The other day my wife asked me to pass her the lipstick but I passed her glue by mistake

She still isn’t talking to me

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

What's the difference between tuna, piano, and glue?

You can tuna piano, but cannot piano a tuna.

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique gun collection.

She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

I started reading this great book on glue.

I can't put it down!

What is the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a stick of glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t tuna fish!

“But you forgot about the stick of glue!”

I knew you’d get stuck on that!

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

I gave my buddy, Steve, a glue stick instead of chapstick...

...he’s not currently speaking to me.

My author friend claims that he ‘accidentally’ glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

I accused my friend of pouring glue on my weapons.

He denied it but I’m sticking to my guns.

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

A new Jam based glue has been invented

Its called Jams bond

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you are using super-glue and accidentally glue the tip of your penis

Urine trouble

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."

I thought, "No shit..."

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

That poor man fell into a pile of crap and glue

That shit sticks with you.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

Did you hear about the guy who made an outfit out of super glue?

It was hard to pull off.

I was really unsuccessful and unpopular until I stood on a globe covered in super glue.

Now I have the world at my feet.

One time I ate glue, and I didn't tell anyone about it.

My lips were sealed.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."

The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."

The Glue Truck

A truck owned by a commercial glue company is driving through London when it accidentally collides with a lamp post, causing it to swerve out of control and flip on its side. During this collision, the tank holding the glue explodes and 1000kg of glue falls upon a poor pedestrian. He's firmly stuck ...

My boys and I plan to rob the super glue factory..

By the way the plan looks, things will be hard to pull off.

I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond...

It's a chemical agent.

I'm addicted to glue

You just get attached to it

Why couldn't the glue hold the walls together?

Because it wasn't ceiling.

What do you call a bottle of glue in a spy's pocket?

A bonding agent.

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Monkey at the bar

A guy walks into a bar with a monkey following him and hops up on the bar stool, followed by his monkey. He orders a drink for him and the monkey, and the monkey reaches over for the basket of peanuts. Monkey picks up a peanut, looks at it intently, sticks it up his butt, takes it out and eats it....

There once was a carpenter.

Ryever the carpenter was known for cutting corners. Instead of fitting wood, he would hold his furniture together with screws and glue.

Being so cheap and miserly, many people started calling him a 'Scrooge'.

Despite this, his furniture was known far and wide as being extremely high ...

How do you repair a relationship between two mentally ill people?

Crazy Glue...

How do you fix a broken Tuba?

Tuba glue.