I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

I stopped sniffing glue last week and I regret it.

I should've stuck with it.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

Glue Book

Once read a book on the history of glue.
I couldn’t put it down.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

TIFU by keeping lube and glue in the same drawer.

Now I'm a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

My friend has been reading a book about glue a lot

I guess it’s hard to put down

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professor, a janitor, and the school's principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he ca...

Fred and Mary got married.

But they can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "...

I’m reading this hot new book on the power of super glue.

I just can’t make myself put it away now, I'm too stuck on it.

ADHD Joke

Roses are red violets are blue ADHD be like Fire truck,triangle,circle,glue.

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home from work to find my husband panicking because he'd managed to glue his cock to a shoe.

I instantly started panicking too then started rushing about looking for solvents and medical supplies. It was only when he started laughing that I realised he was just fooking aboot.

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a woman from Q

She filled her vagina with glue she said with a grin if you pay to get in you pay to get out too

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stolen joke

One time I had a kid come over to my house and tell me that my house was small and boring. So then I told him that my house was small because I had an amazing secret basement full of games and toys that I never tell anyone about. This kid wanted to see it really badly at that point, so I told him to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A series of tuba jokes

What is a tuba for?

1 1/2" x 3 1/2".

How do you fix a broke tuba?

With a tuba glue.

What do you call ten tubas at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

What do you call an arrogant tuba player?

A brasshole.

What's the difference between God an...

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are using super-glue and accidentally glue the tip of your penis

Urine trouble

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."

I thought, "No shit..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

Wandering through the hot desert, a youthful looking man comes upon a tent. Intrigued, he ventures inside...

...there before him lies a table with three upright cups. Behind the table, grinning ear to ear, is the proprietor.

“Welcome! Welcome!”, the proprietor says. “Care to play? Only five shekels. Keep track of which cup has the bean under it and win double.”

Unmoved, the man replies, “Cert...

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

A new Jam based glue has been invented

Its called Jams bond

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

Did you hear about the guy who made an outfit out of super glue?

It was hard to pull off.

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That poor man fell into a pile of crap and glue

That shit sticks with you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

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