Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank?

He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

A cheetah and a lion are racing...

The cheetah wins...

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah

I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

so i heard they banned gambling at the zoo

too many cheetahs!

Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek?

They've never been spotted.

If a Cheetah made a rap group, what would it be called?

...Rapid.

Male cheetahs have a specific bark that causes female cheetahs to ovulate 'on-demand.'

Because you still can't trust them. They're cheetahs.

Teacher: Use the word Dandelion in a sentence

Jamaican Student: Da Cheetah is faster Dandelion

The cheetah is faster

Dandelion

Why can you never trust African cats?

Because they're all either lion or cheetahs.

The lion was a an avid golf player

One day, he was randomly paired up with another cat. This cat was something else. Every time he'd tee off, zoom! He'd go running down the fairway, often beating the ball down the hole.

Not only was he fast as but he was good, really good. Every shot landed in the fairway, or even on the gr...

Why was the cat banned from running the race?

Because he was a cheetah.

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

Why shouldn’t you sit next to a cheetah during a test?

Because it will eat you

Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

The outside.

A teacher asks her students to form a sentence with the word 'dandelion'

The Jamaican kid stands up and says da cheetah ran fasta dan de lion!

A bunch of animals went to school. Who got kicked out?

The cheetah

What animal always wins a match?

A Cheetah

If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah?

The designated driver....

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

Why don't they play poker in the jungle?

too many cheetahs!

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race...

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race to see who's the fastest in the animal kingdom. The cheetah wins. The lion say "Hey, you a cheetah!" The cheetah says "Nah, you lion."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

The big race

It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!

People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly...

Why should you never play poker in Africa?

Because there are so many cheetahs!





^(Sorry I know this is super cringe)

Knock knock

A: Who's there?
B: Dandelion.
A: Dandelion who?
B: The cheetah runs faster dandelion.

I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah

Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.

Man. I know my wife is athletic and seems pretty quick on her feet...

but why do all my friends keep calling her a cheetah? She ain't that fast.

Why don’t the animals in the zoo like to play games with the leopard?

They all think he’s a cheetah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and a cheetah and ostrich are chasing you?

You get your drunk ass off the carousel!

Would a cheetah cheat on his wife?

No, but a tiger would.

Why don't cats like playing cards in the jungle?

Because of all the cheetahs.

Why shouldn't you gamble in the jungle?

There's too many CHEETAHS!

(Source: My Dad)

God and the animals

God is handing out characteristics to all of the animals, and he's getting close to the end of the list. All the animals have picked except the lions, the beavers, and the pigs. God looks up from the list and says "Who wants courage?" One of the pigs says to another, "Ooh, we should get that!" the o...

I hate playing poker in the jungle...

They're all a bunch of cheetahs.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

What do you call a cat copying off of another cat?

.....a cheetah!

What species of feline can’t be monogamous?

A cheetah

What type of animal is the worst to play cards with?

A cheetah.

Why should you never play games in the Savannah?

Because the odds are, you’ll play a Cheetah and his friend who won’t stop Lion.

Guess who went to the jungle last night without telling his wife

A cheetah

What animal is hated by most board game players?

A cheetah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my Wife sometimes call each other by Animal Names.

For example: Yesterday she called me a fucking Cheetah.

Who isn't allowed in the zoo's quiz team?

The Cheetah

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

The animal kingdom decided to have its first official land speed race. All the animals signed up to see who's the fastest.

After the race was over, and the results were in.

The judges deliberated, and decided to disqualify the winner..

Reason given: "He was a cheetah".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A english teacher asked the class...

... “Use the word ‘dandelion’ in a sentence.”

The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed -


“De Cheetah is fastah dandelion’

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

Did you hear about the cat that took a shortcut?

It was a real cheetah

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

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Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah?

Because they are the Facist animals within existence.

Why did they stop giving tests at the zoo?

It was full of cheetahs.

There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

Why can't you trust a big cat?

Coz if they tell you they're not a Cheetah, they could be Lion.

I dated a furry once

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

Why are some species of cat always endangered?

Because cheetahs never prosper

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

Why does a tiger make such a good girlfriend?

Because its not a cheetah.

You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...

Only a cheetah can.

Pickup truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cheetahs. He pulls the guy over and says... "You can't drive around with cheetahs in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says "OK"... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around ...

Why do African casinos always go out of business?

Because there's too many cheetahs.

Why do gazelles always lose races?

Cause they're running against cheetahs

Why did the jaguars stop playing poker at the safari?

Because all the others were cheetahs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

The king of the Jungle was tired of his lazy pride, so he decided to hold a race of cats to take the winner as his new bride.

Alas, the story doesn't end well, because their children turned out to be a bunch of lion-cheetahs.

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.


Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

Best cat jokes lmao

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
...

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