A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict.

It starts in a box and moves to a house.

A drug addict calls the police to report something interesting

The police officer, interested, asks. "What is it?"

The addict responds. "Okay, I-"

The officer interrupts, quickly making sure they're not on drugs "You're sober right now, right?"

"Yes, this happened when I was sober too."

All seems okay to this point. "Okay, go on."...

What is it called when a group of drug addicts overthrow the government?

A high coup

What do rich people and drug addicts have in common?

They both have friends in high places.

A drug addict, a man taking a nap, and Donald Trump.

What are a user, a snoozer, and a sore loser.

I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.

Now my jaw’s all methed up.

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The 3 ex drug addicts

So 3 ex drug addicts (let's call them Jim, Mike and Bill) volunteered for a week to try to convince as many junkies as possible to ask for help to fight their addiction. They were given by the local authorities 2 photos, one showing a small circle and one showing a big circle and they were told to u...

What did the drug addicted power rangers say to each other?

“It’s morphine time!”

"Yeah. Those animals across our southern border have ruined their own country and our trying to invade and ruin ours. With their rampent guns and drugs... their government has become a shambles of nut job military and rich drug addicts who don't care about anyone!

Eh?"

Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables?

He staged a high coup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sexist, an alcoholic, and a drug addict walk into a bar

The bartender says: hey aren't you that horse from Horsin' Around?

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I'm no drug addict but they still took me to the substance abuse department

All I said to my friend doctor was
"I'm a dick, Ted"

What do you called a duck that’s a drug addict

A Quack Head

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.

A drug addict found a lamp. Genie appeared.
"Now I will fullfill your 3 wishes" - he said.
"I wish two lines of the best stuff on the world. Let's take it together, it will be great."
"Ok, that was your first wish. Don't waste all of them on drugs" - genie said and two lines of the best stu...

Why did the drug addict suffer an overdose of cocaine?

Because he crossed the line...

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

Why should you never tell a drug addict a joke?

They might crack up.

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What do you get when you put a sex addict, a drug addict and the unbelievable will to grow?

~~Tiger Woods~~

~~Tom Brady~~

~~Michael Phillips~~

**TYRION LANNISTER**

Why are all programmers drug addicts?

Cause they do a lot of codeine.

A sodomizer, an alcoholic, a thief and a drug addict await judgment in Hell...

The gatekeeper of Hell says, "Each of you are here because you let your addiction get the best of you. But I'm giving all of you a second chance, prove me wrong and I will drag you back to Hell!". Just like that the sodomizer, alcoholic, businessman and drug addict are teleported back to Earth.
...

One day a trendy drug addict named Rick hallucinates having a conversation with his drugs.

"Never gonna give you up." he says.

"Never gonna let you down." replied the drugs.

"Is Rick rolling in style again?" asked his friends.

Did you hear about the most recent celebrity drug addict?

I Don’t know how we missed it for so long, but it turns out that Humpy Dumpty was actually a crack head

Why are all Leprechauns drug addicts?

Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow!

How was the common drug addict punished in the olden days?

He was stoned

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a drug addict?

A refrigerator starts in a box and moves into a house.

(This is not mine, but I don't know the source. Either way, I thought it should be shared.)

What's a drug addict's favorite music genre?

Crack rock

What did Mike Tyson say to the drug addicts who were playing tag in his front yard?

Quit mething around.

What do you call a duck drug addict?

A QUACKHEAD

What would Jesus say if he was a drug addict?

"I need my crucifix"

What are drug addicts looking forward to now?

Christmeth.

The dyslexic drug addict became a Mormon...

...when he got hooked on LDS

What do you call an actor preparing for a role as a drug addict?

A meth-head actor

A research team asked a group of drug addicts who their favorite superhero was..

Oddly enough, almost all of them said Wonder Woman. The research team doesn't really know why, I guess they're just big fans of the heroine...

Why could they not hear the drug addict's cry for help?

It was just a lil peep

There's a fine line between being a drug addict and a recreational user...

...and I snorted the whole thing.

A drug addict walks into a changing room....

he came out a changed man.

What does a drug addict and a child have in common?

They both want tablets for Christmas.

A drug addict and a nun

So a drug addict walks up to a nun and sees that her clothes are ripped. He looks at her and says, "Sister, you have a bad habit."

A drug addict died in his sleep...

I guess he overdozed.

Why don't drug addicts hang out at the beach?

They don't like getting sand in their crack.

What do you call the daughter of a drug addicted preacher?

Methany

Apparently a thespian friend of mine has a drug addiction...

