This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If your phone auto corrects "fuck" to "duck," it's okay to keep it

It's still fowl language

The man who invented auto-correct has died.

His funfair is on sundial at moon

My doctor said i have an auto-immune disease.

So can anybody suggest a good manual car?

To the person who made auto correct

Restaurant in piece

I don't understand Auto tune

Neither does my mechanic

Did you hear about the auto-correct programmer who lost his job?

He was fried.

Went to an auto-cannibalism restaurant the other day.

Cost an arm and a leg

I was going to tell a joke about auto erotic asphixiation.

But i wouldn't hold my breath.

The man who created autocorrect has died.

Restaurant in peace.

Whoever invented auto-correct,

can go to hello.

We’ll we’ll we’ll

If it isn’t autocorrect.

TIFU by getting into the wrong car after the European Auto Show.

whoops, wrong Saab

Doctor: I'm sorry John, but you suffer from Auto Correct Syndrome

John: I didn't even know I was I'll

I hope that the guy who invented auto correct

burns in hello.

When you turn off auto correct

ALL LOPE IS HOST!

Three nuns were fatally injured in a horrific auto accident on Halloween night.

Being the holy women that they were, the three of them ascended into heaven.

The nuns were stopped at the gates of St Peter.

St Peter said to the nuns “Behold! The gates of your eternal kingdom & glory. Being Halloween night, I must ask each of you a biblical question which will pr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two dwarfs walk into a bar where they pick up two prostitutes and take them back to their own respective rooms.

Unfortunately the first dwarf can’t get an erection no matter what. He’s depressed, and his depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears cries of, “one, two, three- uuump!” all night long.

In the morning the second dwarf asks the first, “ how was your night?”
<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't want my son buying Grand Theft Auto. Having sex with prostitutes, stealing from innocent people, driving recklessly...

I can teach him about these for free.

The inventor of autocorrect died today

His funfair will be hello on sundial

I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up

It read “unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted” feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who’s workin...

[at auto mechanic]

\[at auto mechanic\]

MECHANIC: Can I help you?

ME: My car won't start

MECHANIC: Umm, that's a bicycle

ME: Because my car won't start, are you even listening?

What’d they call the movie about auto erotic asphyxiation?

Die Hard

Why did Chief Auto Parts change the company's name?

Injun trouble

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into an auto-parts store...

He approaches the customer service counter and is greeted by a young, attractive female with golden blonde hair.

He says "I didn't expect to see such a young beautiful woman in a shop like this...what's your name?"

She points to her name-tag, and with a cute smile replies "Carmen. I c...

You know, I’m into auto erotic asphyxiation, but there is one downside.

You can never really tell if your coming or going.

I really hate auto correct.

It's become my worst enema.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a auto worker?

Ask him to pronounce "unionized."

Penguin is having some car trouble so he drops it off at the auto repair shop

Mechanic tells him it might take a while, so the penguin goes down the street to the ice cream shop to pass the time.

When he returns to the repair shop, the mechanic comes out and says, "It looks like you just blew a seal."

The penguin gets an initial horrified look on his face and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

How can you tell an auto mechanic just had sex?

One of his fingers is clean.

That Darned Auto-Correct

A man sends a text to his next-door neighbor: “Bob, I’m sorry. I’ve been riddled with guilt for some time & I have to confess: I have been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around, probably more than you. I know it’s no excuse but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any...

The funny thing about teen pregnancy is they all say, "Don't do it! You will lose all your freedom! Make the responsible choice." But after it happens they say "We're disappointed but we can make the best of this. It's not the end of the world."

Whoops, I accidentally autocorrected "Trumps' Presidency" to "teen pregnancy"

Eight year old tells funniest joke

My eight year old cousin told me this one:

Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?

Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach

Jaguar just announced an XK-E Concept car they will show at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year.

They had been working on it for 10 years but they only recently figured out how to make it leak oil

I had a really funny joke...

but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I'm an auto mechanic...

So I can safely say I don't understand the gay agenda.

But I do understand the Trans mission.

A penguin is driving his car

A penguin is driving his car when he notices that the check engine light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first auto shop. After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk. He sees an ice-cream shop and decides t...

Auto-correct walks into a bar...

And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'

Auto-cannibalists come off as way too prideful.

They're so full of themselves.

God damn auto correct...

