what did the owl thats a detective say?

hoo did it?

Superbowl party!? Or superb Owl party?!

As a fun intellectual alternative to the sports balls.

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

What did the farsighted Owl say to it's nearsighted trainer?

Who?

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

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Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

There is an owl among us..

Friend: Who?

Me: Exactly, we have to be careful.. wait a second

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What’s the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but doesn’t hit and the other hoots but doesn’t shit.

What do you call a Mexican Owl?

Hoolio

I'm sorry if this is slightly off topic. I was wondering if someone could help me. I'm trying to remember a joke about an owl.

All I remember is the punchline was a hoot.

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What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

An owl told me a joke

It was a hoot.

Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]

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A man tells his friend, "I know a guy who has a small dick and sounds like an owl."

His friend asks, "Who?"

There’s an owl outside and we’ve been talking for around 20 minutes.

Mostly about who’s who.

What's the difference between an owl and a rectal drug test?

With one, you can see their eye through their ear hole,

But with the other, you can see if they're high through their rear hole.

What kind of math does an Owl like to solve?

Owl-gebra.

A man walks into a tree and says he's looking for an owl...

Something from the tree replies back, "hoo?"

Why did the priest buy an owl for his church?

Because it's a bird of prey

What is the lifespan of a snowy owl?

Just over six books.


(Still feels too soon.)

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

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A m‌‌other w‌‌as w‌‌alking d‌‌own t‌‌he h‌‌all w‌‌hen s‌‌he h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom h‌‌er d‌‌aughter's b‌‌edroom. W‌‌hen s‌‌he o‌‌pened t‌‌he d‌‌oor s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he b‌‌ed w‌‌ith a‌‌ v‌‌ibrator.

What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

Later t‌‌hat w‌‌eek t‌‌he f‌‌ather w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he k‌‌itchen a‌‌nd h...

What is an owl’s favorite board game?

Guess Who?

What do you call a baby Owl that was caught in the rain?

A moist-owlette

I went out with a girl once called 'Owl'

Seriously, that was her name, Owl.

She could rotate her head almost completely behind her.

She only did it once though, when a burglar came into her house and twisted her neck.

She's dead now but that's why we call her Owl.

I keep on telling my friends that I think one of them might secretly be an owl

But all they respond with is “Who?”

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Two owls siting on a tree branch during a quiet night.

One if them suddenly says: "hoooo hoooooooo"

The other one turns and replies: "Fuck you Garry, you scared the shit out of me. "

I’ve been working on my comedy routine and I think it’s a real hoot...

Owl see myself out

Imagine how happy barn owls were ....

when people finally started making barns.

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....

so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.

oink who

**Knock! Knock! Who's there? Oink oink. Oink oink who? Make up your mind—are you a pig, or an owl?!**

And then there was the male spotted owl who told his wife, "What do you mean you have a headache?

We're an endangered species!"

What did the bird say when he was surprised

Well Owl be damned

What does an owl call it’s beak?

Hoo nose.

Why I’m single - a transcript of my first date with an ornithologist

Me: So, what do you do for a living?
Ornithologist: Actually, I’m an ornithologist.
Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist (*smiling overbearingly*): Who’s there?
Me: A woodpecker! And you call yourself an ornithologist?
Ornithologist (*trying not to roll eyes*): Good o...

I got a new job at the owl sanctuary..

It’s night shifts but i hear it’s a real hoot

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Parrot hooker NSFW

An old John likes to buy a hooker on payday. Every second Thursday he walks down to the strip and picks one up and then he pops into the pet store to rent a female parrot for his parrot so they can both have some fun. One Thursday the pet store didn’t have any parrots left, but this old John didn’t ...

Me:Hey bro someone said you sound like an Owl

Bro: Who?

Me: Exactly

Person 1:Guys we have to be careful, one of us is possessed by a owl.

Person 2: Who?

Person 1: That’s the thing we don’t kn...

(Not my joke so plz don’t hate me i saw this joke a long time ago)

It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...

"I'm scared" said the little girl.

"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"

Why are owls my favorite animal?

Because they’re hooters!

What's an owl that does magic called?

Whoudini

How long does an owl live?

6 1/2 books.

You may know that baby owls are called "owlets", but did you know where they come from?

The owlet mall.

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The woodland critters decide to open a public restroom...

They all participate as best they can to build it, and Owl, the mayor of the woods gives it to the public. The next day as Owl is taking a stroll, he notices that one of the windows is smashed.

He calls an urgent meeting where all the animals gather together.

\- I am sorry for this bot...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls…

I think they're Inca hoots…

I met a girl who used to take care of owls for rich people who had them as pets.

I asked her if she was an ornithologist. She was not. I said, "So you're just like a bird baby sitter?" "Of course not"., she replied.

"I'm a Hootenanny."

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

From my son: "knock knock"

"who's there"

"owls say"

"owls say who"

*meniacal smile*

The owl asked the most introspect question ever.

Who are you???

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I’m terrified of owls

Therapist: Who?

Me: *Screams*

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What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water. So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in,with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then ask...

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

Why do owls get invited to parties?

Because they’re a HOOT!

The former presidents are having lunch (Credit u/ThePerfectSnare)

**Bush**: Now, being president isn't as easy as it looks. It's like they say, you can drag a horse to water, but... but you have to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.

**Obama**: I, uh... I appreciate any guidance you and the other presidents are willing to offer me.

**Bush**: ...

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm

Me going to a shop: hi would like to buy an owl
Shopkeeper:we don't sell owls

Me. * turns around in disappointment *: someone told me you did

Shopkeeper:who?

Me:I just f**king heard one

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

I found a babysitter who works in an owl costume

She's a hootin'-nanny

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Getting A Physical

The Doctor's office called and said there was a problem with my blood work. The Doctor wanted to see me immediately.

Doctor: We need to draw more blood. We found some disturbing problems with your first sample.

Me: It is okay Doc. I've been injecting myself with blood from a rooster an...

Did you hear the joke between the woodpecker and the owl?

*knock knock* Hoo’s there?

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

Dad joke warning ⚠

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

I warned you.

I won a Gold medal! Wow! Thank you /u/ArticCamels! I appreciate you... Be safe out there.

Another Goldie! Y'all are too much! Thanks /u/PlatinumOmnivore! Take care!
...

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An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

Why do night owls enjoy breakups?

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

1st post ever

knock knock
who's there ?


owl


owl who


owl who akbar

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

What’s an owl’s favorite movie?

Owlice in Wonderland.

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?

A hootenanny.

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