A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the...

What do you say when a gorilla rips you off?

Ask for your silverback.

Gorilla in a bar.

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill.
The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas ...

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A man wakes up one morning to find a Gorilla on his roof!

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an add for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the Gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The Gorilla remover arrives and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"W...

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers

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This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree.

He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

     "Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

     "Boy," is the man's response.

     "Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy. An hour later the service guy shows u...

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Gorilla walk into a bar

The Gorilla looks around and says
"I must be in the wrong joke"

What are the chances that a gorilla would jump on a lion?

Anyways I lost my job at the zoo today.

A gorilla walks into a bar.

Everybody freaks the hell out.

Where does a 300 pounds gorilla sit?

Where he wants.

A monkey, chimp, gorilla and King Kong tries to take bananas from a coconut tree. Who will get it?

Neither! Coconut trees don't grow bananas!

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Zoo keeper says to Paddy. "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500? Paddy replies, I will on 3 conditions: 1st I'm not going to kiss it. 2nd my family must never know.

3rd i'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together.

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Haven't seen the gorilla on a building joke. It's my favorite.

An apartment manager comes into work and his high-rise one morning and finds a gorilla five floors up hanging on the side of the building. He calls animal control and they say they'll send their best man out.

Animal control truck pulls up half hour later, and a big guy jumps out, introduces h...

Are you a gorilla exhibit?

Because I wanna drop a kid in you.

Hey girl, are you a gorilla pit?

Cause I'd love to drop a kid in you

A gorilla came to my house and rang the bell

*King kong!*

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A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo....

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable.

However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a ...

What do you call an eight-thousand pound gorilla?

Sir

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A zoo bought a female gorilla

About a week after buying a gorilla the zookeepers noticed the gorilla became extremely aggressive. There was nothing they could do to console the gorilla. After awhile even when they fed the gorilla it would refuse to eat and throw its food against the wall.

After this went on for awhile the...

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A man brings his gorilla to a bar

And the bartender says to him, "Hey man, you need to get that gorilla out of here. We don't serve animals."

The man replies, saying "No, this isn't your average gorilla. Watch."

The bartender goes "Ehh.. well.. okay. But make it quick."

So the man orders two beers, and gives one...

A Gorilla walks into a pub

And asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman pulls him a pint, and says, "That'll be £6.50 please".

The gorilla takes a sip of his pint, and the barman says to him "You know, we don't get that many gorillas in here..."

The gorilla gulps down his beer, and informs the barman, "W...

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?

It's a Hairy Potter.

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A Gorilla is sitting in a tree...

...and he is a pretty horny. There are no other apes around but he sees the lion eating a boar and he thinks about it and decides that a hole is a hole so he jumps down and fucks the lion in the ass. the lion lets out a terrifying roar and whips around but the gorilla has already finished and is run...

"How can this idiot possibly be elected as president?"

Says a nation that hasn't gotten over the death of a gorilla in 6 months.

Did you hear about the exceptional gorilla biologist?

She was an ape lust student.

Gorilla

A young girl hit puberty and her body started to change. One day she noticed she was getting hair down there. She went to her mom confused and the mom explained “that’s your gorilla and it’s getting hair. “ Very excited the young girl went to her older sister and exclaimed “my gorilla is getting ha...

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On a scale of Alligator to Gorilla....

How shitty of a parent are you?

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Three guys are working at a zoo's gorilla exhibit...

Three zookeepers are working at the gorilla exhibit and the zoo's twelve year old female gorilla, Chloe, is in heat. Chloe is behaving aggressive towards the other female gorillas and tearing her own enclosure apart. The three zookeepers know they must do something quick to calm her down. They MUST ...

What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion sinking in a pool of quicksand

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

How do monkeys make toast?

They put it under a gorilla.

How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench!

How do you make gorilla stew?

You keep it waiting

Where do gorillas work out?

The jungle gym

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A female gorilla is alone in a cage at the zoo...

... She has become very cranky due to her isolation and has become increasingly aggressive. Her problematic behavior has become a concern of the zookeeper who decides to try to fix it. While trying to come up with a solution he notices the janitor, a very sleazy redneck type and gets an idea. He wal...

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Man Vs Gorilla

Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.
!'<...

An 800 pound gorilla walks into a bar...

he sits down and the bartender looks at him nervously and says, "What'll it be?"

The gorilla says, "I'll have a Manhattan."

The bartender makes him a Manhattan, hands it to him, says "That'll be 14 bucks," and watches him take a drink. He stares nervously for a minute then says to the ...

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to...

Gorillas see us how we see aliens, skinnier, smarter, less hair

Or you might call them Asians

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What did the straight male gorilla say after he fucked a human male to death?

No homo

Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

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College kid home for the summer, answers an ad for an "Assistant Gorilla Catcher"

Old man says we usually don't get much work. But it pays $20 an hour, with a 40 hour week. Kid accepts the position and most of the summer goes by without a single phone call. Finally a call comes in for an escaped gorilla from the zoo, up a tree. Old man tells the kid to get the baseball bat and sh...

Are Gorillas stupid?

Of course, who else would complain about a 19$ drink but keep coming back to the same bar

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Gorilla Catcher

One day a woman looks out her kitchen window and sees a gorilla in her backyard tree. She rushes to the yellow pages and finds "Gorilla Exterminators" and calls the first number she sees. A few minutes later a man drives up in a pick up truck with a ladder, a doberman, and a shotgun. He speaks wi...

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A man goes to a zoo.......

While standing in front of the gorilla's cage, a gust of wind swept some dust into his eye. As he rubbed his eyelid, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the guy senseless.

When the guy came to his senses, he reported the incident to the zookeeper. Nodding, the zookeeper expla...

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon lan...

