Why don't they play poker in the zoo?

Too many cheetahs!

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

“Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?”

One student raises their hand,

“The cheetah is faster dandelion.”

What's the difference between a cheetah and a comma?

A cheetah has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause

As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,

I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed

Teacher - 'Use dandelion in a sentence'

Jamaican student - 'De cheetah is faster dandelion'

Which side of a cheetah has the most spots?

The outside.

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank?

He ran away so fast that he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

What do you call a Cheetah that you're gonna eat for lunch?

Fast food.

I dated a furry once

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah

I have the heart of a lion and the legs of a cheetah

Needless to say, the zoo doesn't want me back.

Knock knock

A: Who's there?
B: Dandelion.
A: Dandelion who?
B: The cheetah runs faster dandelion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the worst animal to play cards with?

A cheetah.

Because it'll rip your fucking face off.

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race...

So a lion and a cheetah set out for a foot race to see who's the fastest in the animal kingdom. The cheetah wins. The lion say "Hey, you a cheetah!" The cheetah says "Nah, you lion."

I saw this guy trying to hit on a Cheetah

Just then I thought “He’s trying to pull a fast one”

Best cat jokes lmao

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
...

Why is Hitler's Favorite Animal the Cheetah?

Because they are the Facist animals within existence.

Pickup truck

A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of cheetahs. He pulls the guy over and says... "You can't drive around with cheetahs in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." The guy says "OK"... and drives away. The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around ...

Why do tigers always beat cheetahs at hide-and-seek?

They've never been spotted.

A cheetah and a lion are racing in Africa

After the cheetah easily wins, the lion complains: "Man, you're a cheetah" and the cheetah says: "Naw man you're a lion".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you do when you are riding a horse, and a cheetah and ostrich are chasing you?

You get your drunk ass off the carousel!

Would a cheetah cheat on his wife?

No, but a tiger would.

Did you hear about the cat that took a shortcut?

It was a real cheetah

Why are some species of cat always endangered?

Because cheetahs never prosper

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

Which animal is the least trustworthy?

Cheetahs

Never play cards with big cats...

... They're all Cheetahs and Lions!

Why did they stop giving tests at the zoo?

It was full of cheetahs.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The King of the Jungle [long] [nsfw]

The lion, the king of the jungle, once summoned all the animals to celebrate his new born child. Sure enough all the animals showed up and gazed with awe upon the famous lion's rock.

The lion roared fiercly and all animals awaited silently the big announcement of their king. After a brief mom...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bear and a rabbit uncover a magic lamp.

A bear is looking for honey in a big, old tree when he spots something mysterious down in a hole. After a whole lot of struggling he finally asks a rabbit if he could help retrieve the thing.

So with a little wiggling and waggling the rabbit drags out from the tree a tarnished and weathered o...

The king of the Jungle was tired of his lazy pride, so he decided to hold a race of cats to take the winner as his new bride.

Alas, the story doesn't end well, because their children turned out to be a bunch of lion-cheetahs.

Why do gazelles always lose races?

Cause they're running against cheetahs

Why can't you trust a big cat?

Coz if they tell you they're not a Cheetah, they could be Lion.

You cant expect an honest person to beat Usain Bolt...

Only a cheetah can.

There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL!

The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs.

American teaching class of young foreign exchange students

"Okay class, can any of you use the word Dandelion in a sentence?"

A young boy from Ghana raises his hand and says

"The cheetah is fasta dan-de-lion!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was the end of the sixth day of the Creation and God summoned Adam and Eve.

God: Adam, Eve, I have a very important decision for both of you to make. Throughout the day I have created the beasts of the land and have bestowed upon them traits and abilities. I have given flight to the birds, speed to the cheetah, the ability to breathe underwater to the fish of the sea, an...

There aren't that many casinos in Africa.

Cause there are too many cheetahs.

And if you meet one who claims he isn't a cheetah, he's probably lion to you.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men are stranded in the desert...

Survivors of a plane crash, the three men walk aimlessly in the hopes of finding the rest of humanity.

Three days pass before they stumble on a door lying flat down in the sand next to a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie flies out and introduces itself.

"My name is Hector, and I'm g...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While Tarzan was swinging through the jungle one day he missed a branch And fell to the jungle floor.

He woke up in the witch doctors hut where he was told they had to replace his eye with an eagles eye, his arm with a monkey arm, his legs with a cheetahs legs and his penis with an elephants trunk.

The witch doctor told him to go home and come back if he has any problems

A week went by...

Top 10 Funniest Animal Jokes

Q. What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
A. It gets toad away.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch!” He...

You can never trust the cat family.....

The head of the family is always a lion, and his cousin is a cheetah.


(Lying and cheater, for those whom need this explained).

Why does a tiger make such a good girlfriend?

Because its not a cheetah.

what do you call a cat that copies off others' exam papers?

a cheetah

Why is it so hard to play cards in the jungle?

There are too many cheetahs.


Courtesy of the St. Louis Zoo Facebook page.

Why was the poker game at the zoo cancelled?

Some believed that there was a cheetah among them.

Two animals taking a test were caught copying off each other...

When one accuses the other...
"He's the CHEETAH!"
"What? You're LION!"

When the animal kingdom had a poker party who didn't they invite?

The Cheetahs!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A leopard cub gets in trouble at school

So this leopard cub, at cat school, gets in trouble for getting answers on another cat's papers during a test. The principal calls his mother and lets her know what happened and that he wasn't honest about it when they asked him if he did it or not.

So the leopard gets home and the mother ca...

Why did the lion lose at poker?

He was playing with a cheetah.