UPJOKE
epoxypastemucilageadhesiveattachstickycementrubberstickpolymergumfastenerfastenplasticsticks

I replaced my friend's chapstick with a tube of glue.

So far, he hasn't said anything about it.

My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection..

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

What does a piano, a tuna, and glue have in common?

You can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna!

I can’t stop sniffing glue

It’s a habit that just sticks

I accidentally gave my girlfriend a glue stick instead of chapstick...

She's still not talking to me :(

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Prostate massages are like stickers with excessively strong glue.

It’s a pain in the ass to get off.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but accidentally I passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

Any glue experts who can help me?

I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer d...

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

They say glue is made from horses

And people ride horses for sport.

Sport is a pretty good workout.

So if you sniff glue for 90 minutes, you can probably skip the gym for that day.

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

A billionaire offered me a million dollars to permanently glue my mouth shut forever.

I can't tell you how happy I am.

If you glue two convicts together…

They become confused.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

Do you know how many times I've stuck my fingers together when using glue?

*hold your hand up, but keep your fingers together*

This many times!

A guy that I went to school with over 30 years ago called me to complain about the time I put glue on his pen

He still can't let it go.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

Reading a great book at the moment called 'The History of Glue'

I just cant put it down.

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

My dad said I need to stop sniffing glue

It finally resin ated with me

What do the cultists of Elmer's Glue refer to themselves as?

Adherents.

People have been criticizing me because I put glue on my hands before handling my weapons

But sometimes one just needs to stick to their guns

I once met a girl who had confused Krazy Glue for KY Jelly.

I asked her how she did it, but sadly, her lips were sealed.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

Why does a thief need glue?

To give him sticky fingers.

Why did the glue get kicked out of art supplies school?

It didn’t adhere to the rules

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me.

Girl are you gorilla glue?

Cause I can’t get you outta my head

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Glue Sticks...

I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."I thought, "No shit."

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

The Glue Truck

A truck owned by a commercial glue company is driving through London when it accidentally collides with a lamp post, causing it to swerve out of control and flip on its side. During this collision, the tank holding the glue explodes and 1000kg of glue falls upon a poor pedestrian. He's firmly stuck ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

I'm addicted to glue

You just get attached to it

Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea

Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

A woman accidently used glue for lubricant...

After she told her best friend about the mix up, the friend said: "This story stays between us, the less people that know about this the better."

The woman nodded in agreement... "Yeah that's right, my lips are sealed."

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.