Me: Someone we know is possessed by an owl.

Friend: Who?

Me: [narrows eyes]

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What's the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?

A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit.

A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.

What do you call a magical owl?

Hoodini

What is the lifespan of an Owl ?

About 6.25 books.

What is an owl’s favorite board game?

Guess Who?

Me:Hey bro someone said you sound like an Owl

Bro: Who?

Me: Exactly

I got a new job at the owl sanctuary..

It’s night shifts but i hear it’s a real hoot

Two rabbits really wanted to have babies but couldn't. So they went to the wise old owl and asked for help.

The owl looked them over, stroked its feathery chin, blinked a few times and said:

"Now... look here boys..."

I met a girl who used to take care of owls for rich people who had them as pets.

I asked her if she was an ornithologist. She was not. I said, "So you're just like a bird baby sitter?" "Of course not"., she replied.

"I'm a Hootenanny."

What did the Soccer players day when the owl died on the field?

F-owl

Person 1:Guys we have to be careful, one of us is possessed by a owl.

Person 2: Who?

Person 1: That’s the thing we don’t kn...

(Not my joke so plz don’t hate me i saw this joke a long time ago)

How long does an owl live?

6 1/2 books.

You may know that baby owls are called "owlets", but did you know where they come from?

The owlet mall.

A man is on trial for killing and eating a spotted owl.

He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross ...

What do you call a band of owls?

The Hoo

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Me: I’m terrified of owls

Therapist: Who?

Me: *Screams*

The owl asked the most introspect question ever.

Who are you???

Little known fact, the mods of /r/Jokes are all actually Peruvian owls…

I think they're Inca hoots…

What did the narcissistic owl say?

Me me me

Ultimate Dad Joke

Son: Dad, what noise does an owl make at night?
Dad: Who?

Finally got to pull this one off after 6 years of patiently waiting!!

Why do owls get invited to parties?

Because they’re a HOOT!

Did you hear the joke between the woodpecker and the owl?

*knock knock* Hoo’s there?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call owl poop?

Owly shit

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water. So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in,with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then ask...

Why did the owl go to the gym?

Because he’s the stare master.

Where do owls go to buy their young baby clothes?

At the owlet malls

You want to know the worst thing about owls?

It's the way they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.

Did you hear about the Owl that could play American football?

It was a superb_owl.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s said the person you love should complete you. If you’re an introvert, they’re an extrovert. If they’re responsible, you’re carefree. If they’re a night owl, you’re an early bird.

As a dude with no ass I can get down with this.

I found a babysitter who works in an owl costume

She's a hootin'-nanny

Why do night owls enjoy breakups?

There ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

What do you get when cross an owl with an elephant?

A dead owl with a six inch wide hole in it.

I was eating lunch in the park...

...when all of a sudden a crow landed in front of me and promptly keeled over on its side. I set my lunch down and leaned forward to see what the matter was.

In that moment, an owl swooped in, plucked my sandwich off the bench, and carried it up to the treetop above me. Imagine my further sur...

My toddlers Favorite joke:

kid: One of us is secretly an owl!

me: Who?

kid: It’s you!!!

What do you call a shapeshifter that turns into a human after being an owl?

A who man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking with his friends at a bar

A man goes to hell and sees Hitler drinking at a bar with Hirohito, Mussolini, and Fransisco Franco.

The man hears Hitler brag about killing millions of Jews and sixteen spotted owls.

The man goes up to the table and asks, "Why in the hell would you kill sixteen spotted owls?"
...

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A wife decides to take her husband, Dave, to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if hes been to this club before.

"Oh no," says Dave. "Hes on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if hed like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.
<...

The Inca people were one of the few who ever mastered hunting with owls, much like traditional falconry.

Legend says they learned calls to communicate with the intelligent birds, even to the point of planning attack strategies ahead of time.

And that's where we get the term Inca-hoots.

What do you call a wet baby owl?

A moist owlette.

Where are owls that commit crimes sent as punishment?

