What do you call a Cheetah that you're gonna eat for lunch?

Fast food.

Saw a guy at a bar chatting up a cheetah.

I thought, "Well, I never - he's trying to pull a fast one!"

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank?

He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

If Tarzan and Jane were Irish what would that make Cheetah?

The designated driver....

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

Why don’t they play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.

I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah

Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

I dated a furry once

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

Knock knock

A: Who's there?
B: Dandelion.
A: Dandelion who?
B: The cheetah runs faster dandelion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the worst animal to play cards with?

A cheetah.

Because it'll rip your fucking face off.

Best cat jokes lmao

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
...

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race...

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race to see who's the fastest in the animal kingdom. The cheetah wins. The lion say "Hey, you a cheetah!" The cheetah says "Nah, you lion."

A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa

After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: "Man, you're a cheetah" and the cheetah says: "Naw man you're a lion".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah?

Because they are the Facist animals within existence.

What does a dead cheetah means to Tarzan ?

A new thong !

Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek?

They've never been spotted.

Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

The outside.

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

The animal kingdom decided to have its first official land speed race. All the animals signed up to see who's the fastest.

After the race was over, and the results were in.

The judges deliberated, and decided to disqualify the winner..

Reason given: "He was a cheetah".

Teacher " Who can form a sentence using 'dandelion' ?"

Tyrone : De Cheetah is fasta Dandelion.

Pickup truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cheetahs. He pulls the guy over and says... "You can't drive around with cheetahs in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says "OK"... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around ...

Who isn't allowed in the zoo's quiz team?

The Cheetah

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me and my Wife sometimes call each other by Animal Names.

For example: Yesterday she called me a fucking Cheetah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and a cheetah and ostrich are chasing you?

You get your drunk ass off the carousel!

One time in English Class our teacher asked us to make a sentence with the word “Dandelion”.

Carl says “The dandelion is beautiful.”
The Jamaican Transfer Student then says “The cheetah is faster DanDeLion.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

Why did the cat get divorced?

He was a cheetah.

Did you hear about the cat that took a shortcut?

It was a real cheetah

There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

Which animal is the least trustworthy?

Cheetahs

Why did they stop giving tests at the zoo?

It was full of cheetahs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

Why can't you trust a big cat?

Coz if they tell you they're not a Cheetah, they could be Lion.

The king of the Jungle was tired of his lazy pride, so he decided to hold a race of cats to take the winner as his new bride.

Alas, the story doesn't end well, because their children turned out to be a bunch of lion-cheetahs.

Why are some species of cat always endangered?

Because cheetahs never prosper

You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...

Only a cheetah can.

American teaching class of young foreign exchange students

"Okay class, can any of you use the word Dandelion in a sentence?"

A young boy from Ghana raises his hand and says

"The cheetah is fasta dan-de-lion!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are stranded in the desert...

Survivors of a plane crash, the three men walk aimlessly in the hopes of finding the rest of humanity.

Three days pass before they stumble on a door lying flat down in the sand next to a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie flies out and introduces itself.

"My name is Hector, and I'm g...

There aren't that many casinos in Africa.

Cause there are too many cheetahs.

And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you.

Why do gazelles always lose races?

Cause they're running against cheetahs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While Tarzan was swinging through the jungle one day he missed a branch And fell to the jungle floor.

He woke up in the witch doctors hut where he was told they had to replace his eye with an eagles eye, his arm with a monkey arm, his legs with a cheetahs legs and his penis with an elephants trunk.

The witch doctor told him to go home and come back if he has any problems

A week went by...

Why does a tiger make such a good girlfriend?

Because its not a cheetah.

Why can't animals ever have an olympics?

Because there's always a cheetah

what do you call a cat that copies off others' exam papers?

a cheetah

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.


Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

Two animals taking a test were caught copying off each other...

When one accuses the other...
"He's the CHEETAH!"
"What? You're LION!"

Why was the poker game at the zoo cancelled?

Some believed that there was a cheetah among them.

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