My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

Girl are you gorilla glue?

Cause I can’t get you outta my head

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

The first time I sniffed airplane glue I OD’d...

When I came to a man asked me, “Are you hooked?”

I said, “No, I’m stuck.”

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

My wife holds grudges over the smallest things. She asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

Even after a few weeks, she's still not speaking to me

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn’t talking to me.

Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea

Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me.

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

I once met a girl who confused a tube of KY Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the strongest glue in the world?

Semen. Have you ever seen a baby fall apart?

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

Glue Book

Once read a book on the history of glue.
I couldn’t put it down.

So I nutted in this girls hair a few weeks ago....

I know Im black, but she didnt need to call it gorilla glue ):

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

What do you call a spy at a glue factory?

A bonding agent

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

What did Che Guevara get stuck in his hair?

Guerrilla glue.

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

A duck walked up to a pastry store

And he said to woman running the store

"Hey, got any bread?"

The woman said,

"No we just sell cakes. But they're warm and they're fresh and they're all home-made. Can I get you a few?"

The duck said,

"Cake won't do."

Then he waddled away...

'Til the v...

My friend has been reading a book about glue a lot

I guess it’s hard to put down

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-ye...

I’m reading this hot new book on the power of super glue.

I just can’t make myself put it away now, I'm too stuck on it.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home from work to find my husband panicking because he'd managed to glue his cock to a shoe.

I instantly started panicking too then started rushing about looking for solvents and medical supplies. It was only when he started laughing that I realised he was just fooking aboot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."

I thought, "No shit..."

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doctors of reddit - please help! My wife is unable to sit.

We were having naughty time on bed while I was blindfolded.

She wanted to try this new fancy butt plug we had bought earlier. Here's the thing: Instead of using the lubricant, I may have used super-glue by mistake.

I don’t get people who hate farm animals.

Horses, for example, are the glue of this society!

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise.

He has the time of his life until the boat
sinks and he ends up on a desert island. A month later the man
looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He
asks her where she’s come from.

"I was shipwrecked last year," she says. "I’ve been stranded on the
other sid...

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