This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between an untrained sniper and a constipated owl?

One shoots but never hits, the other hoots but never shits.

How many owls does it take to put a light bulb in a socket

Don't be ridiculous, as if owls could do such a thing.

I found a babysitter who works in an owl costume

She's a hootin'-nanny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s said the person you love should complete you. If you’re an introvert, they’re an extrovert. If they’re responsible, you’re carefree. If they’re a night owl, you’re an early bird.

As a dude with no ass I can get down with this.

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

What is the average lifespan of a snowy owl?

6 books

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

Knock Knock

“Who’s there?”

“I’m an owl”

“I’m an owl who?”

“Exactly, you are”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a sniper with bad vision and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but can't hit. The other can hoot but can't shit.

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

Girl: One of my ex-boyfriends sounds like an owl.

Boy: Who?

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlet

What do you call an owl that can travel through time?

Doctor Hoo

Americans always get sports wrong.

Why would the Super Bowl have no bowling?

I always found Owls to be interesting

But I still can't figure out why the whole country is excited about this Superb Owl.

If you were an owl how often would you check your back?

Owl the time

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

What animal gets hurt all the time?

An owl

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a sniper with bad eyesight and a constipated owl?

One shoots but can't hit, the other hoots but can't sh...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

EDIT: A collection of other [spoonerisms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoonerism) for your reading pleasure. And stop giving me sh... about not fu... cussing...

What does a narcissistic owl say?

A: Me. Me. Me.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?

A bird that smells, but doesn't give a hoot!

If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...

Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.

Who let the owls out?

Who Who Who Who?

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

My wife asked me ‘What’s Harry Potter’s owl called’?

I paused and said OWL-BERT

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who's up for an owl joke?

So a man is sitting on a bench in the middle of the night making waterfalls with his eyes. A girl he'd been in love with had just broken up with him, claiming she'd found her true love in bird watching. He cried out her name in anguish into the nightsky.


"Who?" An owl. How cruel fate wa...

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

I believe I have invented a totally new 'Knock knock' joke. Messieurs, mesdames, please gather round for... Easily Annoyed Owl.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Easily Annoyed Owl.

Easily Annoyed Owl who...?

...ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?

What's the most common type of owl in Great Britain?

Teatowel.


Sorry if you've heard or seen this before on here; I've not and I'm unable to search because I'm using the mobile sitem

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

Why didn't the night owl go to the funeral?

He wasn't a mourning person

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

Why don't owls go on dates in the rain?

Because it's too wet to woo.

Ever wonder why Dallas Cowboy fans are so rich?

Because they never have to pay for super bowl tickets!

Me: I know a person that thinks they're an owl.

Them: Who?

Me: Now I know two people[.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6um75p/comment/dltqceq?st=J6ISAUQ2&sh=e167edb3)

Why shouldn't you trust fake owls?

Because they tell you false-hoots

What is the owl's favorite school subject?

Owlgebra

"Why did you name your owl Fred?"

"Because I'm Batman."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't stop shitting out feathers.

I think I've got Irritable owl syndrome.

Knock knock

Who's there?
Owls. Owls who?
They certainly do

Noah's Ark 2.0

In the year 2016, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."
"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah ...

Did you hear about the crows and the owls?

They're in caw-hoots.

An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by

The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

"Hey, I heard somebody called you an owl today."

Who?

An owl was investigated as a suspect in the serial murders of eight random individuals in under a year

But the case went cold after repeatedly insisting it didn't know the victims' names.

What's an owl's favorite song?

The Who's Who are you? Hoot hoot. Hoot hoot.

A man and his pet owl go to the bar together

They had a hoot.

What's an owl's favorite rock band?

Owls personally prefer the track list of Rock Band 2. Just a solid game.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the Judge says "OK, I see that circumstance and duress made you eat the endangered spotted owl. NOT guilty." Then he leans over and whispers "Between you and me, what does a spotted owl actually taste like?"

The accused says "A cross between a bald eagle and an Amazon Imperial Parrot."

I didn't know owls were religious

Until someone told me they were a bird of pray

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.