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Gorilla removal service.

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in a tree near his house. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.

"Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks.

"Boy," is the man's response.

"Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", ...

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Men vs gorilla

Married couple at a Zoo walks past a gorilla enclosure.

Says the woman: 'Mark, Do you know that gorillas are the only animals which resemble men in their behavior?

Look, seeing that no one is looking, I'll expose one of my breasts 2 it & see how horny it gets just as men do.'
r&...

A cheap zoo lost its gorilla and instead of paying for one they hired a guy in a gorilla costume to act like a gorilla.

When the people came to see him he pounded his chest and moved like a gorilla. Right under him was a lions cage.

While he was running around chanting like a gorilla, the bottom of his cage broke and he fell into the loins cage.

He started screaming and yelling "help me, help me"
...

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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some k...

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A man wakes up one morning and finds a gorilla on his roof.

So he searched the internet and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers". He calls the number, and the gorilla catcher, Bobby, says he will be over in 30 minutes.

Bobby arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van. He's got a LADDER, a BASEBALL BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG....

A gorilla walks into a bar...

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini.
He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now...

Hey girl, are you a gorilla enclosure?

Because i'd put a baby in you

Did you see the new youtube channel that's non stop footage of gorillas opening bananas?

It's super ape peeling.

A man walked into his backyard one morning and found there was a gorilla in a tree.

He called a gorilla-removal service, and soon a serviceman arrived with a stick, a Chihuahua, a pair of handcuffs and a shotgun.

“Now listen carefully,” he told the homeowner, “I’m going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with this stick until he falls to the ground. The trained Chihuahua...

Why do gorillas have such big nostrils ?

Because they have big fingers

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Irishman got a job at the zoo, first week there, someone asked him "would you fuck the gorilla for £2,000?"

Irishman said "on three conditions, I don't wanna kiss it, I don't want any of my friends or relatives to find out, and give me a couple of months to get the money together".

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

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The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

I just caught a gorilla spying on me.

I said “there is no need to pry mate”

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A man goes gorilla hunting with a hunter friend

They leave in the morning with handcuffs, a dog and a rifle.

Upon arriving to a tree where a gorilla is perched, the hunter tells his friend his technique: "I will go up that tree and shake it so hard the gorilla will fall. As soon as he hits the ground, the dog will bite him at the balls and...

What do you say when a gorilla rips you off?

Ask for your silverback.

A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Gorilla walk into a bar

The Gorilla looks around and says
"I must be in the wrong joke"

What do you get when you mix human DNA and Gorilla DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.

A popular gorilla exhibit at a local zoo had its only resident pass away

The zoo, not having enough time and money to replace the perished primate, gave one of their employees a gorilla suit and told them to go into the exhibit and act like a gorilla. He at first disagreed, like anyone would, until they offered an enormous raise. He then of course accepted the money and...

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A man walks into a bar with his pet gorilla.

The man walks in with his leashed pet gorilla and sits at the counter. The man asked the barkeeper whether it is okay to unleash the gorilla, in which the barkeeper agreed as the gorilla seemed to be very calm. The man then unleashed the gorilla and the gorilla walks off around the bar.

Firs...

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Did you hear the one about the gorilla with a food fetish?

It's fucking bananas.

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The main attraction gorilla at a zoo dies right before the zoo opens for the day.

Many of the zoo’s daily visitors come just to see the gorilla. So, in a desperate move, the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one.
Qui...

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On a scale of Alligator to Gorilla....

How shitty of a parent are you?

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A lion sees a spring running while wandering through the jungle.

He leans in to take a drink, head down, rear up and his tail swaying in the air. A gorilla wanders by and gives the lion the old Liberace and runs off. The lion gives chase through the jungle. The gorilla comes upon a campsite at the edge of the jungle and dashes into a tent. He grabs a hat, puts it...

Where does a 300 pounds gorilla sit?

Where he wants.

A gorilla walks into a bar.

Everybody freaks the hell out.

Gorilla in my tree

Last day I looked out into my garden, and I saw a gorilla sitting in on of my trees. Then I found this guy online, supposedly he should be very good at catching gorillas. After calling him he told me that he would be at my house as fast as possible. He arrives, but he only has a net, gun and a small...

A gorilla goes into a bar and asks for a gin and tonic.....

....the barman says “that’ll $25 please and I must say we don’t get many gorillas in here”
“With prices like that I’m not surprised” responds the Gorilla.

