My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

A billionaire offered me a million dollars to permanently glue my mouth shut forever.

I can't tell you how happy I am.

The other day, my friend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick instead,

She still isn’t talking to me.

What’s the difference between a piano, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish.

Any glue experts who can help me?

I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer d...

I once met a girl who had confused Krazy Glue for KY Jelly.

I asked her how she did it, but sadly, her lips were sealed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prostate massages are like stickers with excessively strong glue.

It’s a pain in the ass to get off.

What does glue from Greenland do?

Igloos

I accused my wife of putting glue on my pistol collection.

She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

Girl are you gorilla glue?

Cause I can’t get you outta my head

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where’s mom and dad?"

She replied, "They're up in bed," so the little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma the same question. She replied with the same answer and the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play....

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea

Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

I stopped sniffing glue last week and I regret it.

I should've stuck with it.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

Everyone hates making-out with Gorilla glue

Its gets so clingy afterwhile.

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

My friend has been reading a book about glue a lot

I guess it’s hard to put down

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks to his neighbour's house to complain about the noise

He knocks and a kid comes out



The man asks the kid where his dad is the kid tells him "In the shower"




The man then asks where his mom is to which he replies "In the shower"




Then man then says "When the fuck are they coming out then it's been all...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman visits the antique store

And find a beautiful wardrobe. She decide to buy, but says, that it is too big and won't fit through her door.

The clerk tells her that they can disassemble it, deliver to her house and then assemble it again. She accept so they do just that.

Next day woman calls to the store explainin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

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