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The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.

After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will mak...

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How come the iguana couldn’t have sex?

He has a reptile dysfunction.

What do you call an iguana that runs a casino?

The lizard of odds.

An Iguana can hold it's breathe for up to 28 minutes

or longer if you don't mind it dying.

My pet iguana has been really lethargic recently...

He's been laying around a lot, and has trouble getting up. I took him to the vet, and he was diagnosed with a reptile dysfunction.

I heard it's so cold in Florida that frozen Iguanas are falling from trees.

I'll make sure to bring a coat next time Iguana visit Florida.

What do you call an Iguana that can't stand up straight?

Ereptile Dysfunction.

Oldie - the monkey and the iguana

One day iguana is walking through the forest and sees monkey up in a tree just puffing away on a big joint. Iguana yells up, "Hey monkey, can a brotha get a hit of that?" Monkey looks down and says, "Sure little dude come on up." So iguana and monkey sit in the tree and finish off the giant splif...

The queen is coming to mortal kombat as DLC that's right folks...


She also gives iguanas a bad name.

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A monkey is smoking a joint in a tree...

An iguana walks by and joins him in a few tokes. After a few minutes the iguana gets cottonmouth and goes to get a drink from the river.

While he’s gone an alligator smells the aroma and wanders over to the tree.

The monkey looks down from his branch and yells “Holy shit! How much wa...

Three men walk into a bar...

Three men walk into a bar and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder. The second man is holding a cat, but not wearing any pants. The third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal with the iguan...

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

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A monkey is smoking weed in a tree

and an iguana comes by and sees the monkey and decides to smoke with the monkey.

A while later the iguana suffering from cotton mouth decides to go to the river to drink some water. At the river the iguana runs into an alligator. The alligator sees the Iguana and says “Hey man, whats wrong w...

What is a reptile's favorite recreational drug?


What did the vampire lizard say to his next victim?

Iguana suck your blood!

A QA engineer walks into a bar

He buys a beer.

He buys 2 beers.

He buys 9999999999999999 beers.

He buys -1 beers.

he buys 0.1 beers.

He buys iguana beers.

he buys u9obgn;ufobefo6,.g beers.

he buys 2'); DROP TABLE *; beers.

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Back tattoos.

I posted this joke in r/funny but someone suggested that this was a more appropriate subreddit. Anyway, here's my joke:

I was at the beach the other day and I saw a girl with a big iguana tattoo on her back, and I thought, "that's really sexy."

Well, it's not so much that I find it att...

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