UPJOKE
lizardreptileapemarsupialmongooserodentlemuranteatergekkonidaehemidactylusiguanamarmosethippopotamusstoatrat

What kind of job does a gecko work?

Retail

Why are geckos natural-born story tellers?

Dropping a tail is in their nature.

How do you call a Gecko that is 50% off?

A Sale-amander

Harry the gecko

Harry the gecko is asked in school what he wants to be when he grows up.

Harry - "I want to be a witch."

Teacher gecko - "No, you cannot be a witch."

Harry - "Why not? Hermione gets to be a witch."

Teacher gecko - "Because your're a lizard Harry."

Gecko won't stand

Doc I want my gecko to stand up like the Geico gecko but he can't do it.

Doc: sounds like a reptile disfunction.

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

My gecko won't get up.

I think he has ereptile dysfunction

How does a Dutch gecko know when there's an earthquake?

Van der Waals start shaking.

I've never trusted lizards...

right from the gecko.

There's a monkey sitting up In a tree with a big ole smile on his face

Down on the jungle floor a gecko passes by the tree and sees the monkey up there smiling real big and calls up to him and says "Hey monkey! Why you smiling so big??" The monkey calls down and says "I got this great weed, gecko! Come on up you can have some." So the gecko climbs his way up the tree a...

Why is GEICO so aggressive?

Because they try to sell you insurance right from the gecko.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Sloth was on the top of a tree smoking weed.

The Gecko saw it and went to ask for a hit and the Sloth said "Sure man! Take a big hit that's some good shit".
Almost immediately after taking a hit the Gecko started coughing like crazy. The Sloth then said to the Gecko "Damm go to the river and drink some water. I told you that's some good shi...

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NSFW: what do The PJ Masks ‘Gecko’ and ‘Cat Boy’ use to clean up after sex?

A moist Owlette.

Villager 1: Flee for your lives! The mad scientist in the castle turned a tiny lizard into a monster that's destroying everything in its path!

Villager 2: Meh, why bother. We're doomed from the gecko.

Harry Potter, for a magical creatures lesson had the assignment of looking after a magical gecko.

He took great care of it , and was graded “A” for nurturing the pet so well. However shortly after receiving the grade for his assignment , the gecko escaped and went missing.

Harry was understandably upset about this, and a couple weeks of searching went by to no avail.

Then one day ...

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

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LifeProTip: If your child wants to help name your pet...

..let them pick the middle name. That way if they pick something silly, you can still refer to your pet by the normal name. For example, my 4 year old's rabbit is now named

Peter "floppy-eared-princess" Smith

Similarly, my 15 year old's gecko is named

Freddy "Fuck-you-this-isn...

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

If you catch a Gecko by it's tail...

If you catch a Gecko by it's tail, it will detach itself from it and grow a new one.
A lot like Hillary's political policies.

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A gecko was walking through the forest, when he saw a lot of smoke at the top of the tree where his friend monkey lived.

"He's got some good stuff there", he thought. He climbed up the tree and met his friend monkey, who was already high.

They smoked together for a while, then the gecko felt very thirsty. "I'll go down to the river and get some water, brb", he said to his friend.

As he was having his fre...

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