The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn’t talking to me

My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

What does glue from Greenland do?

Igloos

I really bonded with the guy at the glue factory.

We have been inseparable ever since we met.

Did you guys hear about the lady who put Gorilla Glue in her hair?

She asked for a refund, but they won't give her silverback.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

Whats the difference between a piano, a keyboard and a bottle of glue?

The piano doesnt need electricity, the keyboard does.

I think my wife is putting glue on my rifle collection.

She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

Girl are you gorilla glue?

Cause I can’t get you outta my head

What do you call it when a person using glue as hair spray gets into arguments with people online who are laughing at them?

Gorilla Warfare.

My wife holds grudges over the smallest things. She asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

Even after a few weeks, she's still not speaking to me

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me.

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

Noah's wife: the ark is falling apart Noah: glue might work, I have an idea

Horse: it's weird he brought 3 of us

The first time I sniffed airplane glue I OD’d...

When I came to a man asked me, “Are you hooked?”

I said, “No, I’m stuck.”

I once met a girl who confused a tube of KY Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

I stopped sniffing glue last week and I regret it.

I should've stuck with it.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

I'm reading a book on the history of glue.

I just can't seem to put it down.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't Do It In The Dark

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I applied it to the head

Thought it was lube


Now my hand's stuck to the end

Turns out it was glue

Sorry if I'm leaving you on read

Right arm's down to my nude


For hours I've been on my bed

My folks ...

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

Two friends are arguing...

"Look, I have a colony of ants!"

"Well, I have taller ants than you"

"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"

"Hah, I have an entire tin"

"I got bread!"

"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

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Another hooker from Crewe limerick

There was a young hooker from Crewe
Who filled her vagina with glue
She said with a grin,
"If they pay to get in -
they can pay to get out again too".

I'm here all week.

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

Two friends were comparing their belongings

The first guy goes: 'i have ants'

The second guy : 'well i have taller ants'

The first guy : 'well i got a tube of glue'

The second guy : 'and i have an entire tin of it'

The first guy: 'i got bread as well'

The second guy: 'ugh you win, i can't handle that with my...

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

So I nutted in this girls hair a few weeks ago....

I know Im black, but she didnt need to call it gorilla glue ):

Had an exam today and got stuck on the first question.

Used a glue pen by mistake.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

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I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."

I thought, "No shit..."

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

A duck walked up to a pastry store

And he said to woman running the store

"Hey, got any bread?"

The woman said,

"No we just sell cakes. But they're warm and they're fresh and they're all home-made. Can I get you a few?"

The duck said,

"Cake won't do."

Then he waddled away...

'Til the v...

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Came home from work to find my husband panicking because he'd managed to glue his cock to a shoe.

I instantly started panicking too then started rushing about looking for solvents and medical supplies. It was only when he started laughing that I realised he was just fooking aboot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

What did Che Guevara get stuck in his hair?

Guerrilla glue.

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the guy who accidently used super glue instead of lube while having sex?

He's now a man trapped in a woman's
body..

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