A gorilla walks into a bar

The gorilla walks past the barkeeper and takes a seat.
The Barkeeper is confused and scared at the same time.
*"A gorilla in my bar? Well thats not happening very often..."* thinks the barkeeper and starts shaking
Then the gorilla stands up, goes to the bar and says "I would like to h...

A man, a dog, and a cow were on a cruise when their ship sank.

The man, the dog, and the cow were the only survivors. They swam to a deserted island covered with a thick jungle.

They started to explore the jungle. There was enough food in the jungle to feed the three of them, and the man could build a shelter out of the trees. "We can live here for years...

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A guy is walking down the street, and sees his neighbor walking hand in hand with a gorilla.

The guy asks: hey, what are you doing with that gorilla?

His neighbor says: that's my wife.

The guy: you married a gorilla?!

The neighbor: you laugh, but she's the best companion I've ever had. She's clean, doesn't require much other than bananas, and the sex - amazing.
...

A zoo owner is busy at his desk when 3 of his assistants walk in, a blonde, brunette, and redhead.

The brunette steps forward and says, “Sir, we’ve finished our work on those new exhibits you wanted”. The man gets up from his desk and follows the three out of the room down to the exhibit hall.

First the brunette stops and turns and points at here exhibit. “Ah, you finished the gorilla cag...

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Zoo keeper says to Paddy. "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500? Paddy replies, I will on 3 conditions: 1st I'm not going to kiss it. 2nd my family must never know.

3rd i'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together.

Why did the gorilla fall off the tree?

Because he was dead

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A lion takes a drink in the Serengeti

So there’s this lion in the Serengeti and he goes to drink water from a puddle. It’s the dry season and he’s happy, so he’s there drinking the water with his tail in the air. All the sudden this gorilla comes out of nowhere from behind and gives him the old Liberachi. Then the gorilla takes off, and...

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A Gorilla is sitting in a tree...

...and he is a pretty horny. There are no other apes around but he sees the lion eating a boar and he thinks about it and decides that a hole is a hole so he jumps down and fucks the lion in the ass. the lion lets out a terrifying roar and whips around but the gorilla has already finished and is run...

A gorilla walks into a bar..

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks," and gives him 15 cents change.
The bartender says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here...

Are you a gorilla exhibit?

Because I wanna drop a kid in you.

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Haven't seen the gorilla on a building joke. It's my favorite.

An apartment manager comes into work and his high-rise one morning and finds a gorilla five floors up hanging on the side of the building. He calls animal control and they say they'll send their best man out.

Animal control truck pulls up half hour later, and a big guy jumps out, introduces h...

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A gorilla was strolling through the jungle when he came upon a lion sinking in a pool of quicksand

"Save me, gorilla!" shouted the lion. "Drowning in the quicksand is no way for the king of the jungle to die!"

The gorilla quickly grabbed the lion by the rear and started pounding him in the ass.

When he finished he yanked the lion from the quicksand, tossed him as far as he could, an...

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A zoo bought a female gorilla

About a week after buying a gorilla the zookeepers noticed the gorilla became extremely aggressive. There was nothing they could do to console the gorilla. After awhile even when they fed the gorilla it would refuse to eat and throw its food against the wall.

After this went on for awhile the...

A joke one of my 3rd graders claims to have made up

Q: Why do Gorillas have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers!

Gorilla

A young girl hit puberty and her body started to change. One day she noticed she was getting hair down there. She went to her mom confused and the mom explained “that’s your gorilla and it’s getting hair. “ Very excited the young girl went to her older sister and exclaimed “my gorilla is getting ha...

What are the chances that a gorilla would jump on a lion?

Anyways I lost my job at the zoo today.

A gorilla came to my house and rang the bell

*King kong!*

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A female gorilla is alone in a cage at the zoo...

... She has become very cranky due to her isolation and has become increasingly aggressive. Her problematic behavior has become a concern of the zookeeper who decides to try to fix it. While trying to come up with a solution he notices the janitor, a very sleazy redneck type and gets an idea. He wal...

A Gorilla walks into a pub

And asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman pulls him a pint, and says, "That'll be £6.50 please".

The gorilla takes a sip of his pint, and the barman says to him "You know, we don't get that many gorillas in here..."

The gorilla gulps down his beer, and informs the barman, "W...

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A man brings his gorilla to a bar

And the bartender says to him, "Hey man, you need to get that gorilla out of here. We don't serve animals."

The man replies, saying "No, this isn't your average gorilla. Watch."

The bartender goes "Ehh.. well.. okay. But make it quick."

