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Hippo Jokes

What did the hippo say when another called it fat?

*"That's very hippocritical of you."*

What do you call a hippo that passes gas?

A Rippofartimus

What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

One's really heavy, but the other's a little lighter!

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

Hippos can swim and run faster than humans. What does this mean?

The bycicle is the only way to beat then in a triathlon.

What do you call a hippo that tells other hippos to not be aggressive?

A hippocrite.

What do you call a mix between an elephant, a rhinoceros, and a hippo?

Hell if I know

What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter. - [*Masai Graham*](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927)

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

There's a statistic that says hippos kill more people every year than sharks.

Makes sense. It seems very unlikely for a hippo to find a shark in the savanah.

I dreamt of a bunch of hippos attending university…

They’re still there in my hippocampus

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they're really good at it.

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

I had a dream that I attended a college for hippos...

... I love the hippo campus.

TIL, Hippos can run faster than humans on land and swimmer faster in water

But still you can defeat them in a triathlon as they don't know how to ride a bicycle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do hippos only mate in water?

How else do you keep a 20kg clitoris wet?

hippos kill hundreds of humans a year

Completely understandable, i wouldn't want to be called hippo all the time either.

How to best a hippo

A Hippopotamus can outrun you on land, and swim faster than you in the water - so the bicycle is your only chance to beat him in a triathlon.

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the hippo.

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

What do you call a hippo who says something and does the complete opposite?

A hippocrite

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?

A smokesalottapotamus

I was kicked out of my weight watchers meeting yesterday, because I spilled a bag of M&M's on the floor.

It was the best game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo I've ever seen.

People want to help hippos and conserve them, while others dislike hippos for attacking humans.

Why are people so hippo-critical?

Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.

Hippo Quit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I still love that ''Hungry-Hungry Hippo'' Game.

What other game lets you slap something on the butt to open its mouth and swallow balls?

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

What is a hippo's favourite dessert?

Hippopota-mousse

Never drink with a hippo

A man and his pet Hippopotamus walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.

Finally, the bartender sa...

What is the status of a hippo that is mourning because of his recently passed wife?

In the Nile

Hippos are one of the most aggressive animals in all of Africa. What do you call it when a hippo kills something in one bite?

A hippo-crit.

What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?

Optimistic!



My friend had this on a joke calendar this morning. If anyone can, please explain this to us. Are we that dumb that we don't get it, or is it so obvious that we might be over thinking it?

My university mixed up it’s Zoology and Neurology pamphlets

They tried to hire Pavlov’s dog but built a Hippo-campus

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

I was at the hippo enclosure at the zoo one day...

I was at the hippo enclosure at the zoo one day when I saw a grossly obese woman and her equally fat husband. As they stood watching the animals, ice creams in hand, the wife was berating the husband.

"*Would ya look at this fat disgusting creature? It looks like you! If you'd stop feeding ...

A cat says meow, a dog says woof. What does a hippo say?

"Gimme your marbles!"

What do you call a hippo that nobody knows?

A hippononymous

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