What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?
One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.
What do you call a hippo with three legs?
Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...
...so that’s just being hippocritical...
Why does no one ever see hippos hiding in a tree?
Because they're so good at it
Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.
Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.
This is called finding the hippotenuse.
What do you call a hippo that nobody knows?
What time is it when a hippo sits on your hat?
Time for a new hat.
Where do hippos go to college?
Hippos can run faster than humans on land, and swim faster than humans in water.
Which means the bicycle is your only chance of beating a hippo in a triathlon.
A cat says meow, a dog says woof. What does a hippo say?
"Gimme your marbles!"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I still love that ''Hungry-Hungry Hippo'' Game.
What other game lets you slap something on the butt to open its mouth and swallow balls?
3 Hippos fall from a plane. 2 land on the beach and one lands in the water.
What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?
My friend had this on a joke calendar this morning. If anyone can, please explain this to us. Are we that dumb that we don't get it, or is it so obvious that we might be over thinking it?
What do you call a government of hippos?
What is a hippo's favourite dessert?
A Native American Chief has three sons by three wives.
The first wife is lying on a bear hide and gives birth to a beautiful 5-pound son.
The second wife is lying on a deer hide and gives birth to a handsome 5-pound son.
The third wife is lying on a hippo hide and gives birth to a swarthy 10-pound son.
So, the son of the squaw of th...
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."
Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
What do you call a PETA member that shoots a hippopotamus in the head?
Hippos are one of the most aggressive animals in all of Africa. What do you call it when a hippo kills something in one bite?
What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?
One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter. - [*Masai Graham*](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927)
A man asks his friend what the difference is between a mailbox and a hippo's backside.
The friend immediately replies "I don't know."
"Well then I'd be happy to help you mail your letters."
A Native American Chief had three wives, all of whom were pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated that he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.
The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.
Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the th...
A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang
While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners. He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.
The hippo struts out of the leaders r...
There once was hippo child prodigy.
Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.
Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...
Everything you need to know about Australia
I REALLY hope these are true
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)
If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:
Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby
Bra = Breastie Nestie
Fork = Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran?
Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM
People want to help hippos and conserve them, while others dislike hippos for attacking humans.
Why are people so hippo-critical?
A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.
The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”
The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...
What do you call a mix between an elephant, a rhinoceros, and a hippo?
Hell if I know
If you say you hate all pachyderms, but you're actually cool with elephants and rhinos, your really just being hippo critical
What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?
A man and his hippo walk into a bar
It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... a...