If anyone ever figured out my secret 4-digit code, I'd be screwed! They'd have my bank pin #, phone unlock code, front door lock code...

...they'd even know my birth year!

If you pull a pin from a grenade, how do you put it back in?

Quick answers please.

Why did the Ghost of the Pin-the-tail-on-the Donkey go to Bevmo?

Because they retail spirits.

(My 9-year-old came up with this, be kind)

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

RUN!
SHE'S HOLDING A GRENADE!

PIN number

My PIN number is the last four digits of pi

The sword swallower went to a sewing store to buy pins and needles

He was on a diet

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8621. If this makes it to the front page, odds are it’s someone’s ATM PIN.

Crap.

Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school

She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later th...

You know you're drunk when you get home, put food in the microwave

and then enter your pin number...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If a wrestler pins you while having sex with your wife...

Is that a cuckhold?

If I pulled the pin from a grenade,

how long does it take to expl

I never use pushpins at work so my boss called the police. Now I’m going to jail.

They’re charging me with tacks evasion.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A blonde wanted to hang a map up in her room and put pins in everywhere she had been

After buying the map, she went to Japan. Then she went to Alaska. Then Antarctica. Then Australia. She finally went home and picked up her map.

"Now I can finally hang it up," she said.

Mary Rose sat on a pin

Mary rose!

What's a pin without a point?

Pointless. ^^^I'm ^^^sorry

What do you do when, during wartime, a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Catch it, pull out the pin, throw it back.

TIL After Nigeria was unable to win any medals in this year's Olympics, the Nigerian Sports Minister personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Brazil.

He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

What sounds like a pin hitting the floor, but louder?

A PIN HITTING THE FLOOR.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man got a text from his neighbor: "I'm so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess.

I've been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again."

The man anguished and ...

I once picked up a grenade in a gun sale, they had knocked off 90% because it was missing a pin or something.

It blew my mind.

A boy pokes a girl with a pin at church

The church priest asks the girl a question "who is our lord and savior?" *the boy stabs her with the pin* she yells "JESUS CHRIST" the priest says "good good, who created us" *the boy stabs her again* she yells "GOD ALMIGHTY" the priest says "good good, now, what did Eve say to Adam after they had t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A deaf accountant works for the mafia.

One day, the king pin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the king pin. Translator says, "There's a million dolla...

I was having a hard time remembering my PIN on my debit card....

So I changed it to 0911. That way I never forget.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.

Usually, she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted...

So I was on my way to the ATM machine and I realized I had forgotten my PIN number...

I panicked, but then I realized that it's not worth worrying about. Life is too short. We could get hit by an ICBM missile tomorrow or find out that I've tested positive for the HIV virus. So instead I got some KFC chicken, listened to some NPR radio on the way home, then read some DC comics.
...

Did you know that if you pull the pin off of grenade and hold it up to your ear

You can actually hear the world getting smarter.

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

A Canadian couple was strolling through a park in London and sat down on a bench next to an elderly Briton. The Brit noticed their lapel pins sporting the Canadian flag and, to make conversation, said "Judging by your pins, you must be Canadians".

"Indeed we are", replied the Canadian gen...

A blonde threw a grenade at another

So she pulled the pin and threw it back.

The first then asks, "What should I do with this pin?"

The Detroit Lions have almost assembled a team to win the Super Bowl...

All that’s missing is a great quarterback. A scout has been looking everywhere for someone good enough, but cheap enough to keep them under the salary cap.

The scout, after a long day of searching, comes home defeated. He slumps down into his chair and decides to watch the news.

As h...

What is Jeremy Clarkson's PIN number?

Nought two sixty.

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

What do you call an African who plays 10 pin bowling online?

Ebola.

A tourist meets another tourist in Alaska.

-"What brings you here to Alaska?"

-"Well, you see, it all started when I bought one of those maps in which you pin down every place you've been to".

-"Ah, I see. You want to pin as much places as you can, and you haven't pinned Alaska yet".

-"No", replied the tourist, "I have t...

A moral joke, finally!

The Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff.But then the teacher realised that only Janie was left. ...

What's the Chinese minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling

What's the Korean minister for bowling sport's name?

Bo Ling-Pin.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted. They both look really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed."

"What a conicidence" he said. "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."

They start talking and after a few more drinks they decide to go to the woma...

I got kicked off my bowling team the other day

I managed to knock all the pins down on my first two turns. Then on my third turn I did it again and the leader of the team turned to me and said "Sorry, you're going to have to leave the team".

