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Going Away Jokes

Since I’m going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.

He said “OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.”

I said “It’s ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.”

He's said “No - anti-depressants.”

Doctor - I finally figured out why your pain isn't going away. Even though these medications are called analgesics

They are supposed to be inserted in your mouth.

What cake do you bring for your Mexican friends going away party?

An ICEcream cake

I gave my friend a really tight sports bra as a going away present.

It was just my way of saying spanks for the mammaries.

I went to my doctor because I had severe chest pain that wasn't going away

I freaked out when he couldn't figure out what it was and ended up referring me to a cardiologist.

The cardiologist ran some labs and scans and told me to wait for the results in his office.

I was relieved when the doctor came back with the results with a huge smile on his face.
...

Looks like I'm going away for a while without internet access

tell my wifi love her.

What does a pirate tell his dog before going away on a long journey?

Arr! Prepare to be boarded!

My son is going away to sleep away camp, and I was told to sew a label with his name on it on all his clothes.

...so rather than do all that I just changed his name to Calvin Klein.

I told my misses that I was going away for the day to try some fishing

“Are you going alone?”she asked

“Of course not” I replied, “ I’m taking Rod and Anette”

A group of 5 college freshmen are going away for holiday by train when they runs into another group of 5 seniors that are taking the same train.

Both groups goes into the ticket booth. The freshmen purchased 5 tickets while the seniors only purchased 1 ticket for the entire group. Puzzled, the freshmen ask the seniors why the other four of them doesn't have any tickets. The seniors simply say: you will see.

On the train when the train...

When I went off to college my parents threw a great going away party...

...according to the letter they sent.

Out of desperation, I robbed a bank dressed as a frog and being a novice, the cops caught me right away. I thought I was going away to the big house for a very long time, but surprisingly, the judge was lenient and let me go...

...because it was the first time I had ever Kermitted a crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a man who recently started dating an extremely attractive woman

Soon he found out that he was required to spend 3 weeks in Hong Kong for work. He thought to himself "Damn, I'm going for 3 weeks and knowing the needs of my girlfriend, I'm sure she'll cheat on me".

He decides to go to a sex shop so that he could buy something with which his girlfriend could...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is going away for a business trip and is afraid that his young beautiful wife will stray.

He goes into a sex shop hoping to buy a toy that will keep her occupied until he returns and after explaining his situation to the lady behind the till she shows him the shops best toy.

'This is a magic dildo' she says 'all you have to do is say 'magic dildo' followed by the name of what you ...

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