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Disappearing Jokes

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My neighbor came at me really aggressively, asking if I knew anything about her underwear disappearing from her clothes line.

I can tell you I nearly shit her pants.

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

My flip-flops keep disappearing all the time

That's why I call one of them Houdini and the other one dad

Did you hear David Copperfield has stopped doing the old trapdoor disappearing trick?

It was just a stage he was going through.

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A Jewish man on the subway is reading an Arab newspaper

A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?" Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted,...

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What do you call a disappearing penis?

A Magic Johnson

At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.

The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.

The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.

"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.

Everyone present turned their gaze...

Everywhere else in the world, a 30 year old women disappearing is called a missing person's case

In Hollywood it's called dying by old age

What did McDonalds call their new disappearing sandwich?

The McCaan Burger

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three couples in line to enter the Pearly Gates…

St. Peter addresses the first couple. He reads from the big book and finally looks up at the man and says with a dripping sarcasm, “You want to get into heaven? You were the cheapest son of a gun who ever lived! You didn’t give to charity. You didn’t help out family members. You were so obsessed wit...

The disappearing man.

A man in his mid 40s became convinced that he is disappearing from this world.
Feeling that he could completely vanish any minute now, he walks into a psychiatrist's office and demands to see the Doctor.
the Doc's secretary informs the Doc that they have a walk in, he turns around to his secre...

What do you call a disappearing President?

Hocus POTUS

Trump wasn't lying about the coronavirus disappearing in April

He simply forgot to say 2021.

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American tourists visit Russia

... and decide they want to take a hike in a genuine Russian forest. While hiking, they suddenly encounter a huge bear. The bear starts chasing the tourists, who are running for their lives.

Not far from there, there is a campsite where a group of Russian campers is chilling out and drinking...

Did you hear about the disappearing breakfast?

One minute it was there. The next, scone.

The only conspiracy theory I believe in is the one about Barbie's boyfriend disappearing in the woods

Kentrails

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I watched a film by M. Night Shyamalan about a man with a disappearing penis.

Never saw it coming.

Shortly after Mozart's death, all his music started disappearing but people couldn't figure out why.

Turns out he was just de-composing in his grave.

A third rate magician is doing magic shows on a second rate cruise ship (Long)

The pay is good, the accommodation is comfortable, the food is excellent, and the two show a day workload is easy. The mainly elderly audience seem to enjoy his show which is unoriginal but has the polish of hundreds of repetitions. All in all, it's started out as a great gig except for one glaring ...

My friend decided to take up magic during COVID and he performs some pretty amazing disappearing tricks. He says it’s been hard but really…

I think he’s just going through a stage.

Have you seen the videos in which people confuse their pets by disappearing unexpectedly?

I’m sick of that sheet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man finds a ladder, seemingly disappearing into the sky... [NSFW]-ish

He begins to climb, getting higher and higher not knowing where the ladder will go. He passes by a very average looking woman, who says "Keep on climbing to success" and he figures "Why not?"

He keeps climbing and reaches another woman, this time far more attractive than the first, she says "...

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