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Gum Jokes

What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border
AI Image Generator

A scientist tried to make gum out of eggs

It was an egg spearmint

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.

What’s the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer

What is a flat earther's least favorite flavor of gum?

Spheremint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

A man is sitting on the train, chewing gum in silence.

After a while, an elderly lady leans forward from opposite and says: "Sir, it's very kind of you to tell me so much, but unfortunately I'm deaf!"

why does Han Solo like gum so much?

Because it's chewy

PM Boris Johnson plans to put a special tax on gum

I think thats a little Extra

I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.

But I'm struggling to get it off the ground.

What’s Han Solo’s favorite gum?

Big League Chewie

This year Korean gum brand Xylitol did a sponsorship with BTS

Each pack of gum features a photo of one BTS member, but one member was notably missing from the collection.

That's because Xylitol doesn't have Suga.

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.

3 years passed. One of the snail friends said ”he still hasn’t returned, we might as well drink his beer”. Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, ”if you touch my beer, I won’t be buying you guys any chewing gum!”.

What's the most popular chewing gum flavor in Belarus?

Pepperminsk

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard...

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We weren't allowed gum in school, our teacher was a bit of a gum nazi

She wanted to eliminate all the chews

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyday a man named Jack would chew and swallow three whole packs of bubble gum.

Finally his concerned coworkers asked, "Jack, whats the deal with chewing and swallowing all this bubble gum?"

Jack responded by saying, "I don't know... It just helps me keep my shit together."

What is a train’s favourite food? Gum.

*chew* *chew*

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

A Teacher wants to do a little Quiz with her Students.

Teacher:"Guess what this is, which animal has a Beak and Feathers?"

Random Student:"A Duck!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Goose.
Next question, which animal has Claws and Fur?"

Random Student:"A Dog!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Cat."...

What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? (nsfw)

Gum!

What is a scientist's favorite type of gum?

ex-spearmint!

What is the prefered chewing gum of communists?

Ho Chi MINT

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

What did the guy at the restaurant say to the bubble gum he found stuck under the table?

I have a bad feeling about this, Chewy.

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint.

inspired by the presidential gum joke.

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

"I'd like to return this gum, it tastes awful"

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."

I'm trying out a new idea for using gum that's lost its flavor.

Right now, it's just an ex-spearmint.

(Sorry)

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor?

.......Ex-*spearmint*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came here to kick ass and chew gum...

And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while.

A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning

I replied "Sorry, I don't have any Extra"

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."

I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint!


More Gum Jokes!

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

two guys go fishing every weekend. one weekend one of them doesn't show up.

The next weekend when he shows up they load up the boat go out in the middle of lake and start fishing. One fisherman turns the other one and says "hey buddy what happened to you last week?"

The fisherman shrugs and says "I got married and went on my honeymoon"

The first fisherman look...

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

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