Bob and a few of his coworkers go out to lunch to celebrate Bob's birthday.

Bob, Tim, and Susan are sitting together in the booth when the waitress approaches. She hands them their menus and says, "Good afternoon fellas! Welcome to Ruby Taste Kitchen! Before we get started, might I ask if you're here to celebrate a special occasion?"

Susan pipes up, "It's Bob's birth...

To celebrate my cake day, I decided to post a joke

I got more birthday wishes than my real-life birthday.



[Reddit, thank you for years of facts, hobbies, jokes, and hundreds of unproductive hours]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Which religion celebrates Ass Wednesday?

Bootyism

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy.

Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest.

I successfully quit my job as an animator without making a scene, so I had a party to celebrate...

and everybody brought gifs.

My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of a happy marriage!

Coincidentally it happened to be our 30th anniversary.

It my Reddit bday. Celebrate and sing with me the dirtiest clean song you’ll ever sing!

Sing this out loud:

There once was a farmer who lived by a crick,
And every morning he played with his banjo,
In the moonlight, to the lady next door,
And you could tell just by looking that she was a,
Decent young lady who lay in the grass,
And when she rolled over you could s...

People always ask me why I celebrate 420 a second time at april 22nd

I just thought, 422 is 420 too

How does President-Elect Biden Celebrate his anniversary?

Netflix & Jill.

How does a pre-teen celebrate the new year?

The Ball Drop

Don’t celebrate the end of 2020 and start of 2021 too early...

Next year is 2020 too.

I understand wanting to celebrate 11 additional days of Christmas for a total of 12...

But all I can ever think about is some poor woman out there got 23 unwanted birds.

How many people does it take to celebrate an anniversary in Reddit?

Dozens

A Girl Was About to Celebrate her 18th Birthday

The mother asked the girl what would she like as a gift.

As the girl was not materialistic, she said even a heartfelt message that will make her cry will suffice.

And the mother said "you're adopted".

Why do hackers celebrate Christmas on Halloween?

Because Oct31 = Dec25

TIL Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween

I guess they don't appreciate strangers knocking on their doors

When Usain Bolt finishes in 9 seconds the world celebrates

But when I do it my girlfriend gets disappointed...

This 4th of July, the British should celebrate Independence Day too.

Now they feel like they dodged a bullet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new monk arrives at the monastery

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies of the original books.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, worried that there may be errors The head monk says, "We have been copying from the...

Having a huge party to celebrate making my last mortgage payment!

I still owe like $180,000, I'm just not going to pay anymore.

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

Celebrate, it's national punctuation day! Let's eat, Grandma

Let's eat Grandma.

One night, three women go out to celebrate their college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.

She says, “I just gradu...

In the 15th century, the end of the plague was celebrated by mass orgies...

Anything similar being prepared for Covid? I'm asking for a friend...

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Been a year of lifeless scrolling on reddit so here's a classic to celebrate it : )

The priest in a small village loved the rooster he kept in the house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the bird and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the...

A year ago when I joined Reddit I threw a boomerang to celebrate

I now live in constant fear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my daughter if she knew what today was.

To my suprise she said presidents day.

I asked her if she knew why we celebrate presidents day.

She said that its the day the president walks out of the white house and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull shit.

How do Confederates celebrate?

With Confetteri.

I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today.

It's my thirty-second birthday.

So, apple, lemon, and pea escape from the refrigerator..

Happy to be free from their prison, they go to a bar to celebrate. Many bars later, they're all tipsy at best when they come across a hill.

Pea, being a energetic drunk, gets super excited saying, "Hey! Let's roll down the hill! Come on!" And before the other two object he launches hims...

An enormously popular and beloved Pope, after a long reign, dies and, naturally, goes to heaven.

He's met by the reception committee, and after a whirlwind tour he is told that he can enjoy any of the myriad of recreations available.

The pope, having always loved the bible, decides that he wants to read all of the original records of God's communications with humanity before they were re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man has been getting horrible debilitating headaches for a long time a& finally decided to go to the doctor...

And he’s just begging for some relief. “They just won’t stop,” he says. “I can’t do anything, my work is suffering, I can’t spend time with my family, it’s just gotta stop!”

So the doctor does some tests and says, “well there’s good news & bad news. The good news is, I found the problem, ...

Becoming a lawyer

I finally got my test results back to find out if I'm going to become a lawyer, before I could open them, my buddy asked me to meet up for some drinks to celebrate.
After following his bad directions, I finally find the place.
When I walked in, I said "sorry I'm late, but I passed the bar".

