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Viagra shipment stolen

Cops looking for gang of hardened criminals

What do you call a shipment of chips?

A chipment.

I really hate getting scammed on the internet. I ordered a shipment of uranium-237 the other day...

...and by the time it arrived a few days later, the box was half-empty!

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Word spread quickly that a meat shipment was inbound from Moscow, in the Russian Soviet Federated Socialist Republic.

Sure enough, in the early hours of Monday morning the line outside State Food Store no. 46 was already over two hundred people long, many whispering excitedly about poultry and sausages, despite the dark, bitterly cold morning. After hours of waiting, and still before sunrise, the Commissar came out...

A cargo ship carrying a shipment of mannequins sunk to the ocean floor

It was one thousand legs under the sea.

Mixed up two shipments at work but nobody realised

I actually was pretty lucky that both were closed caskets.

Superglue comes with a warning: "Caution - Instantly bonds skin." But a whole shipment got out with a misprint: "Caution - Instantly bonds kin."

That's how I ended up marrying my first cousin.

I got a new shipment of jokes in today.

I asked the mailman if the punchlines were included, but he assured me it was all in the delivery.

I think Samsung has messed up with my new phone's shipment.

I had booked a Galaxy Note ''S7'', not C4.

What do you call it when you receive a shipment of iron?

*Fe mail.*

With many truck routes blocked from Wildfire, California residents are having beef shipments airdropped to them.

The steaks have never been higher.

(This would have been funny ten years ago) What do you call it when stores start getting replenishment shipments of the Nintendo Wii?

A wiistock.

A Rich man sent a medicine shipment to Somalia

Once it reached the Airport inspection, Customs rejected it and sent it back;
the instructions on the medicines said : after meal

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A woman walks into the farmer’s market and says,

“I’d like to buy some tomatoes.”

The clerk says, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re all out of tomatoes, and won’t have any for a few days.”
So the woman leaves.

A few hours later, the same woman shows up and says, “I’d like to buy some tomatoes.”

The clerk says, “I apologize miss...

USDA approves shipment of marijuana-fed cows' beef

Analytical studies show that the steaks are high

Mexicans and mayonnaise

Most people don't know that in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to have been the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would h...

A Western Joke (OC)

Three brothers, Marty, Jim, and Joe Sly, were apprehended robbing a small town bank after shooting the security guard.

The judge sentenced them to death by hanging, but the people realized they didn't have a gallows.

They used a square box for the base, put a heavy pot on a raised pl...

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A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

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A lady is in the grocery store and looks like she's having trouble finding what she needs.

An employee from the store sees this and asks if she needs help finding anything. The lady asks where she can find broccoli. The employee apologizes and tells her that they are fresh out but should be getting another shipment in the next morning. The next afternoon the lady is back at the store and ...

Ok, so imagine there’s a catastrophe in Korea.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the ground and every floor of every building gets extremely hot. In fact, it’s so hot it melted through the bottoms of every shoe in its major city. Fortunately, this predicament stopped as soon as it started, and so nobody’s super hurt, though a fair number of people happe...

A Mexican dock worker is loading a ship...

A Mexican dock worker is loading a boat with a shipment of French cuisine, when his boss happens to walk by. The boss asks, "hey, what's that you're loading over there?"

The dock worker replies, "Es cargo."

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The Pentagon decided on a psyops campaign...

that involved airdropping tons of gay pornography to make the enemy soldiers more wary of being captured by American forces. They coordinated with the Navy to ship the pornography over and then launch the airdrops from aircraft carriers.

They day before the porn shipment was set to arrive at ...

To Be Fair

I finally got my first real job last month working for the Arizona tea company. I thought I was a perfect fit; although I was a lawyer working for a drinks company, they had an extensive legal department to handle any potential controversies with any of their sold items.

My first case involve...

There was a plane flying over a neighborhood dropping things out

They had to get rid of some cargo or the plane was going to go down. They had a shipment of shoes, basketballs, and a bomb. A man walking through the neighborhood walked by and seen a kid crying.

He asked the kid "Why are you crying?" The kid said I was just walking down the street and a sho...

A customs officer is inspecting fruit for pests....

**Dock Worker:** Do you think there's any bugs in this shipment?

**Officer:** Yeah, I'd even bet that there's an even number of them in there.

**Dock Worker:** ....How can you tell?

**Officer:** Because bugs always come in pears.

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A Japanese guy, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan are all on a plane

A Japanese guy, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan are all on a plane.

