Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]

Me:Hey bro someone said you sound like an Owl

Bro: Who?

Me: Exactly

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Me: I’m terrified of owls

Therapist: Who?

Me: *Screams*

What do you call an owl with a PhD?

Doctor who

What do you call a band of owls?

The Hoo

What's the difference between a bad sniper and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but not hit, the other can hoot but not sh*t.

The wife and I dressed as Peruvian owls for Halloween.

We were Inca hoots.

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls…

I think they're Inca hoots…

What did the narcissistic owl say?

Me me me

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What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water. So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in,with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then ask...

Did you hear the joke between the woodpecker and the owl?

*knock knock* Hoo’s there?

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

Why do owls get invited to parties?

Because they’re a HOOT!

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

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A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking with his friends at a bar

A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking at a bar with Hirohito, Mussolini, and Fransisco Franco.

The man hears Hitler brag about killing millions of Jews and sixteen spotted owls.

The man goes up to the table and asks, "Why in the hell would you kill sixteen spotted owls?"
...

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It’s said the person you love should complete you. If you’re an introvert, they’re an extrovert. If they’re responsible, you’re carefree. If they’re a night owl, you’re an early bird.

As a dude with no ass I can get down with this.

I found a babysitter who works in an owl costume

She's a hootin'-nanny

Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?

It was a superb_owl.

Knock knock

Who's there

Owls

Owls who

Yes they do

Why do night owls enjoy breakups?

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

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A hiker gets lost in the woods...

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court...

What is the average lifespan of a snowy owl?

6 books

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:

"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlet

I always found Owls to be interesting

But I still can't figure out why the whole country is excited about this Superb Owl.

If you were an owl how often would you check your back?

Owl the time

Knock knock

Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Owls
Person 2: Owls who?
Person 1: yup, they do.

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

What do you call a bird that protects its king?

A knight owl.

Who?

Me: "Someone here is possesed by an owl!"

Some Random Person: " Who?"

Me: "Thats just it, we don't kn-



























ಠ\_ಠ

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s a long joke but I think it’s worth it.

A bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods. Suddenly a magic owl appears and says to them: “Stop the hunt! I am a magic owl and I give each of you 3 wishes. Who begins?”
The bear directly says: “Me! I wish that every bear in this forest becomes a female.” *and his wish came true*
The rabbit wishe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night.

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

Why don't owls go on dates in the rain?

Because it's too wet to woo.

Did you hear about the cursed night bird that lives in the reservoir?

Well owl be damned.

"Why did you name your owl Fred?"

"Because I'm Batman."

Two owls sat on a branch

One said to the other "i got married the other day" to which the second replies, "You twit, to who?"

3 men died and were taken to God....

They were taken to the top of a cliff . GOD SAID to them that since they had been such outstanding citizens on Earth that they'd be given one chance to become anything they desired.
The first man ran to the edge of the cliff, jumped into the air and shouted."i want to be an eagle". Instantly he w...

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

Have you heard thee one about the owl?

It was a hoot

Has anyone ever adopted an owl?

And if so, hoo?

Three mice are arguing whether the holes are part of the cheese or not.

The one that thought they WERE went to the wise old owl for advice. When he got back, the cheese was gone. He asked the other two mice:

"What happened to the cheese?"

They replied:

"We decided to agree with you, so we split the cheese into thirds, and your third happened to be...

Did you hear about the crows and the owls?

They're in caw-hoots.

Me: I know a person that thinks they're an owl.

Them: Who?

Me: Now I know two people[.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6um75p/comment/dltqceq?st=J6ISAUQ2&sh=e167edb3)

Knock knock

Stranger : who's there
Kid : hoo
Stranger : hoo who
Kid : lol you're an owl
Stranger : owl beat your ass

A new jokes store opened up in town..

A kid walks in to check out the place early the next day. Looking all around, he sees that the store has several recognizable items (such as whoopie cushions) and some unique items that he'd never seen before. There was also a wall full of candy, with weird names such as "Hoot Gummies" and "Woof Bar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two doctors go hunting together...

They are both at the top of their fields. As they decide to take a break under a tree, one looks up and spots a sleeping owl.

The first doctor says "I'm so good, I can climb this tree and remove that owl's tonsils without waking him up."

He then climbs the tree and does just that.
<...

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