Apparently they have a three strike policy.

The inflatable headteacher at the inflatable school caught the inflatable student bringing a pin into the classroom.

He said, "Not only have you let yourself down, you've let me down, you've let your teachers down, and you've let the whole school down..."

Why did the bowling pins stop working?

They went on strike!

A woman and man get into a car accident

Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, "Wow, look at our cars - there's nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the bla...

Johnny and Sarah are in Sunday School ...

Johnny and Sarah are sitting in Sunday school class when Sarah begins to fall asleep. The teacher notices this and decides to embarrass Sarah by asking her a question. The teacher asks, "Sarah, who created the heavens and the earth?" Johnny decides to help Sarah out and wake her up, so he covertly t...

Story of an old tired dog

An old tired-looking dog wanders into a guy's yard. He examines the dog's collar and feels his well-fed belly and knows the dog has a home.

The dog follows him into the house, goes down the hall, jumps on the couch, gets comfortable and falls asleep. The man thinks its rather odd, but lets hi...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Confession

"Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I used the F word this morning on the golf course."
"Tell me, my son, what were the circumstances that put you under such extreme provocation?"
"I drove my tee shot three hundred yards, but the wind suddenly caught it and it landed in the rough." ...

Passport? What Passport?

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 92, arrived in Paris by plane with his son.

At French customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he ...

Rich man shenanigans

There was once an extremely wealthy man who was known for his eccentric habits. One fine evening, he sent out an invite to all the young, able-bodied men of his city for a very "special" dinner, promising a grand prize for one lucky soul.

Knowing the rich man's generous nature, a hundred you...

Little bit of a read but funny

(Im from Louisiana and we usually use Boudreaux and Thibadeaux as our characters with our cajun accent but for joke purposes ill use tim and matt)
Tim and Matt went to see a wrestling match at a local arena. There was a famous wrestler in town called the Human Pretzel (due to his special move fol...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Twas a slow and quiet day in the little Irish parish

so Father Oriley decided to go for a stroll
down by docks. He ran into Patrick, the local firsherman who just about to head off in his boat.


Patrick offered to take the Father out fishing for the afternoon since he was bored so they headed off.
About an hour of fishing later the pri...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Nigerian football team were so disappointed with Saturday’s performance that they have said they will personally refund all expenses to fans who travelled to support them.

All they need to do is send bank details, sort codes & PINs, and they will transfer the money directly …

I bought a grenade today...

Things went terribly wrong when the cashier asked me for my PIN.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A zoo bought a female gorilla

About a week after buying a gorilla the zookeepers noticed the gorilla became extremely aggressive. There was nothing they could do to console the gorilla. After awhile even when they fed the gorilla it would refuse to eat and throw its food against the wall.

After this went on for awhile the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A hunter shoots a bear in the ass with a pistol...

The bear, feeling the sting in his ass, turns towards the hunter runs down the hill and pins the hunter down. The bear says "since you shot me in the ass, I'm going to screw you in the ass..."

The hunter, not wanting to die, agrees - pulls his pants down and allows the bear to have its way wi...

(OC?) A man walks into a French bakery

He goes up to the counter and is offered some chocolate to which he declines, whilst noticing that there's not much for sale. The baker then hits him over the head with a rolling pin. "Ow what did you do that for?!" They only had pain au chocolats

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Ethical Dilemma

You are playing in the club championship knockout final and the match was all square at the end of 17 holes. You had the honour and hit your ball a modest two hundred fifty yards to the middle of the fairway, leaving a simple 7 iron to the pin.

Your opponent then hits his ball, lofting it de...

An illuminated joke

A physicist and an engineer were roommates in college. One night a fire broke out in their apartment. The engineer woke up first and saw the fire. He remembered the fire extinguisher in every unit, grabbed it and pulled the pin, as instructed, and sprayed the fire with the sodium bicarbonate contain...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes out for cigarettes

After an uneventful dinner with his wife, a man realizes he's out of cigarettes and decides to stop at his local bar for a pack. The bartender says they just started selling a new micro brew and offers him one on the house, so he decides to stay for one drink.

When he's just about finish...

A guy comes home to his wife

It's a warm summers day, so the front door is left open.

The man finds his wife standing by the kitchen counter with her back turned, working on dinner, wearing nothing but a short, yellow sundress.

Without saying a word, he steps over to her, drops his pants and gently lifts up her dr...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

A man is totally convinced he is dead.

