This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I’m a panda

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a beer & a sandwich. As he finishes up his meal, he pulls a gun from his pelt & fires a round right through a Zima advertisement above the bar. He then heads for the door. The bartender shouts, “hey buddy, aren’t you going to pay your tab, & why’d you ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Panda and a Prostitute

A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"

The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up 'prostitute.'

The definiti...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The panda bear and the lizard were smoking pot in a tree.

At some point the lizard gets thirsty and heads to the river for a drink. Once the lizard gets there he meets the crocodile.

" what's the matter with you ? " asks the crocodile

" I've been smoking pot with the panda bear ,_hi hi_ "

"How dare he giving you drugs ?
that bas...

A panda walks into a bar. Orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams “Why?!”

The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads:
Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

How does a panda rob a restaurant?

Eats chutes and leaves

Sweet jeebus, this panda is hurt! Quick call the


There was a panda

The panda liked to eat alone. So the panda walked into this restaurant and ordered something to eat. The waiter brings it to him and he eats it. When the waiter comes back the panda is finished and asks him if he’s ready to pay. The panda then brings out a gun and shoots the water. The panda then le...

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and waits to be served.

The owner is confused by the presence of the panda, but decides to provide service just like he would any other customer. The panda orders a meal, eats the meal quietly, and then asks for the check.

As the owner prepares the bill, the panda suddenly pulls out a gun, fires a few rounds into t...

What does a ghost panda eat


A panda walks into a bar.

He gobbles up all of the beer nuts, then pulls out a pistol, fires it into the air, and heads for the door.

"Hey!" shouts the bartender. But the panda shouts back and says, "I'm a panda! Google me!"

Sure enough panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-and-white coloring. Eat...

What does a panda use to make pancakes?

A pan....duh!!!!


A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a meal. After the meal the waiter comes to the table to give the panda the check. Without a word the panda draws a gun and shoots the waiter dead. He then gets up nonchalantly and heads for the door. Seeing what just transpired the manager confronts the pan...

How many letters do you need to spell 'Panda'?

Just Two.

A panda walks into a restaurant

The panda sits down and orders bamboo. The waiter, completely confused tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda gets very angry and demands that they serve him bamboo. The waiter, again, tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda points to a decorative bamboo plant near t...

A panda walks into a bar

A panda walks into a bar and orders some food. Upon finishing his meal, the panda pulls out a gun from his folds and points it at the patron next to him. Before the patron or the bartender realizes what’s happening, the panda pulls the trigger and gets up to leave.
“What the hell are you doing?! ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A panda walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he knew any prostitute around so he points to this lady sitting afar so he goes over and talks to her and both of them head to a motel... After they finish she asks him

"Arent you going to pay me?" The panda was surprised and asked her why... She told him to look up prostitute and it clearly said (has sex in exchange for money) the panda laughed and told her to look up panda and it said "eats bush and leaves"

Why is a panda the opposite of a redneck?

Because he’s a vegetarian and refuses to breed.

The killer panda

A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders food, eats it, shoots the waiter, and begins to walk out. The bartender yells to him, "You can't do that!" The panda bear replies, "It's in the dictionary."

So they look up panda in the dictionary, and it says, "Panda: eats shoot and leaves."

How did they know the panda robbed the diner?

Because a panda eats shoots and leaves

A panda walks into a restaurant,

sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the table.

As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my table and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey, man, I...

Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?

Seems it's a story, that bear's repeating.

So a panda walks into a bar...

He sits down and orders: I'd like one whiskey.......and a coke please

The bartender brings him his drinks and asks:" Here you go, but why the big pause?"

The panda looks down to his hands and says:" I was born with them"

A panda walks into a steakhouse...

*A panda walks into a steakhouse.*

Panda: Can I get some bamboo?

Server: Sorry, we only have steak here.

Panda: I'll have some steak then.

*The panda eats the steak.*

Server: So how was the food?

Panda: It was one of the most delicious meals I've ever had!...

A man takes a panda skydiving.

On the day of the jump, he follows the bear out of the plane and down they plummet.

When it comes time, he reaches for his cord but can't find it. He starts panicking for his life.

The panda sees what's happening and produces two pieces of bamboo. After careful coaxing, it gets the man...

How did they know the panda was the one who robbed the resturant at gun point?

Panda’s eat shoots and leaves

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today i realised that Kung Fu Panda was actually a very progressive movie

Not only is the protagonist such a minority that he is literally an endangered species, he is also portrayed by a Black man

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar

He asks the bartender how he can get a little action for the night. The bartender motions to a young woman. She talks to the panda, and they go back to her place.

After having sex, the panda abruptly leaves. The next night, the woman goes to the panda's house.

