are nearly over but he can sit with his father while she gives him his medication. He agrees and the nurse comes back a few minutes later with a glass of water and three pills. The man eyes the pills curiousl...

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw an ad from a local store with an upcoming sale for pills to cure premature ejaculation. When I got there they told me they didn’t have them in stock yet.

Seems like I came too early.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Smart pills

Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa

There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.

The boy says, "What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?"

Grandpa says, "They're smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you'll get smarter."
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does general grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

A fine addition to my erection.

Overweight guy goes to the doctor for some weight control help

Doctor gives him an Rx for 100 diet pills with the following instructions

Every morning, dump the pills all over the floor and bend down to pick them up, one at a time..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The president took some dick enlargement pills

He's 6'3 now

If a rich man dies from a drug overdose, the headline should read "Pills bury dough boy"

Credit to my friend Chris

What kind of pills did Jesus take before Ascension?

Uppers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A man goes to the doctor to get birth control pills for his daughter

Doctor: Oh, is she sexually active?

Man: No, she just lays there like her mom.

Reasons the idiot couldn't kill himself.

He couldn't find the tailpipe on his Tesla.

He jumped in front of a model train.

The bullets wouldn't fit in the squirt gun.

He overdosed on placebo pills.

He jumped off a low bridge.

He stuck a plastic fork in an outlet.

He doused himself in diesel and trie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was watching porn and I saw this add. It was for pills that claimed to make your penis 12 inches longer and I thought, “that’s ridiculous......”

“Nobody wants a 13 inch penis.”

"Doc, my hearing is failing! I can't even hear myself fart!"

"Here, take these pills daily for a week."

"Will they make me hear better?"

"No, they'll make you fart louder."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes.

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes. As she's trying on clothes, she proudly announces to the person at the fitting room "I'm buying new dresses because I just lost a bunch of weight, guess how much I weigh now!" The employee ...

My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory

So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.

“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?”

“Ahhhh...um....hmmm” he took a second,

“Hmmmm...hold on let me think ermmmm.....it’s....daisy? No that’s not it....it’s ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher asks her students to name medicines they know and state their uses.

Little Susan stands and says, "PANADOL"

Teacher: Used for?

Susan: I think headache

Teacher: Good

Musa: PIRITON

Teacher: used for?

Musa: Helps in sleeping..

Teacher: Excellent!!

Little Johnny (stands confidently): VIAGRA

Teacher (nearly f...

Doctor prescribed me pills for 14 days

I had to do another 7 days because they were too weak.

Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him?

Doctor: They Are For You.!!

I remember when I started doing drugs. First weed, then pills... and then I was offered cocaine...

And that's where I drew the line

Why did the Hispanic man die after taking three pills?

Because it was over-dos!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor prescribed me some iron pills. Apparently they make your poop go way dark...

That's black-shit-crazy!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man comes home with his new Viagra pills…

He walks in the door and says “Honey, are you up for some super sex?”

She replies “I’ll take the soup.”

After so many years in our marriage, my Wife wanted me to buy some pills to spice things up in the bedroom

*Apparently I was the bad guy buying diet pills.*

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man asked his doctor for 3 Viagra pills one day.

"I need one for each woman coming over tonight, doc." The man stated.

On reasonable request, the doctor gave him the pills.

The next day, the man came back to his doctor, but this time, his arm was in a cast.

"What happened?" His doctor questioned.

"The girls never showed...

I got my sleeping pills mixed up with my cats medication the other day...

Just don't ask me-ow

My psych recommended me some pills to deal with my schizophrenia

I haven’t seen him since

A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments at the coffee shop...

"My arms have got so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."

"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time because my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.

"What? Speak up! What?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me to get dick pills

She told me to get those pills that make your dick standup.

Man was she surprised when I came back from the pharmacy with diet pills

Pls help, I'm locked out of my house

Man arrested for selling eternal youth pills.

News has just come in about a man in the Dublin area has been arrested for selling pills that he claimed would give eternal youth.

Police records have shown that it is the fourth time this man has been arrested. The earlier arrests were made in 1799, 1852 and 1921.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I take dick like I take pills

On the floor sobbing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife wanted me to get some viagra so I could get an erection..

She didn’t understand anything when I came home with weight-loss pills for her.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman walks into a doctors office

After getting through the door she stomps her way to the reception desk. Not waiting for even a greeting she blows up " I WANNA TALK TO DOCTOR JOHNSON AND I WANNA TALK TO THAT MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT NOW!" With eyes the size of dinner plates the receptionist rushes to retrieve the doctor. Moments later ...

What do you call Matthew Broderick after he takes his Iron deficiency pills?

Ferrous Bueller

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Accidentally mixed up my sleeping pills with my viagra.

Ended up having 40 wanks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My diet pills weren't working, so I asked for a refund

I was denied, and was emailed a transcript of the TV commercial:

Butt weight, there's more!

Why does Donald Trump take anti-anxiety pills?

To prevent Hispanic attacks

Why are pills white?

Because they work.

Who needs a border wall when you have Tranqs and Sleeping pills

Dart em’ and ship em’ to Montana. They’ll just wake up and go to Canada.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What company is going to start selling pills that are the opposite of Viagra?

Ubisoft.

A woman sees her doctor complaining about chest pains.

The doctor prescribed her some testosterone pills to help strengthen her heart muscle and warned of the expected side effects.

A few weeks later the woman returns for a follow up appointment complaining of hair growth in unusual places.

When the doctor re-assured that this was to be ex...

Why arent pills allowed in Africa?

Because you can't take them on an empty stomach.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.