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Glue Jokes

I replaced my friend's chapstick with a tube of glue.

So far, he hasn't said anything about it.

A billionaire offered me a million dollars to permanently glue my mouth shut forever.

I can't tell you how happy I am.

I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of Chapstick...

She still isn't talking to me.

Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue'

I just cant put it down.

My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection..

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

What do the cultists of Elmer's Glue refer to themselves as?

Adherents.

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

People have been criticizing me because I put glue on my hands before handling my weapons

But sometimes one just needs to stick to their guns

My dad said I need to stop sniffing glue

It finally resin ated with me

I once met a girl who had confused Krazy Glue for KY Jelly.

I asked her how she did it, but sadly, her lips were sealed.

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

Whats the difference between a guitar a tuna and glue

You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish and your probably wondering what about the glue... I knew you would get stuck on that

Any glue experts who can help me?

I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer d...

Why did the glue get kicked out of art supplies school?

It didn’t adhere to the rules

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

Why does a thief need glue?

To give him sticky fingers.

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

Girl are you gorilla glue?

Cause I can’t get you outta my head

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

How does a penguin make a house?

I' glues it together!

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

What keeps members of a dysfunctional family together?

Crazy Glue

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

I stopped sniffing glue last week and I regret it.

I should've stuck with it.

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea

Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

I’m trying to make a joke about Gorilla Glue

But I’m stuck

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

What do you call a spy at a glue factory?

A bonding agent

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon…

... so they go back to Fred's parents' home for their first night together.

In the morning, Fred's little brother Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

John...

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

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