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Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank?

He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

A cheetah and a lion are racing...

The cheetah wins...

The lion says, "You a cheetah!"

The cheetah replies, "Nah, you a lion!"

Why was the cheetah so bad at hide and seek ?

No matter where she hid, she was always spotted.
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Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek?

They've never been spotted.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

What do you get when you mix a cheetah and a rhino?

A Cheeto

What do you call a cheetah that's been eaten?

Fast food.

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race...

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race to see who's the fastest in the animal kingdom. The cheetah wins. The lion say "Hey, you a cheetah!" The cheetah says "Nah, you lion."

A lion and a cheetah had a race.

The lion said you are a "cheetah" and the cheetah said you are "lion."

Why are cheetahs great to exercise with?

Because they will spot you at the gym!

My uncle has the heart of a lion, the eyes of a hawk, and the legs of a cheetah

He's also a trained taxidermist

[OC] Some call me the cheetahโ€ฆ

And some call me the lionโ€ฆ

But my ex-wife calls me a lion cheetah!

Note: I just thought of this, so as far as I can tell it is original.

I tried dating a cougar once.

Turned out she was a cheetah.

Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

The outside.

I just found out my older wife was cheating on me

Turns out she's not a cougar, she's a cheetah

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Saw a guy at a bar chatting up a cheetah.

I thought, "Well, I never - he's trying to pull a fast one!"

The cheetah is faster


Male cheetahs have a specific bark that causes female cheetahs to ovulate 'on-demand.'

Because you still can't trust them. They're cheetahs.

Why don't people play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

What is Tiger Woodsโ€™ spirit animal?

Idk, but his wife said he was a Cheetah

Knock knock

A: Who's there?
B: Dandelion.
A: Dandelion who?
B: The cheetah runs faster dandelion.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

โ€œAttention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?โ€

One student raises their hand,

โ€œThe cheetah is faster dandelion.โ€

Why was the cat banned from running the race?

Because he was a cheetah.

Why did a cheetah's company go bankrupt?

Because it can't read, doesn't know what is money or a business, and mauled the HR manager at the first meeting in the first day of work? Seriously, who thought this is a good idea?

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and a cheetah and ostrich are chasing you?

You get your drunk ass off the carousel!

Do you know why there's no gambling in Africa?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

Why wasn't the cat invited to the poker game?

Because it was a cheetah.

Some African animals playing cards in Las Vegas.

Lion: Stop taking extremely quick glances at my card, you're a cheetah!

Cheetah: No, your Lion!

Warthog: You guys are just ignoring the guy with the super long nose who can suck up cards while nobody notices.

Elephant: Well I wouldn't be so hungry for cards if you weren't HOGGIN...

A lion, a tiger, a cheetah and a mouse fell in a hole

after trying to get away for hours, they gave up and accepted their fate

soon enough everybody got hungry.

The tiger proposed that they start by eating the weakest animal, the cheetah agreed, but the mouse stood up and said : "if you touch the lion I'll kick you in th...

Why shouldnโ€™t you sit next to a cheetah during a test?

Because it will eat you

Would a cheetah cheat on his wife?

No, but a tiger would.

There are two ways to free oneself of the cycle of reincarnation.

One is to achieve enlightenment and become one with the universal energies. The other is to be reincarnated as a cheetah, which only ever reincarnate as other cheetahs, effectively removing oneself from the the cycle. >!Once a cheetah, always a cheetah.!<

Why did people stop playing poker at the zoo?

Because of the Cheetahs!


My ex told me her spiritual animal was the tiger...

but it turned out it was the cheetah.

Why did the two big cats get a divorce?

Because one was lion and the other was a cheetah

Don't date African cats

A lot of them are cheetahs and the ones who say they aren't are lion.

Man. I know my wife is athletic and seems pretty quick on her feet...

but why do all my friends keep calling her a cheetah? She ain't that fast.

The big race

It was the day of the big race. Usain Bolt was going to run against a cheetah, the world's fastest animal, capable of reaching speeds of up to 70 mph!

People knew Usain didn't stand a chance, but watched anyway. At last, they were off, and in a matter of seconds the race was over - amazingly...

What animal always wins a match?

A Cheetah

A bunch of animals went to school. Who got kicked out?