So the man orders two beers, and gives one...

Are Gorillas stupid?

Of course, who else would complain about a 19$ drink but keep coming back to the same bar

A guy walks in to his backyard and sees a gorilla in his tree

He gets online and finds a man who specializes in gorilla removal. When he arrives at the house he has a stick, a set of handcuffs, a chihuahua, and a shotgun.
He tells the homeowner "I'm going to climb up in the tree and use the stick to hit the gorilla until he falls out of the tree. Upon lan...

What do you call an eight-thousand pound gorilla?

Sir

A gorilla walks into a bar

A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a little peculiar and then becomes aware he is actually dreaming. He wakes up from his dream and begins to tell his wife about the ridiculous dream he had. His wife just ignores him, the man rolls over and begins to...

Did you hear about the magical gorilla taking ceramics class at Hogwarts?

It's a Hairy Potter.

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Three guys are working at a zoo's gorilla exhibit...

Three zookeepers are working at the gorilla exhibit and the zoo's twelve year old female gorilla, Chloe, is in heat. Chloe is behaving aggressive towards the other female gorillas and tearing her own enclosure apart. The three zookeepers know they must do something quick to calm her down. They MUST ...

There's a primate military-industrial complex, you know

They engage in gorilla warfare to preserve the interests of monkey business

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

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Shut up you idiot

An unemployed man was offered a job at the zoo. Their old gorilla had passed away and they could not replace it. The job was to dress up like a gorilla and entertain the visitors. He agreed and started work immediately. He climbed trees, ate bananas and scratched his belly, all to the amusement of p...

I heard the kid who fell into the gorilla pit was actually trying to get the jewelry his mother dropped.

He didn't get the gold but he got the silver back.

Gorillas see us how we see aliens, skinnier, smarter, less hair

Or you might call them Asians

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A gorilla dies at the Zoo...

Just before the zoo opens. It's the only gorilla that that the zoo can afford, and it was by a large margin, the zoo's most popular attraction, so the owner goes to the former gorilla keeper and offers him an extra $300 every day if he'll put on a gorilla suit, go in the gorilla exhibit, and pretend...

How do you fix a broken gorilla?

With a monkey wrench!

Did you hear about the exceptional gorilla biologist?

She was an ape lust student.

So there's a child and a gorilla...

...well, there ***was*** a gorilla.

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Did you know that gorillas prefer doggy style?

It makes my job as an ape sperm collector a real pain in the ass.

Hey girl, are you a gorilla pit?

Cause I'd love to drop a kid in you

What does a gorilla brush his teeth with?

A toothbrush.

An 800 pound gorilla walks into a bar...

he sits down and the bartender looks at him nervously and says, "What'll it be?"

The gorilla says, "I'll have a Manhattan."

The bartender makes him a Manhattan, hands it to him, says "That'll be 14 bucks," and watches him take a drink. He stares nervously for a minute then says to the ...

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

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College kid home for the summer, answers an ad for an "Assistant Gorilla Catcher"

Old man says we usually don't get much work. But it pays $20 an hour, with a 40 hour week. Kid accepts the position and most of the summer goes by without a single phone call. Finally a call comes in for an escaped gorilla from the zoo, up a tree. Old man tells the kid to get the baseball bat and sh...

Where do gorillas work out?

The jungle gym

How do you make gorilla stew?

You keep it waiting

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Gorilla Catcher

One day a woman looks out her kitchen window and sees a gorilla in her backyard tree. She rushes to the yellow pages and finds "Gorilla Exterminators" and calls the first number she sees. A few minutes later a man drives up in a pick up truck with a ladder, a doberman, and a shotgun. He speaks wi...

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Guy walks into a bar and there's a gorilla sitting in the corner.

Guy says to the bartender, "What's with the gorilla?"

Bartender says, "I'll show ya." .

The bartender walks over with a baseball bat and smashes the gorilla right in the nose. The gorilla gets on his knees and gives the bartender a blow job.

Bartender says, "What do ya think?"<...

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West Virginia Zoo just got a new gorilla!

A small zoo in West Virginia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available. ...

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ?

Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

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What did the straight male gorilla say after he fucked a human male to death?

No homo

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jami...

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John Smith got a job at Ayr Seaport

Oh John's first day, he was told to, or rather wait for someone else to do so, transport a gorilla. He was told by his supervisor "Do anything, but don't touch it!" He went around, doing things until he thought "What happens if I do touch it?" So he leaned in the cage and lightly touched it, and it...

