What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

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Did you hear about the blonde who dropped her gum in the toilet?

She chewed the shit out of it

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

I'm trying to start a chewing gum recycling company...

I just need a little help getting it off the ground.

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Everyday a man named Jack would chew and swallow three whole packs of bubble gum.

Finally his concerned coworkers asked, "Jack, whats the deal with chewing and swallowing all this bubble gum?"

Jack responded by saying, "I don't know... It just helps me keep my shit together."

If you need gum, come see me.

I have some extra.

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3....

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

*Principal:* What is 3+3?

*Boy:* 6.

*Pri...

An Indian is calmly having breakfast...

An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an

American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside

him.The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We on...

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

What is a train’s favourite food? Gum.

*chew* *chew*

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard...

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

What did the guy at the restaurant say to the bubble gum he found stuck under the table?

I have a bad feeling about this, Chewy.

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging

what is the difference between school and train?

The school says spit chewing gum but the train says "chew chew chew"

Permits required

A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to clim...

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We weren't allowed gum in school, our teacher was a bit of a gum nazi

She wanted to eliminate all the chews

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A family was at an amusement park.

When the young daughter got tired, her dad put her up on his shoulders. But then she started picking at his hair. Wincing, her dad said, “If you keep pulling my hair, you’re going to have to get down off my shoulders.”

“But Dad,” the kid replied, “I’m just trying to get my gum back.”

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer



I'm sorry

What is a scientist's favorite type of gum?

ex-spearmint!

What is the prefered chewing gum of communists?

Ho Chi MINT

What’s the difference between a depressed criminal and a cat cutting down a gumtree with a chainsaw?

One’s a felon feeling glum, and the other is a feline felling gum.

Why do trains like gum so much?

Because they chew-chew!

A man loses the ability to hear lighter sounds.

He had worn headphones at high volume for too long.

One day, he went to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. He was sitting with the Doctor. The Doctor kept talking and talking for a long time. The deaf man then said:

"Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Usually I can heard s...

My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?"

I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

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A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

I was doing my business in a truck stop restroom one day when an old man walked in.

The old man was clearly up there in age, very likely senile. Talking to nobody in particular, he made an announcement to everyone present in the busy bathroom.

He exclaimed, "Could someone help me? I lost my glasses this morning and accidentally switched my Preparation H and my denture glue...

"I'd like to return this gum, it tastes awful"

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint.

inspired by the presidential gum joke.

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise.

He has the time of his life until the boat
sinks and he ends up on a desert island. A month later the man
looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He
asks her where she’s come from.

"I was shipwrecked last year," she says. "I’ve been stranded on the
other sid...

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum

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A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

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French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

What is hard and dry when it goes into your mouth, but is soft and sticky when it comes out.

Chewing gum, but i like the way reddit thinks.

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[NSFW] A joke translated from Mandarin

A Japanese man went to a famous Chinese restaurant in China, where he was served a platter of prawns. He asked the waiter, "In China, what do you do with the leftover prawn shells?" The waiter replied "Of course we throw them away." The Japanese man shook his head and said "No! In Japan, we send the...

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"

Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" ...

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor?

.......Ex-*spearmint*.

My Mom's favorite joke

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac...

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

What's Donald Trump's favorite kind of bubble gum?

Bigly chew.

My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."

I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.

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I came here to kick ass and chew gum...

And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while.

A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning

I replied "Sorry, I don't have any Extra"

I'm trying out a new idea for using gum that's lost its flavor.

Right now, it's just an ex-spearmint.

(Sorry)

This Gum Tastes Like Rubber

Condom-vending Machines are provided in some restrooms. When it comes to wall-scrawl, these dispensers take as much abuse as the wall above the urinals and the wisdom written in the stalls. Here are samples of what was scratched into the paint of various dispensers in the USA:

'This gum taste...

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint!


More Gum Jokes!

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What starts with “f” and ends with “k”?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”
Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd gra...

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday...

So I’m at the dentist yesterday, the dentist has a needle deep in my gums. As he’s concentrating, he casually says, “how are fat chicks and bricks alike?” I was like “au-ha-oa-iea” (his hand still in my mouth) He goes “welp, sooner or later their gonna get laid by a Mexican.”

True story.

A man is checking out at the grocery store.

He buys a dozen eggs, two boxes of pasta, waffles, a bag of onions, lunch meat, oatmeal, sparkling water and throws on a pack of gum at the register.
The woman behind him says "you must be single"
"Why yes I am! Did you figure this out by noticing all the stuff I bought?"
"Nope, it's becaus...

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

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Two men are fishing.

One asks the other how his recent marriage is going.

"Not so well. We haven't been able to consummate the marriage. The wife has gonorrhea."

"Wow, that's bad. I suppose there's always oral sex?"

"Nope. She has a serious gum infection - pyorrhea."

"Is she up for, ahem, an...

I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

>!Gum!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy goes shopping with his mom and is waiting outside the changing room for her to come out.

While waiting, the little boy gets bored and as his mom comes out sees him sliding his hand up a mannequins skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?"

The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't ge...

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