I heard that sperm is the strongest glue ever.

It might be true : I've never seen a baby falling apart.

I almost lost my job at the glue factory...

It seemed like everything was falling apart. But I stuck with it, and have managed to hold it all together.

I just needed to adhere to the rules

My friend has been reading a book about glue a lot

I guess it’s hard to put down

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

Asians made the first ever edible glue.

Rice

What's the difference between a jeweler, a jailer, and a pot of glue?

One sells watches while the other watches cells.

And the pot of glue?

Well that's where you get stuck.

It’s okay for me to use gorilla glue but as soon as I start using horse glue everyone gets all angry

Aren’t gorillas like, super endangered? WTF

I am suspicious that someone in my family has been secretly adding glue to my weapons collection.

Everyone denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.

My friend used to boast about how much super glue he could eat

He now keeps his mouth shut

What’s the difference between a piano, a can of tuna, and glue?

You can tune a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna

I got an e-mail from a buddy of mine. He always has trouble spelling certain words. He said he quit his job at the glue factory. Upper management wanted everyone to put out 2,500 tubes per hour

I guess he's not the type to work in a fast paste environment.

I used to work in a messy munitions and glue factory

I asked for a pay rise, but the management stuck to their guns

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

What's the difference between a video game console and a glue factory

One's a Sony Playstation and the other's a pony slaystation.

Women really know how to hold a grudge over the smallest things. My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm, and by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue.

It's been a month now and she's still not speaking to me

How does a bottle of glue named Ed answer the phone?

Ed here

I fell in glue today...

... I guess I'm in a sticky situation.

The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick

My model plane fell completely apart!

I covered all my weapons in glue.

I questioned it at first, but I decided to stick to my guns.

There is one positive thing about a group of horses going to the glue factory...

they'll really stick together.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue?

You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish! I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

I ate a bottle of glue and they say I’ll probably die but I haven’t yet so...

I’m sticking with my guts on this one

Did you hear about the cowboys who deny robbing the glue factory?

They're sticking to their guns.

I replaced my best friend's lipstick with super glue.

She's not speaking to me

How does a penguin build its house?

It glues it together

A new Jam based glue has been invented

Its called Jams bond

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you are using super-glue and accidentally glue the tip of your penis

Urine trouble

Stiffy worm

A grandfather is watching his grandson playing in the yard and asks what is he doing.

The grandson says:

"I'm shoving the worms back into their hole."

"And how can you do it if the worm is all limp and flaccid?"

"It's a secret grandfather!"

"I'll give you 10 bucks ...

Last night I read all 800 pages of 'The History of Super-Glue'

...I just couldn't put it down!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jerking off with glue was fun at first...

But now it just feels like I’m beating a dead horse.

I am a man trapped inside the body of a woman.

I will never keep lube and glue in the same drawer ever again.

My friend is still mad at me for putting super glue on his baseball 10 years ago.

He still can't let it go...

I have come to the realization that I am, in fact, a man trapped inside a woman's body…

In retrospect, I probably shouldn’t have put the lube next to the glue…

3 steps to fix anything

1. Try duct tape, if that doesn't work, see 2


2. Try gorilla glue, if that doesn't work, see 3


3. Try J.B. Weld, if that doesn't work, C4

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

That poor man fell into a pile of crap and glue

That shit sticks with you.

A story from a factory

One day, this guy's at work at a factory that makes glue and whiteout. These two substances are stored in these large vats. One day, the guy falls into one of the vats. His supervisor comes to help and the two start a conversation:

Guy: I'm okay. I just fell into the vat of glue.

Super...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When we were younger my older brother was so mean...

He used to glue the pages of his porn magazines together so I couldn't look at them.

My nickname at school was glue

I don't know why, it just seemed to stick

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

I once accidentally poured glue in my son's corn flakes

He's never talked to me again

How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tuba glue

How do you start an Ethiopian rave?

Glue bread to the ceiling

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