My grandpa was telling me about when he used to hunt tigers.

He said, "this one time I was alone in the jungle when out of the bushes, right in front of me, a huge tiger leaped out suddenly and went RRROOOOAAAAAARRRRR!!!!!!! Kid, you won't believe it, I shat myself."

I raised my eyebrows. "You bet I believe it, I'd have shat myself too if that happened...

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

[NSFW] What do Siegfried and the tigers have in common?

They both know what Roy tastes like.

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A Tiger is getting married to the Tigress and the whole Jungle is invited. except the Monkey:



A Tiger is getting married to the Tigress and the whole Jungle is invited. except the Monkey.

After the ceremony, everyone returns to their own place and the newly wed couple are returning to theirs.

While on their way, the Monkey suddenly appears and shouts:

"Hey you ...

Why are lions more honorable than tigers?

A lion wouldn't cheat on his mate, but a Tiger Wood.

My grandfather had the heart of a tiger

And a lifetime ban at the zoo

Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?

It was a big cat-astrophe

What's the difference between a woman and a tiger entering a commercial center?

The woman is shopping in the mall and the tiger is mauling in the shops.

WARNING: Tiger King Spoilers

Will make your car look stupid.

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How do two tiger sharks mate?

I don’t know. They’re fucking underwater

There's an upcoming show featuring the woman from Tiger King and Batman's sidekick, going around and reviewing ice cream parlors

Carole Baskin And Robin's

At a celebrity party, Stevie Wonder meets golf champ Tiger Woods and mentions that he, too, is an excellent golfer.



Tiger is a bit skeptical that the blind musician can play golf well, but he's too polite to say anything.

"When I tee off, " the singer explains, "I have a guy call to me from the green. My sharp sense of hearing lets me aim."

Tiger is impressed, and Stevie suggests that they p...

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On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer."



"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that."

The couple then makes passionate love.

When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

"I'm hungry. I'm calling room service."

"Tiger would...

2 Tigers At The Bronx Zoo Are Talking

Fred: Hey did you hear what happened to Bob the Tiger?

Larry: Yea, COVID-19. Unbelievable! How could he get a human illness?

Fred: He had a zookeeper for dinner last week.

Larry: That's terrible.

Fred: It gets worse.

Larry: Bob ate a human who gave him Coronavirus,...

What do you do when you come across a tiger in the jungle?

Wipe him off and apologise.

Why does Tony the Tiger eat Frosted Flakes?

Cause it's cold in Siberia.

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I've finally watched The Tiger King. shit is bananas

The uncle killed the dad while the kid watched, then the kid ran away and hung out with a warthog and a meerkat for years. Then he hallucinated his dad talking to him from the sky.

Weird.

>!And what's the deal with this monkey?!<

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Before this year started, none of us could have predicted all this: Kobe Bryant, Australian fires, Coronavirus quarantine, Tiger King, toilet paper hoarding.

I guess none of us truly had 2020 vision after all.

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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his Mercedes into a petrol station in a remote part of Irish countryside.

Pump attendant who knows absolutely nothin about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.

"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.

As he does so, two ...

What's the difference between a lion and a tiger?

A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lion.

What the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?

Tiger Woods had a better driver.

Tiger woods and the old caddy

Tiger was playing a round at Pebble Beach, his regular caddy was not available so an old-timer in the pro-shop offered to carry his bags. Tiger agreed and off they went.

Every time that Tiger hit a bad shot, the old caddy would say...

...when i was a young man, i would go for the gr...

Can a tiger find the man cub?

Shere Khan

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Why did the Tiger cross the road?

To whip some Sooner ass.

What do you get when cross Elton John with a sabertoothed tiger?

I don't know, but you better keep it away from your ass

A Seattle Mariners fan, a Detroit Tigers fan, a Boston Red Sox fan, and a New York Yankees fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Tigers fan yells, "This is for Detroit!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up ...

What are Captain Crunch, Tony the Tiger and Dig 'Em most afraid of?

Cereal Killers

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

He asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies ...

I wish I was Tiger Woods...

18 holes a day, and he still finds the time for golfing.

Billie Eilish is officially 18 now, do you know what that means?

