My doctor has the best bedside manner.

During my last prostate exam, he kept me calm by putting both of his hands on my shoulders

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Shut up, manners and poop

Shut up manners and poop we’re driving along the street. They crashed and poop fell out the car. Shut up went to the police station and informed the officer of the situation and said “ i see now what is your name lad”? Shut up replied “ shut up” the policeman asked where his manners were. Shut up sa...

So there are three brothers, one called “manners”, one called “trouble” and one called “shut up”

One day they were playing hide and seek and “shut up” was searching. He found manners very quickly so they searched for their brother.

They looked for hours and still couldn’t find him, so eventually they went to the police station.

“Manners” was shy so he stayed outside, but “shut up”...

A teacher is trying to teach her students table manners

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a lovely young lady, how would you tell her you need to use the restroom?" asked the teacher

"Just a minute, I have to pee" answered Michael.

"That would be rude and impolite" said the teacher. "how about you, Sherman, how would you s...

A couple had two mischievous little boys, aged 8 and 10. To teach them some manners, the parents contacted a clergyman who had been successful in rehabilitating bad children in the past.

The clergyman asked to see the boys individually. The 8 year old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

​

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Xmas shopping manners

I was in the ASDA today with 2 trollies of ale when a little old lady got behind me in the queue.She only had a pint of milk, so I said "Is that all you've got love?” She said “yeah” I did the decent thing and said “if I were you I'd fuck off to another till, I'm gonna be ages”

My wife was always self-conscious about her amputated arm, so I tried to think of ways to incorporate it in a low-key manner during our intimate moments.

Suffice it to say that for a while I was stumped.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What vegetable has the least manners?

The rude-abega.

I came up with this today at the grocery store, and I'm not a dad, so all you dads out there, here's one for your arsenal. Godspeed.

And here’s another lesson in good manners.

Throwing the bouquet behind you to see who’s next?

Really poor taste at funerals.

Which of Santa's reindeer has the worst manners?

RUDE-olph, of course!

Shutup, manners and trouble

So there were a couple kids playing hide and seek in a national park, their names were Shutup, Manners and Trouble. When it was Manners time to count Shutup and Trouble went to go hide. After a couple mins of looking Manners found Shutup. The search continued for Trouble, but after an hour they c...

If a lady with manners perspires, rather than sweats

Does she aspire, rather than fart?

I started a fried chicken joint. In order to be halal, the chickens must be killed in the traditional Islamic manner:

It's pretty hard getting the little explosive-filled vests on them, though.

If you have to schedule a meeting with a person or people you do not like, here are some days to tell them, no manner what year...

February 30th

April 31st

June 31st

September 31st

November 31st

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a Kangaroo with bad manners?

Kangarude

​

Is he sleazy? Yes. Is he disgusting? Absolutely. Did he act in a vulgar manner towards women? Certainly.

But he's not running for President, his wife is.

Prayer can solve so many problems but manners can also prevent.

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that condoms come in packs of 3, 9, or 12 & asks which ones he wanted.
“Well,” he says, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while now & she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s the night. We’re...

[Long] Mind your manners

Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home.

Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen ...

No Bedside Manner

I’d never had surgery, and I was nervous. “This is a very simple, noninvasive procedure,” the anesthesiologist reassured me. I felt better, until … “Heck,” he continued, “you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

During a class on good manners...

and etiquette being held at an all boys school the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the restroom, what would you say to her?”

Little Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I got...

Sounds like Trump's finally learned some manners.

It's reported he's been heard saying "Pardon me" a lot lately.

What did Obe Wan say to Skywalker when he was teaching him table manners?

Use the forks Luke.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men called Shit, Fuck-you and Manners are walking down the street...

Shit sees a pound in the middle of the road and runs out to grab it, as he does so, he gets hit by a car, the car doesn't stop.

Fuck-you and Manners start panicking, but eventually Manners calms down enough to tell Fuck-you to run and find some help, so Fuck-you runs off to find help while Ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There were three friends: Shit, Shut-Up and Manners...

