What do you call a baby owl that gets caught in a light rain?

A moist owlet.

Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the difference between a gun with a bent barrel and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but not hit, and the other can hoot but not shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man tells his friend, "I know a guy who has a small dick and sounds like an owl."

His friend asks, "Who?"

I keep on telling my friends that I think one of them might secretly be an owl

But all they respond with is “Who?”

My son just told me that someone said I sound like an owl

I said, “who?”

What is the lifespan of a snowy owl?

Just over six books.


(Still feels too soon.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A m‌‌other w‌‌as w‌‌alking d‌‌own t‌‌he h‌‌all w‌‌hen s‌‌he h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom h‌‌er d‌‌aughter's b‌‌edroom. W‌‌hen s‌‌he o‌‌pened t‌‌he d‌‌oor s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he b‌‌ed w‌‌ith a‌‌ v‌‌ibrator.

What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

Later t‌‌hat w‌‌eek t‌‌he f‌‌ather w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he k‌‌itchen a‌‌nd h...

Why did the priest buy an owl for his church?

Because it's a bird of prey

I went out with a girl once called 'Owl'

Seriously, that was her name, Owl.

She could rotate her head almost completely behind her.

She only did it once though, when a burglar came into her house and twisted her neck.

She's dead now but that's why we call her Owl.

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Two owls siting on a tree branch during a quiet night.

One if them suddenly says: "hoooo hoooooooo"

The other one turns and replies: "Fuck you Garry, you scared the shit out of me. "

What does an educated owl say?

WHOM

What is an owl’s favorite board game?

Guess Who?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?

A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit.

A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're allegedly calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

Imagine how happy barn owls were ....

when people finally started making barns.

What does an owl call it’s beak?

Hoo nose.

And then there was the male spotted owl who told his wife, "What do you mean you have a headache?

We're an endangered species!"

What do call a magic owl

Hoodini


















Sorry if somebody made this joke already

It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...

"I'm scared" said the little girl.

"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"

Person 1:Guys we have to be careful, one of us is possessed by a owl.

Person 2: Who?

Person 1: That’s the thing we don’t kn...

(Not my joke so plz don’t hate me i saw this joke a long time ago)

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

1st post ever

knock knock
who's there ?


owl


owl who


owl who akbar

I got a new job at the owl sanctuary..

It’s night shifts but i hear it’s a real hoot

Two rabbits really wanted to have babies but couldn't. So they went to the wise old owl and asked for help.

The owl looked them over, stroked its feathery chin, blinked a few times and said:

"Now... look here boys..."

I met a girl who used to take care of owls for rich people who had them as pets.

I asked her if she was an ornithologist. She was not. I said, "So you're just like a bird baby sitter?" "Of course not"., she replied.

"I'm a Hootenanny."

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

How long does an owl live?

6 1/2 books.

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....

so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.

You may know that baby owls are called "owlets", but did you know where they come from?

The owlet mall.

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls…

I think they're Inca hoots…

The owl asked the most introspect question ever.

Who are you???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I’m terrified of owls

Therapist: Who?

Me: *Screams*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

Dad joke warning ⚠

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

I warned you.

I won a Gold medal! Wow! Thank you /u/ArticCamels! I appreciate you... Be safe out there.

Another Goldie! Y'all are too much! Thanks /u/PlatinumOmnivore! Take care!
...

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water. So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in,with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then ask...

Knock Knock..

Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

Why do owls get invited to parties?

Because they’re a HOOT!

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

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*In a pet store

“I’d like to buy an owl.”
“We don’t sell owls.”
“Someone told me you did.”
“Who?”
*Awkward pause
“I just fuckin heard one.”

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s said the person you love should complete you. If you’re an introvert, they’re an extrovert. If they’re responsible, you’re carefree. If they’re a night owl, you’re an early bird.

As a dude with no ass I can get down with this.

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

I found a babysitter who works in an owl costume

She's a hootin'-nanny

Knock knock

- Who's there?

- Owls

- Owls who?

- Yeah, they do

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?

It was a superb_owl.

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

Why do night owls enjoy breakups?

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

HOOT HOOT

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Owl.
Owl who?
Whoo? Whoo! Hoo...hoooh hoo!

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

If you were an owl how often would you check your back?

Owl the time

What do you call a nocturnal bird that preys on bulges?

an OwOwl

I always found Owls to be interesting

But I still can't figure out why the whole country is excited about this Superb Owl.

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a bird of prey having a shit in the woods

It looked at me and told me to fuck off.
I think it had irritable owl syndrome.

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

Ultimate Dad Joke

Son: Dad, what noise does an owl make at night?
Dad: Who?

Finally got to pull this one off after 6 years of patiently waiting!!

What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?

A hootenanny.

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking with his friends at a bar

A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking at a bar with Hirohito, Mussolini, and Fransisco Franco.

The man hears Hitler brag about killing millions of Jews and sixteen spotted owls.

The man goes up to the table and asks, "Why in the hell would you kill sixteen spotted owls?"
...

If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...

Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.

My wife asked me ‘What’s Harry Potter’s owl called’?

I paused and said OWL-BERT

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

I was just washing up in the kitchen with the back door open, when an owl suddenly flew in, dried all the pots, put them away and flew off.

it was a Teat Owl

What is the owl's favorite school subject?

Owlgebra

What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?

A bird that smells, but doesn't give a hoot!

My toddlers Favorite joke:

kid: One of us is secretly an owl!

me: Who?

kid: It’s you!!!

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