UPJOKE
rhinoceroshippopotamusherbivoreelephantgiraffepigcrocodilespeciesancient greekungulatedeermammalivorytanzaniazambia

What did the hippo say when another called it fat?

*"That's very hippocritical of you."*

What do you call a hippo that passes gas?

A Rippofartimus

What's the difference between a hippo & a zippo?

One is heavy & the other is a little lighter.

What do you call a hippo who says something and does the complete opposite?

A hippocrite

I had a dream that I attended a college for hippos...

... I love the hippo campus.

Why don't you ever see ninja hippos hiding in trees?

Because that's how good they are.

What do you call a one legged hippo?

A Hoppo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hippo comes to the doctor with a frog on his head.

Doctor: what can I help you with?
The frog replies: Doctor, something is on my butt.

Because hippos are surprisingly dangerous, zoologists use the Pythagorean theorem to calculate the length of their backs.

This is called finding the hippotenuse.

What do you get when you mix a hippo, an elephant, and a rhinoceros?

Helephino

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year, when in reality, people kill way more people per year...

...so that’s just being hippocritical...

Why couldn't the zoo reveal the name and location of its newest animal?

HIPPO compliance

How to best a hippo

A Hippopotamus can outrun you on land, and swim faster than you in the water - so the bicycle is your only chance to beat him in a triathlon.

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?

A smokesalottapotamus

What is the status of a hippo that is mourning because of his recently passed wife?

In the Nile

What time is it when a hippo sits on your hat?

Time for a new hat.

What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter. - [*Masai Graham*](https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927)

Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo

One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there."

Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I still love that ''Hungry-Hungry Hippo'' Game.

What other game lets you slap something on the butt to open its mouth and swallow balls?

Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.

Hippo Quit

Hear about the professor who was famous for criticising hippopotami?

He was very hippo-critical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do hippos have sex in the water?

Try to wet a 200 kg pussy

Did you know there is a Hungry Hippo that was a US Military Veteran?

Yeah! He fought in VietNOM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM

What do you call a hippo that nobody knows?

A hippononymous

A cat says meow, a dog says woof. What does a hippo say?

"Gimme your marbles!"

3 Hippos fall from a plane. 2 land on the beach and one lands in the water.

Ba-Dum Tsssh!

What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?

Optimistic!



My friend had this on a joke calendar this morning. If anyone can, please explain this to us. Are we that dumb that we don't get it, or is it so obvious that we might be over thinking it?

A man and his hippo walk into a bar

It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other. Finally, the bartender says: "Last call." So, the man says, "One more for me... a...

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

What is a hippo's favourite dessert?

Hippopota-mousse

There once was hippo child prodigy.

Just by hanging around tourists, he learned to talk, and soon thereafter to read.

Eventually, he started attending a nearby primary school for humans and he turned out to be very very smart indeed, even by human standards. Typing, thanks to his symbiotic oxpecker buddy, made him a prolific au...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do hippos have sex in the river?

how else can you keep her 5kg labia wet

A desperate zoo

The leading zoologist gets a phone call one day from a desperate zoo, asking him to come right away and they will pay double.

He gets to the zoo and talks to the head keeper who explains that unfortunately while they were moving the animals around it seems like one of the zebra’s has got preg...

A man comes to a circus and offers to do a show: a crocodile playing piano and a hippo singing.

The show has a tremendous success and earns a load of money for the circus, so the circus owner asks the man: “Tell me there’s a trick in your show; it can’t be that the crocodile plays piano and the hippo sings for real!”

The man answers: “You’ve got me here, of course it can’t be for real. ...

Hippos are one of the most aggressive animals in all of Africa. What do you call it when a hippo kills something in one bite?

A hippo-crit.

A man asks his friend what the difference is between a mailbox and a hippo's backside.

The friend immediately replies "I don't know."

"Well then I'd be happy to help you mail your letters."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.