There was heavy turbulence. The pilot said that three people needed to jump out, with their belongings as well.

The Japanese guy steps out. He gets a bunch of hi-tech objects, and says, "This is too much in my country," ...

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A man isn't happy with the size of his... [long]

John has a date planned with a very attractive young lady in a few weeks, and he's a bit nervous.

You see, John is a fairly successful single man. He's got good looks, money, a luxurious loft apartment, and a convertible sports car. You can be sure that all of the ladies want him, but of all...

This weekend while shopping in a local toy store...

This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel.

As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all the others.

I knew my friend had no daughters or young relatives, so I figured he mus...

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As a man was driving down an interstate

he saw a sign that said, "All Flavored Peaches 10 miles." The man didn't think too much of the sign since he was in such a hurry.

A little further down the road he saw another sign that said, "All Flavored Peaches 5 Miles." Well this time it caught the mans eye, he was getting a little hungry...

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Pineapples

A stockboy is stacking fruit on a display, when a lady asks "Do you have any pineapples? " The stockboy replies "Sorry ma'am, we are out of pineapples, but we will be getting a shipment tomorrow morning" The lady looks around some more. A few mins later she runs back to him asking where the pineappl...

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I bet he felt pretty good about himself...

A man walks into the local sporting goods store with the hopes of purchasing some ammunition, as he has every Saturday for the past two months (with nothing but bare shelves), despite the recent shortage. Much to the man's luck, the store just received a large shipment of ammo that morning and he is...

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So a woman is looking lost in the produce section of a grocery store...

So a man that works there approaches her and asks “Can I help you find something?” “Yes, can you please tell me where I can find the broccoli?” she asks. “Oh I’m sorry ma’am, we’re all out of broccoli right now but we will be receiving a new shipment tomorrow”. A few minutes go by, but the woman con...

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The hat salesman was pissed.

He got a text from a partner across the country. "Where is that shipment of yarmulkes?"

The hat salesman's neighbor told the police he shouted something before he shot his self.

Said he went and checked the manifest. He'd found the shipment. IT WAS ALL CAPS....

Im sorry, if I c...

Broccoli

One day a grocery store clerk was packing some produce when a woman approached him,

Woman: "Excuse me sir, I can't seem to find the broccoli. Could you point me in the right direction?"
Man: "Sorry ma'am, we are out until tomorrow morning when the shipment arrives. Check back tomorrow."...

Robot Caddies

A man goes to the local golf course and pays to play the back 9. He also asks for a caddy, but the man at the front desk says, "I'm sorry sir, but all of our caddies are out on the course right now. However, we just got in a new shipment of robot caddies. If you'd be willing to take one out and tell...

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One day, the janitor at the zoo is approached by the manager...

"Look, janitor", says the manager. "Our most popular gorilla just died, and its gonna be a couple of weeks before our new gorilla ships in. The kids come from all over just to see this gorilla, and our admission sales are gonna drop dramatically if we don't have a gorilla for the rest of the quarter...

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John Wayne

It was a slow day for Mike. He was hunched over the counter doing the crossword in newspaper to pass time as he waited for customers to visit his shop.

The door opened and the bell rang, in walks his good friend Johnny.

"Hey there Johnny! How ya doin'? What can I get you, buddy?"
...

A Rabbi, a priest, and a holy roller

walk onto a car lot. After much searching, they all find the car of their dreams. Perfect color, size, gas mileage, and price. They tell the salesman what they want, but he informs them that there is only one of these cars on the lot, and they have no idea when they will get another shipment.
...

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No Oranges

A little old lady walks up to a grocery store manager and says, "Excuse me, sir, but I can't find the oranges."
"Well, the manager says, we may be out of them or maybe they've been moved." The old lady walks away and then comes back in a few minutes, and says, "Sir, I still can't find the orange...

Sinko De Mayo

It's a little known fact that in the early 1900s, the Mexican people had an absolute fascination with English mayonnaise Unfortunately, it was very hard to come by in those days. One day, an enterprising businessman collected money from people all over the Mexico to buy one huge shipment of mayonna...

my face popped a vessel during this

I was at work today, just pricing a huge shipment of tools. This random customer comes up to me, he says Hello. I reply with a kind gesture. He then proceeds with this:
Customer "Do you know what a cougar is?"
Me "yep"
Customer "So, you know that there are two kinds?"
I giggled a bit ...

The Titanic and mayonnaise

What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.

Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bo...

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