She's old enough to order 12 fascinating issues of Zoobooks for $19.95 if she calls 1-800-441-2400. When she calls, they'll include the bonus Elephants issue, stickers, and Tiger Poster with her order.

In the beginning, God asked Adam to name the animals, so he began to invent names, “Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig...” Then God said, “You must name the sea animals too.” Adam was exhausted, but he knew how important this was, so he continued...

“Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…”

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?

Santa stops after three ho’s

My father took me to the Aquarium when he was meant to take me to the local tiger sanctuary! [OC]

I knew there was something fishy about that Zoo...

What did Tiger Woods get for Christmas?

Half of everything.

Why did the Tiger run away from the lion?

The lion invaded the golf-course.

An old woman was sitting next to her fire one day when suddenly a spark jumped out and turned into a fairy.

The fairy told the old woman she could have three wishes.

The old woman thinks for a while and then asks for the following:

1) she wants 10 million dollars

2) she wants to be 18 years old again

3) she wants her faithful tomcat, Tiger, to be turned into a healthy 19 year o...

Must be strange being Tiger Woods;

Getting to hear, "Morning, Woods!" all the time!

Stevie Wonder rings Tiger Woods and says

"how do you fancy a round of golf"

Tiger says "I didn't think you would be able to play Stevie"

Stevie explains how he had a caddy put a device in each hole that emits a constant high pitched tone and he can tune an earpiece into, which tells him the direction and distance to it.
...

A Lion and a Tiger escaped with a Jaguar from a British zoo.

They were caught 15 miles down the road when the Jaguar broke down.

What do you do when you suddenly walk into a tiger and a jaguar?

You get in the jaguar and drive off.

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Timmy just loves clowns. Favourite thing in the world.

He's got clown bed spread, posters in his room, the whole shabang. Totally idolizes them

One day, Timmy sees that the big top circus is coming to town. He gets so excited that, when it finally arrived, he camps outside the ticket booth, waitimg to get the best seat in the house. And when he g...

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Jesus was playing a round of golf with John the baptist

They were teeing up on the 9th hole and Jesus drives the ball right onto a patch of grass in the middle of a lake.


"Out of bounds, 2 shots!" John the baptist laughs



"I can play from there" Jesus said



"Not even Tiger Woods could get it from there" S...

3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.

Oh my!

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Once i was just exercising ....

I heard something. I saw in front of me was a tiger.
I thought that he did not saw me, so I stood still. He started walking towards me. I was frightened. he started running towards me and jumped , BAM I threw the remote and broke the fucking tv screen.

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A hunter is in the jungle looking for a prey when he spots a majestic tiger...

Thinking that he has hit the jackpot, he shoots the tiger but the bullet misses it by an inch. The hunter gets really nervous and pleads the tiger not to kill him.

The tiger says,"I won't kill you but only on one condition. You have to let me fuck you". Seeing no other option the hunter says...

Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?

Only people in the Woods’

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods’s golf ball and his SUV?

He can drive his golf ball 300 yards without hitting a tree.

Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers...

Succeeds

Tiger Woods gave me gonorrhea!

*golf clap*

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Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

Two boxers light up a blunt

After a couple hours, both of them are pretty damn high, they start telling each other stories. One of them says, "Oh man, the other day I went on the craziest date with my wife. I got home after practice and told her to get ready. A couple minutes later we head out into that beautiful forest next t...

Ive heard so much about the Eye of the Tiger,

But why does nobody talk about the other four letters?

Why couldn't the tiger fall asleep?

It had nothing to lion.

Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.

Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.

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I hear that Tiger Woods carries two sex dolls with him on a golf course...

...just in case he gets a hole in one.

Stone-age

While Fred the caveman was just relaxing after a tedious hunt, his wife came running to him, all in tears. "Fred, come quick, a sabre-toothed tiger just entered my mothers cave!"
Quite calm, Fred took another sip from his beer and said "So what? Who the hell cares what happens to a sabre-toothed ...

Why should you never do math with a tiger?

If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.



haha, classic

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Tiger tank

WW2 is raging and 3 Jews are walking along a road and they see a German tiger tank in the middle of the road.
One of them says " Let's push this tank to our village and sell it for scrap metal"
So they start to push the tank along the road and after 30 minutes one of them falls to the ground ...

