An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He's just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he's ever come across...

It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets.


The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture.

His feet feel refreshed!

The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, li...

A person was walking in a dark alley one night

When suddenly, a mugger appears from behind a dumpster.

"Give me your phone and your wallet! This is a holdup"

"HELP! SOMEONE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Wait! No! I'm just robbing you!"

"It was only a suggestion."

Two nuns are walking down an alley at night.

Two guys jump out and start raping them.

The first nun looks to heaven and says, *"Forgive them Father, for they know not what they're doing."*

The second nun looks up and says, *"This one does!"*

A drawing is walking in an alley, and seems unsettled.

The drawing thinks to itself, “Man, this place seems a little sketchy.”

After hours of waiting for the bowling alley to open...

...we finally got the ball rolling.

What goes down an alley and has holes in it?

Batman’s parents

“Take this number four out of my hand and I’ll give you one million dollars. However, a complete stranger to you will die,” said the man in a back alley.

“No!” the other man responded, “I would never four give myself”

I was walking home when I saw two guys beating up a kid in an alley

I immediately jumped in to help.

He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.

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A priest was taking a shortcut through an alley one day

and came upon a young boy who was masturbating. "My son, you shouldn't be doing that," said the priest. "You should be saving that for when you get married."

The embarrassed boy hung his head down low and simply said, "Yes, Father."

About 10 years later the priest was in his study wh...

A man bought a bar

A couple years after running the place by himself, he noticed a stray puppy living in the alley behind it. He took the dog in and they became inseparable.

He named the dog Blackie and brought her to work with him every day. He taught her some bar tricks that the customers absolutely loved, e...

Thought I would be fine having another drink. Woke up later in an alley.

Then, the bowling ball hit me.

A man is walking down a dark alley when he's accosted by a robber.

The robber puts a gun to his head and says, "Give me all your money, or you're science!"

The man says, "Don't you mean 'or you're history?'"

"Don't try to change the subject" says the robber.

Two pretzels were walking down an alley.

One was a salted.

I'm starting a business that is half bowling alley and half safe injection site.

It's going to be called "Pins & Needles".

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A man is walking down a dark alley in Belfast...

...When suddenly, he hears the unmistakeable sound of an automatic pistol chambering a round, and someone puts a gun to his head.

The assailant says "Catholic or Protestant?"

Thinking quickly, the man says "I'm a Jew!"

And the voice behind him says "Faith and begorrah, aren't I ...

A vampire was about to attack a woman in a dark alley. She screamed and said "please don't, you wouldn't want me, I have AIDS"

"Don't worry, I have a condom" the vampire replied.

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A Dublin thug corners an Irishman in a dark alley... [Religion] [Irish]

The thug raises a club and says "Got ya! I'm gonna split yer skull, ya Protty bastard!"

"No, wait!" says the man "You've got it wrong. I'm not a Protestant."

"Ah-ha!" Shouts the thug, "I tricked ya! I knew ya were a damn Croppy all along! Now die, ya papist!"

"No, you don't unde...

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone

A man is hanging out in an alley, waiting to scare someone. After waiting a while, another guy starts walking down the alley. The first guy jumps out at him, screaming "BAAH!" The second man, startled, says, "Why did you do that?"
"I just want to scare people," the first man responds.
"Well,"...

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George wanted to last longer during sex

So he went to see a doctor for advice. The doctor said that masturbating before sex often helps men last longer. The man decided, “What the hell, I’ll try it.”

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn’t do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that ...

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman rob a bank

They each escape the bank with a large sack of money but are being chased by the police. They turn down an alley way but it's a dead end and they decide that jumping in the sacks of money is their best chance of not being arrested.
Three police officers finally catch up and just see the three sac...

A group of three successful bowlers traveled to every bowling alley in their county, talking trash at every alley and winning every game. Finally, the owner of an old ma and pa bowling alley had enough and invited them to a secret underground alley.

The old owner explained the rules to a new type of bowling.


