Two nuns are walking down an alley at night.

Two guys jump out and start raping them.

The first nun looks to heaven and says, *"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing."*

The second nun looks up and says, *"This one does!"*

A drawing is walking in an alley, and seems unsettled.

The drawing thinks to itself, “Man, this place seems a little sketchy.”

Biochemistry Joke: A disordered protein is found dead in an alley in what appears to be a random murder

“What a shame”, says the police officer
“Another crime without motif”

“Take this number four out of my hand and I’ll give you one million dollars. However, a complete stranger to you will die,” said the man in a back alley.

“No!” the other man responded, “I would never four give myself”

Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.

Then, the bowling ball hit me.

A man is walking down a dark alley when he's accosted by a robber.

The robber puts a gun to his head and says, "Give me all your money, or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean 'or you're history?'"

"Don't try to change the subject" says the robber.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley.

One was a salted.

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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day

and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later the priest was in his study wh...

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

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A man is walking down a dark alley in Belfast...

...When suddenly, he hears the unmistakeable sound of an automatic pistol chambering a round, and someone puts a gun to his head.

The assailant says "Catholic or Protestant?"

Thinking quickly, the man says "I'm a Jew!"

And the voice behind him says "Faith and begorrah, aren't I ...

I was walking home when I saw two guys beating up a kid in an alley

I immediately jumped in to help.

He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

A vampire was about to attack a woman in a dark alley. She screamed and said "please don't, you wouldn't want me, I have AIDS"

"Don't worry, I have a condom" the vampire replied.

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A Dublin thug corners an Irishman in a dark alley... [Religion] [Irish]

The thug raises a club and says "Got ya! I'm gonna split yer skull, ya Protty bastard!"

"No, wait!" says the man "You've got it wrong. I'm not a Protestant."

"Ah-ha!" Shouts the thug, "I tricked ya! I knew ya were a damn Croppy all along! Now die, ya papist!"

"No, you don't unde...

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone. After waiting a while, another guy starts walking down the alley. The first guy jumps out at him, screaming "BAAH!" The second man, startled, says, "Why did you do that?"
"I just want to scare people," the first man responds.
"Well,"...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

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My girlfriend loves cats and wanted to go to a bowling alley today. So I took her out to Racks and Balls Bowling Alley & Strip Club

There might not be cats... but there will be pussy.

Three guys are doing heroin in a back alley...

The first guy takes an alcohol swab and wipes the needle down, then injects the heroin into his arm. He then passes the needle to the next guy, who swabs the needle, then injects the drug. After taking his drug, he hands the needle to the third one, who grabs the needle and jams it into his arm, wit...

What did the cop say to the man peeing in an alley?

“Urine trouble!”

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A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

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A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley...

He asks, "how much for full sex?"

"$50" she replies.

"Ok" says Paddy and they get down to business.

Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. "Whats going on here then?" he asks.

"Nothing officer, I'm just having sex with my wife."

"Sorry...

I passed a homeless man in an alley last week and it made me cry.

I still can't sit down.

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

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The police arrested two insane vagrants in an alley yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

What do you call an Artist in a Dark Alley?

Sketchy

A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"

She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"

A man saw a small boy crying in an alley

"What is wrong?" he said

"My parents died" the boy responded.

The man pulled down his pants and said "Welp, this isn't your lucky day."

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.


"Where to?" he stammered.


"Vale Road," answered the wo...

A pregnant mother of three is walking down a alley...

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy...

How does Harry Potter like his sandwiches to be cut ?

Diagon alley

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"

"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

Two guys are walking down the street when a thug lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...

"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the thug says.

Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.

The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."

The bowling alley down the street just had its 300th strike.

They must have terrible working conditions.

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

I saw a stranger in an alley

I saw a stranger in an alley, and decided to give him $2000.

You should have seen the smile on my face when he put his gun away.

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

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A little boy was playing in the alley behind his house

As he was going through some of the neighbors trash he found a welder's mask. He put it on and was pretending to weld as an old rickety van pulled down the alley. The man driving stopped next to the boy and rolled down his window.

"Hey Boy. I need some help with something and you look like ju...

I just started a new job in a bowling alley

Yeh, just tenpin'

In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up

Half to life.

Two men are walking down a dark alley

Suddenly, a mugger approaches them with a gun and demands them to give him all of their money.

The two guys look at each other, and begrudgingly take out their wallets. The first guy turns to the second and says "oh yeah, here's the $10 I owe you."

What do you call a girl who stands in the middle of a bowling alley?

Elaine

My parents were shot and killed in an alley

feelsbatman

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley

She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

- Tim Vine, King of the one liners.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York

when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

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George wanted to last longer during sex

So he went to see a doctor for advice. The doctor said that masturbating before sex often helps men last longer. The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it.”

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that ...

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What's the one thing you don't want to hear while giving Willie Nelson a blowjob in an alley?

"I'm not Willie Nelson."

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Hitler walks past a certain alley

Two jews find out that Hitler walks past a certain alley every morning at 8am. So they decide to wait in the alley and kill Hitler and save the world.

So they get to this alley at 5am and wait...

6am... they wait.

