Gecko won't stand

Doc I want my gecko to stand up like the Geico gecko but he can't do it.

Doc: sounds like a reptile disfunction.

I was once with a friend who saw a gecko in the wild and proceeded to take more than 300 pictures of it.

Sadly, the doctor later told him that he had a reptile dysfunction.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gecko was walking through the forest, when he saw a lot of smoke at the top of the tree where his friend monkey lived.

"He's got some good stuff there", he thought. He climbed up the tree and met his friend monkey, who was already high.

They smoked together for a while, then the gecko felt very thirsty. "I'll go down to the river and get some water, brb", he said to his friend.

As he was having his fre...

My gecko won't get up.

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

How does a Dutch gecko know when there's an earthquake?

Van der Waals start shaking.

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NSFW: what do The PJ Masks ‘Gecko’ and ‘Cat Boy’ use to clean up after sex?

A moist Owlette.

My pet gecko wouldn't move

Vet says he has 'a reptile dysfunction'

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

There's a monkey sitting up In a tree with a big ole smile on his face

Down on the jungle floor a gecko passes by the tree and sees the monkey up there smiling real big and calls up to him and says "Hey monkey! Why you smiling so big??" The monkey calls down and says "I got this great weed, gecko! Come on up you can have some." So the gecko climbs his way up the tree a...

If you catch a Gecko by it's tail...

If you catch a Gecko by it's tail, it will detach itself from it and grow a new one.
A lot like Hillary's political policies.

Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded “A” for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named

Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith

Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named

Freddy "Fuck-you-this-isn...

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Three starving flies are buzzing around..

When they spot a huge pile of shit. The flies dive right in and get to eating, in fact they ate so much they found out they cant fly anymore. This is a big problem because the yard that the shit is in happens to be filled with insects and animals that would eat them if they tried to walk across to s...

Meanwhile in the reptile design office in the planet construction halls of Magrethea...

>Credit to John Fennimore of BBC Radio 4

Down the corridor from Slartibartfarst and his fjord design office, in the planet construction halls, another magrethean is called in to see his supervisor.

“You wanted to see me sir”

“Ah, Zebon sit down,” The supervisor said pointing ...

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