One sunny day, Shit was watering his garden when he tripped on his hose and fell into his garbage bin. Now he was quite stuck so he called his friend Manners who lived down the road, just around the corner. Upon arriving, Manners realised he would need some help to get Shit unstuck so he called his ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Good manners in bed

Girl Friend: I demand good manners in bed, just like at the dinner table ...

Boy friend climbs into bed slowly & says: Honey, would you pass the boobs please?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Proper Manners

There was an all male class being held and the teacher decided to pose a question on proper manners. The teacher asks his class, "If you are on a date with a woman at a nice restaurant and you wish to pee in the bathroom, how do you properly excuse yourself?"

The first student raises his hand...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Poop, Shutup, and Manners.

My personal Favorite from childhood.


3 men are in a car named Poop, Shutup and Manners. Shutup is driving. Poop is a dingus and begins climbing out the window. Manners tries to stop him but fails and Poop goes rolling out of the window. Manners panics and jumps out to go get him himself a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Professor welcomes the class in Anatomy lab on the first day of medical school.

He begins by saying - You need 2 rules to become a successful doctor.

No 1 - you cannot feel disgusted by anything.

After saying that, he stuck his finger into the cadaver's butt hole.

Students look at him in a shocked manner, but eventually they give in and remembering his r...

Ralph is driving home one evening,

when he suddenly realizes that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought her a present. He drives to the mall, runs to the toy store, and says to the shop assistant, "How much is that Barbie in the window?" In a condescending manner, she says, "Which Barbie?" She continues, "We have Barbie G...

A fat woman was standing on the weighing scale while holding her stomach in.

“Um, I don’t think that’s going to help” said the husband.



To which the wife replies in a confused manner,
“Sure it does. How else I could see the numbers?”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Massage

After nearly 50 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her...

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.

One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speech-making.

"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times...

On the train.

Instead of waiting for everyone to get off, some guy jostles for the train.
An older gentleman goes to him and says:
"You lost something out there."
The guy goes out and looks around, but he doesn't find anything.
Older Gentleman: "Keep looking, it's your manners".

Centuries ago, on a remote island in the North Atlantic...

Vikings arrived and began a settlement with help from their Irish thralls. But they weren't alone. All manner of otherworldly beings lurked in the island's hidden corners. The Vikings called these beings *vættir*; the Gaels called them *Aes Sídhe*.

Among these beings were the selkies who frol...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I like my coffee like I like my sex.

*Pulls money out of pocket and extends hand in a manner as if to pay someone.*

Fair Trade

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans

Stolen from Facebook:

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked the flight attendant to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator. He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible fo...

How many members of a specified demographic does it take to complete a particular task?

A finite quantity. One to complete the specific task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of persons from said demographic.

Will and the Narnidian

There was once a little shopkeeper that lived in Narnidia who sold various 'crafted' items. Eventually, he decided (for one reason or another) that he needed to move to the US. After moving, his very first customer walks in. The shopkeeper says, in a friendly manner, "Name?" The guy says "Will." Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

No Breast Milk

She was beautiful, blonde and buxom - a perfect specimen of womanhood - with a small baby in her arms. The Doc was in his first day in private practice, eager to show he knew all about everything.


"What's seems to be the problem?", he asked in his best medical manner.


"It's the...

One day, an old man was hammering a large, wooden stake into his garden.

Unfortunately, that same day, the captain of the Navy was walking past. When the stake caught his eye (despite it being very basic and unattractive), he decided he wanted to own it. So, he waited for the old man to leave, and promptly pulled it out and carried it away to his submarine, where he foun...

A Hippo wants to join the local hippo gang

While speaking with the gang leader he's told in order to join the gang he must have respect for his brothers and impeccable manners.
He nods his head and let's the leader know he was raised in a noble, high class family. These things came easy to him.

The hippo struts out of the leaders r...

How does one walk through a Siberian forest?

Do it in a calm and relaxed manner, but bear in mind

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little boy and his mother were walking down the sidewalk when they encountered a bow legged man.

The bpy pointed his finger at the bloke and yelled out: "Look, mother, a bow legged man!"


His mother was surprised, took her son's hand; and hurriedly walked home.


Upon arrival, she reprimanded the little boy and told him that he would receive a worse punishment next time we wa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young girl had a female parrot that used to follow her everywhere .

