Tar Jokes - 22 Hilarious Tar Jokes

I'm starting an asphalt company on Abbey Road

It'll be called Ringo's Tar

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What do Samwell Tarly and Theon Greyjoy have in common?

They both wish they still had their Dickon.

A pit for each nation in hell

A man dies and he gets a guided tour of hell from the devil, before he can go to heaven.

First they see a huge pit full of hot tar, and people screaming in agony. There's barbed wire around the pit, and guards with rifles.

The man asks: What's this?

And the devil says: this pit ...

What's a road's favorite condiment?

Tar tar sauce

What do you get when you liquefy a mongol?

Tatar sauce

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January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies.

January, 1774. Revolution stirs in the English colonies. Just last month a rebel group called the Sons of Liberty caused a ruckus in Boston about tea being taxed too high. Tax collectors tarred and feathered. High anti royalist sentiment. William Cotillion, King George's personal advisor to the colo...

Doctor geezer and doctor young

Once apon a time there were two doctors: doctor geezer, and doctor young.

Doctor geezer was very old - and doctor young, very young.

One day doctor geezer says that he can cure anything in the world for one hundred dollars. And if he can't, he'll give you one thousand.

So docto...

There is a country that is still mostly undocumented

This country is not too large in size, but it's covered by miles and miles of tar. It's gone by many names, such as "The Country of Tar," and still lacks an official title. According to the few documents that exist for it, the tar covering the country could conceal countless amounts of undiscovered ...

What do you call a loyalist in the 1760s who had black sticky stuff thrown on them for a second time?

Re-tarred

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Two lengths of tarmac (asphalt) walk into a pub

They strut up to the bar and order a couple of Guinness and after a few gulps each begin to tell the barman how hard they are.

Having heard it all before but happy for the company, the barman encourages them and pours another two pints of Guinness.

By their third pint, their tales are ...

I live in a small town and we only have two police officers

Yet I was still unlucky enough to be pulled over.

There I was, lying face-down on the pavement in a puddle of my own puke with a bottle next to me, car door open.

'hey there, having a good night I see. could you please stand up for me sir?'

I obliged.

'right. Now I'm goi...

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Challenge: Change one letter in a move title to create a whole new blockbuster

Examples:

Pooper: BRUCE WILLIS finds out the hard way just how dangerous time travel can be.

Tar Trek: WILLIAM SHATNER's quest to go where no man has gone before to make Canada a major oil producer.

Gone with the Wine: Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death in the old south.
<...

East Texas Roadside Safety

There was this-here feller from East Texas who had a flat tire. He pulled off on the side of the road, jumped out of his car, walked down the hillside and picked a bunch of wildflowers. He proceeded to put one bouquet of the flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car ...

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An old salt walks into a harbor bar and sees a man he thinks he knows with a hook hand, a peg leg and an eye patch.

He says,"Ahoy, aren't you Cap'n Jones?", The old sea dog says,"Aye, Cap'n Jones I am." The tar says "I sailed with ye years ago. But last time I saw ye, ye were a whole man. What happened to your leg?" Jones answers "Lost it inna battle, cannonball took it off at the knee." "Surely bad, and how abo...

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

So the dude dies and gets to the Heaven's Gate...

... where St. Peter tells him that he didn't do anything particularly good or bad in life, so he actually gets to choose whether he goes to Hell or Heaven. He's even kind enough to offer him a tour to both places, so he has a better idea.

So first, he starts with Heaven. Which is really nice...

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A man goes to a bar in town for the first time

He buys a few drinks, one after another, and gets to talking to the bartender. After a while, he asks the bartender:

"If I show you something that you've never seen before, will you let me have my drinks for free this evening?"

The bartender thinks to himself, "well, I've seen pretty m...

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While waiting for road construction to clear...

I decided to make a set of boobs with the tar and gravel. I thought I was going to be in trouble for vandalism. I got 2 years for sexual asphalt.

I believe I created this joke... but who knows nowadays! :)

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The Shit List (from the office fax machine 30 or so years ago)

**THE SHIT LIST**

GHOST SHIT:

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT:

Comes out so slick, clean & easy you didn't even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toile...

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Captain Loony Doubloon

At the last port-of-call before a long voyage, lonely Captain Loony Doubloon decides it's time he needs another parrot. He heads to the port's birdkeep, and finds the perfect talkative parrot perched on its swing within. The keeper discloses, however, that the bird was born with no legs, among anoth...

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I didn't make this 4 years ago. This might not be the worst joke. I'm posting again for the ones who read the original by the original poster...this is my version to pay homage

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-known porn star, and the other is a lazy ass. Lazy ass doesn't have a job and just likes to sit around the house. One Sunday, the porn star is angry and thirsty. He decides to make the brother do something useful....

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.

(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)

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