"You place the ball at your feet, and then control the ball with your voice"


"That preposterous" said one of the bowlers.


"No, said the old owner, the acoustics in this room are so finely att...

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A lawyer was walking down the street...

When he spotted a woman with spectacular breasts. He immediately offered her $100 if she would let him bite them.
“No way!” She exclaimed
“What about for $1000?” He persisted
“No certainly not what kind of woman do you think I am?”
“You wouldn’t even do it for $10,000,” he asked.
The...

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A priest and a rabbi are strolling down the city together one evening when they spot a little boy wandering down an alley...

The priest says “Let’s fuck him!” The rabbi says, “Out of what?”

If you haven't bought a gun yet, you should get one

Because you'll never know when you'll be in a dark alley, and you're gonna need some money.

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My girlfriend loves cats and wanted to go to a bowling alley today. So I took her out to Racks and Balls Bowling Alley & Strip Club

There might not be cats... but there will be pussy.

One day, Keanu Reeves is leaving his house...

On his way out, his home is surrounded by paparazzi. Looking into the crowds, he sees 20 people or so, and standing in between all of them, is a rather large machine. He hides his face and quickly rushes to his car.

Keanu, knowing how to elude the paparazzi where possible, drives a rather ro...

What did the cop say to the man peeing in an alley?

“Urine trouble!”

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A very drunk Paddy meets a prostitute up an alley...

He asks, "how much for full sex?"

"$50" she replies.

"Ok" says Paddy and they get down to business.

Next minute a policeman appears and shines his torch in their faces. "Whats going on here then?" he asks.

"Nothing officer, I'm just having sex with my wife."

"Sorry...

I passed a homeless man in an alley last week and it made me cry.

I still can't sit down.

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The rare talking koala bear was lost in transit..

From Austrailia to the New York zoo. He wandered down a back alley and saw a sexy lady in heels and a short skirt smoking a cigarette.

She was shocked when he asked her for one of her cigarettes. "Omg you can talk?"

After talking she invited him inside and before she knew it he was u...

What do you call a Muslim person standing between two buildings?

Muhammad Alley

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Our street is full of cat shit.

Litter alley.

Why did Harry Potter have to go to Diagon Alley before going to Hogwarts?

He didn't want to be an unwanded guest.

What do you call an Artist in a Dark Alley?

Sketchy

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The police arrested two insane vagrants in an alley yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

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I was sitting at a bar and asked the bartender where I could find a piece of ass

He told me to go to the back door, down the dark alley and give the woman there 20 bucks. So I go outside and hand a 20 to the woman there and started getting busy. After a few minutes, a cop walks past and shines a flashlight on us and says "What the hell are you doing?" and I said "Having sex ...

A blonde was walking down a shady alley, when all of a sudden a mugger jumps out from behind cover and says "I have a knife, give me all your money!"

She screamed and yelled "Don't shoot!"

A priest told me this joke as a kid.

There were 3 men, they were best friends, and they were quite unhealthy. Their names were, Bert, Chester, and Earl.

They were actually really unhealthy and Bert decided that he needed to take charge of him and his friends' health. He decided that they were going to be on a diet together to he...

A cabbie picks up a nun.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, ''I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.


She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and ha...

Two guys are walking down a dark alley

when a mugger approaches them and demand their money.

They both grudgingly pull our their wallets and begin taking out their cash.

Just then, one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Hey, here's that twenty dollars I owe you."

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A married man is out looking for some “company”

While driving late at night he spots a prostitute down a dark alley. Not caring what she looks like he tells her to get in and he drives down the dark alley to get his freak on. After things get hot and heavy a cop pulls up and turns on his brights.

He walks up to the car, knocks on the wind...

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A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"

"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.

He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

So the guy runs around the next block and faces ...

A man saw a small boy crying in an alley

"What is wrong?" he said

"My parents died" the boy responded.

The man pulled down his pants and said "Welp, this isn't your lucky day."

A pregnant mother of three is walking down a alley...