The parrot was even imitating the owner by saying

"I'm beautiful, I' am sexy, and I' love sex "

One day ,a priest came over to bless the house He was shocked to hear the parrot saying "I'm beautifull,I' am sexy and I' love sex "

_Good Lord child !!! I' have 2 parrots at home ...

A pothead goes to the beach.

It's pretty obvious that he's been smoking earlier that day.
He gets to the beach and it's a quiet day. He notices, however that there are all manner of sea birds squawking and flying around like crazy. They're diving in and out of the water and pestering the few people who were out that day. He ...

I Germans and an Italian

At the end of WW2, as the Allies were starting to win, there were 3 prisoners of war held together in a cell. Two were German officers and one an Italian soldier. The men were to be held for questioning.
The first day the Allied soldiers took the first German in to be questioned. The guards sit...

A drunk stumbles into a library and says: "I'll take a double gin and tonic!"

The librarian leans forward with a severe whisper: "You are in a library!"

The drunk, all manners and apologetic leans over the counter and whispers slow: "I'll take a double gin and tonic."

The Noe Family

A girl is finally going to meet her boyfriend Dave Noe’s family for thanksgiving. She’s really worried because she’s never had a boyfriend before, and has no idea what it’s gong to be like. Dave assures her his family will love her, and that she’ll be fine.

The girl is still incredibly nervou...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One night, after a couple had retired for the night

the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.
He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her
back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.


Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Jock goes to the doctor, worried that he pulled a muscle.

Based on the activities that the jock describes doing, the doctor determines the most likely place of injury is his ass.

"I have a simple method of determining whether or not you've pulled a muscle. Try contracting the muscles of that area in a manner that you don't normally contract them. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

No sex since 1955

A crusty old Army Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Major for conversation.
"Excuse me, Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was lost in the desert

With nobody by his side apart from his trusty camel. The man walks miles and miles, maintaining his needs by eating the flesh of dead animals and drinking from the oasis' scattered across the lands. However the one basic need he is unable to satisfy is the need for sex. After several days the man ca...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Army officer, a Naval officer, and a Ranger are captured...

By a strange tribe, deep in the jungle. The people of the tribe confer briefly, and then the chief walks up to the Army officer. "We've decided to kill you," he began, "and make a canoe out of your skin. However, in deference to your rank, we have decided to allow you to choose the manner in whic...

When Gerald Ford died, he was quite shocked to find himself in hell.

Being upset about this, he found Satan, and confronted him.

"I don't understand why I'm here. I served my Country in an honest and honorable manner, never missed Church, saved Betty from her addiction, and I can't think of a single thing I could have done to deserve going to hell."

Be...

Two friars are having trouble paying off the belfry...

So they open a florist shop. Everyone wants to buy flowers from the men of God, who seem to really have a way with their flowers, so business is quickly booming!

The florist across town sees a huge drop in sales and asks the two friars to close their shop, but they refuse.

A month late...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This isn’t a hotel...

Back when I lived with my dad my brother and I were strictly raised to have good manners. Old fashioned manners. For instance when we had our grandparents over we were to set the table and clear the table including everyone's dishes. If we ever asked dad or anyone else to help out we always got the ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was this Wal-Mart greeter ...and everyday he was cheerful, happily greeting customers with a "Welcome to Walmart; I hope your day is wonderful!" or an "Enjoy your shopping!"

One day a loud, boisterous, unkempt woman comes in with her two children, who are running around and causing havoc as she yells at them. The old man greets her in his usual cordial manner, and she snaps back a rude reply to him.

Smiling, the old man looks at the lady and says, "What wonderful...

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of

the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree

to a transaction wherein the party of the second part shall be removed from

the current position as a result of failure to p...

Unfaithful Husband

A wife was beginning to suspect that her husband had become unfaithful, coming home at odd hours of the night with the excuse that he was out playing cards with friends.


One night the couple had plans for a masquerade party, but as the husband was getting ready the wife mentioned that she...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

He Has No Class

Donald Trump lands aboard Air Force One at Heathrow, and deplanes to a long red carpet. He walks to where Queen Elizabeth II is waiting to welcome him with much pomp and circumstance.