Always making me say things I didn't Nintendo

A penguin takes his car to the auto shop...

The mechanic tells him its gonna be about a half hour, so he decides to go next door and get an ice cream to kill some time.

He goes next door and orders a vanilla ice cream in a cone. Since he only has flippers he finds it difficult to eat the ice cream and gets it all over his beak.
...

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following let...

Auto-correct is so crazy now a days...

My mom meant to text me 'I love you' but it auto corrected to 'You're a disappointment.'

My computer auto-corrected "illegal immigrant" to "undocumented person."

It's a PC PC.

The creator of auto-correct died recently

May he restraunt in peice

GRAND THEFT AUTO

A blonde get's in her car and notices her steering wheel, dashboard, and windshield is missing. She calls the police and reports a theft. When the police officer comes, he looks at the blonde who is crying and and says, "Ma'am...you're sitting in the backseat..."

What's the difference between an auto-corrected exclamation of amazement and an act of liking men?

One is ducking sick, the other is sucking d...

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

Blonde Auto Repair...

A blonde was driving to the mall (of course!) when she got caught in a sudden hailstorm with hail the size of golf balls. Her car was ruined. She took it to a body shop and asked the appraiser, "How much to fix it?" The appraiser's answer was $5,000. The fair-hair girl exclaims, "Wow! That much? Isn...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the proctologist have his cars towed to the auto repair shop?

He rectum.

My friend can talk about auto-erotic asphyxiation

til he's blue in the face.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When I get Tired.. I read this and laugh like hell. Must see if you are exhausted

I always look for a way to chill out after working for hours in front of my computer..and I never get bored reading the same lines I'm sharing here I smile each and every time..read,refresh and back to work!

Enjoy...



ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you ...

Why don't auto repair shops fix golf carts?

Because they work with parts for cars, not carts for pars.

A gynecologist decides to retrain as an auto mechanic

He goes to a technical school and learns how to fix cars. The final exam is to take a working engine, take it apart and reassemble it in working order.

After completing the test, he gets the results in the mail: he scored 150 out of 100 points. He calls his instructor to make sure there wasn...

What would you have if all autos in the US were painted pink?

A Pink Car Nation!

Why is everyone always late to Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation Anonymous meetings?

Because they're all tied up, but coming soon.

A penguin grows tired of winters in Alaska, so

... he buys a used Corvette and heads southbound for California for warmer climates.

After driving about 800 miles, he hears a bad noise coming from the engine. He sees an auto repair shop in a small town and decides to pull in. The penguin explains the problem to the mechanic and he is told...

A penguin is driving through the desert on a hot summer day.

Suddenly, his car breaks down. He goes to the local auto mechanic to fix it. The mechanic says "Come back in 30 minutes and I'll tell you what's wrong" Meanwhile, the penguin is really hot in the desert. He goes and gets a vanilla ice cream to cool down. However, in the hot desert, the vanilla ice c...

My doctor is a very big liar.

He told me I had an auto-immune disease.

Well guess what?

I got hit by a car and that still hurt like hell and left me with multiple fractures.

Grand Theft Auto 6 just announced. Already criticized for displaying "excessive and gratuitous violence towards pedestrians".

Apparently your character is just a normal on-duty cop.

One day an auto mechanic was working under a car...

and some brake fluid accidentally dripped into his mouth.

"Wow," he thought to himself. "That stuff tastes good!"

The next day he told a friend about his amazing discovery.

"It's really good," he said. "I think I'll have a little more today."

His friend was concerned ...

What's the problem with auto-erotic asphyxia?

You don't know if you're coming or going

I'm so good at programming I don't even need to test before I ship code.

Sent my program last week and haven't heard of any problems since!

Signed,
Richard
Junior Helicopter Auto-Pilot Software Developer

A former proctologist was getting tired of his job and the relentless teasing of his friends...

...so he decided to explore the field of auto mechanics.

He went to an auto trade school to get certified and generally excelled at everything. After a lengthy time, the day of his final certification test finally arrived. The former proctologist conducted the hands-on practical and then ea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman on a train is refusing to let a tired soldier sit down

An American soldier, serving in World War II had just returned from several weeks of battle on the German front lines.

The soldier had been granted rest and relaxation and was on a train that was bound for London.

The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the trai...

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946 , the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.


Henry was curious and invited them into his office.


...