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Good Day Jokes

I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

"Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

He scratched his head, "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"

My boss told me to have a good day

So I left.

Today's a really good day...

10/10

Today is a good day, not great, not bad, you know, just good.

I rate this day 5/7

So, today was not a good day.....

I decided to go horse back riding, after a few years of not being on one, turned out to be a big mistake, I got on the horse & started out slow, than we went a little faster, before I knew it we were going as fast as the horse could go, I couldn’t take the pace & fell off, catching my foot i...

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How a good day turns bad

A police officer pulled over a man and told him because he had been wearing his seat belt, he won $1000 in their giveaway. The officer asked the man what he was going to do with the money and the man replied, “Well, I’m guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license.”

The man’s wife quick...

What's a good day to see tailless monkeys at the zoo?

Any gibbon day of the week

Some days I look in the mirror and say "today looks to be a good day"

Then I put my glasses on

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Onestone

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle And whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!"

The word got arou...

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This Sunday is going to be good day for dyslexic men,

Dont forget your cocks go black.

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Today's a good day...

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest.

So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled,
>“How many people here make love once a day?”

Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.
>“Once a week?”

A...

I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging few years ago.

Since then, my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.

A man goes to the barber and the barber says, 'Good day, sir. How would you like your hair cut?'

The man replies, "In silence."

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"Yep," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"Yep again”, says the duck, "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that”, says the barman as he pulls th...

If you trust no one today, then today is not a good day to visit a doctor.

I edited my original comments/post and moved to Lemmy, not because of Reddit API changes, but because spez does not care about the reddit community; only profits. I encourage others to move to something else.

Everyday is a good day to walk through the forest,

The fact that im dragging a dead body is completely irrelevant

I think I've been hacked by Russia

Edit: I not hacked. Motherland do no such thing. Have good day.

This weather forecast extinguished my hope for a good day. They predicted 20% showers...

and 80% bathtubs.

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership

Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring....

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What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...

The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "

Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and wit...

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A man get pulled over with his young son in the back seat.

The cop comes to the window.

"Sorry officer, I was rushing tog et home. My wife is throwing a dinner party for very important guests."

The cop writes him a ticket anyway, wishes him a good day and walks back to his patrol car. As he walks away, the dad mutters "Bastard."

The lit...

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

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