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Tetanus isn't actually caused by rusty objects, but by bacteria in dirt, which we often associate with rusty nails and tools that can introduce the bacteria through wounds.

This is why tetanus vaccines are so important. For anti-vaxxers, that truth could be hard to swallow.






Any appreciation for lockjaw puns?

The CEO of a hardware company calls in his top ad man and tells him, "We need a new TV spot for our B&Q Nails line."

A week later, the ad man comes back with a videotape and pops it into the VCR in the CEO's office. The commercial starts and the CEO sees Jesus being nailed to the cross while a voice over says, "B&Q nails: they get the job done." The CEO is irritated and says, "That is completely unacceptable! ...

Nailed it.

A Swedish guy was building a house. After having completed the foundation he went on to the walls. And while putting in the nails, he realised that holding the planks while nailing them would be easier if he had help. So he walked over to his new neighbour; a Danish guy. His neighbour agreed to help...

How do nails feel when they are drunk?

Hammered.

Jesus walks into a Inn with 4 nails.....

He asks the Inn keeper
"Is this enough to put me up for the night?"

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I’ve dated a twin once. People always asked me how I could tell them apart. It was simple. Ashley painted her nails pink

and Michael had a penis.

It's good to know that in these tough times, there's still someone doing hair, nails, and brows.

The Funeral Director.

Keep going outside for an early appointment.

I bite my nails and it's killing my teeth

I should probably take my shoes off

Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed.

Guest: I'll make my own bed.

Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.

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A Duck walks into a bar...

Duck : You got any bread?
Bartender : No, sorry, we don't sell bread.

\[After a few minutes...\]

Duck : You got any bread?
Bartender : Look, we don't have any bread.

\[In a little while...\]

Duck : You got any bread?
Bartender : We don't have any FUCKING...

A duck walks into a bar

Got any bread?

No

Got any bread?

No

Got any bread?

No, and if you ask me that again I'll nail your beak to the bar!!

Got any nails?

No!

Got any bread?

None if the nail art tutorials on youtube are good

All the thumbnails look trashy.

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TV ad for Benson's Nails

Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails.

"Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad."

A week goes by and the marketing execut...

I’m going to have to clip my finger nails soon...

There getting out of hand

A Yorkshire Joke

A bloke from Lancashire buys a budgie. All the bird does is struts around his cage all day shouting "I'm a Yorkshire Budgie and I'm hard as nails!". The bloke gets tired of this, and thinks "I'm gonna fix you!" so he puts a parrot in the cage with him and goes to bed.

Next morning he finds t...

Jesus Christ walks into a hotel...

He goes up to the receptionist, hands her three nails and a hammer and asks “Can you put me up for the night?”

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Three dogs are at the vet

The first, a Jack Russell Terrier, says, ‟I kept humping everything in sight. The neighbor's cat, my mster's leg, the couch, you name it. Plus, I peed in the corners and chewed the mail every time it got delivered. So they're going to neuter me to see if it'll calm me down.”

The second, a mut...

A man is nailing siding onto a house, but he throws away every second or third nail he picks up.

The boss says "you're wasting nails, why are you throwing so many away!?"

"They are pointed on the wrong side" says the employee.

"You idiot" the boss exclaims, "those are for the other side of the house".

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The stubborn duck

A duck walks…waddles into a pub. Goes up to the bar and says, “Got any coffee?”

The barman says, “No - we don’t sell coffee. Only beers, wines, spirits and soft drinks.” and the duck leaves.

The next day, the exact same thing. “Got any coffee?” says the duck.

“No”, replies the b...

This farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster that he would sell.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster, named Kenny. He'll service every chicken you got, no problem." Well, Kenny the rooster costs $3,000, a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barny...

Did you know that to make a crib that meets Federal standards, it takes at least 763 nails?

But it only takes one screw to fill it.

You can tell a lot about a man by how he takes care of his nails

Some keep them in a storage container, in a can, or just lying open in a drawer.

The Trophy Maker (OC - long)

Old Rick Giuseppe was a fifth-generation trophy maker – like his father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great great grandfather before him. Alas, Old Rick Giuseppe’s wife had died a few years ago, and the man lived in solitude, apart from a cat named Jeffery, who was his late wife’s belove...

A duck walks into a bar

Hops up on the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nuts?"

"No," says the bartender.

Duck hops down off the bar and walks out.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, hops up on the bar, and asks the bartender "Got any nuts?"

"No!"

Duck hops down off the bar and walk...

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CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.



Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.



Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.



Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.



Man who leaps off cliff jumps to ...

A Pinoy dies and goes to hell...

A Pinoy (Filipino) dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the...

Why did Jesus go to the beauty salon?

To get his Nails done.

Jesus walked into a motel 6

And said “Sorry innkeeper I don’t have any money, but I have 3 nails. Can you put me up for the night?”

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Twin jokes

I used to date an identical twin in college. The best part of it was that there were pretty much two of them due to the fact they looked exactly alike. My friends and family would joke and tease me all the time about how I can tell either of them apart. Never mind the beauty of my girlfriend at the ...

How do you torture a carpenter?

Rip out his nails

An Indian man dies and goes to hell ...

An Indian man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that each country has a separate hell and one may opt to sign up for any of them.

He goes first to the German hell and asks, 'What do they do here?' He is told, 'First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a be...

My choir instructor once told me that the wider your thumbnail is the deeper your voice. I came to believe it to be true until one day I met a gentleman with damn near rectangular nails. To my dismay he ended up having a very high voice.

There's really nothing worse than a misleading thumbnail.

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Dinner at the girlfriends house

Ted buys a harley. The seller tells him, "whenever it's gonna rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome so it won't rust." And he hands Ted a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend takes him to meet her parents. So they take the bike. But just before they go in, She says: "I have to tell you When...

A Duck walks into a bar

He approaches the barman and asks "Hey, do you guys have any bread"

The barman is struck in awe as there is a bloody talking duck in front of him but answers in confidence "Nah can't help you mate"

The duck walks out only to return a mere minute and a half later.

"Hey, do you gu...

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