Did you hear the Bob Ross got a brazilian wax?

Got rid of that happy, little bush.

When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn’t that bad.

A mother called the doctor about her teenage daughter. "She refuses to eat anything but yeast and car wax. Now she's lying in bed asleep and I can't wake her. What should I do?" "There's nothing to worry about." said the doctor,

"she'll rise and shine soon enough..."

Did you know a Brazilian wax costs $50?

Talk about a rip off

The inventor of wax strips has just died.

RIP

The man, the Curator, and the Wax Museum.

A man walks into a wax museum. Inside finds a display of little wick people on a giant map of the United States. However, one of the people, a cowboy is placed in New York City. He calls the curator and asks why that one isn’t over in a place like Texas or Oklahoma.

“Oh, Ed doesn’t fit in ...

I've always been terrible at Karate, so my Sensei told me "Wax on, Wax off."

I'm now in burning pain, but my chest is *spotless.*

What does this have to do with Karate?

How many Latinos does it take to do a wax job?

A Brazillion!

I asked my friend how she liked her first Brazilian wax...

She told me it was a complete rip-off.

How does the Karate Kid pleasure himself?

Wax off

What does Mr. Miyagi do when he gets home from a date?

He wax off

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The auditor goes to the synagogue

The auditor is on a fining spree; he went through his list and every business in town got fined for irregularities. He checks is list

done

done

done

not yet done

"What's that?" he thinks. He reads: synagogue. "I'll go there NOW"

The rabbi and all the adminis...

Why is turtle wax so expensive?

because turtles have such small ears

Why I'm tired

For a couple of years I have been blaming it on lack of sleep,not enough sunshine,too much pressure from my job,ear wax buildup, poor blood,or anything else I could think of.But now I found out the real reason.Im tired because I'm overworked.And here's why:The population of this country is 273 milli...

The CIA are training assassins

Two men and a woman make it into the final test

The first man walks into the final test room and the CIA says “Behind that door is your wife walk in and shoot her”

The man says “Oh no, I can’t do that, I really can’t”
So the CIA escort him out the building

The second man wal...

Do flies shave their legs?

No, but bees wax.

Where did the father candle take his son for a trip?

To the Wax Museum.

Business don't last very long on the moon.

They tend to wax and wane over time.

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There was a man who had three girlfriends – repost updated for 2018

There was a man who had three girlfriends, but he did not know which one to marry. So he decided to give each one $5,000 and see how each of them spent it.

The first one went out and got a total makeover with the money. She got new clothes, a Brazilian wax, a new hair color, LASIK – the works...

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HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

Everyone needs a little relaxation time once in a while [Long]

So my friend and I decided to unwind and visit this Day Spa that she highly recommended.

I had never heard of it before and asked her what was so great about it. However she refused to tell me why it was so good.

So we scheduled a visit for the following Sunday and when we arrived I r...

Using every letter in the alphabet in just one sentence makes things difficult, but to be fair...

quiz wax

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This kid, Kyle, is picking up his girlfriend for their first date.

As he's parking in front of her house, a man in a ski mask jumps in the front seat and sticks a gun in Kyle's face. In a gruff voice the man tells Kyle, " Jack off now, or I'll blow your head off!" Not wanting to get his head blown off, Kyle complies. When he's finished, the man in the ski mask dem...

There was a captain that took his ship on a long voyage...

...but the sailors got a bit randy during this voyage.

So the captain provided a barrel with a hole and instructed the sailors to relieve themselves into the barrel. If they filled it up, there would be a bonus, he promised.

The sailors filled up the barrel, and ther was peace on the ...

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A guy has been asking the prettiest girk in town for a date and finally she agrees to go out with him.

He takes her to a nice restaurant and buys her a fancy dinner with expensive wine. On the way home, he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to s...

What did Mr. Miagi like to do after a long day at work

Re wax

Do you know how Edam was invented?

One day a candle maker in Yorkshire was halfway through making a large batch of red candles.

He had been working without a break for many hours, so his wife bought him a plate of cheese for sustenance.

He was so keen to finish working he ignored the food and continued to be engrossed...

Trump is really good about his ears.

He wears ear plugs at loud concerts.
He makes sure his ear wax doesn’t build up.
He keeps the gray hairs growing out of his ears nice and trimmed.

He’s quite possibly the most ear responsible president we’ve ever had.

I once dated a girl who had no pubic hair.

She insists she didn't shave or wax and said she wouldn't even be able to afford the supplies on her allowance anyways.

I like my girls like my skis...

I like my girls like I like my skis, rented and with plenty of wax on the bottom.

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WOMEN eh!

Boob-jobs,

nose-jobs,

teeth bleaching,

tummy tucks,

liposuction,

colonic irrigation,

botox,

pierced ears,

pierced nipples,

pierced bellies,

pierced clits,

eyebrows plucked,

bikini wax,

armpits shaved,

l...

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Good Girls, Bad Girl’s And Naughty Girls

Good girls loosen a few buttons when its hot

Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons

Naughty girls unbutton your pants


Good girls wax their floors

Bad girls wax their bikini line

Naughty girls wax your nutsack


Good girls blush during sex sce...

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Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

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An IRS auditor visits a synagogue...

...and requests that the rabbi answer a few questions.

"You guys sure burn a lot of candles here. What do with all the leftover wax?" asks the auditor.

"Well, we try to be environmentally friendly, so we send it back to the candle factory, and they send us back new candles," answers t...

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50 Reasons Why it’s Better to Be a Man Than a Woman

1. A five-day holiday requires one overnight bag.

2. Phone conversations are over in thirty seconds flat.

3. You can open all your own jars.

4. When clicking through the channels you don’t have to stop at the bits where someone’s crying.

5. All your orgasms are real.
<...

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Horny sailors

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting drunk when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty horny. With all the jacking ...

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THE TAXMAN VISITS A RABBI

Its the end of the tax year, its time to do all the taxes. Dave the taxman walks into the Synagogue to discuss the tax returns.
"What do you do with all the excess candle wax that melts? You know, you must burn a lot of candles in here you being Jewish and all?" Dave asks.
"We collect it all ...

Theme 2: Polish

--Q: How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree?

--A: Wave to him.


Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding
night?

A: A new last name.


--Q: Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

--A: He was scheduled to take a u...

Egyptian wedding customs

My Egyptian girlfriend was telling me that in her culture, before the wedding, the bride will use creams to lighten her skin (by bleaching), and gets a full wax to remove any unwanted body hair. All of this is to make the bride more beautiful on her wedding day.

I was horrified by how backwar...

Health problems

An old woman went to her doctor for a checkup. She complained about having terrible gas. She told the doctor it was very strange because she was constantly passing gas but it never made any sound and had no odor at all. "I'm not kidding.", she said, "I've passed gas at least 3 times since you've ...

Reading Too Far Into It

A woman decides to surprise her blind boyfriend on his birthday by having herself vajazzled in Braille.

She goes to her salon and gets a full wax, the salon girl glues the sequins around her crotch according to her careful instructions, and she rushes home and hops into bed. She calls her bo...

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Did you hear about the horny Asian janitor?

First he wax on, then he wax off!

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