This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.

Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they play a ...

Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers...

Succeeds

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods’s golf ball and his SUV?

He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.

What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Tiger Woods?

Tigers got a much better driver

Tiger Woods gave me gonorrhea!

*golf clap*

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

I have the eye of a tiger, the heart of a lion...

... and a lifetime ban from the New York Zoo.

What do you do when you suddenly walk into a tiger and a jaguar?

You get in the jaguar and drive off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you not pull on tiger's tail?

Because it's a fucking tiger stupid!

(I know it not very funny but someone insisted I post it it's only joke I know and translated from Czechia)

What course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble?

Intercourse.

The Bengal Tiger is capable of jumping higher than an average two story colonial house.

This is because of their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average 2 story colonial home can't jump very high.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two tigers are walking down the street.

One says to the other:

'It's quiet for a Saturday isn't it?'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a gas station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.

The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in
a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fa...

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger tank

WW2 is raging and 3 Jews are walking along a road and they see a German tiger tank in the middle of the road.
One of them says " Let's push this tank to our village and sell it for scrap metal"
So they start to push the tank along the road and after 30 minutes one of them falls to the ground ...

Why couldn't the tiger fall asleep?

It had nothing to lion.

Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.

Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a women in a hotel room have just had amazing sex.

The man is exhausted and he leans over to pick up the phone.
"What are you doing?" she asks.
"Calling room service, I need a drink"
"My last lover was Tiger Woods and he would never have done that, he would have made love to me again" she said
So the guy turns over and makes love to her...

Just got scammed out of $15.

Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes." Turns out it's about golf. Absolute waste of money.

What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?

One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

The dog, who sees the animal's bones next to it, turns to them, licks his lips and says, "What a delicious tiger that was!"

The tiger hears the dog, panics, turns and runs away.

All the while ...

What did Mufasa say to Simba when he pretended to be a tiger?

Grrr, I know you lion.

Tiger and Stevie Wonder are in a bar

Tiger turns to Stevie and asks, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie: Not bad. How's the golf?

Tiger: Not bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that worked out now.

Stevie: I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a wh...

I don't know how many tigers there are in South America

But I'm sure there are ocelots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."
The giraffe looked at the rabbit,...

Ive heard so much about the Eye of the Tiger,

But why does nobody talk about the other four letters?

What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?

Santa stops at three ho’s

Tiger woods

I just got married and as I was laying in bed about to make love to my new wife she said to me,”honey I have to tell you I have made love before tonight.”
I said,”who was this with?”
She said,” with Tiger Woods.”
I said, “ohhhhkkkk then.” I can accept that.
Despite this profound news I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Britney Spears , Elton John and Tiger Woods

Britney Spears , Elton John and Tiger Woods are walking along the street. Britney trips, jamming her head in between the rails in a picket fence. Tiger, quick as a flash, pulls down her pants and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What"s...

Manliest man ever contest

Three men joined the Manliest Man Ever contest, the one who passed 3 rooms will get the award:
- First room: 10 barrels of best wine
- Second room: 10 times with a very hot model
- Third room: 10 hours with a tiger.

The first guy goes with the girl room, and after 8 times, he quit. T...

I was just scammed out of 25 dollars.

I purchased a dvd titled "Tiger Woods' favorite 18 holes." It turned out to be about golf. Tell others so that they can avoid this scam too!!

Two guys were walking though the Sahara

They suddenly see a tiger approaching .

One guy throws sand in the tiger's eyes and he runs away.

The other guy keeps standing still.

"RUN MAN, WHY ARE YOU STANDING STILL??"

"Well I didn't throw the sand at him"

If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?

The Bengal tiger of course!! They're getting extinct in the world.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son wanted me to buy him GTA

When I got to the store, I couldn't remember the title. So I told the guy "it's the game where the black guy drives cars round drunk, and shags loads of women"

He gave me a copy of tiger woods PGA golf

A blonde is working on a puzzle...

She calls her husband over and says, "This is the hardest jigsaw puzzle I've ever seen in my whole life!"

The husband responds, "What do you mean, honey?"

She says, "Well there's a picture of a tiger on the box, but looking at all these pieces, I don't see how in the world this is go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What winks and fucks like a tiger?

*winks*

A young man, who fell in love with this beautiful princess always wished to be her lover, but being the poor peasant that he is, he didn't believe he could do so.