They are ushered into a new silver Rolls Royce, then chauffeured to Buckingham Palace.

After tea, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Homeless men are traveling far and wide until they come across a mansion.

They all stare in awe at the magificent view. Suddenly, an older woman comes through the door. She's elegant in her manner, but her looks certainly aren't flattering. Behind her however, were 20 women of age 18 and older, but still younger than 25. They were each sexy in their own manner, some flirt...

A minister, a priest and a rabbi are at a lake fishing...

when the priest announces he needs to use the bathroom. The other two watch as the priest gets out of the boat and walks on top of the water to the lake shore, does his thing, and does the same to return to the boat. About ten minutes later, the minister announces that he, too, needs to go to the ba...

At Heathrow airport in England...

...a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out and President Putin strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth.

They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley to the edge
of Central London where they boarded an open 17th century coach hitched to six magnificent white horses.

As ...

The Russians and Americans

at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog...

Don't Do That In Public

A boy and his mother stood looking at a dentist's showcase. "If I had to have false teeth, I'd take that pair," said the small boy, pointing.

"Hush, Willie," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm. "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company

A group of cosmic rays establishes a stock trading company. As energetic as they come, they start off with a bang. With a handful of eager young protons joining their ranks, they begin to see extremely positive gains in their investments in no time. They're making more money than they know what to d...

Burt and Arthur are playing golf

As Burt is eyeing in a putt on the 14th, a funeral procession drives slowly down the road right next to the green. Burt drops his putter, removes his hat, bows his head and mutters in a respectful manner.
 

Arthur congratulates Burt on his display of respect and says he didn’t kn...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The rude professor.

A biology professor in Italy was giving an anatomy class. "The largest penis was discovered in an archeological finding in rome". Two or three offended female students get up to leave. The professor says "hey girls" The female students turn around in a egotistical manner expecting an apology. The p...

Three brothers go to the park.

Their names are: Shut-Up, Trouble, and Manners.
They are about to play a game of football when Manners turns to Shut-Up and says;
"Where has Trouble gone?"
Shut-Up is unsure, and the two spend a few minutes looking for him. Then Shut-Up turns to his brother.
"There's a policeman over the...

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Comcast has received a notification by a copyright owner, or its authorized agent, reporting an alleged infringement of one or more copyrighted works made on or over Comcast's High-Speed Internet service (the 'Service'). The copyright owner has identified the Internet Protocol ('IP') address associa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The tourettes pianist

An out of work pianist with Tourettes Syndrome is strolling around the streets and bars of Soho one unemployed afternoon. Walking down Dean Street he sees a lounge bar with a sign in the window 'Pianist wanted for evening performances'.
'Fucking get in there you cunt!' he says to himself and goes...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The villagers stare at the BMW as they have never seen one before !

The pump attendant who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golf pro is.

"Good morning. Beauty of an automobile you have there” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick ‘hello’ and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does...

A little girl sits on Santa's lap.

In a jolly manner, Santa asks "What would you like for Christmas?"

The girl replies without hesitation: "I would like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa sits for a moment, thinking about the request. Caught off guard, he says "But little girl, Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl looks...

President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....."

".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

A couples' therapist encounters a client with a giant red "M" on her chest. [NSFW]

Concerned, the therapist asks the woman if her husband is abusing her in some strange satanic manner. "No," replies the client, "my husband is a Mississippi fan and insists on wearing his game jersey every time we have an 'interaction'." A couple days later, the therapist meets another client who sh...

A boy and his mom

A boy and his mom were walking down the street and the boy pulled on his mom's arm and said, "Mom look! There's a bow-legged man over there!"

His mother shushed him quickly telling him it's not nice to call people bow-legged.

A week later they were walking together and he pulls on his...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Kids these days...

A bunch of kids are playing football when someone kicks the ball over the fence through the window of the neighbour's house (breaking it in the process). No one wants to go and get the ball back since the owner is very strict, so they pick the kid who has the best manners to go and apologise.
...

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

A probable case of human trafficking...

A flight attendant on a flight sees a suspicious looking couple on board. So she immediately reports it to the captain.
 

*"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking!"*
 

*"There is a very pretty and graceful female passenger on board who seems rich. She ...

