lizardreptiledolphinturtlecommon iguanaiguana iguanagorillacentral americacrocodilecritterrhinocerosrabbitanimalmonkeygiraffe

My pet iguana is acting weird

I think I have a reptile dysfunction

An iguana can stay underwater for up to 28 minutes

Or longer, if you don't mind it dying

a man walks into a bar....

a man walks into a bar, puts an iguana and a frog on the bar and orders a pint.

the barman spots this and says "oi, wtf are you doing bringing them in here?!?"

the man takes a sip of his pint and says to the barman "i bet you 100£ i can make the frog sing".

the barman says "ok, ...

What do you call an iguana that runs a casino?

The lizard of odds.

Oldie - the monkey and the iguana

One day iguana is walking through the forest and sees monkey up in a tree just puffing away on a big joint. Iguana yells up, "Hey monkey, can a brotha get a hit of that?" Monkey looks down and says, "Sure little dude come on up." So iguana and monkey sit in the tree and finish off the giant splif...

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The South American Cocksucking Iguana

A man is having problems with his wife. She's constantly nagging at him and he always seems to be in the dog house.

After a particularly big fight, he begins to drive around aimlessly. He passes a pet store and is seized by a brilliant idea. He'll get a pet for his wife! Maybe it will mak...

What do you call an Iguana with no eyes



Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal w...

What do you call an Iguana that can't stand up straight?

Ereptile Dysfunction.

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A monkey is smoking a joint in a tree...

An iguana walks by and joins him in a few tokes. After a few minutes the iguana gets cottonmouth and goes to get a drink from the river.

While he’s gone an alligator smells the aroma and wanders over to the tree.

The monkey looks down from his branch and yells “Holy shit! How much wa...

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar with an iguana under his arm. The bartender says what can I get you. The man orders scotch and a beer. Upon noticing the man's drinks getting low the bartender approaches him and just gad to ask what's with the Iguana. The nan says this thing gives the best b.j's.
The bart...

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A monkey is smoking weed in a tree

and an iguana comes by and sees the monkey and decides to smoke with the monkey.

A while later the iguana suffering from cotton mouth decides to go to the river to drink some water. At the river the iguana runs into an alligator. The alligator sees the Iguana and says “Hey man, whats wrong w...

Just a Little too Much, I'd say....

An iguana is walking through the jungle and stops when he smells weed being smoked. He looks up and sees a monkey smoking a joint. Iguana says, "Hey monkey can I join you? I'm having a bad day."

Monkey tells him yes and he climbed up and joined the monkey. Halfway through the monkey asks the...

What is a reptile's favorite recreational drug?


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Back tattoos.

I posted this joke in r/funny but someone suggested that this was a more appropriate subreddit. Anyway, here's my joke:

I was at the beach the other day and I saw a girl with a big iguana tattoo on her back, and I thought, "that's really sexy."

Well, it's not so much that I find it att...

What did the vampire lizard say to his next victim?

Iguana suck your blood!

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

A QA engineer walks into a bar

He buys a beer.

He buys 2 beers.

He buys 9999999999999999 beers.

He buys -1 beers.

he buys 0.1 beers.

He buys iguana beers.

he buys u9obgn;ufobefo6,.g beers.

he buys 2'); DROP TABLE *; beers.

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