Alley Jokes - 67 Hilarious Alley Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley...

He asks, "how much for full ?"

"$50" she replies.

"Ok" says Paddy and they get down to business.

Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. "Whats going on here then?" he asks.

"Nothing officer, I'm just having with my wife."

"Sorry...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown.

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed, life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

...

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(British joke) A man walks into a bar....

He says to the bartender "Hey, if I show you something amazing can I drink for free?" The bartender agrees, and the man proceeds to pull out a tiny, one foot tall man with a miniature piano, places him on the bar, and he begins playing. "Wow! Okay your drinks are on the house, but where did you get ...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.

"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"

"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.

"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

What do you call an artist in a dark alley?

Sketchy

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 50 times last year.” The wife turns to her husband and says, “He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him.”

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: “This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, “This one mated 65 times last year.
That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also.”
They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: “This bul...

Lady and the Farmer

A farmer stopped by a hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling outside the store, he wondered how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head, h...

Two teenage boys are walking down an alley

when they see a stray dog licking its crotch.

The one boy says, “Man, I really wish I could do that.”

His friend responds, “I don’t know, you’d better pet him and see if he’s friendly, first.”

Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley.

"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines."

"Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"

A chicken goes into the library, walks up to the librarian, and says, “Book.”

The librarian says, “You want a book?”

“Book.”

“Any book?”

“Book.”

So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes back and says, “Bookbook.”

The librarian says, “Now you want two books?”

“Book-book.”

So she...

Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley...

...one was assaulted.

I ask my wife the same thing everytime I knock down 10 pins in one roll at a bowling alley.

"How's that strike ya?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife went on a weekend trip to the big city

Tired of going from shop to shop and arguing with his wife about it, he stands outside the next shop in protest.

While waiting a prostitute walks up to him and ask if he wants a quickie in the alley.

After thinking it over, he replies: "Well why the hell not. I haven't tried much in m...

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

I got mugged in a dark alley by K-pop stars

Now I have BTSD

Two starving men are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat...

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.
He says to the other man, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"
"Hell no!" replies the second man, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"
"...

I saw two blind guys fighting in an alley last night.

You won't believe how fast they ran when I said: "My money is on the one with the knife!"

What walks into an alley with 6 legs and walks out with 2?

"What walks into an alley with 6 legs and walks out with 2?"

"What?"

"The Wayne Family"

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender gives the man his drink and the man asks "If I show you something crazy, would let me have free drinks for the rest of the night?"

The bartender thinks for a minute and then says "It would to be something spectacular to take that offer." The man leans down and picks up a box and sets it on the bar. He opens the box and inside is a small piano man, whom is only 1 foot tall, and beside him a little piano. The piano man starts pla...

A mugger holds a Christian girl walking down a lonely alley at knifepoint.

Mugger: "Gimme all you've got and I'll spare your life!"

Christian: "Please don't hurt me! You can take my wallet, my phone, my jewellery, just leave me my bible!"

*mugger takes phone, wallet, and jewellery, leaving her the Bible. runs away to avoid witnesses*

Christian: "What a...

I told my friend I had just landed a job in a bowling alley.

"Ten pin?" He asked. "No" I replied, "it's permanent"

A robber pointed his gun at a brunette in a dark alley.

He said, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give me your purse. 1...2...3". "Cops!" she screamed, pointing behind him. He looked behind, no one was there and the brunette ran away.

The robber then pointed his gun at a red head and repeated, "I will give you until the count of 3 to give ...

Last night I did Stand-Up in a Bowling Alley parking lot

Some of my jokes struck out. The audience was split.

A drawing is walking in an alley, and seems unsettled.

The drawing thinks to itself, “Man, this place seems a little sketchy.”

I got out of my car, exasperated, and phoned my wife. I said, "Unbelievable...I was on my way to the bowling alley with my friends and my tyre went flat."

"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.

"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."

A plant was following me through an alley

I told it to stop stalking me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once there was a women's bowling team. Everyone on the bowling team was so-so at bowling, with the exception of two women.

One of the two women was named Martha. Martha was absolutely abysmal at bowling. Every single game, she got at least nine gutter balls.

