This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (to a sentient piece of human shit): "Hey, what were you before you were shit?" Shit: "Well, before I was consumed, masticated, and digested, I was a beautiful French baguette." "Does it disappoint you, that you were once so beautiful but are now a piece of shit?

"Are you kidding? I was bread for this."

You should never masticate in your bed...

You'll get crumb everywhere.

I have a serious problem of chewing with my mouth open when I eat anything...

...my family is always horrified when I masticate in public.

I caught my wife in bed with a banana last night...

She was masticating.

A young man is in court.

He's driving everyone mad with his loud and incessant chewing.

The judge looks over and says "For the love of God man would you stop masticating"

To which he replies in a panicked voice "I wasn't, I wasn't, I swear, I just had my hands in my pockets"

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