What is the difference between a freshly made pizza and a hungry jungle tiger?

One tastes delicious to you and you taste delicious to one.

What did Mufasa say to Simba when he pretended to be a tiger?

Grrr, I know you lion.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

A dog walks through the jungle forests, when suddenly a tiger threatens to devour him.

The dog, who sees the animal's bones next to it, turns to them, licks his lips and says, "What a delicious tiger that was!"

The tiger hears the dog, panics, turns and runs away.

All the while ...

What course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble?

Intercourse.

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Two tigers are walking down the street.

One says to the other:

'It's quiet for a Saturday isn't it?'

The Bengal Tiger is capable of jumping higher than an average two story colonial house.

This is because of their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average 2 story colonial home can't jump very high.

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Spotted Snakes

I read this a long time ago.

A Captain takes over a command during WW2 in the middle of the Pacific.

As he is looking through the reports, he finds morale in the basement, a few desertions, and the base is rampant with STD's.

He calls his top Sergeant in for an explanation. The...

I was on a jungle expedition in Bangladesh with some colleauges of mine, when we all came across a tiger...

It was really messy, so out of courtesy we tried wiping it off while profusely apologising.

Villain: ok we've injected you with truth serum

**Tony the Tiger:** they're kinda OK

**Voice-over guy:** just OK *is not OK*

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What winks and fucks like a tiger?

*winks*

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Russian soldier

The US and Russia have gone to war.  Several rowdy American soldiers have taken a Russian soldier as,a POW. After several days of failing to extract any useful intelligence, the soldier is told that if he can perform three tasks he will be set free but if he fails then he will face firing squad. 1st...

I got scammed! Purchased Tiger Woods book “18 of my favorite holes”...

and it was about golf.

I don't know how many tigers there are in South America

But I'm sure there are ocelots

Tiger and Stevie Wonder are in a bar

Tiger turns to Stevie and asks, "How's the singing career going?"

Stevie: Not bad. How's the golf?

Tiger: Not bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that worked out now.

Stevie: I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a wh...

Tiger woods

I just got married and as I was laying in bed about to make love to my new wife she said to me,”honey I have to tell you I have made love before tonight.”
I said,”who was this with?”
She said,” with Tiger Woods.”
I said, “ohhhhkkkk then.” I can accept that.
Despite this profound news I ...

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Britney Spears , Elton John and Tiger Woods

Britney Spears , Elton John and Tiger Woods are walking along the street. Britney trips, jamming her head in between the rails in a picket fence. Tiger, quick as a flash, pulls down her pants and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What"s...

Read this great book called 'Revenge of the Tiger' recently.

Written by Claude Balls.

Sonny Bono can't tell you the name of the tiger in The Jungle Book...

But Cher can.

Stevie Wonder has a bet with Tiger Woods on a game of golf, Stevie says I will beat you, so they agree to have a $500,000 bet on it, Stevie says you name the venue and I will name the time, Tiger says OK St Augustus, so what time we playing? Stevie replied.

Midnight.

Sadly, the voice actor of Tony the Tiger has passed away

His last words: "I don't feel GRRRREAT!"

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Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton are playing at a charity golf tournament.

Bill sees Tiger at the urinals and peeks down to see that Tiger is very well endowed.


"Tiger, what is your secret?" Bill asks.

Tiger responds: "It's really simple. Every night before I get in bed I whack my dick against my bedpost 3 times. It's been working for me for years!"
...

A lion would never drive while drunk.

But a tiger wood.

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A tiger walks through the forest and suddenly sees a rare sight - a monkey throwing coconuts at a lion.

The tiger asks the lion, "Why do you let him do it?"

"Lets see you doing something," says the lion.

"No problem," replies the tiger. "Watch and learn."

The tiger leaps up and starts chasing the monkey, climbing the trees, the mountains, the hills, crossing the sands until they r...

If a Bengal tiger is attacking your mother-in-law and spouse, who will you save?

The Bengal tiger of course!! They're getting extinct in the world.

How do you catch a unique Tiger?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame tiger?

Tame way.

I just came across a tiger in a jungle.

I immediately wiped it off and apologised.

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