The other woman was Linda, and she was the best player who had ever set foot in the bowling alley. Every time the team won a bowling match, Linda was r...

After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open...

...we finally got the ball rolling.

A tourist wandering through the back alleys of San Francisco’s Chinatown finds his way into an antique store

A bronze statue of a rat catches his eye, and he asks for its price.

“The rat costs twelve dollars,” the shopkeeper says, “and it will be a thousand dollars more for the story behind it.”

The tourist, being a shrewd American, pays for the rat, telling the old man he can keep hi...

Stay Alert - The Bowling-Alley Killer is still at large ...

Police warn he may strike again.

Bought a huge flatscreen tv for $20 in an alley way after eating fast food

But when I got home and plugged it in a big Taco Bell menu popped up

A guy in an alley tried to sell me his kidney stones.

I said that's a hard pass for me.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

I got my COVID-19 vaccine from a "doctor" who approached me in a downtown alley after midnight, offering it for $50 cash.

It was a shot in the dark, but I took it

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone. After waiting a while, another guy starts walking down the alley. The first guy jumps out at him, screaming "BAAH!" The second man, startled, says, "Why did you do that?"
"I just want to scare people," the first man responds.
"Well,"...

A man is walking down a dark alley when he's accosted by a robber.

The robber puts a gun to his head and says, "Give me all your money, or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean 'or you're history?'"

"Don't try to change the subject" says the robber.

I saw a stranger in an alley

I saw a stranger in an alley, and decided to give him $2000.

You should have seen the smile on my face when he put his gun away.

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Dublin thug corners an Irishman in a dark alley... [Religion] [Irish]

The thug raises a club and says "Got ya! I'm gonna split yer skull, ya Protty !"

"No, wait!" says the man "You've got it wrong. I'm not a Protestant."

"Ah-ha!" Shouts the thug, "I tricked ya! I knew ya were a damn Croppy all along! Now die, ya papist!"

"No, you don't unde...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy rides in to town

A cowboy rides in to town on his horse and ropes it in front of a canteen. After a few hours of drinking he walks out and finds that his horse is missing. The cowboy turns around and bursts in to the canteen. Seeing the cowboy pissed as Hell the place goes quiet. The cowboy looks around and with a d...

In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up

Half to life.

What did the cop say to the man peeing in an alley?

“Urine trouble!”

Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.

Then, the bowling ball hit me.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York

when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.

The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."

What has 3 holes and goes down an alley?

Thomas and Martha Wayne.

I passed a homeless man in an alley last week and it made me cry.

I still can't sit down.

My parents were shot and killed in an alley

feelsbatman

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts raging on the nun, kicking and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:

C'mon BATMAN! C'MON! REACT! LET's FIGHT!!

The bowling alley down the street just had its 300th strike.

They must have terrible working conditions.

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"

"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together. I asked one of them, 'What the hell is going on?'

He said, 'First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club'

Half an year ago, a middle-aged man, walking home after a long and stressful day of work, found an old, crusty lamp in an abandoned alley.

"What harm could it do," he said out loud, and gave it a rub.

A genie emerged, exclaiming, “All behold, I, the most powerful genie!! My might is unparalleled, my power is incomprehensible, and I shall grant you 3 wishes for freeing me from my prison...”

"I am a simple man with a simpl...

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

A stickman, who robbed a bank, was finally caught after being cornered in an alley. The police told him, “hands in the air!”

The stickman: lol

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

A woman once gave birth to 100 children

To avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately all of them except for #90 died at a very young age.

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman. She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son. Unlike her ...

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.

The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

What do Bonsai sold by a back alley dealer and most people on Reddit have in common?

They can be a real stick in the mud.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a bowling alley?

Elaine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man sits down at a bar that has a huge jar full of cash on it...

The man calls the bartender and says "Hey, what's the jar for?" The bartender tells the man that the bar has a challenge where if a customer can complete 3 tasks they will take home all the money in the jar, but if they lose, they have to empty their wallet into it. The man sizes up the jar and asks...

Some asked me if 5 followers was alot

I said depends on your context to be honest you see 5 followers on Facebook is next to nothing but 5 people following you down a dark alley….

Well that’s a lot

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.