One day though, he found a mysterious lamp dug somewhere near the ground. He has heard a lot about the legends of genies and believed that rubbing it, might just be the answer to all his wishes. He then proceeded to rub the lamp, where he thought a genie would show up from, but instead though...a ge...

A blonde is putting together a puzzle. She is very frustrated and asks her husband for help.

"It's supposed to be a tiger!" she cries.

"Honey," says her husband wearily, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo...

Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious
expression.

Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his
cage and ate you up ..."

"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.

"What bus should I take ...

Sadly, the voice actor of Tony the Tiger has passed away

His last words: "I don't feel GRRRREAT!"

Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book...

But Cher can.

I was on a jungle expedition in Bangladesh with some colleauges of mine, when we all came across a tiger...

It was really messy, so out of courtesy we tried wiping it off while profusely apologising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods went to the Virgin Islands

Now its just called the Islands.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

A lion and a tiger make a liger, a whale and dolphin a wolphin, a squid and octopus a scquoctopus. What would a five-year old and a horse be?

Definitely illegal.

BREAKING: Tiger kills worker in an enclosure at UK zoo park

Man he took that DUI hard

A blonde called her boyfriend and said,

“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “ According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decide...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tiger walks through the forest and suddenly sees a rare sight - a monkey throwing coconuts at a lion.

The tiger asks the lion, "Why do you let him do it?"

"Lets see you doing something," says the lion.

"No problem," replies the tiger. "Watch and learn."

The tiger leaps up and starts chasing the monkey, climbing the trees, the mountains, the hills, crossing the sands until they r...

Two hunters...

..went to a forest to hunt a tiger. They waited on a tree for hours, the tiger didn't show up. They felt the need to take a dump, but fearing the tiger they hatched a plan - they would sit back to back to each other to take the dump so that they would be able to see the tiger if it approaches from e...

Why do tigers have stripes?

They don't want to be spotted.

Read this great book called 'Revenge of the Tiger' recently.

Written by Claude Balls.

What's the similarity between a lion and a tiger?

They are both lions, except for the tiger.

Would anyone like some prescription drugs?

Tiger Wood

If Tiger Wood and Princess Diana played a round of golf who would win?

Tiger Woods! because he has a better driver!


I'll be in hell if you need me.

I just came across a tiger in a jungle.

I immediately wiped it off and apologised.

What do Siegfried and the tiger have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

The Priest and the Tiger

A priest visits the zoo, but accidentally trips over, landing in the tiger enclosure. The tiger slowly approaches the priest, so the priest begins to pray.

To his surprise the tiger prays too.

'Its a miracle!' The priest exclaims. 'I thought you were going to eat me.'

'Shut up...

Trump allegedly had an affair with Tony the Tiger.

When reached for a comment, his response want typical: "Nope, not true. Flake news."

How do tigers walk around without being spotted?

By being striped.

If a tiger was attacking your wife and mother in law at the same time and you could save one, who would it be?

The tiger of course. There are only a few left 🐯

A Cajun, an LSU Tiger, and the mob (long)

Down in Atchafalaya Basin, Louisiana, the sheriff was hearing rumblings of dog fighting. He couldn't figure out what was going on because by the time he got a tip and made his ways through the swamps, everyone was gone. He decided to deputize a few good ol' boys to figure out the powers at work he...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I thought this sub was the appropriate place for some of these hard to believe real West Virginia Laws.

-If you wear a hat inside a theater, you may be fined.

-Roadkill may be taken home for supper.

-No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."

-Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.

-It...

How do you catch a unique Tiger?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame tiger?

Tame way.

Two lions, two tigers and a jaguar escaped from a zoo...

It was a real big cat-astrophe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tiger Woods and a preacher play golf.

Tiger Woods and a local preacher get paired off at a charity golf tournament. On the fourth hole, Tiger misses an easy, 6 foot putt, and shouts "God dammit!" The preacher turns to him and says, "Tiger, you've already angered God. If you blaspheme any more, God will smite you where you stand." 3 ...

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and an amateur golfer?

Only one of them gets convicted for reckless driving

This girl I took home from the bar wanted to role-play. I told her I would be Tony the Tiger.

But apparently a "Frosted Face" isn't good. Or great.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best thing about Tiger Woods' arrest?

A black man in America finally survived a traffic stop. Progress!

Why does Tiger have to take so many baths?

Because he plays with Pooh all day.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.