Spare Time Jokes - 35 Hilarious Spare Time Jokes

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"What do cows like to do in their spare time?"

Go to the moovies.

So, what is their favourite genre?

Moosicals.

Also, who is their favourite Italian dictator?

Moosolini.

And what's their favourite food?

(After they inevitably say some "moo" pun, reply in your dryest, most serious voice)

... No, co...

What do the French listen to in their spare time?

Royalty free music

Pavlov was sitting in a bar and enjoying his beer during his spare time.

At that moment, bar phone rang loudly and Pavlov started worrying. Barman got curious and asked: "Sir, what's the problem?"
Pavlov stood up and shouted:"God damn it. I forgot to feed the dogs."

In my spare time I help blind children.

I mean the verb, not the adjective.

The Grim Reaper started hosting an art class in their spare time.

They call it, a brush with Death!

What do you call a boxer who enjoys landscape gardening in his spare time?

Manny Patio

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I'm 17 and I like to write jokes in my spare time. Thought reddit might like to hear some.

I think blonde jokes are awful. I mean, the poor things don't even understand them.

So I got this pair of shoes that cost me an arm and a leg. Luckily, my mom still pays for everything.

Statistics have shown that 9 out of 11 people are offended by this joke.

I've yet to be dispr...

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What does a horny mathematician with a lisp do on his spare time?

Math debate.

I spend my spare time reading the Thesaurus...

because the mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

What do gods talk about in their spare time?

Nothing much. Just idol chatter

In his spare time my dad races pigeons

I don’t know why, he never beats them.

I've been practising escapology in my spare time.

I need to get out more

What do animal poachers do in their spare time?

They go clubbing.

In my spare time I like to pretend I’m a giant

I fee fi for fun

What do ISIS members like to play in their spare time?

Bomberman

What do you call a Korean high school girl who fights crime in spare time?

Kimchi Possible, obviously

TIL: The guy who invented the toothbrush plays the banjo in his spare time.

Anyone else would have called it a teethbrush.

With all this spare time on their hands people are going to start pursuing their passions. I wouldn't be surprised to sudden explosion in the arts, a renewal in scientific interest, and a mass proliferation of original content.

A coronaissance, if you will.

Kim Jong Un spends his spare time helping his citizens measure all sorts of things

He is quite a ruler.

I know a well-off foot fetishist, who took up a gig at a potato chip factory in his spare time.

When I asked him why, he says he heard "something about Free Toe Lays being one of the perks".

The main lumberjack at my company does some minor computer hacking in his spare time...

...he's our key logger.

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I once met a detective who would copy drawings of penises in his spare time.

I think his name was Dick Tracey

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My Dad's a retired Gynecologist.

He's out sailing the world, sipping cocktails and enjoying his spare time hopping from hobby to hobby. I'm so happy for him.

It's like he used to say to his old clients, "as long as I put the work in now, the day will come when i'll be able to enjoy the fruits of your labia".

3 guys sitting talking about their hobby's

First guy: i Like to make pens in my spare time. I just made a nice one out of purple heart wood.

Second guy: yeah I like to make beer. I just made a great Amber ale. I'll bring you guys a batch next time.

Third guy: I like to disappoint my wife. Just did it last night.

I'm a pro bowler now, But I wasn't always so good.

Back when I first started, I could never get a strike, and always had to clean up with a second throw. I only got better because I had a lot of spare time.

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A guy went to the doctor complaining of an orange penis.

The doctor looked at him rather puzzled, as he'd never seen anything like this before.

Doctor: Do you use any unusual chemicals at work?

Patient: No I'm unemployed.

Doctor: How about hobbies, is there anything you do in your spare time that could cause this?

Patient: No I...

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Is it the first line or the punchline that goes here?

In the days of the wild west, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the fastest gunfighter in the world.

He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.

Sitting in a saloo...

My physics teacher tells the most horrible jokes...

Q: What does iron man eat in Burger King?
A:iron rings!

Q: What does iron man do in his spare time?
A: Iron clothes...

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The Story of Ivan Ivanavich (Warning: long)

There once was a man from the Ukraine named Ivan Ivanavich. Now Ivan and his family were dirt poor, in fact they were so poor, that they had to sell the cockroaches and rats they found in their hovel to make some spare change to to feed their many family members. One day Ivan decided it was time to ...

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One goat

Giuseppe lived in a small town in Italy and had done so for 80 years. He was increasingly growing concerned about the disdain he was experiencing from his neighbors and townspeople he'd known his whole life. One day a tourist visiting the town came up to Giuseppe and asked him what was the matter an...

Our two new mods, ElderCunningham and iBleeedorange

Hey guys,

Not too long ago we started advertising new moderator positions for /r/jokes, and after receiving a bunch of submissions, we found our two candidates.

I've asked them to write up a brief introduction for themselves.

First up is /u/iBleeedorange, who also mods /r/diablo...

A young man follows in his father's footsteps... (Long)

The father chopped wood

The son chopped wood

The father built the family home

The son helped expand it

The father did many manual labor jobs to feed the family

The son sacrificed schooling to help at these jobs

The father and son did ...

An 80-year-old Texas farmer

goes to the clinic in Dallas for a check-up.

The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”

“I’m from Texas, and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish”, says the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I...

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The Ballad of Ole Woodeye

There once was a man named John Haywood. He worked as a farmhand in Louisiana back in the 1930's, and was quite the skilled worker. Every day he would show up on time and work his hardest. One fateful afternoon, while baling hay, a wire snapped. His right eye was mutilated beyond any possible repair...

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A man is sick and tired of his busy life in the city

So he packs up everything he owns, sells his house, and buys a little place way out in the countryside in the middle of nowhere. He spends a couple of months peacefully on his own; he gets up every morning, catches some fish from the river running near his house, tends to his vegetable garden, and s...

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