The cheetah

Why should you never play poker in Africa?

Because there are so many cheetahs!

^(Sorry I know this is super cringe)

I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah

Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.

Once upon a time, a lion announced...

Once upon a time, a lion announced he'll distribute free woolen coats if he is elected 'King of the jungle'.

One foolish sheep asked, "From where the wool will come?"

The lion just laughed and laughed and said, "My finance minister, the cheetah, will explain the source aft...

I dated a furry once

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

What do you call a cat copying off of another cat?

.....a cheetah!

Guess who went to the jungle last night without telling his wife

A cheetah

Why should you never play games in the Savannah?

Because the odds are, youโ€™ll play a Cheetah and his friend who wonโ€™t stop Lion.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Tortoise and Rabbit. Antagonist view.

A different insight into the story of hare and tortoise:-

E๐’—๐’†๐’“๐’š๐’๐’๐’† ๐’•๐’‰๐’“๐’๐’–๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’๐’–๐’• ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’˜๐’๐’“๐’๐’… ๐’‰๐’‚๐’” ๐’Œ๐’†๐’‘๐’• ๐’ˆ๐’Š๐’—๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’†๐’™๐’‚๐’Ž๐’‘๐’๐’† ๐’๐’‡ ๐‘ป๐’๐’“๐’•๐’๐’Š๐’”๐’†โ€ฆ ๐‘บ๐’‚๐’š๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ ๐’•๐’‰๐’‚๐’• ๐’”๐’๐’๐’˜ ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’”๐’•๐’†๐’‚๐’…๐’š ๐’˜๐’Š๐’๐’” ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’“๐’‚๐’„๐’†, ๐’‚๐’๐’… ๐’†๐’Ž๐’‘๐’‰๐’‚๐’”๐’Š๐’›๐’Š๐’๐’ˆ...

The lion was a an avid golf player

One day, he was randomly paired up with another cat. This cat was something else. Every time he'd tee off, zoom! He'd go running down the fairway, often beating the ball down the hole.

Not only was he fast as but he was good, really good. Every shot landed in the fairway, or even on the gr...

Why donโ€™t the animals in the zoo like to play games with the leopard?

They all think heโ€™s a cheetah.

God and the animals

God is handing out characteristics to all of the animals, and he's getting close to the end of the list. All the animals have picked except the lions, the beavers, and the pigs. God looks up from the list and says "Who wants courage?" One of the pigs says to another, "Ooh, we should get that!" the o...

Why shouldn't you gamble in the jungle?

There's too many CHEETAHS!

(Source: My Dad)

I hate playing poker in the jungle...

They're all a bunch of cheetahs.

What does a dead cheetah means to Tarzan ?

A new thong !

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”


After a horrific accident, Tarzan had to go through miracle jungle surgery. His eyes were replaced with an eaglesโ€ฆ. His legs were replaced with a cheetahsโ€ฆ. And his penis was replaced with an elephant trunk.

Tarzan was amazed! He could see farther with his eagle eyes, run faster with his chee...

Which animal is the least trustworthy?


There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

What species of feline canโ€™t be monogamous?

A cheetah

Why does a tiger make such a good girlfriend?

Because its not a cheetah.

Who isn't allowed in the zoo's quiz team?

The Cheetah

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

The animal kingdom decided to have its first official land speed race. All the animals signed up to see who's the fastest.

After the race was over, and the results were in.

The judges deliberated, and decided to disqualify the winner..

Reason given: "He was a cheetah".

What animal is hated by most board game players?

A cheetah.

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What's the worst animal to play cards with?

A cheetah.

Because it'll rip your fucking face off.

What do you call a jaguar who cheats on his wife?

A cheetah..

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A english teacher asked the class...

... โ€œUse the word โ€˜dandelionโ€™ in a sentence.โ€

The Jamaican kid then stood up and proudly exclaimed -

โ€œDe Cheetah is fastah dandelionโ€™

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah?

Because they are the Facist animals within existence.

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word โ€œDandelionโ€.

Carl says โ€œThe dandelion is beautiful.โ€
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says โ€œThe cheetah is faster DanDeLion.โ€

Did you hear about the cat that took a shortcut?

It was a real cheetah

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