His wife and kids do everything to try and convince him that he’s not dead. They take him to a doctor and for months every day the doctor shows him charts, studies, graphs, and statistics showing that dead men do not bleed, and finally the man is completely certain that dead men do not bleed.
...

The Zoo Joke (Long)

So there's this zoo, and this zoo isn't very affluent, but, if someone visits the zoo, it is definitely to see their gorilla.

One morning, the workers come in early to open the zoo like normal and find, to their great sadness, that their famous gorilla has died of old age. The zoo staff are ...

A man was out golfing and stops to help a frog.

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Olympic wrestling

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler named Ole were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold h...

After getting acupuncture, my chronic muscle pain is completely gone.

The pin really is mightier than the sore.

Some numbers are having a party

There's 3, 4, and 5 playing pin the tail on the donkey. 8, 9, and 0 are chasing a ball around. Everyone is laughing and having a great time.
Except for little 2. Alone he sits in the corner quietly watching everyone play. After some time he says, too quietly for anybody to hear, "would any...

A group of men are out sailing when they decide to see what the chef is cooking for dinner.

They walk in and, being that he doesn’t have a rolling pin, see him flattening biscuits with his armpit.

“That’s disgusting!” One guy says to the other.

“Yeah, well you should see how he makes donuts!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was lucky enough to win a couple of coupons for some cool bowling balls with number jokes printed on them.

I won two, three for five, sick "seven ate nine" ten pin bowling balls.

Or in other words I... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ...pin bowling balls.

A preacher and soldier are on a plane that is falling out of the sky with no parachutes...

The preacher turns to the soldier and angrily says “God has failed us. I have devoted my life to him and he rewards me with this?” The preacher promptly throws his bible out of the airplane.

The soldier reaches over to comfort the preacher. The soldier looks at him and says “before we die, I’...

I got a flat tire recently...

I was lucky enough to have spotted it before I was able to drive off to my local bowling alley. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have any extra tires on me, nor was I willing to go to my local auto shop and get one.

Fortunately, I did have the bowling ball and 10 pins I was planning on bringing...

Chuck Norris joke, cause it's been a while

Chuck Norris pull the pin in a grenade, threw it, killed 50 men, and then the grenade exploded.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was in the bar with my buddy last night and he was sighing heavily and staring into his beer glass..

"What's up dude"? I said. "You look worried"

"So would you man." he replied. "My five year old son has gone and gotten our next door neighbor's gorgeous eighteen year old daughter pregnant!"

I said "No way, that's not possible"

He replied "Yes it is! The little bastard went and ...

A farmer, an engineer, and a mathematician are building a fence...

The farmer, drawing from his years of farming experience, tells the others about how much wood and materials they’ll need to build the pin for his sheep to graze.

The engineer, determined to find the exact amount of materials to build the fence, draws up a series of complex equations and calc...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into church and sits in the confessional booth.

The priest sits down and the man says, "Forgive me for I have sinned. I was golfing yesterday and I cursed."

The priest replies, "Would you like to tell me what happened?"

"Well," the guy says. "I was out on the seventh hole, and I'd just hit my best drive of the day. Straight ahead, d...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A long-assed golf joke- but a decent, long-assed golf joke...

A man goes to see his priest:

“Father”, the man begins, “I took the Lord’s name in vain today while I was golfing.”

“I see. This is certainly an egregious sin in the eyes of our Lord, but perhaps you could tell me the circumstances around which this happened. As a golfer myself, I un...

I'm trying to get in touch with my old judo instructor.

He is a hard man to pin down!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is your job, young man?

The CEO during a site visit to the office asks a young manager "Yes smarty, what do you do?"

Manager (calmly) : "Sir, I'm the Sexual Advisor to the VP."

Pin drop silence ensues, photographer stops taking pictures, all others stop working and start looking around.

The CEO looks ...

Going through customs at a US airport

Customs agent: Do you have anything to declare today?
Me: *starts sweating* ummmmm no. *trips and falls. Hundred of Kinder eggs spill from my pockets, jacket and bag*
Customs agent: GET ON THE FLOOR NOW!
Me: But, I am -
*armed guards swarm around and pin me down*
Armed guards: WHAT'S ...

Which sport is the quietest?

Bowling. You can hear a pin drop.

Saul, the Jewish Lottery Winner

So Saul, a 90-year-old Jew, wins the $300 million lottery. He's at the news conference to accept the check, and the reporters ask him if there's anyone he'd like to thank.

"Yes," he says solemnly. "I'd like to thank my brother Eli for lending me the $5 to buy the ticket, and my brother David...

Soviet joke

Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissol...