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Blast Jokes

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Every night, the sounds of loud aggressive pornography blast from my neighbours’ apartment.

We’ve tried talking about it but I don’t care what they say; I’m not disconnecting from their Bluetooth speakers.

No one is allowed to congregate for funerals; instead, people drive by the cemetery and honk their horns in respect. One man drives by blasting “Another One Bites The Dust”

The family wanted to be mad, but then another car drove by playing the same song, and another one does, and another one does, and another one drives a bus.

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

I saw an ad yesterday that said “Radio for sale $1, volume is stuck on full blast.

I said to myself “well, I can’t turn that down.”

Where was the astronaut kitten blasting off to?

Meowter Space

what happens to people who dies in a bomb blast

They rest in pieces

I got fired from the bomb squad today :(

It's too bad really.....

I had a blast working there!

Last night I played a blank cassette tape at full blast.

The mime next door went nuts.

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A panda walks into a restaurant and orders a plate of bamboo

When he’s finished with his meal, he hops up onto the table, pulls out two Glock 45s and unloads both magazines, blasting everything in sight.

When the guns are empty, he throws them down and starts walking towards the door. The bartender looks up from behind the bar and yells, “Hey! What th...

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Animals see that the nearest volcano is going to blast.

They start to have sex with each other as they are going to die anyway. Elephant sees Hippo, jumps on her and starts fucking. Hippo says:

"We're about to die, why are you using a condom?"

"It's not a condom, it's Anaconda blowing"

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers.

One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers.

When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it.

When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it.

When they got to the t...

'nsfw' What do you call sperm that is stored at a bank?

A blast from the past.

An 85 year old couple is going on holiday, when they suddenly die in a plane crash...

They had been married for 60 years, and kept in good health due to their healthy diet and regular exercise.

When they reached heaven, St. Peter took them to their mansion, decked out with a fully stocked kitchen, master bath suite, and their very own jacuzzi. As his wife 'oohed' and 'aahed' a...

What do you call a dog that's blasting out music at the bottom of the ocean?

A subwoofer.

(You can credit/discredit my son for coming up with this)

How big is a nuclear blast?

*YUGE*

Anakin Skywalker walks into a Taco Bell, and is shocked to find his master Yoda behind the counter

He asks what the Jedi master is doing there, to which he replies "Pay well, Jedi council does not. Work two jobs, I must." Fair enough, thinks Anakin. He orders his food, and reaches into his pocket to pay, when Yoda asks, "A beverage, would you like with that?" "Ok," says Anakin, "what do you recom...

Astronauts must be having a blast

Because now they can say:
"Houston YOU have a problem"

What's the best thing about finger blasting a gypsy on her period?

You get your palm red for free

I forgot how much I hated Nickelback until you blasted their song on the radio...

And this is how you remind me?!!!

Did you hear, Little Timmy wandered straight into the mine field?

The whole town heard.

Some say he was distracted, that his mind was all over the place.
It certainly is now.

Timmy wasn’t too smart.
The warning sign next to the minefield *literally* has more brain than him.

The mine field always filled Timmy with awe and wonder.
It ...

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What do you call an audiofile that listens to his music at full blast?

A basshole

I blasted the Soviet Union anthem in my private school

It's now a public school







Credit to a YouTube comment

Did you hear there was another blast?

This time in a movie theatre. The movie playing was You, Me and Debris.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

Did you hear about the bomb blast in Pakistan?

Apparently the terrorists were tired of the commute and wanted to work from home for a while

BREAKING NEWS: hole blasted into women's restroom

Officers are looking into it

Band most likely to be blasted out of the speakers at your local beehive?

Pollen Oates

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If you start having sex at 11:58 tonight, you might start off the new year with a blast

if you make it that long

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans.

.
Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fart, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke.
She said sure, so he went to the restroom.
The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the ...

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TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

I always wondered why Pikachu's electric shock blasts off team rocket but not Ash.

I guess Ash is just better grounded.

Deep in the Australian bush…

A lizard and a koala are sitting in a large gum smoking a joint. They’re having a blast.
Eventually the lizard says, “Dude, my mouth is so dry. I’m going to get a drink at the river.” So he climbs down the tree, makes his way through the bush and when he arrives at the river he leans in to drin...

I found an old Kurt Cobain pic the other day

Talk about a blast from the past

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