Volkswagen Jokes - 43 Hilarious Volkswagen Jokes

Where do Volkswagens go when they retire?

The Old Volks Home

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How do you kill a blue Elephant?

With a blue elephant gun obviously.

*How do you kill a red elephant?*

You choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How do you kill a green elephant?*

You tickle it til it turns red then choke it til it turns blue then use a blue elephant gun.

*How ...

Volkswagen and Toyota are building an EV for the current generation

It will be called ID. Yota

I tried taking my newly purchased Beatle back to the Volkswagen dealership the other day...

He punched me in the arm and said; "no returns!"

Why did it take up until last year for Volkswagen to finally manufacture electric cars in the United States?

Because it took them awhile to get the bugs worked out

Why can't Africa have Volkswagen beetles?

Because an elephant will screw anything with a trunk in the front.

Thanks to a random guy outside of a 7/11.

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So a Volkswagen Beetle meets a tank.

Tank: "What moron designed you? Your heart is in your ass!"

Beetle: "Look who's talking, dickhead!"

You know why Volkswagen cars are better?

They always come with one more light.

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The Blue Whale's Testicles are the size of Volkswagen Beetles.

That's nuts.

You know what’s the best part of driving a Volkswagen Jetta?

People always assume there’s a female in your car

What's an international gathering of Volkswagen vans called?

A combination

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What do you call getting a hand job in a Volkswagen Beetle?

A Herbie Hancock

What do you get when you cross a slug with a bug?

A Volkswagen

What do Volkswagen and a boy going through puberty have in common?

They both lie about their emissions.

I put Truck Nuts on my fleet of Volkswagen Beetles

And now I have genital Herbies.

Since Volkswagen is discontinuing the beetle...

Maybe my dad will stop punching me all the time.

What do you call a gang who drives around in Volkswagen Beetles ?

Thugbugs

What do you get when BMW, Volkswagen, and Callaway design a car together?

A Mini Golf.

Volkswagen announces it will open a facility in Israel to make a new advanced vehicle...

The new models are are so advanced not only will they stop on a dime, they'll actually pick it up.

What kind of car does Master Yoda drive?

A Volkswagen Jedi.

An old VW beetle broke down in the middle of a highway

"Looks like it's out of gas", said a rich guy who had stopped to help the Beetle driver. "I'll hook you up here in my Ferrari to the next gas station", he continued.
"Oh thank God for your mercy, can't thank you enough"
"No problemo! I'm not in a hurry anyway!"
"Oh, that sure would be a pro...

My neighbour recently bought a BMW, a Volkswagen, 2 Fords, a Toyota and a Chrysler...

I think he's got the car-owners virus.

A blonde is driving along the highway ...

A blonde is driving along the highway in her Volkswagen Beetle when she sees another blonde on the side of the road standing at the front of another Beetle with the hood up.

Thinking that she may be able to help she pulls over and asks the other blonde what the problem is.

"Well I wa...

A guy took his 1973 Volkswagen Beetle to a blond mechanic and said

"My engine is missing." The mechanic raised the hood and said "Oh wow, you're right! But how the heck did you drive it here?"

Who wins in a race between a Porsche and a Lamborghini?

Volkswagen

So a man dies...

and walks up the stairway to heaven and meets St.Peter, he asks if he's ever cheated on his wife, the man truthfully replies "Never, I love my wife!" and St. Peter gives him a Roles Royce to drive around heaven. The next guy comes and St.Peter asks him the same thing, the man responds with "I did on...

A guy suspects his wife is cheating on him so he comes home early from work one day...

His wife meets him at the door in a bathrobe, her hair a mess. “Where is he?” he demands. “Where’s the guy who’s been sleeping with you?” “I don’t know what you’re talking about, dear,” she answers, so the guy tears the house apart looking for him. Finally, he’s on the second floor in the kitchen, h...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale...

A car salesman is showing some fine cars for sale, and the buyer is looking at them.

