UPJOKE
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A radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, so it's kinda weird that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs."

That’s like humans having a city called “Liver Pool.”

My radiator broke.



Not cool.

A very 1950's naughty joke my very proper Mother told...

A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cook. But they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says "I'm sorry I burned dinner." So the husband says "That's all right honey let's just make love."

The...

I used to be in a band called the radiators...

We were a warm up act. Then I joined the duvets. We did mainly covers.

My wife came home yesterday...

and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."

I asked her what it was and she told me it had water in the carburettor. I though for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you're not mechanically inclined. You don't know the carburettor from the r...

One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”

His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $...

They say the Spinosaurus' sail acts like a radiator which dissipates all the heat away

Truly spine chilling

Three idiots get lost in the desert......

After walking for hours, they begin to realize they are in trouble knowing they need water very soon. Fortunately for them they happen upon a crashed and deserted car, the first idiot: the radiator must have water, the second idiot the wind shield wiper container must have water, the third idiot doe...

Two young Russian conscripts in Ukraine approach a platoon of Ukranian fighters to surrender.

They approach with their hands in the air, and their weapons holstered.

"We come to surrender. Our truck is out of fuel and broken down. The rest of our troops are miles away, and none of the gas trucks or repair technicians will be available for days. We are stranded."

The Ukrainian f...

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Pissed-off drummer is tired of people saying he's not a real musician.

Goes to the music store and says, "I'll show
'em. Gimme that red trumpet and that accordion."

Music store guy says, "You can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has to stay."

THE COUNT CONTINUES

They found over 20,000 votes behind a radiator in Florida.
Al Gore declared President

A hunter and his friend are walking down a path when they spot a deep hole in the ground.

The hunter says "how far do ya reckon that hole goes?" The friend replies with "i don't know, lets chuck something down there and find out." They both lug an old radiator from the nearby bushes over to it and let it fall in. They start to count and listen for the thud, but before they hear it land, ...

Two 8 year olds

I was listening to two 8 year olds talking. One said to the other, "I found a condom behind a radiator," then the other said, "What's a radiator?"

David Lynch's car leaked coolant. He pulled over to check it.

There was a lady in the radiator.

Just bought one of those infrared thermometers and have been testing it thoroughly.

We’re all fine but the radiator is really sick

Took my car to a mechanic the other day...

I said "Can you fix my headlights?"

They reply "No!"

I respond, "Well, can you check my radiator?"

Again, "No!"

I turn to him and say "Well, what **do** you do,then?!"

He responds "We're a front for the IRA!"

"In that case..." I say. "... Can you blow up m...

Three men sat around a table in a bar and talked about their wives.

The first man says, "I think my wife is having an affair with an electrician. When I got home last night I found a pair of pliers and some insulating tape behind the radiator in the bedroom - we've not had any work done on the house, and I can't think of any other way they could have got there".
...

There were three men driving across the desert in a Cadillac.

All of a sudden, the car just stops, so they all get out and start walking. After a little bit, Guy 1 runs back to where the car was left and returns with the hood of the car.

The other two ask, “Why’d you do that?”
Guy 1: “Well, we can hold this over our heads so we don’t overheat!”
Gu...

My friend moved to a new house recently, so I bought him a housewarming gift.

It was a radiator.

A woman is in the hospital after she had a baby

A woman is in the hospital after she had a baby. A nurse comes in holding the newborn child.
Right as she enters the room, the nurse trips, dropping the baby on the floor.
The mother starts screaming, 'AHH, MY BABY!'
The nurse lunges to pick the baby up, but instead, kicks it across the fl...

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A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I'd share my favorite joke.

It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind ;)



Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the e...

Two girls in a Catholic convent school.

One whispers to the other: "There's a contraceptive hidden behind the radiator!"

The other whispers back: "What's a radiator?"

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Kansas

So a man is driving down a Kansas highway, when all of the sudden his car breaks down. The man gets out of his car, pops the hood, and starts diagnosing his problem. All the sudden out of nowhere the man hears "it's the radiator." Shocked the man looks up and around doesn't see anybody, except for a...

New Kind Of Car

At the bar, Tom and Bill were talking. “My uncle tried to make a new kind of car. He took the wheels from a Cadillac, the radiator from a Lexus, and tires from a Ford," said Tom.


“What did he get?" asked Bill.


“Two years,” said Tom

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A man is travelling through some English country lanes . . .

. . . when his car breaks down next to a field.
He gets out and lifts up the bonnet. Steam gushes into his face. 'Jesus, where do i start?' He says.

'Check the radiator' a voice says.

The man looks around, all he can see are 2 horses standing in a field. He checks the radiator, all ...

3 guys break down in the middle of the desert

The first one says he'll take the hood to use as shade.

The second one says he'll take the radiator because he can drink the water left in it.

The third guy says he'll take the door so if he gets hot he can roll the window down.

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DIARY of a POMMIE EXPAT in AUSTRALIA

August 31

Just got transferred with work from grey old London to our new home in Newman, Western Australia. Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings. I watched the sunset from a deckchair by the pool yesterday. It was beautiful. I've finally...

Never seek advice from a man..

I am a lady aged 26, and my husband is 34. I left my husband with the maid and our baby at home. After driving for just about 2km from home, my car engine started to over heat. So I had to return and get the other car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I Don't know what to do....

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Tasteless space shuttle Challenger jokes

Q) Where did Christa McAuliffe spend her vacation?

A) All over Florida.

Q) What color were Christa McAuliffe's eyes?

A) Blue, one blew this way, one blew that way.

Q) What was the last thing Christa McAuliffe told her husband?

A) "You take care of the dog and cat, ...

A viola player goes into a music shop

The shop assistant asks what he would like and the viola player says "Well, I've been playing the viola for years and I'm getting really tired of everyone pointing and laughing and acting like I don't know the first thing about music, so I'm thinking about taking up another instrument".

"Do y...

Translated Brazilian Joke - A broken car in the desert

** In Brazil it is common making jokes about our colonizers, the Portuguese. I hope they do the same about us in Portugal, so... **

A Portuguese, a Brazilian and an Argentinian are driving through the desert when their car suddenly breaks.
João, the Brazilian suggests each one takes a pie...

4 engineers are on a road trip when their car breaks down.

Each one of them gets out once the car stops, scratching their heads and trying to figure out how to fix the car.

The mechanical engineer is the first to speak up, and suggests checking the engine and transmission. No gears or pistons seem out of place.

The chemical engineer then pull...

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Englishman an Irishman and Scotsman

An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman are driving through the desert when the car breaks down. They decide they have to abandon the vehicle but take parts off of the car to survive the journey. The Englishman goes and takes the radiator.."at least I can have a drink of water to keep me going" The...

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

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