I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.

She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns

What's the difference between a hippo, a zippo, and a stick of glue?

One is a heavy mammal and one is a little lighter.

What's the worst part about accidentally using glue instead of lube

Deciding whether to go to the hospital or the vet

I once met a girl who confused a tube of KY Jelly with super glue

I asked her how it happened, but sadly her lips were sealed.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

So a dart player came up to me and said "Why did u put super glue on my dart? '...

I said "You can't just let it go can you"

I had to quit my job at the Elmer's Glue factory...

I was getting too attached to my coworkers... I couldn't separate myself from my work.

What is the difference between a tuna, a piano and a pot of glue?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna.












Wait what about the glue?

Aha I knew you’d get stuck on that!

I was rushed into the ER because my son squirted glue into my eye.

It was an eye-opening experience.

I’m repairing my Quidditch equipment with some glue and a sewing kit. Quaffles I can usually fix by gluing them,

but Snitches get stitches

I stopped sniffing glue last week and I regret it.

I should've stuck with it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the strongest glue in the world?

Semen. Have you ever seen a baby fall apart?

My friend made a puppy out of glue!

I thought it was cool until it bit a mailman. He’s a viscous dog.

I'm reading a book on the history of glue.

I just can't seem to put it down.

Glue-sniffing drug addicts

A group of experienced glue-sniffers was teaching a newcomer to sniff glue.

But instead of sniffing the glue, the glue sniffer poured it into his mouth, and had to go to the hospital emergency room.

"Hey," reminded one of the glue-sniffers. "Don't expose our glue-sniffing group."
...

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

Guy 1:"Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference"

Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What do you call a spy at a glue factory?

A bonding agent

So I'm covered in glue and that was a mistake?

I thought I was supposed to shelter in paste!

Everyone hates making-out with Gorilla glue

Its gets so clingy afterwhile.

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

I accidentally put a glue stick in my wife's purse and she thought it was Chapstick

She hasn't said a word to me since

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

I tried model glue the other day

She still got away

Two men are sitting at a table.

One guy says, "I have ants"

The second guy replies, "Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours."

So the first guy now says 'Well, I have a tube of glue!",

To which the second guy replies, "And... I have an entire tin of it."

Finally, the first guy says "I have bread."
...

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

I don’t get people who hate farm animals.

Horses, for example, are the glue of this society!

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

The joke's posted below

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are ...

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

Two dads are trying to outdo each other

Two dads are trying to outdo each other ...

Dad 1: I got huge ants!
Dad 2: Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours!

Dad 1: Well, I got a tube of extra strength glue!
Dad 2: So? I got an entire tin of it!

Dad 1: At least I got bread!
Dad 2: Argh! You win! I can’t handle ...

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners and did wonderfully in workouts. In actual races, however, he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be neutered.

The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts, and found to do as well as ever.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was told to get the first five letter of the alphabet for school by asking his family

A six-year-old goes to school and his homework was to go ask his family for the first 5 letters of the alphabet. he goes home. he asks his mom who was taking a nap what is the first letter of the alphabet

the mom says "shut up I'm tired" .he makes a not in his mind about it

he then goe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Farmer's Daughter

On a cold rainy evening, a salesman's car ran out of gas. Not wanting to spend the night in the car, the man sought help. Within 5 minutes the salesman spotted a barn yard light and proceeded to it. He knocked on the house door and an older farmer greeted him there.

The salesman explained he ...

Today I figured out how to make my own lipstick.

That was when I thoughtlessly chewed on a tube of super glue.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Came home from work to find my husband panicking because he'd managed to glue his cock to a shoe.

I instantly started panicking too then started rushing about looking for solvents and medical supplies. It was only when he started laughing that I realised he was just fooking aboot.

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking through an arts and crafts shop when I saw a sign saying, "Glue Sticks."

I thought, "No shit..."

I confused a tube of super glue with a tube of lube

It was horrible. My model airplane kept slipping apart.

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

My dad rubs Elmers Glue on his hands like lotion before he goes hunting. I know, it's weird, and I've tried talking him out of it...

But he's sticking to his guns on this one. Stubborn man.

ADHD Joke

Roses are red violets are blue ADHD be like Fire truck,triangle,circle,glue.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are using super-glue and accidentally glue the tip of your penis

Urine trouble

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

My boss Fred keeps trying different brands of glue.

I think he should just pick one and stick with it.

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

What's the difference between an actor and useless glue?

One is Brad Pitt

The other is bad Pritt

Boss told me to glue 2 pieces of wood together

Totally nailed it

What's the difference between a Piano, a Tuna, and a tub of Glue?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna. As for the glue... well I knew you'd get stuck on that one.

This joke might seem a little fishy, but I find it key to tell a joke that can really stick with people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a woman from Q

She filled her vagina with glue she said with a grin if you pay to get in you pay to get out too

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stolen joke

One time I had a kid come over to my house and tell me that my house was small and boring. So then I told him that my house was small because I had an amazing secret basement full of games and toys that I never tell anyone about. This kid wanted to see it really badly at that point, so I told him to...

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