"You owe me money," she...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this panda is driving down a road,

And he sees a prostitute standing on the corner, he thinks ' cor im gonna have some of that' and he stops to pick her up. 'Fancy a good time hun?'
'well i would, but im a panda and i dont have a house'
'i know a place' so he lets her in and they drive off. They get back to hers and make their ...

A panda walks into a bar

Goes to the bar and orders some food, then sits down and eats. Once finished he stands up pulls out two pistols and shots the place up.
The barman having ducked behind the bar stands up and says
"Oi panda, what the hell are you doing?"
The panda stops at the door, turns around and says

What do you called a confused Panda?


A guy and his panda

A guy is driving his pick-up truck through a small town, and he's got a panda in the front seat with him.  The guy spots a police officer, pulls over, and tells the officer he found a panda just walking along the road.  Now the guy is wondering what to do with the panda.  The police officer says, "W...

A giant panda walks into a restaurant...

He orders some food, which is promptly brought to him by the waiter. The panda finishes his meal, gets up from the table, and pulls out a gun. He shoots the waiter and without saying a word, exits the restaurant.
The waiter, still bleeding, runs after the panda. He catches up with the panda and ...

Why are Pandas untrustworthy?

They bamboozle you.

A panda walks into a café.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.

"Why?" asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.


A panda walks into a bar.

Pandas are now endangered again.

Panda's only have 2 letters in their name.

P and A.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

They said pandas couldn't get babies

They were fucking wrong.

Why did the Doctor think the Panda had a concussion?

It kept calling saying its head was fuzzy.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Panda Definition

A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a
sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating,
the waiter comes over to bring him the check.
When the waiter arrives at the table, he just
starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the
Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gu...

How do you confuse a panda?

You bamboo-zle it.

How does a panda act when you startle it?


What did the customer say about Panda Express's Internet Security?

It had nice Authentic Asian.

What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?

Shoots him 8 times in the black.

My lover always dresses as a panda when we are in bed

Unfortunately, I don't think we'll last; he just eats shoots and leaves.

So a panda walks into a bar

A panda walks into a bar one day and orders a sandwich. The server brings it over to him, and he eats it quietly. The panda then pulls out a gun, and shoots the server. The bartender stands up in shock and ask him just what the hell he thinks he's doing. The panda simply replies, "I'm a panda, dumba...

Did you hear the one about the panda who cheated people of their money?

I heard he bamboozled them

A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich...

After finishing his meal, he tries to pull out a gun, but the owner shoots him dead because he's seen this joke on /r/jokes a hundred times.

What happened to the dude tricked by a panda?

He was bamboo-zled!

What happens when you drop a religious panda in the middle of a crowded public place?

Mass Pandamonium

A panda walks into a bar

sits down and asks the bartender for food. after eating, gets up, takes out a gun and kills the bartender. as he is leaving, a shocked onlooker asks him "why did you do that?" and he answers "Hey. I'm a Panda. It's what I do."
in confusion, they look it up in an encyclopedia.


I found a substance that works like catnip, except only for Chinese bears

I'd release it, but that would cause pandamoanium.

I stole all the panda bears' food.

They were bamboozled.

A panda once hid his food in order to get more.

The zookeepers were bamboozeled.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the difference between a goat and a panda?

A goat is horny.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the panda that went to London?

His plane lands and after a bit of sight-seeing he thinks he's a bit horny so he decides to find a local brothel. He finds himself a prostitute and they go into her room.


The panda's stomach rumbles so the prostitute offers to make him a sandwich, he gratefully accepts. The ...

A panda walks into a bar

Sits down orders a sandwich. Bartender gets the sandwich from the cook in the back shortly later. The panda finished his sandwich. Gets up. Walks to the back. Shoots the cook in the head and leaves out the back door. The guy at the end of the bar freaks out "what the hell is going on man".


I finally saw Kung Fu Panda.

I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.

Panda Dinner Etiquette

A Panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders a meal and eats it.

After politely paying for his meal, he pulls out a gun and shoots it in the air. He immediately walks out the door.

"Why did you do that?" hollered the confused waitress.

Looking back over his shoulder the panda...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a panda walks into a restaurant....

sits down and begins looking at the menu. The waiter quite taken aback by this panda decides he doesn't look dangerous and takes his order. The panda eats his meal, takes out a handgun, shoots a few rounds off and gets up to leave.

The waiter now freaking out asks the panda "Why would you do ...

A Panda walks into an expensive restaurant...

He gets seated by the host and looks at the menu. He orders the most expensive items on the menu; Porterhouse, A bottle of Chateau Lafite and Black Truffle Cheesecake. When the check comes, the Panda pulls out a handgun and shoots the waiter right between the eyes.

As the Panda is walking out...

The giant panda is no longer endangered...

It's now extinct

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

What's a panda's favorite kitchen dish?

A pan....duh

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab?

Because it will create pandamonium