Person 1: Someone said you look like an owl

Person 2: Who?

I got a pet owl named Robin.

Robin Hoo-d.

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What do you get when you mix a chicken and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night.

A hunter kills and eats a bald eagle, and is arrested for violating the Endangered Species Act. He pleads guilty, and throws himself on the mercy of the court.

"Your Honor," the hunter said, "I had no idea that it was illegal to kill and eat a bald eagle. If you let me go, I'll never do it again."

"You've committed a very serious crime," the judge replies. "But you clearly weren't aware of the law, so I'm willing to overlook it this one time. How...

There is an owl among us..

Friend: Who?

Me: Exactly, we have to be careful.. wait a second

Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]

Why don’t night owls ever cry at funerals?

They just aren’t mourning people

I saw a baby owl caught in the rain.

It was a moist owlet.

Last night I dreamt I was an owl.

It was a hoot.

What do you call rowdy things that stick to owls?

Hoo-ligands

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What do you call people who observe owls reproducing?

A hornithologist.

An owl has taken control of my elderly mothers estate recently

I guess that’s the power of a tawny

Did you know: an owl’s head can rotate 720 degrees

before it comes off in your hand.

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

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What is the difference between a gun with a bent barrel and a constipated owl?

One can shoot but not hit, and the other can hoot but not shit.

Owls: I do not know What, Where, When, or Why

I only know who

what did the owl thats a detective say?

hoo did it?

Superbowl party!? Or superb Owl party?!

As a fun intellectual alternative to the sports balls.

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

What do you call a Mexican Owl?

Hoolio

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What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?

A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit.

A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.

I'm sorry if this is slightly off topic. I was wondering if someone could help me. I'm trying to remember a joke about an owl.

All I remember is the punchline was a hoot.

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Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

There’s an owl outside and we’ve been talking for around 20 minutes.

Mostly about who’s who.

What's the difference between an owl and a rectal drug test?

With one, you can see their eye through their ear hole,

But with the other, you can see if they're high through their rear hole.

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This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the accident.

The doctor goes on to explain that he gave him a gorilla arm, that was the clos...

What kind of math does an Owl like to solve?

Owl-gebra.

A man walks into a tree and says he's looking for an owl...

Something from the tree replies back, "hoo?"

And then there was the male spotted owl who told his wife, "What do you mean you have a headache?

We're an endangered species!"

What is an owl’s favorite board game?

Guess Who?

I went out with a girl once called 'Owl'

Seriously, that was her name, Owl.

She could rotate her head almost completely behind her.

She only did it once though, when a burglar came into her house and twisted her neck.

She's dead now but that's why we call her Owl.

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A marriage counsellor is holding a group session and asks the husbands what bird would best describe their wife..

The first husband says "well my wife reminds me of a swan" .. "why is that" asks the counsellor , "because she's beautiful and graceful" replies the husband


The second husband says "I think an owl best describes my wife" "really"? says the counsellor , "yes because she is wise and int...

Why did the priest buy an owl for his church?

Because it's a bird of prey

Imagine how happy barn owls were ....

when people finally started making barns.

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Two owls siting on a tree branch during a quiet night.

One if them suddenly says: "hoooo hoooooooo"

The other one turns and replies: "Fuck you Garry, you scared the shit out of me. "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A m‌‌other w‌‌as w‌‌alking d‌‌own t‌‌he h‌‌all w‌‌hen s‌‌he h‌‌eard a‌‌ h‌‌umming s‌‌ound c‌‌oming f‌‌rom h‌‌er d‌‌aughter's b‌‌edroom. W‌‌hen s‌‌he o‌‌pened t‌‌he d‌‌oor s‌‌he f‌‌ound h‌‌er d‌‌aughter n‌‌aked o‌‌n t‌‌he b‌‌ed w‌‌ith a‌‌ v‌‌ibrator.

What a‌‌re y‌‌ou d‌‌oing?", s‌‌he e‌‌xclaimed.

The d‌‌aughter r‌‌eplied, "‌‌I'm 3‌‌5 a‌‌nd s‌‌till l‌‌iving a‌‌t h‌‌ome w‌‌ith m‌‌y p‌‌arents a‌‌nd t‌‌his i‌‌s t‌‌he c‌‌losest I‌‌'ll e‌‌ver g‌‌et t‌‌o a‌‌ h‌‌usband."

Later t‌‌hat w‌‌eek t‌‌he f‌‌ather w‌‌as i‌‌n t‌‌he k‌‌itchen a‌‌nd h...

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

I keep on telling my friends that I think one of them might secretly be an owl

But all they respond with is “Who?”

I got a new job at the owl sanctuary..

It’s night shifts but i hear it’s a real hoot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things that have hair.

A teacher asks the kids at class:

"I want you to name things that have hair on it"

"A cat!", the first kid says.

"That's correct", teacher replies. "A cat has hair on it. Can anyone tell something else that has hair?"

"An owl!", says another kid.

The teacher said:...

What do call a magic owl

Hoodini


















Sorry if somebody made this joke already

Person 1:Guys we have to be careful, one of us is possessed by a owl.

Person 2: Who?

Person 1: That’s the thing we don’t kn...

(Not my joke so plz don’t hate me i saw this joke a long time ago)

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What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...

"I'm scared" said the little girl.

"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"

Why are owls my favorite animal?

Because they’re hooters!

How long does an owl live?

6 1/2 books.

I met a girl who used to take care of owls for rich people who had them as pets.

I asked her if she was an ornithologist. She was not. I said, "So you're just like a bird baby sitter?" "Of course not"., she replied.

"I'm a Hootenanny."

Why do owls get invited to parties?

Because they’re a HOOT!

You may know that baby owls are called "owlets", but did you know where they come from?

The owlet mall.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I’m terrified of owls

Therapist: Who?

Me: *Screams*

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls…

I think they're Inca hoots…

What's an owl that does magic called?

Whoudini

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water. So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in,with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then ask...

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

The owl asked the most introspect question ever.

Who are you???

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

Did you hear the joke between the woodpecker and the owl?

*knock knock* Hoo’s there?

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?

It was a superb_owl.

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

What’s an owl’s favorite movie?

Owlice in Wonderland.

Why do night owls enjoy breakups?

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

oink who

**Knock! Knock! Who's there? Oink oink. Oink oink who? Make up your mind—are you a pig, or an owl?!**

Dad joke warning ⚠

Knock, knock...
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep.

I warned you.

I won a Gold medal! Wow! Thank you /u/ArticCamels! I appreciate you... Be safe out there.

Another Goldie! Y'all are too much! Thanks /u/PlatinumOmnivore! Take care!
...

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....

so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.

Why I’m single - a transcript of my first date with an ornithologist

Me: So, what do you do for a living?
Ornithologist: Actually, I’m an ornithologist.
Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist (*smiling overbearingly*): Who’s there?
Me: A woodpecker! And you call yourself an ornithologist?
Ornithologist (*trying not to roll eyes*): Good o...

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

What is the owl's favorite school subject?

Owlgebra

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

I always found Owls to be interesting

But I still can't figure out why the whole country is excited about this Superb Owl.

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

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