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A man wakes up one day to a gorilla in a tree in his front yard

Alarmed, he immediately googles "gorilla exterminator" and calls the local expert.

"Hello? Yes I have a damn silverback in my tree, I need you here right now!"

"No problem man, except my partner is out of town, so I'll need you to help me"

"Fine whatever you need just get her...

What's the difference between a small child and a gorilla?

People actually care if a gorilla dies.

A zoo was having a lot of trouble with a female gorilla

The gorilla was in heat, but they had no male to couple her with. As she was getting more violent and aggressive by the hour, they tried to contact other zoos for a male, but none were available in a short amount of time.

Desperate, the zoo director calls John the janitor into his office.
...

Harambe the gorilla walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

The bartender says, "I don't serve gorillas here."

Harambe says, "you better or I'm gonna do something terrible."

The bartenders say, "oh yeah! Like what?"

Harambe points to a women slumped against the bar and says, "I'm gonna go over there and eat that woman!"

The barten...

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Gorilla Removal

A man came home from work to an escaped gorilla on the roof of his house. He quickly Googled how to remedy this situation and stumbled upon a phone number for a gorilla removal expert.
He called.
When the expert arrived, he hopped out of his truck with a baseball bat, shotgun and his rottwe...

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I was telling my friend a joke. "There was this gorilla...

..."

"I fucking swear, if this is another Harambe joke, I..."

"Well, thanks for killing it."

What is the difference between a gorilla and Michael Jackson?

One of them got shot for touching a kid.

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This is a true story

When I was in school, I was surrounded by dumbasses, and this has got to be the most egregious dumbass moment that one of my classmates did.

I was sitting in English class. This guy who is a devout Christian (not that there is anything wrong with that, in and of itself), is scoffing at the th...

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I saw a gorilla on a tyre swing at the zoo the other day...

I thought, wow that looks fun, I'll buy one for the kids! But it makes the tree in my garden look scruffy and it keeps chucking shit at the neighbours.

fake gorilla joke

a nearly broke zoo had trouble maintaining and caring for the gorillas, so they had to sell them to a different zoo.

to keep the exhibit open, they dressed up a staff member in a gorilla suit.

for the next week, the fake gorilla was placed in the cage and paid to act real, and he loved...

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Gorilla in my tree!

A guy goes outside to mow the lawn and sees a gorilla up in his tree. He calls animal control, they say the gorilla is from the zoo and they will send an expert over right away.

The expert shows up in a van, opens up the van and removes a coil of rope, a net, a pointy stick, a pet carrier wi...

Are you aware the the Quran specifically forbids dating Gorillas?

It turns out you're not supposed to have a Haram Bae.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a drink.

The bar tender says, “We don’t serve gorillas here.”
The gorilla tells the bar tender, “Look, if you don’t give me a drink, I’m gonna eat that lady at the end of the bar.

“I’m sorry, we don’t serve gorillas here,” states the bar tender.

The gorilla goes to the end of the bar wher...

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

A man invites a friend to a hunting party in Africa

- We're going to hunt gorillas
- I've never done such a thing, how do you even hunt gorillas ?
- Well it's quite easy, all you need is a dog, a big bag, and a rifle
- OK... And how do you use them?
- Simple as that : I climb the tree, then I scare the gorilla to make it fall on the groun...

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[Long] A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.

A man woke up one morning and found a gorilla sitting in a tree in his backyard.
Not sure what to do about this he calls a local exterminator service.
The lady on the phone says, “Sure, we deal with gorilla removal all the time, I can have someone there in thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes la...

What’s the similarity between Jane Goodall and the Viet Cong?

They’re both masters of gorilla warfare

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.

Bartender yells, “What is this, some sort of joke?”

A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season.

They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.

He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human-like gorilla.

After a few months his popularity begins to...

Bob the Gorilla Catcher

One day a gorilla escapes from a zoo. In order to get the animal back, the zoo sends out Bob the gorilla catcher.

Bob gets in his pickup and starts cruising around the suburbs looking for the gorilla. After a couple hours of this, he spots the gorilla sitting on the roof of a garage.

H...

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So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure..

And social media went apeshit.

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Whats the difference between a gorilla and a guillotine?

No one gets their dick out for a guillotine

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What do you get when you convince a gorilla to have sex with a pig?

Fired from the zoo, apparently.

A boy and a gorilla walk into a bar...

The boy says "first shot's on me"

The gorilla replies "nah, I got this"

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