Q: Why can't a leopard hide?

*A: Because he's always spotted!*

A leopard can carry something twice it's weight up a tree,

While a cougar can take something half her age into bed.

Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it

Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again

Why are panthers so much stealthier than their jaguar and leopard cousins?

Because they're never spotted.

I am ironman.

God and Adam are having an argument one day over who is the strongest and most versatile creature in creation.

"The leopard can run faster than anything on land and the elephant contains the strength of one hundred of you," God told Adam.

Adam glared at God defiantly, "But I can outthi...

Did anybody see the article about the leopard whose fur was bleached solid white?

It was recently spotted

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

Got a list for y'all

1. (OC) Where do ghosts go to get their teeth worked on?

>!The Orthohauntist!!<



2. Two muffins are in the oven, one says to the other: Ya think it's getting hot in here?

the other one says: >!AHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!<



3. One guy says to his fri...

What animal has 9 arms and sucks

A def leopard

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman...

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman are trekking through the jungle together. They’re hacking down trees, killing leopards, and generally doing manly things.

All of a sudden, they are confronted by a group of natives, who grab the trio and drag them to their little village and tie them to s...

Which side of a leopard has more spots?

The outside

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lion is throwing a jungle sex party and everyone's invited

Before the party starts the lion goes in front of everyone and says
"there is only one rule in this party. No condoms! You can fuck with everyone but you can't use any condoms no matter what."

So the party starts and as predicted everyone is having a great time.
The lion walks around t...

I thought I spotted a leopard once

But it turns out they're born that way.

How many times is too many times wearing the same underwear?

When you ask yourself when the heck did you buy leopard print

A lost dog wanders into a jungle.

A nearby leopard observes him cautiously, then says: "Never seen this guy before, but he looks edible.”

Licking her lips, the leopard rushes towards the dog with hunger. The dog notices and starts to panic but just before running he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea. He exclaims l...

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up infront of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antilope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood infront of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Lion, King of the jungle is having his birthday party!

He furiously instructs the leopard to not let anyone inside his party except if they bring meat and if they don’t, he must shove whatever meal they brought up their ass! The leopard, with a smirk on his face, nods in agreement.

The next day everyone in the jungle are gathered for the party, ...

What did the Leopard say after eating a chili dog?

That hit the spot.

A Priest, a Rabbi, a Nun, two gorillas, a leopard, a horse, two turtles, and a dragonfly walk into a bar.

Bartender yells, “What is this, some sort of joke?”

Police chief: Do you have any leads or suspects for the murder case? Me: I'd like to interview the bartender wearing high heels and a leopard print dress.

Police chief: Please just wear your police uniform.

What's the difference between a leper and a leopard?

A leopard can hang on to a limb.

The girls in the tower

It was a rainy night when the man walked into the tower. He saw a single flight of stairs and a door, and when he went past it, it locked itself.

In front of him was the most repulsive being you could conceive. The very idea of disgusting. She winked at the man, and said "Stay with me, or yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A leopard cub gets in trouble at school

So this leopard cub, at cat school, gets in trouble for getting answers on another cat's papers during a test. The principal calls his mother and lets her know what happened and that he wasn't honest about it when they asked him if he did it or not.

So the leopard gets home and the mother ca...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa. She takes her pet dachshund along for company.

One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies, and before long the little dog discovers it’s lost.

Suddenly the dog sees a hungry leopard bounding toward it. The dachshund thinks, I’m in deep trouble now!

But then it notices some bones on the ground and immediately settles down to ...

A leopard is walking through the jungle when he sees a lost dachshund in the distance...

He stealthily begins to stalk up on him, intent on making a meal of him. However, the dachshund catches a glimpse of him out of the corner of his eye. Knowing that there's no way he can win a footrace against a leopard, he decides to employ other tactics; he sits down by a nearby pile of bones. Once...

A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra.

But he was spotted.

Cat jokes

#10

 

Why does a tiger tell the truth?

Because he isn't a lion.

 #9 

If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are left on the boat?

None! They were copy cats!

 #8 

Why did the cat run from the tree?

Because it was...

Headline

A man wanted to kill his wife, so he got a hold of a notorious assassin named Arty. The man tells the assassin that his brunette wife shops at the market every Thursday afternoon wearing the same leopard print coat. Since Arty really just enjoyed assassinated people for the fun of it, he only charge...

Investment question

If a leopard and a cheetah both had companies, which stock should you buy?

A: The leopard's, because cheetahs never prosper.

The old dog, the leopard and the monkey

An old dog got lost in the savanna... Noticing easy prey, a leopard prepared for an ambush behind a tree. However, the dog could also smell the leopard and being quite crafty he took a quick survey of the area and found a bone. With the bone in his mouth he soliloquized "Oh my goodness, this is so t...

Lost in africa

Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.

His friend sai...

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