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So a Volkswagen Beetle meets a tank.

Tank: "What moron designed you? Your heart is in your ass!"

Beetle: "Look who's talking, dickhead!"

I put Truck Nuts on my fleet of Volkswagen Beetles

And now I have genital Herbies.

I tried taking my newly purchased Beatle back to the Volkswagen dealership the other day...

He punched me in the arm and said; "no returns!"

Where do Volkswagens go when they retire?

The Old Volks Home

What's an international gathering of Volkswagen vans called?

A combination

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

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What do you call getting a hand job in a Volkswagen Beetle?

A Herbie Hancock

A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.

The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.

The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.

The Russian then say...

What kind of car does Master Yoda drive?

A Volkswagen Jedi.

Who wins in a race between a Porsche and a Lamborghini?

Volkswagen

Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

Real Porsches...

Real Porsches are from the Porscheaux region of France.

Otherwise they’re just sparkling Volkswagens.

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The Blue Whale's Testicles are the size of Volkswagen Beetles.

That's nuts.

A guy took his 1973 Volkswagen Beetle to a blond mechanic and said

"My engine is missing." The mechanic raised the hood and said "Oh wow, you're right! But how the heck did you drive it here?"

What do you call a gang who drives around in Volkswagen Beetles ?

Thugbugs

I put a lot of basil, parsley, rosemary and thyme in my old Volkswagen Beetle...

..it became herby.

What do Volkswagen and a boy going through puberty have in common?

They both lie about their emissions.

Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?

Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front.

Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.

Since Volkswagen is discontinuing the beetle...

Maybe my dad will stop punching me all the time.

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A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I'd share my favorite joke.

It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind ;)



Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the e...

So a man dies...

and walks up the stairway to heaven and meets St.Peter, he asks if he's ever cheated on his wife, the man truthfully replies "Never, I love my wife!" and St. Peter gives him a Roles Royce to drive around heaven. The next guy comes and St.Peter asks him the same thing, the man responds with "I did on...

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How does an elephant get in a tree?

A: By sitting on a sapling and waiting for the tree to grow underneath it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?

A: It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall from the tree?

A: It thought it was a leaf.

Q: Why did another elephant...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

A blonde is driving along the highway ...

A blonde is driving along the highway in her Volkswagen Beetle when she sees another blonde on the side of the road standing at the front of another Beetle with the hood up.

Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is.

"Well I wa...

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The Salesman

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss lik...

A woman’s VW Beetle breaks down

She stops at the side of the road and doesn’t know what to do.

She has no phone signal, and doesn’t see any cars. She feels stranded.

20 minutes later she sees a car in a distance! ...but it doesn’t stop.

Neither does the next one. She’s distraught.

Then after much wait...

A father comes home and asks where his son is.

His wife replies that he's downstairs playing with his new chemistry set.

The father is curious so he wanders down stairs to see what his son is doing. As he's walking down the steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son pounding a nail into the wall.

He...

This joke is at least 10x dirtier than I thought. . .

Volkswagen

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A young salesman moves to the big city

He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him "so what makes you think you'd be so good at sales?"

"Because I am good at figuring out what people might want" said the young sales boy.

The manager decides to giv...

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The Geordie Salesman

A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked him, "Do you have any sales experience?"

"Aye," he replied, "I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked him, so said he would give him a try.

The first day was difficul...

Went to the dog car dealership.

I could tell the salespeople were friendly, since I got all the Volkswagen at me!

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