What do you call a train that carries gum

A chew-chew train

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

Three snails were drinking at a bar. One of the snails got up to buy chewing gum at the store. He asked his snail friends if they wanted some gum too. They said yes.

3 years passed. One of the snail friends said ”he still hasn’t returned, we might as well drink his beer”. Suddenly a voice from the door yelled, ”if you touch my beer, I won’t be buying you guys any chewing gum!”.

What's the similarity between a pack of chewing gum and a gun?

When you pull it out in class, everyone wants to be friends

Guns are like gum...

Pull it out in class and everyone acts like you’ve been best friends since kindergarten.

n Indian is calmly having breakfast... An Indian is calmly having his breakfast when an American, who is chewing gum, sits down beside him.

The Indian ignores the American who begins to chat :

The American asks :'Do you eat the bread entirely?'

The Indian answers,'Of course!'

American : 'We do not .We only eat the inner part. The crust is put in a container and processed and transformed into flour and sold to Indian...

Food scientists have finally managed to remove the mint flavor from gum

The ex-spearmint was a complete success

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

What's the moon's favorite gum?

Orbit.

While visiting the old folks home, little Charlie asks his grandmother, "Grandma, what is 'dark humor'?"

His grandma replies, "Watch, I'll show you." She points at a man in a wheelchair, and says, "See that man over there? Go and ask him to stand up."

Charlie gasps. "But grandma...!"

His grandma then points at a man with no arms. "And see him? Tell him to clap his hands! Hah!"

Char...

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A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.

The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".

The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.

**Principal:** What is 3+3?

**Boy:** 6.
...

What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet?

***Gum!***

A joke my husband made up...What kind of gum does Trump chew?

Double impeachmint. (Yes he is a Dad....)

I'm trying to start a chewing gum recycling company...

I just need a little help getting it off the ground.

When I was younger, I used to go to the store with a dollar, and come out with a pop, a bag of chips and a pack of gums...

Now, they have cameras.

When i was a kid, you could go into a store with a dollar and walk out with a soda, 4 candy bars, chips, and some gum...

But now, they have security cameras everywhere

[not my joke, I got it from somewhere just don't remember where, and it's provably unfunny but it made me laugh a lil]

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Did you hear about the blonde who dropped her gum in the toilet?

She chewed the shit out of it

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I don't have sex with my co-workers at the chewing gum factory

cause that would be a sticky business

The Democratic Caucus has released a new gum flavor

Orange n’ Peach Mint

This morning I slipped on a gum ball and landed on my face pretty hard.

Actually it was a jaw breaker

Little Johnny

The teacher growls at Little Johnny, “Is that bubble gum in your mouth?! In the trash can! Right now!”
-

Little Johnny, “The bubble gum too?”

What flavor gum does the President prefer?

Governmint

Ill walk myself to the nearest border

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Everyday a man named Jack would chew and swallow three whole packs of bubble gum.

Finally his concerned coworkers asked, "Jack, whats the deal with chewing and swallowing all this bubble gum?"

Jack responded by saying, "I don't know... It just helps me keep my shit together."

A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, "Hey Koala! What are you doing?"

The koala said, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was dry and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard...

I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative...

It sure is hard to keep lit.

If you need gum, come see me.

I have some extra.

Teacher in class asks riddles. She asks little Johnny:

"It's a small animal with 4 legs. What is it?"

Little Johnny says: "Dog."

Teacher replies: "But could be a cat too. Alright, another one. It's a long, thin animal with no legs."

Little Johnny: "A snake."

Teacher: "Could be. But could also be an eel."

Little Johnny:...

My son was grabbing my nicotine gum...

When I stopped him.

“Son, you can’t have those.”

“But Dad, I see you chewing it all the time!”

“That’s because I used to smoke. If you want them you better start smoking first”

There once was a soldier who's name was Dave

His men thought for sure he was very brave.

Dave's own platoon got ambushed once at war.

It was up to him to even the score.



One of his comrades gave out a wave

To signal some help from his great friend Dave.

A soldier got hit by a close grenade.

He ...

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

My teacher said, "Are you chewing gum?"

I said, "Do I look like chewing gum to you?"

What is a train’s favourite food? Gum.

*chew* *chew*

What kind of gum do bees chew?

BUMBLEGUM.

Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.

Why is gum similar to guns?

If you take one out during class, everyone starts acting like your friend.