A young man walks into a bar

And sees a horse.

Young man: 'Why the long face?'

Horse: 'Women. The ones I like anyways.

Young man: 'Why? What's the problem? What kind of women do you like?'

Horse: 'I like my women like I like my coffee.'

Young Man: 'Ground up and in the freezer?'

Horse: ...

A young cowboy walks into the saloon.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chicken congee.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowboy, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowb...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old woman asks for her neighbor's parrot..

An old woman was chatting with her next door neighbor, and when he mentioned that he was going away to college and could not take his parrot with him, she asked him what he would do with the bird.
"Ah, I'll give 'em to the pet store. Somebody else's problem."
Well this just would not do for t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker go on a safari...

Along the way they run into a tribe of cannibals. The chief was a pleasant fellow, but had some unfortunate news for them.

"Gentlemen, I am sorry but I must follow the way of my people."

"Oh?" says the Brit. "What's that?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We will kill you, cook...

So a man walks into a bar with a 1-foot-tall well-dressed person behind him

The man pulls an electronic piano out of his pocket and sets it up on the bar, then sets up a tiny little stool. The foot-tall man takes a seat, cracks his knuckles, and begins to tickle the ivories in the most beautiful manner the bartender has ever heard.

As the sweet melodies resounded th...

Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:

Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...

Peter and his luck.

Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist .


"Hello, could you give me condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!" ...

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as peter was going out, he returns and says ...

"Give...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three guys in a car, driving down the road.

Three guys in a car, driving down the road. Their names are Shit, Manners, and Shutup. Shit fell out of the car, Manners hopped out to pick him up, and Shutup got pulled over by a cop. the cop comes up to the window and says,

Cop - "Son, what's your name?"

"Shutup."

Cop - "Uh,...

Three young friends,

seeking a fortune, adventure together to Egypt where a new pyramid has been discovered.


Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavated. The friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never bef...

I started working at the large wildlife crematorium

And now I’m urning the big bucks.

**********

Disclaimer: was told this by a friend. Who isn’t on reddit. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemb...

Engineer goes to Hell...

The engineer looks around, confused, and sees that despite having lived what he felt was a pious and good life, he is in Hell.

Satan quickly introduces himself. "Welcome to Hell. I can't say i was expecting you, so i guess St. Peter made a mistake when he put you on the Hell list. I'll have ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Three men walk into a bar.

The first man looks like he hasn't had any sleep in days. His clothes are ragged and torn, and his face is clammy and unshaven. He sits down on the stool and slumps over in a groggy state.

The second man is in a similar state, but is wearing a suit. His tie is strewn over his shoulders, and h...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A 12 year old boy is riding a wagon drawn by horses in the rain in the 1800s

As they walk along, the horses are spooked by a lightning strike. Taking off, the wagon tips and the boy is left with multiple scrapes.

A few minutes later, a man and a woman walk past carrying a basket of apples. The man says to the boy, “you need any help, son?”

The boy replies, “I d...

An old lady told me this

You know how rubber gloves are made? They hire all kinds of people; black guys, white guys,boys, girls, men, women; and have them all dip their hands in liquid hot rubber. You get all manner of gloves from this. Big ones, small ones, medical gloves, elbow length cleaning gloves. The more durable the...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horny Cock

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.

He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you.
...

A lady goes to her priest one day and confesses,...

"Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." What do they say?" the priest inquires curiously. The woman blushes as she explains that the two female birds repeat the same phrase over and over: "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" T...

The Generic Ethnic Joke

A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Seven Dwarves are invited to Rome for a visit with the Pope. . .

. . . All is going well as the Dwarves are asking questions about faith and the church in an albeit innocent and childlike manner. But for some reason Dopey was quiet. He was shying away and looking embarrassed which wasn't all that odd for Dopey but the Pope in his kindness and curiosity wondered w...

A man was standing behind his wife waiting to be seated in a crowded church.

The sermon had started before they arrived. As they slowly made their way down the aisle looking for a seat the preacher spoke, "Who was it that spoke to Moses a top Sinai?".
The man poked his wife with the pencil he was carrying and she blurted out "GOD!" in a startled manner.
"Yes!" said t...