UPJOKE
forsakingsurrenderyieldingforgoingrenunciationrelinquishingrelinquishmentputwhileinsteadtomakingoutputtingtaking

Giving Up Jokes

I'm giving up drinking till christmas

Bad punctuation, can't edit title

I'm giving up. Drinking till Christmas.

Arthur is 75 years old. He’s played golf every day since his retirement 15 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. “That’s it,” he tells his wife. “I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn’t see where it went.”

His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So th...

I’m giving up drinking, for a month.

*(oops, incorrect punctuation)*

I’m giving up. Drinking for a month.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm giving up masturbating for an entire month.

Sorry, bad punctuation.

I'm giving up. Masturbating for an entire month.

I'm giving up spreadsheets for forty days

Excellent.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.

I know because I've done it thousands of times.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

On Ash Wednesday I will be giving up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights.

It's going to be completely Excel Lent.

What's Donald Trump giving up for Lent this year?

Your grandparents.

I'm giving up on my legs

They keep standing me up.

I'm giving up negativity for lent.

We'll see how long that lasts.

I'm giving up smoking weed for a year.

That's not right.

I'm giving up, smoking weed for a year.

Dr. Dre is giving up music.

Instead, he has decided to become a shepherd, and raise sheep.

Introducing Bleats by Dre.

Finnish people eagerly await giving up the mandatory social distancing guidelines

So they can return from the government mandated 2 meters of distance to the normal 5 meters

I’m giving up on these electric toothbrushes. Mine goes through 2 batteries a week and always starts to smell like fish.

On an unrelated side note, my girlfriend has been in a good mood lately.

Why did the eraser on the end of the pencil feel like giving up?

Because it couldn't see the point.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gambler dies and goes to Heaven...

A professional gambler wins big and dies of an aneurysm. When he gets to the afterlife, he finds himself at the back of a miles-long line to get into Heaven.

Drawing on his experience, the gambler immediately thinks of a way to get ahead of everyone else. He taps the old man ahead of him on t...

What is the Catholic Church giving up for Lent?

Answer: The Pope!

My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in a marathon after only 1 mile

I’ve become a running joke

I'm giving up on the argument...

From now on I will pronounce it 'gif'.

I am giving up eating red meats.

I'm going cold turkey.

I'm giving up self control for lent

It's going to be so hard!

I'm giving up spray deodorants for the new year

Roll on 2017

I tried giving up erections for lent...

but it got pretty hard.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.