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We weren't allowed gum in school, our teacher was a bit of a gum nazi

She wanted to eliminate all the chews

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3 farmers were talking about how they have sex with their sheep. The first one said “I put it’s back legs down my wellies so it can’t run off”. The second said “I put its back legs down my wellies and it’s front legs over a wall, gives a different position”

The third says “I put its back legs down my wellies, with it facing me and put its front legs over my shoulders”
“Why do you do that” asked the others, “well, I don’t want to miss out on the kissing”

Edit - Wellies = Wellington Boots = Gum Boots = Rubber Boots

Why do all Fortnite players have healthy gums?

Because they floss regularly.

Why did Logan Paul not give rice gum a hi five?

Because he likes to leave asians hanging

What is a scientist's favorite type of gum?

ex-spearmint!

What is the prefered chewing gum of communists?

Ho Chi MINT

Why do trains like gum so much?

Because they chew-chew!

I walked up to a girl and said, "Skittles, Starburst, Jelly Babies, Haribo, Wine Gums."

"Erm...what?" she asked.

I said, "I'm trying to sweet-talk you into dating me."

What did the guy at the restaurant say to the bubble gum he found stuck under the table?

I have a bad feeling about this, Chewy.

What flavor gum does a scientist prefer?

Exspearamint.

inspired by the presidential gum joke.

"I'd like to return this gum, it tastes awful"

"Um, sir, those are bandaids."

"I'd like to return these bandaids. I think someone ate some."

Jeffrey Dahmer didn't like Tic Tacs or gum.

He preferred men toes.

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French Bubble Gum !

An American guy is sitting at a diner minding his own business eating breakfast.

A French guy chewing gum sits down next to him & says "What are you eating there? American bread? In France we eat only the soft centers out of our fresh bread & send the crusts to America."

The ...

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first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students. The teacher asked, “Harry, what exactly is your problem?”

Harry answered, “I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she! I think I should be in the 3rd grade, too!”
Ms. Brooks finally had enough; she took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the situa...

Why did the gum cross the road?

It was stuck to the chickens foot.

What is a penguins favorite chewing gum?

Ice breakers, Hi my name (insert your name here)

When I was a kid a piece of bubble gum used to cost a penny. You know what happened?

Inflation.

One day a man decided to retire. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How d...

What's a scientist's favorite gum flavor?

.......Ex-*spearmint*.

My dentist took a look in my mouth and said, "Your gums look awful. I told you to floss religiously."

I do, I said, I floss on Christmas and Easter.

A student brings a slingshot to algebra class and fires gum at the professor

It was a weapon of math disruption.

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I came here to kick ass and chew gum...

And I've got new, longer-lasting Stride, so we'll be here for a while.

Always read the package insert

"Doc, the suppository you prescribed... they really stuck to my gum and teeth".

"What? You didn't swallow them, did you?"

"Of course I did, what else was I supposed to do with them, shove 'em up my ass?"

A lady asked me if I had any gum this morning

I replied "Sorry, I don't have any Extra"

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer



I'm sorry

What's Donald Trump's favorite kind of bubble gum?

Bigly chew.

Earth went around the solar system asking the other planets for a stick of gum.

They all refused, but Earth still got one; Pluto shares its Orbit.

I'm trying out a new idea for using gum that's lost its flavor.

Right now, it's just an ex-spearmint.

(Sorry)

An elementary school student gets gum stuck in his hair...

So the nurse takes him to the science teacher and say "Can you get the gum out of his hair?"

The science teacher responds "Of course, its just a matter of having the right solvent."

An hour later the nurse asks the science teacher "Have any luck?"

The science teacher responds "Y...

What type of gum does a Buddhist perfer?

Enlightenmint!


More Gum Jokes!

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Les gooooo

What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?
A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

What do you call a useless piece of skin on a penis?
A man.

What kind of bees make milk?
Boo-bees.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Asshole!
Ass...

Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum?

She had some double bubble toilet trouble.

I have an unopened pack of gum from 1993

You could even say it's in...

..mint condition

What do designers of gum call new flavors from old ingredients?

ex-spearmints

Permits required A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to climb the big gum.

As she neared the top, she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the t...

Why does Bill Clinton chew gum all the time?

He has an oral fixation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got sent home from school today for chewing gum in class.

I had to phone the teacher and explain to her that he's only trying to give up smoking.

What would you call a store that sold only mints and gum?

Bad Breath and Beyond.

How does a train driver operate a train while eating gum?

He goes chew chew chew...


creds to my 5yo brother

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