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Good Time Jokes

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

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For a good time go bowling

A woman was having sex with her husbands best friend when her phone rang and her husband's name appeared on the ID. As she answered the call, her lover jumped out of bed and began to dress in a hurry. "relax" she said after she hung up the phone. He was just calling to tell me that he'd be home late...

Good times make soft men, soft men make hard times.

And finally, hard times make men hard. Wait, no...

Three vampires sit in a cave in the black of night, sharing a drink, laughing, and generally having a good time that one would not associate with the undead.

The night grew longer, and an observer, should they be careful enough, would learn that vampires can indeed get drunk.

Eventually, the three begin to bicker about which of them is the most powerful and deadly.

The youngest suddenly gets up, and flies off into the night. Almost instantl...

My wife really knows how to show me a good time.

She often points at people and says, "Look, they're having a good time."

My wife got naked and told me to show her a good time

So I showed her a picture of my friends and I before we got married.

My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time.

So I emailed her all the pictures of me before we met.

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A woman was having a good time

with her vibrator, when it slipped and got stuck in her vagina. She visited the gynecologist and he informed her, "it's really stuck, it will cost $10,000 to remove." Looking disparaged, she asked the doctor, "how much to change the batteries?"

What do you call a person who has a good time with birds and feathers?

A Pheasant Plucker.

And to all you dyslexics out there, they are also enjoyable lovers.

I'd tell you a good time travel joke

But you didn't get it

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For a good time call

Co worker told me this one.

Guy walks into a bathroom and notices a number.

"For a good time, call xxx-xxxx"

So he did. It rang and rang, and a woman answered the phone. A familiar woman....

"MOM?! Why the hell is your number in the men's bathroom?"

"Its the only ...

My dad says the only difference between a good meal and a good time..

is where you put the cucumber.

A friend of mine called me and said, “Come out tonight, and I’ll show you a good time.”

Later, he ran the 100 metres in less than 12 seconds.

I unexpectedly had a good time today.

I was sitting next to a blonde on the train and as my station was coming up I said;

"Please excuse me, I'd like to get off".

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A guy is having a good time

Then the cat jumps in front of the tv, the guy stops, picks up the cat and moves him, the guy lays back down and carry’s on, soon he’s getting close to finishing when the cat once again gets in the way, he screams at it to move, now he’s dead in his game

You dirty minded wankers

I hear it’s a good time to buy real estate in Texas!

The housing market is flooded.

"Come into the bedroom and I'll show you a good time." I said to my wife.

When she came up all giggling, I showed her pictures of me and my mates, before I met her.

Would now be a good time to make a joke about the Mars rover dying?

Or has the Opportunity passed?

While walking down the street one day, a senator is tragically hit by a truck and killed.

His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.


"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."


"No problem, just let ...

I matched with a tinder profile that had no pics.

We chatted a bit. Smart and funny so i asked for a date. She said yes!

I'm not expecting much, probably 400lbs. But she answered the door, this little strawberry blomde with a head full of curls and all the right curves in all the right places. We exchanged our real names and i asked what sh...

There are a lot of good times...

But 6:30 is hands down the best time.

I posted a really good time travel joke next week.

It blew up!

When is a good time to cry about someone’s death?

In the mourning.

Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...

... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:


"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to th...

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I encountered a milf at a bar last night

although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little ...

My relationship with trading is a weird one. They are unstable, constantly deplete my money, give me mental trauma, but I carry on thinking about the good times I had with them, and the money they made for me.

Guess I have "Stock"holm syndrome

All of us had a good time with those Harambe memes

Now the joke is dead because all of you little kids jumped into it.

I fondly remember the good times of living in the Netherlands eating egg yolk based sauces

... ahhhh the hollandaise

How can you tell that an Irish man is having a good time?

He's Dublin over with laughter

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A guy with no arms and no legs is lying on a beach... (Warning: dark humor)

Then this beautiful, voluptuous blonde comes walking by, sees the crippled guy and starts pitying him. So she walks up to him and asks him: “Would you like a kiss?”

The guy looks up and says a bit hesitantly “Um… yes!”

So the woman bends down and the two of them make out for a long whi...

My neighbor. She’s single. She’s shapely & beautiful and she lives right across the street.

I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door.

I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are...

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God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.

*poof* All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.

Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so ...

I arranged a threesome last night

Had a good time even though there were two no-shows.

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So a guy and his gf are making out

and the girl tells the guy she really wants to do 69. The guy agrees but remembers his girl is on her period so he declines. The Gf begs and he finally agrees, thinking a little bit of blood can’t be too bad.

After they get going and are having a good time, the doorbell rings.

“Oh sh...

A senior in high school decides to have his girlfriend over one night for a good time..

His younger brother sleeps on the bottom bunk. The older brother says to his girlfriend, every time you want me to go faster say tomatoes, whenever you want me to change position say lettuce, whenever you want me to go deeper say bread.

They wait until the little brother falls asleep, then b...

My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house.

And I answered, because of the decepticons!

She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.

It was a good time.

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Edit: Thank you all for the upvotes and yes, this is a adaption to an old joke, i thought it was fitting regarding todays article about Alexa "laug...

A carny invited me back to her place for a good time last night...

She wasn't kidding, there were bumper cars, a ghost train and a mechanical bull. I had a blast!

Why do some women prefer doggy style

They hate to see a man have a good time

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My girlfriend asked why I carry a gun around the house?

I looked her dead in the eye and said, "the motherfucking decepticons". She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time.

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A young man tells his Mom he’s gay

A young man decides that the upcoming holiday is a good time to tell his Mom that he's gay. He's in college, making new friends, and will eventually want to bring one of them home to meet the family. He spends the drive home going over the conversation, what he'll say, what she'll say, how he'll ans...

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An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...

He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The prostitute replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your mon...

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[Almost a real story] My middle school friends and I, when we were in middle school, were talking about our wet dreams. everyone was having a good time talking about the naughty stuff, but my friend Hassan was all quiet and unamused. Later he came to me and said that he wants my thought.

\- So what's up Hassan?

\+ Ali all the guys are having wet dreams and I am not. Am I sick or something?

\- I don't think so. but there must be a reason that you don't. tell me, Do you fap?

\+ Of course I fap.

\- Do you fap a lot...?

\+ not really. once or twice...

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A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, a...

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My sister had a threesome with two huge pornstars. Now she's not sure if she had a good time or not.

Truth is, she's a little torn.

So Thor hears about the other gods coming down to Earth for a good time ...

and decides to try it out for himself.

Meets a girl in bar and they get hot and heavy all night. At the end, he decides to tell her how he's honoured her: "I am Thor!"

And the girl says: "You're thor? I'm tho thor I can't pith."

Two dudes meet in a bar...

Two dudes meet in a bar and have a good time.

Then the door opens and two women enter the pub. Both men jump behind the bar, trying to hide.

They look at each other and one says "Do you see those two women? The one on the left is my wife and I'm having an affair with the one on the rig...

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Would you remarry?

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"

HUSBAND: "Of course ...

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