What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the blonde who dropped her gum in the toilet?

She chewed the shit out of it

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

I'm trying to start a chewing gum recycling company...

I just need a little help getting it off the ground.

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

A little boy went to a convenience store to buy bubble gum.

"Hi! I want to buy bubble gum?" the boy said to the cashier. The cashier said, "Sorry kid. We're out."

The next day, the boy went back to the store again and went up to the cashier. "Hi! I want to buy bubble gum?" said the boy to the cashier. The cashier said, "Sorry kid. Just like yesterday...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 farmers were talking about how they have sex with their sheep. The first one said “I put it’s back legs down my wellies so it can’t run off”. The second said “I put its back legs down my wellies and it’s front legs over a wall, gives a different position”

The third says “I put its back legs down my wellies, with it facing me and put its front legs over my shoulders”
“Why do you do that” asked the others, “well, I don’t want to miss out on the kissing”

Edit - Wellies = Wellington Boots = Gum Boots = Rubber Boots

If you need gum, come see me.

I have some extra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her 3rd grade class.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

Principal: What is 3+3?

Boy: 6.

Princip...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyday a man named Jack would chew and swallow three whole packs of bubble gum.

Finally his concerned coworkers asked, "Jack, whats the deal with chewing and swallowing all this bubble gum?"

Jack responded by saying, "I don't know... It just helps me keep my shit together."

What is a train’s favourite food? Gum.

*chew* *chew*

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard...

What did the guy at the restaurant say to the bubble gum he found stuck under the table?

I have a bad feeling about this, Chewy.

Permits required A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the t...

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We weren't allowed gum in school, our teacher was a bit of a gum nazi

She wanted to eliminate all the chews

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe, when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him...

The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.

The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"

The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course."

Th...

Why do trains like gum so much?

Because they chew-chew!

My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?"

I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer



I'm sorry

What is a scientist's favorite type of gum?

ex-spearmint!

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

So my grandpa told me a story...

He told me that back in his day, he would walk into the store with a nickel, and come out with 4 cans of soda, 2 king sized candy bars, and a pack of gum.

But today there are too many damn cameras!

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint.

inspired by the presidential gum joke.

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

"I'd like to return this gum, it tastes awful"

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor?

.......Ex-*spearmint*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family was at an amusement park.

When the young daughter got tired, her dad put her up on his shoulders. But then she started picking at his hair. Wincing, her dad said, “If you keep pulling my hair, you’re going to have to get down off my shoulders.”

“But Dad,” the kid replied, “I’m just trying to get my gum back.”

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came here to kick ass and chew gum...

And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while.

A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning

I replied "Sorry, I don't have any Extra"

What's Donald Trump's favorite kind of bubble gum?

Bigly chew.

My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."

I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.

I'm trying out a new idea for using gum that's lost its flavor.

Right now, it's just an ex-spearmint.

(Sorry)

the puppy test

Before you get a puppy, take the Puppy Test.

Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.

1. Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.
2. Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wee...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A joke translated from Mandarin

A Japanese man went to a famous Chinese restaurant in China, where he was served a platter of prawns. He asked the waiter, "In China, what do you do with the leftover prawn shells?" The waiter replied "Of course we throw them away." The Japanese man shook his head and said "No! In Japan, we send the...

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint!


More Gum Jokes!

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

What is hard and dry when it goes into your mouth, but is soft and sticky when it comes out.

Chewing gum, but i like the way reddit thinks.

My Mom's favorite joke

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to ac...

Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time?

He has an oral fixation.

After years of hard work, an ambitious yuppie books himself on a Caribbean cruise.

He has the time of his life until the boat
sinks and he ends up on a desert island. A month later the man
looks out to sea and sees a gorgeous woman rowing to shore. He
asks her where she’s come from.

"I was shipwrecked last year," she says. "I’ve been stranded on the
other sid...

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

Three men were waiting outside the labor ward...

A nurse came out to tell the first man: "Congratulations. You are the father of twins." "Twins!"he exclaimed "How about that? I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Co!"

Five minutes later, a nurse came out to tell the second man: "Congratulations. You are the father of triplets." "Triplets!" ...

A man loses the ability to hear lighter sounds.

He had worn headphones at high volume for too long.

One day, he went to the Doctor for his monthly checkup. He was sitting with the Doctor. The Doctor kept talking and talking for a long time. The deaf man then said:

"Sorry, I can't understand what you're saying. Usually I can heard s...

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

Little Johnny gets caught playing doctor with the neighbour girl.

Dad doesn’t approve thinking Johnny is on track to knock up a young teen in a few years.
“Johnny, you know that girls have teeth down there?
“What, are you lying?”
“Nope, you need to keep clear of that business son”

Years later in high school Johnny starts dating a girl but after s...

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