I guess I misheard him we he said he was a "Meth Head" Actor

You shouldn't make jokes about drug addiction.

It's a methed up thing to do.

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

To overcome his drug addiction my son decided to become a woman.

Now's he's Coleen.

What do you call a drug addiction counselor addicted to prescription opiates?

An Oxymoron.

I've been reading a book about drug addiction

I was hooked after the first few lines.

To combat drug addiction, Christians are now rebranding herion as "Jesus"

One should never take the Lord's name in vein.

A lot of my friends really struggle hard with drug addiction, depression, and a feeling of indifference to the world.

But they always came easily for me.

What did the train driver say when he decided to get over his drug addiction?

I need to get my life back on track

What do you call the main actress who suffers drug addiction?

The Heroin.

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An alligator walks in to a bar

The bartender asks, what can I get you?
The alligator says, I would like a job.
After determining that the alligator had no experience, the bartender said he would give him a chance as a bouncer if he could keep the place safe.
That night, things were going alright until a fight broke out...

I keep telling myself to quit drugs

Like I'm going to listen to a drug addict

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This big ol' grizzly bear walks up to the bar and orders s drink.

The bartender says "We don't serve wild animals."

Furious at this, the bear loses his cool, starts roaring and raging, knocking people and tables over. In his fury, he picks up an old woman and eats her down in one bite. Crunch.

Now, a bit sedated, he returns to the bar and says "Come ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A schoolteacher explains to her class that she is a football fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are football fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says,

"Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?

"Because I'm not a football fan, " she replied....

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An alligator walks into a bar.

The bartender looks at the alligator and says "We don't serve alligators here!".
The alligator replies "You see that woman over there? If you don't give me a beer I'm going to walk over there and eat her."
The bartender says again "We don't serve alligators here!"
The alligator walks over ...

Drugs

Q. Heard about the drug addict fisherman who accidentally caught a duck?

A. Now he's hooked on the quack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

A bear walks into a bar

"Sorry we don't serve bears in here" the barman says

"But I'm a big brown bear"

"Sorry we don't serve big brown bears"

Bear is angry and hits the bar with his claw "give me a beer now!"

"Sorry we don't serve bar bashing big brown bears!"

The bear picks up a barstoo...

A bear walked into a bar...

Looked about the crowded bar and didn't see anywhere to sit. A young woman caught his eye, they exchanged smiles and he walked over to her. Just as she opened her mouth to say hi he mauled and ate her.

He looked up to the bartender and said "Barkeep, I'd like a large Guinness."

The bar...

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Read aloud.

How can you tell if a drug addict has road rage?

They didn't cause the accident, a dick did.

Two recent philosophy graduates..

2 recent philosophy graduates, John and Andy, embarked on a cross-country journey to better understand the meaning of life.

They took with them their best friend, Bill, who was a college drop-out and a former drug addict who's now sober and helping his dad's business.

John and Andy tho...

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A phone call home...

A Brazilian football (soccer) star is on international commitments, representing Brazil at the World Cup far from home. He takes a few moments to speak to his family.

"So, how's things at home?" he asks.

"Terrible!", his mother replies. "We have no money. Your father is unemployed a...

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Technology Man

A man walks into a bar holding up his forearm to the side of his face carrying on a business conversation. The bartender watches the man continue his conversation for a good 30 minutes before removing his forearm from his face and pushing his forearm with his thumb. The bartender, believing this man...

A horse wanted to start a band.

It has always been a dream of his, the horse. He always fantasized about the day he’d sell out avenues with his talented bandmates. He thought to himself, “today, I will make my dream come true. No more waiting around.” Only problem is, he doesn’t know how to play any instrument, though he did have ...

I bumped into an old mate of mine today.

I said, "What are you doing these days?"

He said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, drug addicts, alcoholics and down and outs."

I said, "Oh, are you working for the Salvation Army?"

He said, "No. Wetherspoons!"

To ease the pain of a mother Crying at her Husbands funeral I said "At least he died doing what he Loves"

Too bad he was a Drug Addict

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapist...

...said he could tell what their problems are by what they named their kids. He told one lady that she is overeater, cause she named her kid Candy. Said another lady is drug addict, daughter named Crystal. One lady is alcoholic, named kid Brandy. Last lady took her son by the hand, said "Come on Dic...

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A bear walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "You need to leave, we don't serve your kind here." The bear is enraged. He rears up on his hind legs, lets out a savage feral roar and in one bite he swallows the lady sitting next to him.

"NOW." he says. "HOW ABOUT THAT DRINK."...

A horse walks into a bar.

It was about then the bartender decided he should seek help for his drug addiction.

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