"Well, this one is a fine 1951 Hudson Hornet," says the car salesman.

The buyer gasps, "A Hudson HORNET? Well, I wouldn't want to see a Hudson Wasp!"

The salesman brushes it off and shows him t...

The first joke I remember my mother telling me over 50 years ago:

How do you get four elephants into a Volkswagen?

Two in the front, two in the back.

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How does an elephant get in a tree?

A: By sitting on a sapling and waiting for the tree to grow underneath it.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?

A: It sits on a leaf and waits for autumn.

Q: Why did the elephant fall from the tree?

A: It thought it was a leaf.

Q: Why did another elephant...

Real Porsches...

Real Porsches are from the Porscheaux region of France.

Otherwise they’re just sparkling Volkswagens.

A C-Level, a middle manager and a worker talk at the Christmas party of their company.

They discuss what to do with the Christmas bonus.

"Well", said the C-Level, "I'm probably gonna do a trip around the world, expand my villa in Malibu and with the rest, well, maybe a new Ferrari"

Said the middle manager "Well, I'm gonna make a vacation in Malibu and get a pool for my h...

A father comes home and asks where his son is.

His wife replies that he's downstairs playing with his new chemistry set.

The father is curious so he wanders down stairs to see what his son is doing. As he's walking down the steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son pounding a nail into the wall.

He...

Three pilots are bragging about the size of their planes...

Three pilots are bragging about the size of their planes. The British pilot says: "Well, our planes so huge that they carry 3 football teams and 3000 fans!"
The American pilot says: "Pff, OUR planes are so huge they can carry 5 baseball teams and 5000 fans!"
They look at the German pilot. He s...

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A friend of mine was killed last night. I came here for some relief from the grief and you all helped me so I thought I'd share my favorite joke.

It's important that you use a southern accent in your mind ;)

Jim Bob and John Boy were sittin on their front porch watching their beans grow. On the road at the edge of their property they see a Volkswagen sputter to a stop. They head out to it and see a pretty woman looking at the e...

This joke is at least 10x dirtier than I thought. . .

Volkswagen

A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian are arguing about cars.

The Frenchman says: We use the Renault for travel inside our country, and the Peugeot when we travel outside the border.

The German says: Ach, ja! We do that too! We use the Volkswagen for travel inside our country, and the Mercedes when we go to foreign countries.

The Russian then say...

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This guy walks into a Mercedes agency and asks for the top executive model.

Money is not an issue, but the car has to have everything installed. And he means EVERYTHING he is not joking. The company goes and install usb sockets for each passenger, a blue tooth operated coffee machine (with proper grinder, not that bullshit with capsules), a GPS tracking got each wheel and t...

A Math Professor, an engineer and a butcher goes to their 10 year school reunion

A math professor, an engineer and a butcher goes to their 10 year school reunion. The prof arrives in a small yellow Volkswagen, the engineer arrives in a BMW and the butcher arrives in a Ferrari.

After a bit of small talk the prof and the engineer asks the butcher how he got to buy such a gr...

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A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store.

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. At the end of his first day on the job his boss walked up to him and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"
"One," said the young salesman.
"Only one," blurted the boss, "Most of my staff makes 20 or 30 sales a ...

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The Geordie Salesman

A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job. The manager asked him, "Do you have any sales experience?"

"Aye," he replied, "I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle."

The manager liked him, so said he would give him a try.

The first day was difficul...

I just made one sale

A keen indian state bank manager, left the job and applied for a sales man job at london's premier downtowrn department store. In fact which was the biggest store in the world - You could get anything there.

The boss asked him "Have you ever been an salesman before? Yes Sir, I was a saleman i...

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A young salesman moves to the big city

He wants a job with the biggest department store. So he meets with the manager of the store and the manager asks him "so what makes you think you'd be so good at sales?"

"Because I am good at figuring out what people might want" said the young sales boy.

The manager decides to giv...

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