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Velcro Jokes

Not NSFW: The inventor of Velcro died today.

RIP

My dad told us, “I know you guys hate it, but I’m going to wear Velcro shoes from now on….

..I mean, why knot?”

Cost of velcro

When the shopkeeper told me the price, I replied: "well that's just a rip off."

Velcro

Such a rip-off

I might decide to invest in Velcro

but I heard it’s a rip off.

I never wear any clothes with Velcro on them.

I just can’t pull it off.

The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself

'Why knot?'

Never trust Velcro shoes

They’re a real rip off

I paid way too much money for these Velcro pants

What a ripoff

Was going to buy velcro today

But it was a total rip-off

I'm thinking of buying some Velcro strips for my sneakers, and getting rid of the laces.

I mean, why knot?

What did the Velcro inventor’s grave say?

RIP

Why do people keep buying velcro?

It's such a ripoff.

My goal for next year is to save enough money to make myself a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

Velcro is an item of horrible value

It's a rip-off!

What does Fallout 76 and gold plated velcro have in common?

They’re both $70 rip off’s

Velcro sanitary towels...

They're a bloody rip off

If you’re thinking about building a Velcro wall

Plan on sticking to it

TIL the French flag is traditionally made with Velcro

So they could remove the red and blue bits in times of war

What do you call birds that stick together?

Velcro’s

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work with a Japanese man, and he only wears shoes that do up with velcro.

I'm really starting to think he might be a lacist.

What do you call two crows stuck together?

Velcro

How do you stop a black guy from jumping on a bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color?

Velcro?

A thread of all the best jokes Siri has ever told me.

One day I was looking for creative task avoidance tactics, so I asked Siri to tell me a joke. Here are some of the best she had:

1. Whiteboards are quite remarkable.

2. Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always so silky. He had to condition it.

3. Did you hear about the band called 1023MB? Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best selling sex toy in all of Wales?

A pair of velcro gloves.

Montana has the best lovers

My favorite jokes about the insane amount of sheep loving that occurs in Montana from when I grew up:

1. What is the hottest selling clothing accessory in Montana? Velcro gloves. *wpsh* *wpsh* *BAaaAah*


2. Why do the mountain men always make love to the sheep on the edge of a clif...

Guys, I'm not saying that Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers, and Creationists are unintelligent people but...

there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult size.

My friend the sheep herder had his bachelor party.

He was so happy I gave him velcro gloves.

A short guide to extreme BDSM

Some couples like what they have. Others want to experiment. This is a quick and simple (and dirty) tutorial for some extreme [BDSM](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM) play in a young couple's bedroom.

As far as special equipment goes... well, it'll become obvious as you read.

Step ze...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it.

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

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