The person who invented Velcro died.


I tried Velcro today.

Now I'm totally hooked.

My goal for next year is to save enough money to make myself a Velcro wall.

And I plan on sticking to it.

The inventor of velcro just passed away.


Don't buy velcro

It's a ripoff

Never trust Velcro shoes

They’re a real rip off

I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro.

It’s a complete rip-off.

Montana has the best lovers

My favorite jokes about the insane amount of sheep loving that occurs in Montana from when I grew up:

1. What is the hottest selling clothing accessory in Montana? Velcro gloves. *wpsh* *wpsh* *BAaaAah*

2. Why do the mountain men always make love to the sheep on the edge of a clif...

What does Fallout 76 and gold plated velcro have in common?

They’re both $70 rip off’s

What did the Velcro inventor’s grave say?


I'm gonna buy some velcro for my shoes instead of laces

Why knot?

Velcro is an item of horrible value

It's a rip-off!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work with a Japanese man, and he only wears shoes that do up with velcro.

I'm really starting to think he might be a lacist.

Why do people keep buying velcro?

It's such a ripoff.

Velcro is the original hook and loop fastener...

Imitations of it are just rip-offs.

What do you call a Velcro sanitary towel?

A bloody rip off.

Why did the skinhead have Velcro on his boots?

He was a lacist.

TIL the French flag is traditionally made with Velcro

So they could remove the red and blue bits in times of war

Ya'll seem to like puns, so:

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

• I changed my iPod’s name to Tita...

What kind of birds stick together?


My Jobs—

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it. I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket—I was too high strung. I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way. I got a job at a pool company, but the work was too draining. I was a historian, but I could...

What’s Helen Keller’s favorite color


How do you stop children with thick curly black hair from jumping on the bed?

Put velcro on the ceiling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the best selling sex toy in all of Wales?

A pair of velcro gloves.

My friend the sheep herder had his bachelor party.

He was so happy I gave him velcro gloves.

A short guide to extreme BDSM

Some couples like what they have. Others want to experiment. This is a quick and simple (and dirty) tutorial for some extreme [BDSM]( play in a young couple's bedroom.

As far as special equipment goes... well, it'll become obvious as you read.

Step ze...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Grandpa told me this joke when I was 16... It took me a few years to understand it.

How do you get a black man to stop jumping on the bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.

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