The Mother gets shot 3 times and each bullet gets lodged in each of the babies with no serious damage done to the mother or the babies. Months later the babys are born, two beautiful girls and a boy. One day the one of the little girls goes to the bathroom and comes out and says to the mother "mommy...

One rainy spring night in Belfast, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley.

Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat.


"Where to?" he stammered.


"Vale Road," answered the wo...

Riddle me this, Batman. What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

"M-my parents?"

"No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

A man stands before St. Peter

St. Peter says "You are in luck today! All you need to do to enter into heaven is to tell me of one unselfish deed you have done!"
The man says, "Boy, do I have a story for you! I was walking home from work and came to my usual shortcut, an alley behind a bar. There I saw a gang of five bikers, a...

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Dad's Balls

After a successful strike dad would always love throwing the ball to the kids in the crowd.


After the 3rd time, he wasn't allowed in the bowling alley anymore.

Two friends are walking down an alley when a mugger ask for their money.

The two men sigh and start emptying their pockets. The first friend hands the second man $20 and says "here's that money I owe you."

Two guys are walking down the street when a thug lunges from an alley and points a gun at them...

"Gimmie all your money, both of you! Now!" the thug says.

Bill says, "Wait! Wait! Wait! Just a minute! Steve, here's that $200 I owe you!"

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Emotions NSFW

3 dummies decide to go to a party. They arrive at the party and are promptly turned away because it’s a costume party and they are not wearing costumes. Determined to go to the party they go looking for props to make costumes. In the back alley they find a pile of painting supplies, brushes, rollers...

Two nuns are walking down an alley late at night...

When they get approached by 2 men who begin assaulting them. After minutes of the altercation, Sister Mary Sue screams, "Oh dear Lord! Forgive this man for he knows not what he is doing!" Sister Sarah looks up and says, "....Mine does".

A police officer sees a man searching for something under a streetlight

The officer asks him, "What are you looking for?"

The man says, "My car keys. I lost them in that alley over there."

"Then why aren't you searching in that alley?"

"Because, officer, the light's much better over here."

The bowling alley down the street just had its 300th strike.

They must have terrible working conditions.

I saw a stranger in an alley

I saw a stranger in an alley, and decided to give him $2000.

You should have seen the smile on my face when he put his gun away.

A little boy asks a dealer in an alley dressed like Santa Claus,

"Santa, how do your reindeer fly?"

He replies, "With magic, of course!-

You want some magic?"

My girlfriend broke up with me since I made too many bowling jokes.

I guess they just weren't up her alley.


God she's such a pinhead.

Mating Bull

A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: "This bull mated 50 times last year."

The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year. You could lea...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

My girlfriend asked to peg me

Frankly her idea is right up my alley

Two men are walking down a dark alley

Suddenly, a mugger approaches them with a gun and demands them to give him all of their money.

The two guys look at each other, and begrudgingly take out their wallets. The first guy turns to the second and says "oh yeah, here's the $10 I owe you."

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While sipping his whiskey he notices a small, gilded box at the end of the bar and inquires about it to the bartender. "You're not quite drunk enough, my friend."

The man thinks it odd but continues to drink. Two more whiskeys later he asks again. "...

A man is walking at night in Belfast in the 70's...

He's nervous, but his hotel is only a few blocks away.

Unfortunately, as he passes a dark alley, he's grabbed. He feels a knife at his throat, and a voice asks

"Catholic or Protestant?"

Sweating cold sweat, his mind is racing. If he says "Catholic" and the attacker is Protestan...

Another Blonde Joke

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead have just robbed a bank are are on the run with the police hot on their tails. They run down an alley and find three empty boxes, so they each jump in a box. The police round the corner and approach the boxes. They kick the first box, containing the brunette. She y...

In the dark alley, Johnny the Optimist was being beat up

Half to life.

The Avengerth

A guy was walking down the street when he glanced down an alley and saw that it was almost entirely demolished. In the center of the rubble laid a man with all his teeth missing and blood pouring from his mouth.

The bystander ran up to the injured man. "What happened?"

"Well, I wath ...

