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Otter Jokes

Where do otters come from?

Otter Space.

Why did the otter want to work at NASA?

So he could go to Otter Space.

Q: Why are baby otters born furry?

A: The mother pre-furs them that way.

[Came up with this while nursing today's hangover, lol. My brain is now done for the day.]

What does a male otter call his wife?

My significant otter

A Mexican guy and his pet otter go to a restaurant . . .

A Mexican guy and his pet otter go to a restaurant, sit down at a table, and place their order. They are in for an early dinner and are the only customers. The chef looks down at the order slip and says incredulously: “who comes to a restaurant and orders a whole raw fish?”. His sous chef scans the ...

Do you know in which country scientists have successfully crossed an otter and a human?

The otterman empire

What do you call an otter's uncle?

Brother from an otter mother

A bear, an otter, and a silver fox walk into a bar.

(They met on grindr)

What do you call a blind otter?

I don't know, but it's definitely not a See Otter!

Writing a book about a friend that lives with otters by the water

Going to call it "homies otter sea"

All the animals in the forest decided to be eco-friendly...

...and they built a public restroom. Then one day, the window of the restroom was broken. So all the animals got together in a public meeting. The wise owl who chaired the meeting asked who broke it. The little bunny raised his hand, and explained: "You see, I was sitting on the toilet, when from th...

My wife said all I do is make stupid animal jokes

She’s free to see otter people

Have you tried chicken tarka?

It’s like chicken tikka but otter….

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A chicken walks into a bar..

..and orders five flagons of mead. After the fourth alcoholic beverage, the bartender asks him..

  

"Hey buddy why the long fac..oh wait not a horse lol."

  

The chicken gulps down his fifth drink and laments.

  

"You see, that ott...

I used to have 2 pets, but one sadly drowned

One couldn't swim, the otter could.

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health

From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week.

His wife answered the door.

"Sure..." his wife said. "It will cost you $500."

"That much?"...

What do otters and Tupperware have in common?

They both enjoy tight seals.

What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?

At least the otter knows he's not a seal.

Why did the chicken cross the river?

To get to the otter side.

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A husband and wife are driving home and run over a otter.

They get out and find its still breathing but freezing cold. The husband says "Put it between your legs to warm it up" Wife replies "But its all wet and it stinks!" Husband says "Well hold its nose!".

What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?

An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.

3 animals are accused of a terrible crime. Sally the pig, Juan the eagle, and Carl the otter. A famous detective is brought in to investigate. He interrogates all 3 suspects and immediately decides it’s not the pig. But why?

It’s always Juan or the otter

I once littered in a forest and the only ones that saw me were a group of otters in the nearby river. I'll never forget the look they gave me as that plastic bottle left my hands.

It was a look of otter disdain.

Where do otters come from?

Otter space.

[credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]

A marauding group if small angry marine mammals trashed my house last night.

They left it an otter shambles i tell ya.

I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making

by making you an otter you can't defuse.

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escaped from the zoo?

It was otter chaos

There was once an old trapper drinking in a tavern.

He didn't have much money, so he loudly made a bet to every one in the room,"Blind fold me and bring me any pelt! I'll tell you what animal it was and how you killed it! If I'm right, you buy me a drink. If I'm wrong, drinks on me!"

The first taker stepped up to the bar. "Alright, old man. ...

what do you call it when a lady mammal that enjoys swimming a lot, who has an unattractive twin sister, fires a gun at one of her gym buddies who also happens to work with clay as their profession?

hotter water otter daughter shot her potter spotter

What animal would you most like to be on a cold day?

A little otter

I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.

I otter know better.

What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?

I think we should sea otter people.

Just finished eating a beaver curry...

It's like a normal curry, but otter.

How do you tell the difference between a weasel and a stoat?

Well, if it's not one thing it's an otter.


Bet you thought it was that other joke.

Beaver curry

A Canadian is showing his English friend around his hometown.

Canadian: "Have you ever tried beaver curry?"

Englishman: "Beaver curry,!?"

Canadian: " Yeah, it's like normal curry, but just a bit otter."

My girlfriend convinced me that certain aquatic mammals don't exist right before she broke up with me.

She left me in otter disbelief.

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

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[GOD INVENTING THE WEASEL] You know what we need?

An otter you can't fucking trust.

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

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The Tale of Kevin Bopper

Back in high school there was this kid named Kevin Bopper. He was... strange, to say the least. He was that quiet kid with long, greasy, dandruff-ridden hair, a face full of acne, and wore a leather jacket- you know the type. The thing that made him stand out, however, was his weird fixation on traf...

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

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