TIL Helen Keller has a waterfall named after her, to celebrate her story of learning about water.

It's named Helen Keller Falls

Why'd the male Jewish dog feel the need to study up on his Hebrew?

He was about to celebrate his bark mitzvah :3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just watched aggressive sex between a group of people that celebrate pride and individuality in 720p

It was HD LGBTQ BDSM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.


Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I cou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today is a day we celebrate motherfuckers.

Happy Father's Day!

My grandfather lived and died for this joke.

My grandfather used say to the whole world celebrated 11/11, not because of armistice day, but because he was born.


When died I went to my mom and told her "I think I know what he would say if he was here today."
'The whole country is in mourning, not because it is 9/11, but beca...

The Furniture Dealer

Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris, he visited some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home.

To celebrate the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations...

What is a cannibals favorite way to celebrate?

A Donner party.

I was always told to we should celebrate our mistakes

I guess that's why my mum throws me a birthday party every year

My wife: I'm turning 32 next week so I want to celebrate in a big way

Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.

She: What? Why?

Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday

NSFW A man returns to work on Tuesday after a long weekend due to his 25th wedding anniversary he had celebrated over the weekend. His buddies were happy to see him and wanted to know how his little vacation was. "Perfect!", he replied. "I came home, and nobody was home. So I went upstairs to

the bedroom and there she was; naked and on all fours, and she tells me happy anniversary, you can do whatever you want to me!
His friends asked, "So what did you do!?!?"
He replied, "I sent her to her mother's!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Couple celebrates their 30th anniversay

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary. They have a nice evening out, dining in their favourite restaurant.

Later that night, when they get to bed, the woman says to her husband: "You know what honey, tonight, you can do anything you want with me."

The husband thinks for a second, ...

A special celebration...

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on...

Today we celebrate Independence Day!

For those that don't know their history, this was the day in 1996 that Will Smith saved the Earth from aliens.

A lottery winner celebrates by buying himself a Rolls-Royce and membership of the local golf club.

Obviously when he gets the car he has to drive it straight round to the golf club and make sure all the members get to see it, and he's ostentatiously buying drinks for the whole bar but sticking to lemonade himself because he's "got to drive the Roller home later, you know", and when it's time to g...

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday. He says: “So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?”

“Bernie,” she says. “I want a divorce”.

“My goodness,” he says. “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

TIL that anarchists don't celebrate birthdays

Because they don't believe in parties.

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

A married couple is celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary

They celebrate it in the same hotel as where they spent their honeymoon 50 years ago.

The next morning at breakfast the man says to his wife "isn't it unbelievable that we have been together for 50 years?" The wife replies saying "yes it is, we are even sitting at the same table as we did 50...

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

A Group of Guys Were All Turning 30...

A group of guys were all turning 30, so they decided to go somewhere and celebrate. After some discussion, they finally settled on TJ's Tavern over in Summersville, because the prices were good and it stayed open late.

Ten years later, they were all turning 40, and they thought it might be fu...

If you smoke pot and forgot what day today is, don’t worry. You can celebrate again on the 25th of May.

Because 4/20 = 5/25

I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July.

Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home and tells his girlfriend he won the lottery.

He says "It's time to celebrate! Start packing!"

She says "Wow! But how should I pack? For the beach? For a ski resort?"

He says "I don't care how you pack. Just get the fuck out!"

Jake decided to send his good friend, Thomas, a bouquet of flowers to celebrate Thomas's business expansion.

He called a florist in Thomas' local area and made arrangements- flowers, personalized note, vase, and so forth.

A week later, Thomas called Jake, confused. "Jake- what the hell? The florist dropped off a bouquet of lilies with a message that says 'Rest in peace.'"

Jake realizes the fl...

A man purchased a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him....

He took his new Benz out on the interstate for a nice evening drive.

The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's n...

Holy crash

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished but, amazingly, neither of the holy men is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the Rabbi sees the priest's collar and says,"So you're a priest I'm a Rabbi. Just look at our cars. Theres nothing le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do hispanic jews celebrate?

Juanukkah

Roses are red, violets are blue, in Soviet Russia,

Year celebrates you.

In the Middle Ages people celebrated the end of the plague by holding orgies

Does anyone know if something is already planned?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a young couple very much in love...

There was a young couple very much in love. On the night before they were to be married, both were killed in an accident. They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St. Peter.
After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St. Peter aside and said, "S...

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