I was walking down the street with my wife.

And there down an alley we saw five men beating up my mother-in-law.

My wife screamed: "Aren't you going to help?!"

I said: "No, five seems like enough."

My parents were shot and killed in an alley

feelsbatman

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A pirate can name a bay "Booty Bay" and nobody bats an eye...

But when I name an alley "Anal Alley", suddenly I'm a creep.

So I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley

She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, it's a permanent job."

- Tim Vine, King of the one liners.

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York

when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.

The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don't know, it all happened so fast.”

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What's the one thing you don't want to hear while giving Willie Nelson a blowjob in an alley?

"I'm not Willie Nelson."

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An American spy goes to russia...

In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in...

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swo...

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A pimp is breaking in his new bitch.

Pimp: Listen. If you wanna be my woman, your gonna have to make me some money.

Hoe: But I've never done anything like this before.

Pimp: Don't worry. You go and put on your sexiest dress and stand under that lamppost. I'll be back here. Any problems. Just come back and tell me, and and...

Gas

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as th...

A woman once gave birth to 100 children

To avoid confusion, she simply named them after the number of their conception. Unfortunately all of them except for #90 died at a very young age.

90 was a little girl who grew up to be a great woman. She married at a young age and gave birth to two children, a daughter and a son. Unlike her ...

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A man picks up a woman while it's raining

He then puts his hand on her leg. She says "That will cost you $50."

He then hands her the $50 dollars and begins rubbing her leg until he asks her "How much will it cost for me to make love to you?"

She replies "It will cost you $500, but on my conditions."

Excited, the man pul...

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A guy takes his girlfriend fishing with him out on the lake.

She talks too much and scares away the fish.
He takes his girlfriend hunting with him out in the woods.
She talks too much and scares away the deer.
He takes his girlfriend quail hunting with him out in a field.
She talks too much and scares away the quail.
He takes his girl...

3 women rob a bank

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead rob a bank.

They all run down a dark alley trying to ditch the cop chasing them.

With nowhere to go, they see 3 burlap sacks. Sweet the redhead says, let's hide in those.

The cop rounds the corner and sees the 3 bags right away, he kicks the ...

A drunk wandering around the alley at night...

(...) when in front of him appeared a nun, all dressed in nun clothes. The drunk then starts raging on the nun, kicking and punching her all over. When he finished her and knocked her out with a round house kick he looked down and screamed:

C'mon BATMAN! C'MON! REACT! LET's FIGHT!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

alley way

So a white man, a black man, and a mexican are walking down an alleyway and one of them accidentally knock over a trashcan and a genie comes out. The genie announces himself as the ratchet genie and grants each man 1 wish.

The mexican says "i wish that i and my fellow hispanics can all live p...

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I went to Amsterdam and decided to visit the red light district...

In one of the back alleys I met a man who asked "Looking for a good night"

I replied yes, so he gave me his offer

"My ordinary prostitutes all cost 1cent a go, but my finest are beyond money. They will cost you your arm and leg.

I thought about this and finally said

"If y...

A string walks into a bar

A string walks into a bar sits down and asks the bar tender for a drink, the bar tender tells him that they don't serve strings in his bar. So the string walks out goes into an alley pulls his threads apart and ties himself into a knot. The string walks back into the bar and sits down and the bar te...

An old lady is walking down the street when a mugger grabs her, drags her into an alley, and starts groping around down in her bra.....

The old lady asks, "What the hell are you doing!?"

The mugger says, "I'm looking for the money!"

The old lady replies, "Well, keep that up and I'll write you a check!"

Did you know that taxis in Germany can only pick up customers on special side streets?

They're called Deutschland Uber alleys.

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Bill Clinton likes to go for a walk every Saturday evening...

One evening, he passed by an alley, and a prostitute yelled at him,
"Fifty dollars will buy you a good time!"

He responded by saying "How's about 5 dollars?", jokingly, and kept walking.

This same thing kept happening every Saturday for a couple weeks; every time Bill passed the p...

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