Owlcatraz

A urologist and a ear nose and throat doctor are golfing

When one of them sees an owl asleep in a tree by the ninth hole. The urologist looks over to the ENT doc and says “hey! I bet you 200$ I can give that owl a vasectomy without it waking up!”
The ENT doc says “you’re on!” The urologist goes up to the owl, rubs a special spot on its neck and perfor...

I always found Owls to be interesting

But I still can't figure out why the whole country is excited about this Superb Owl.

Who do you buy an owl toilet seat for?

A wise ass

If you were an owl how often would you check your back?

Owl the time

Knock knock I heard from my little sister

Who's there

Owls

Owls who?

Yes... Yes they do

What’s an owl’s favorite movie?

Owlice in Wonderland.

Why did the Aztec owl not know what the other two owls were saying to each other?

They were Inca hoots

What do you call a owl dance party that only plays folk music?

A hootenanny.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What activity does the owl mafia participate in?

Drive by hootings.

My friends think my pet owl is boring.

I think he’s a hoot!

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A hiker gets lost in the woods...

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw.

A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species.

In court...

What's an owl's favourite drink?

Hoot beer!

Sorry, I made this joke up when I was 5 and just wanted to share :P

So I told my girlfriend someone's out there making owl noises

and she's like "who"

If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush...

Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.

What do you get if you cross an owl with a skunk?

A bird that smells, but doesn't give a hoot!

I was just washing up in the kitchen with the back door open, when an owl suddenly flew in, dried all the pots, put them away and flew off.

it was a Teat Owl

In the year 2020, the Lord came unto Noah, Who was now living in America and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me."

"Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:

"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start...

What is sitting in a tree and makes "Haa Haaa"?

An owl with a speech impediment.

\-------------

Dentist to the patient: This might hurt now a bit

Patient: Don't worry

Dentist: Ok... I'm having an affair with your wife!

\------------

Wife to husband: You look aweful with these new glasses

Husband: B...

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What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

Knock knock

Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Owls
Person 2: Owls who?
Person 1: yup, they do.

Why didn't the night owl go to the funeral?

He wasn't a mourning person

My wife asked me ‘What’s Harry Potter’s owl called’?

I paused and said OWL-BERT

I don't care how great owls are

I'm not throwing some stupid party over a superb owl.

5 Guys From Knock-Knock Jokes

5 guys--Boo, Woo, You, Ach, and Who--meet up for lunch. They describe their experiences knocking on random people's doors. The conversation goes as follows:

Boo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, the person who answers the door is crying.

Woo: Whenever I knock on someone's door, t...

What's the most common type of owl in Great Britain?

Teatowel.


Sorry if you've heard or seen this before on here; I've not and I'm unable to search because I'm using the mobile sitem

I believe I have invented a totally new 'Knock knock' joke. Messieurs, mesdames, please gather round for... Easily Annoyed Owl.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Easily Annoyed Owl.

Easily Annoyed Owl who...?

...ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?

What is the owl's favorite school subject?

Owlgebra

Why shouldn't you trust fake owls?

Because they tell you false-hoots

An avid bird watcher heard an owl hoot

So he thought he'd give a hoot back. To his surprise and delight the bird hooted again. The next night the same scenario occurred.

All Summer, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversations."

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s a long joke but I think it’s worth it.

A bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods. Suddenly a magic owl appears and says to them: “Stop the hunt! I am a magic owl and I give each of you 3 wishes. Who begins?”
The bear directly says: “Me! I wish that every bear in this forest becomes a female.” *and his wish came true*
The rabbit wishe...

What do you call a bird that protects its king?

A knight owl.

Me: I know a person that thinks they're an owl.

Them: Who?

Me: Now I know two people[.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/6um75p/comment/dltqceq?st=J6ISAUQ2&sh=e167edb3)

Why don't owls go on dates in the rain?

Because it's too wet to woo.

An owl and a squirrel are in a tree watching a farmer go by

The owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing because owls can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

"Why did you name your owl Fred?"

"Because I'm Batman."

Two owls sat on a branch

One said to the other "i got married the other day" to which the second replies, "You twit, to who?"

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