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An injured American soldier is boarding a train to the hospital, but the train is full because a woman and her dog took up the last two seats.

The man says to the woman, "would you please mind taking up only one seat? You don't need two separate seats for you and your dog." But the woman refuses. Then the man tells the woman that he is exhausted from the war and is injured, the last seat on the train isn't too much to ask for, yet the woma...

What does Freddy Mercury pack when boarding a flight?

Carry on, carry on

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A sailor who just finished his training boarding his designated ship

The captain awaits on the boat and tells him


"let me show you around"

they starts walking around the ship and the captain says:

"this here is your cabin, you will be sleeping here with another 4 crew mates"

They kept walking and the captain kept explaining everyt...

Two marines played a mean prank on an army soldier: after boarding a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston, they decided to put their plan into action... one sat in the window seat, and the other sat in the middle seat waiting for their buddy to join them, and pretty soon he did...

Just before take-off, an army soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two marines. The soldier kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the marine in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the soldier, "I'll get it for ...

TSA stopped me while I was boarding my flight and said “Sir, you can’t bring that crow onto the aircraft.”

I said “Don’t worry. It’s a carrion.”

A guy was boarding a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight. "This is exciting!" thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person.” Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself!

Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to His Holiness.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his carry on bag and began penciling in the answers.

"This is fantastic!" the gentleman mused. "I'm really good at crosswords!"

It crossed his mind that if ...

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Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blur...

TIL that you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Donald Trump is boarding Air Force One

When all of a sudden, an assassin jumps out and points the gun at Trump. A member of the secret service sees this and yells, “Mickey Mouse!” This startles the would-be assassin so much that it gives the other agents time to apprehend him. While the agents interrogate the assassin, Donald Trump pulls...

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A child crashes his bike in front of a church

The priest see's this and bring the boy inside to treat him. The boy having a concussion stays the night in the church. In the middle of the night he hears a blood curling scream. The next morning he asks the priest what the sound was and says "I am sorry my child I cannot tell you for you are not a...

So I was boarding a plane the other day

And my girlfriend was worried for me going to China. She texted me: "be careful! Don't catch the corvid flu!"

I replied: "crows, ravens, jackdaws, and blue jay's don't have flu. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?"

The United States doesn't use torture techniques such as water boarding

The prefer the term "tactical baptism"

Why did the flight attendant prevent the raven from boarding the plane?

He had too much carrion.

I was banned from the airport last week

Apparently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun while boarding the plane

If you get sick before boarding a plane...

...does that mean you have a terminal illness?

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A man is taking his first ever flight

A man is taking his first ever flight and he's very excited. He's wanted to fly on a plane ever since he was a little boy. He's especially excited about the prospect of who he could be seated next to. His mind full with anticipation over the possibilities- it could be a celebrity, his favorite athle...

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Gate agent announces “Now boarding at gate D22 - that’s D as in Dick 22”.

Not sure I want to know what she uses for C gates.


(This actually happened, btw.)

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, thi...

I just saw someone boarding a plane to Australia

Some people just want to watch the world burn

Inspired by “Vulture Culture”: two vultures are boarding a plane, one of them is dragging a dead chicken. The gate attendant stops them and says:

I’m sorry sir, but this airline does not allow carrion.

An Italian man is waiting for a bus...

A creature of habit, he does so at the same time every day, except on Sundays - that's the Lord's day.

Every day he waits for the bus he is joined by a French man, and every day the French man sniffs his middle and index fingers saying "Fifi".

*sniff* "Fifi" *sniff* "Fifi" *sniff* "Fif...

Why did the alien pre-emptively put perfume on before boarding the human spaceship?

Because the ship had Musk written all over it

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