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A man wakes up one day to a gorilla in a tree in his front yard

Alarmed, he immediately googles "gorilla exterminator" and calls the local expert.

"Hello? Yes I have a damn silverback in my tree, I need you here right now!"

"No problem man, except my partner is out of town, so I'll need you to help me"

"Fine whatever you need just get her...

I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

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A gorilla dies at the Zoo...

Just before the zoo opens. It's the only gorilla that that the zoo can afford, and it was by a large margin, the zoo's most popular attraction, so the owner goes to the former gorilla keeper and offers him an extra $300 every day if he'll put on a gorilla suit, go in the gorilla exhibit, and pretend...

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A man is at the zoo...

... and comes to a silver back gorilla exhibit and he notices a sign. The sign states " Please do not tap the gorilla". He looks around and says fuck it and taps the gorilla.

The gorilla breaks out the cage violently and starts chasing the man. He realizes the bad choice that he made. He star...

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I saw a gorilla on a tyre swing at the zoo the other day...

I thought, wow that looks fun, I'll buy one for the kids! But it makes the tree in my garden look scruffy and it keeps chucking shit at the neighbours.

So there's a child and a gorilla...

...well, there ***was*** a gorilla.

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Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"

Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .

The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a blow job.

Bartender says, "What do ya think?"<...

West Virginia Zoo just got a new gorilla!

A small zoo in West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. ...

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

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They asked Stephen King to write a horror story about a gorilla...

He told his publishers that he wanted to write it under his *nom de plume* "Richard Bachman." The problem, he said, was that he'd already written "The Monkey" under his own name. He didn't want people to think this new story was a sequel, or derivative in some way. Legally, since he'd sold the ri...

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bar tender says, “We don’t serve gorillas here.”
The gorilla tells the bar tender, “Look, if you don’t give me a drink, I’m gonna eat that lady at the end of the bar.

“I’m sorry, we don’t serve gorillas here,” states the bar tender.

The gorilla goes to the end of the bar wher...

A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season.

They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human-like gorilla.

After a few months his popularity begins to...

Harambe the gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender says, "I don't serve gorillas here."

Harambe says, "you better or I'm gonna do something terrible."

The bartenders say, "oh yeah! Like what?"

Harambe points to a women slumped against the bar and says, "I'm gonna go over there and eat that woman!"

The barten...

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some...

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

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I was telling my friend a joke. "There was this gorilla...

..."

"I fucking swear, if this is another Harambe joke, I..."

"Well, thanks for killing it."

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

What did the muslim guy say to his girlfriend when she was about to eat gorilla meat?

"That's haram, bae."

fake gorilla joke

a nearly broke zoo had trouble maintaining and caring for the gorillas, so they had to sell them to a different zoo.

to keep the exhibit open, they dressed up a staff member in a gorilla suit.

for the next week, the fake gorilla was placed in the cage and paid to act real, and he loved...

[Long] A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.

A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.
Not sure what to do about this he calls a local exterminator service.
The lady on the phone says, “Sure, we deal with gorilla removal all the time, I can have someone there in thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes la...

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A zookeeper was making his rounds one day...

When he noticed the female gorilla was very agitated. Having worked with gorillas for many years, he recognised she was in heat. The zookeeper did not wish her to become more agitated, so he began contacting other zoo's in the area asking if they had a male gorilla.

After many days with no lu...

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Gorilla Removal

A man came home from work to an escaped gorilla on the roof of his house. He quickly Googled how to remedy this situation and stumbled upon a phone number for a gorilla removal expert.
He called.
When the expert arrived, he hopped out of his truck with a baseball bat, shotgun and his rottwe...

Bob the Gorilla Catcher

One day a gorilla escapes from a zoo. In order to get the animal back, the zoo sends out Bob the gorilla catcher.

Bob gets in his pickup and starts cruising around the suburbs looking for the gorilla. After a couple hours of this, he spots the gorilla sitting on the roof of a garage.

H...

A gorilla walks into a bar.

He's not the smartest gorilla, but ignorance is bliss at the zoo.

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A Muslim Woman wanted to fuck a gorilla. Her husband objected and said...

"That's Haram, bae."

What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson?

One of them got shot for touching a kid.

A zoo was having a lot of trouble with a female gorilla

The gorilla was in heat, but they had no male to couple her with. As she was getting more violent and aggressive by the hour, they tried to contact other zoos for a male, but none were available in a short amount of time.

Desperate, the zoo director calls John the janitor into his office.
...

A gorilla dies of old age at the zoo.

His name wasn't Harambe.

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What do you get when you convince a gorilla to have sex with a pig?

Fired from the zoo, apparently.

A man wakes up from a five year coma...

Doctor: Sir you've been out for a long time and I'm afraid I have some terrible news.

Patient: Oh I don't mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla at the Cincinnati Zoo

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

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Whats the difference between a gorilla and a guillotine?

No one gets their dick out for a guillotine

Why didn't the gorilla join the Buddhist temple?

It was too monk-y.

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.

Bartender yells, “What is this, some sort of joke?”

A gorilla walks into a bar...

And several people get up to leave seeing the possible danger of the situation.

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So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure..

And social media went apeshit.

A Gorilla walks into a bar....

He takes a shot. His name is Harambe.

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A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree.

A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree. He calls animal control, they say the gorilla is from the zoo and they will send an expert over right away.

The expert shows up in a van, opens up the van and removes a coil of rope, a net, a pointy stick, a pet carri...

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A gorilla that swung too far

A zoo was barely making ends meet. The head zookeeper was keeping things together, but it was a struggle. Instead of a pride of lions, they had one lone lion. Instead of a band of gorillas, just two. The rest of the zoo animals were just as sparse.

One day during a thunder and lightning storm...

A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar...

The boy says "first shot's on me"

The gorilla replies "nah, I got this"