7am... they wait.

8am... still no Hitler.

So they ...

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts raging on the nun, kicking and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:

C'mon BATMAN! C'MON! REACT! LET's FIGHT!!

An old lady is walking down the street when a mugger grabs her, drags her into an alley, and starts groping around down in her bra.....

The old lady asks, "What the hell are you doing!?"

The mugger says, "I'm looking for the money!"

The old lady replies, "Well, keep that up and I'll write you a check!"

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The rare talking koala bear was lost in transit..

From Austrailia to the New York zoo. He wandered down a back alley and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was u...

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Our street is full of cat shit.

Litter alley.

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A lawyer was walking down the street...

When he spotted a woman with spectacular breasts. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite them.
“No way!” She exclaimed
“What about for $1000?” He persisted
“No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?”
“You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked.
The...

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alley way

So a white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking down an alleyway and one of them accidentally knock over a trashcan and a genie comes out. The genie announces himself as the ratchet genie and grants each man 1 wish.

The mexican says "i wish that i and my fellow hispanics can all live p...

A man stands before St. Peter

St. Peter says "You are in luck today! All you need to do to enter into heaven is to tell me of one unselfish deed you have done!"
The man says, "Boy, do I have a story for you! I was walking home from work and came to my usual shortcut, an alley behind a bar. There I saw a gang of five bikers, a...

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I was sitting at a bar and asked the bartender where I could find a piece of ass

He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex ...

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A married man is out looking for some “company”

While driving late at night he spots a prostitute down a dark alley. Not caring what she looks like he tells her to get in and he drives down the dark alley to get his freak on. After things get hot and heavy a cop pulls up and turns on his brights.

He walks up to the car, knocks on the wind...

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Dad's Balls

After a successful strike dad would always love throwing the ball to the kids in the crowd.


After the 3rd time, he wasn't allowed in the bowling alley anymore.

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

A police officer sees a man searching for something under a streetlight

The officer asks him, "What are you looking for?"

The man says, "My car keys. I lost them in that alley over there."

"Then why aren't you searching in that alley?"

"Because, officer, the light's much better over here."

A cabbie picks up a nun.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.


She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and ha...

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A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces ...

My girlfriend broke up with me since I made too many bowling jokes.

I guess they just weren't up her alley.


God she's such a pinhead.

A man is walking at night in Belfast in the 70's...

He's nervous, but his hotel is only a few blocks away.

Unfortunately, as he passes a dark alley, he's grabbed. He feels a knife at his throat, and a voice asks

"Catholic or Protestant?"

Sweating cold sweat, his mind is racing. If he says "Catholic" and the attacker is Protestan...

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While sipping his whiskey he notices a small, gilded box at the end of the bar and inquires about it to the bartender. "You're not quite drunk enough, my friend."

The man thinks it odd but continues to drink. Two more whiskeys later he asks again. "...

I was walking down the street with my wife.

And there down an alley we saw five men beating up my mother-in-law.

My wife screamed: "Aren't you going to help?!"

I said: "No, five seems like enough."

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

3 women rob a bank

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead rob a bank.

They all run down a dark alley trying to ditch the cop chasing them.

With nowhere to go, they see 3 burlap sacks. Sweet the redhead says, let's hide in those.

The cop rounds the corner and sees the 3 bags right away, he kicks the ...

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have just robbed a bank are are on the run with the police hot on their tails. They run down an alley and find three empty boxes, so they each jump in a box. The police round the corner and approach the boxes. They kick the first box, containing the brunette. She y...

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A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

An American spy goes to russia...

In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in...

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swo...

A woman once gave birth to 100 children

To avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately all of them except for #90 died at a very young age.

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman. She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son. Unlike her ...

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I went to Amsterdam and decided to visit the red light district...

In one of the back alleys I met a man who asked "Looking for a good night"

I replied yes, so he gave me his offer

"My ordinary prostitutes all cost 1cent a go, but my finest are beyond money. They will cost you your arm and leg.

I thought about this and finally said

"If y...

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A man picks up a woman while it's raining

He then puts his hand on her leg. She says "That will cost you $50."

He then hands her the $50 dollars and begins rubbing her leg until he asks her "How much will it cost for me to make love to you?"

She replies "It will cost you $500, but on my conditions."

Excited, the man pul...

Gas

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as th...

A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar sits down and asks the bar tender for a drink, the bar tender tells him that they don't serve strings in his bar. So the string walks out goes into an alley pulls his threads apart and ties himself into a knot. The string walks back into the bar and sits down and the bar te...

Did you know that taxis in Germany can only pick up customers on special side streets?

They're called Deutschland Uber alleys.

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A policeman stops a prostitute that was working on the streets

"Aren't you thinking what would your mother says if she sees you doing it on the streets?"

Until the woman responded: "Hit me without a doubt because this is her alley"

A convent in a small Italian village ran out of seasoning as they were prepping meals for orphans.

One of the older nuns decided she'd quickly ride her bicycle through town to market and pick some up. As nuns do not travel alone, a younger sister accompanied her.

The streets seemed lined with more of the townspeople than usual on this day and while the nuns were at the market a boistero...

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