UPJOKE
mucilagegumwoodgum treegingivachiclechewmouthtoothgluemumblechewing gumexudatechicle gumred gumsweet gum

Gum Jokes

What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train
upvote downvote report

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.
upvote downvote report

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border
upvote downvote report

A scientist tried to make gum out of eggs

It was an egg spearmint
upvote downvote report

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight
upvote downvote report

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

What is a flat earther's least favorite flavor of gum?

Spheremint
upvote downvote report

A man is sitting on the train, chewing gum in silence.

After a while, an elderly lady leans forward from opposite and says: "Sir, it's very kind of you to tell me so much, but unfortunately I'm deaf!"
upvote downvote report

Why does Han Solo like gum?

Because it's chewy
upvote downvote report

I'm trying to start up my own business, recycling discarded chewing gum.

But I'm struggling to get it off the ground.
upvote downvote report

Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.

3 years passed. One of the snail friends said ”he still hasn’t returned, we might as well drink his beer”. Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, ”if you touch my beer, I won’t be buying you guys any chewing gum!”.
upvote downvote report

What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet?

Gum
upvote downvote report

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success
upvote downvote report

What’s the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?

Cancer
upvote downvote report

What’s Han Solo’s favorite gum?

Big League Chewie
upvote downvote report

This year Korean gum brand Xylitol did a sponsorship with BTS

Each pack of gum features a photo of one BTS member, but one member was notably missing from the collection.

That's because Xylitol doesn't have Suga.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We weren't allowed gum in school, our teacher was a bit of a gum nazi

She wanted to eliminate all the chews

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”
upvote downvote report

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint
upvote downvote report

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.
upvote downvote report

A Koala was sitting on a gum tree.

Smoking a joint, when a little lizard walked past looked up and said, hey koala what are you doing?

The koala replied, smoking a joint come up and have some.

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizar...
upvote downvote report

What is a train’s favourite food? Gum.

*chew* *chew*
upvote downvote report

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.
upvote downvote report

My brother counted how much gum he had

He said he had 47 instead of 46.
I said it’s called Extra gum for a reason
upvote downvote report

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor?

.......Ex-*spearmint*.
upvote downvote report

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.
upvote downvote report

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends
upvote downvote report

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.
upvote downvote report

What is a scientist's favorite type of gum?

ex-spearmint!
upvote downvote report

A Teacher wants to do a little Quiz with her Students.

Teacher:"Guess what this is, which animal has a Beak and Feathers?"

Random Student:"A Duck!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Goose.
Next question, which animal has Claws and Fur?"

Random Student:"A Dog!"

Teacher:"Thats right, but it could also be a Cat."...
upvote downvote report

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint.

inspired by the presidential gum joke.
upvote downvote report

Deep in the Australian bush…

A lizard and a koala are sitting in a large gum smoking a joint. They’re having a blast.
Eventually the lizard says, “Dude, my mouth is so dry. I’m going to get a drink at the river.” So he climbs down the tree, makes his way through the bush and when he arrives at the river he leans in to drin...
upvote downvote report

It had to be Australia

A gecko lizard is walking through the Australian bush, heading toward the river for a drink.

On his walk he comes across a koala sitting in a gum tree, smoking a joint and stops for a chat.

"Gidday, mate. What are you doing?"

The koala replies, "Smoking a joint, come up and join...
upvote downvote report

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.
upvote downvote report

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyday a man named Jack would chew and swallow three whole packs of bubble gum.

Finally his concerned coworkers asked, "Jack, whats the deal with chewing and swallowing all this bubble gum?"

Jack responded by saying, "I don't know... It just helps me keep my shit together."

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came here to kick ass and chew gum...

And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class. The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Principal: 6+6.

Boy: 12.

The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send ...

A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning

I replied "Sorry, I don't have any Extra"
upvote downvote report

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."
upvote downvote report

"I'd like to return this gum, it tastes awful"

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."
upvote downvote report

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint!


More Gum Jokes!
upvote downvote report

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]
upvote downvote report

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)
upvote downvote report

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging
upvote downvote report

I'm trying out a new idea for using gum that's lost its flavor.

Right now, it's just an ex-spearmint.

(Sorry)
upvote downvote report

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between a teacher and a train??

The teacher tells you to to spit out the gum, while the other says "chew-chew!"
upvote downvote report

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition
upvote downvote report

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...
upvote downvote report

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

What did the guy at the restaurant say to the bubble gum he found stuck under the table?

I have a bad feeling about this, Chewy.
upvote downvote report

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.
upvote downvote report

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother
upvote downvote report

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.
upvote downvote report

My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."

I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information