I went to Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.

So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked cop. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires!

So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face...

God in a Parking Lot

A man is struggling to find a parking space. “Lord,” he prays. “I can’t stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I’ll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.”

Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says: “Never mind,...

Man: Judge, I want to contest 80% of my parking tickets.

Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Ok. I want to contest 4/5 of my parking tickets.

Dating a girl with an OnlyFans is a lot like having your own private, reserved parking spot.

Anyone and everyone can see it, but only you actually get to use it.

Bob gets home and tells his wife he just got a parking ticket for $2,000.

She says “$2,000? Where the hell did you park?”

“On a person.”

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they are constantly told nonsense about what 20 cm\* is like.

\* about 8 inch.

Why are women so bad at parking cars?

Because for the last 200 years they’ve been told that three inches are actually six.

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

**Doctor:** " Sounds like a really bad case of *parking sons disease* "

A company owner was asked a question,

How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

I found a parking lot with only two spaces

It’s really a parking little.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys Be careful! I've been a victim of a clever scam while at Costco parking...

Don't be naive enough to think, it couldn't happen to you.

Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 20+ year girls come over to your car as you are loading your vehicle. They both start roaming around ur car n looking for their lost keys ,with their breasts almost falling...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Going To Hooters

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington.
They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "...

A parking lot walks into a bar

They say, “I’ll take one for the road”

I was recently complimented on my driving skills

Someone left a note on my car that said "Parking Fine"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There wasn’t any parking at the Sex Addict Support Group

So everybody came on the bus

Designated

A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

After trying hi...

Wanna hear a joke about a parking ticket?

No??


FINE.

The Boss

The boss comes to work with a new car and some employee was in the parking lot also.

The employee sees the car and says:

- Wow, nice car boss.

The boss replies:

- If you work hard and put in extra hours, next year I'll buy a better one.

Today, Ronald McDonald put a quarter in my expired parking meter ...

what a kind jester!

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he ap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a brand new Baby Yoda buttplug?

A **Toy Yoda Pre-Ass.**

I came up with this in a hot parking lot and it just stuck in my brain.

Last night I did Stand-Up in a Bowling Alley parking lot

Some of my jokes struck out. The audience was split.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today..

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Paid multi-story car parking...

Wrong on so many levels...

What happened to the frog who didn’t pay the parking meter?

He got toad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man And A Dog Go Into A Bar

The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here!"

The man says, "But he's a special dog!"

The bartender rolls his eyes. "Don't tell me. He talks and says 'bark' and 'roof'."

"No!," says the man. "I give him money, tell him what I want, and he goes to the store for me. When...

Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn’t valid anymore.

There’s free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

Just got to get this off my chest.... I'm getting sick and tired of people complaining about the price of things, $2.70 for coffee, $1.50 a cookie, $4.00 an hour for parking.

If I hear any more moaning.. I'm stopping inviting people to my house.

A guy with a “Baby on Board” sticker just backed out of a parking spot and directly hit my car.

This guy has serious issues with pulling out.

I'm going to start a family business that specializes in handicap exclusive parking lots

I'll call it Park n' Sons

Women are like parking spaces

All the good ones are taken so when no ones looking you put it in a disabled one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Men look at sex like parking a car

There’s a spot. Look there’s another spot. Oh, I have to pay? Never mind.

Johnny sits at the bar staring at his drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig, and menacingly says, “Well thank you! Whatcha gonna to do about it?"

Johnny burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying. What’s your problem?"

"This is the worst day of my life," Johnny says. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Late one night, a cop shines his spotlight on a car parked in a church parking lot. He sees an older man in the backseat with a younger woman.

"Okay," the cop says to the man. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? Get out of the car. Now!"

The older man protests, telling the cop, "But officer! I'm Pastor Fluff!"

"I don't give a shit if you're already up her ass, get the fuck out of the car."

Redneck Dog in Heat

On a hot day, a 'good ol' boy stopped at the tavern for a cold beer, leaving his hound dog tied to a parking meter in front of the joint.

One beer led to another, and soon a cop came in and said, "Is that your dog outside?" "Sure is," said the redneck. "Well, I want you to know she's in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Costco Parking Lot Advice

I noticed someone posted about a woman scamming people and it reminded me of a situation I had this afternoon at Costco.

There are these two beautiful Swedish twins that will offer you sex in the parking lot. While the one sister is working on you, the other will steel your wallet.

Now...

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