What's the saddest type of fish and chips?

a battered sole.

A traveler stopped at a monastery and they invited him to stay for a delicious dinner of fish and chips.

After dinner he went in the kitchen and asked a guy "Are you the fish friar?" and the guy said "No I'm the chip monk."

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

A man walks Into a library and asks “can I have some fish and chips please?” The librarian replies “sir, this is a library”

“Oh sorry!”
*whispers* “can I have some fish and chips?”

A man goes to a seafood restaurant and orders fish and chips...

He notices his waitress checking him out, but doesn’t think much of it. Either way, he comes back the next night and orders fish and chips. The waitress says, “Are you sure? You just got that last night.” So instead the man orders salmon. He also thought it was sweet the waitress remembered his orde...

why did the wife of the fish and chips fetishist file for divorce?

she was sick of being a battered woman

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The prisoners’ last meals

3 prisoners were sentenced to death row and offered their last meal. The first one, a Brit said, fish and chips and a really good drink. And the guards gave it to him.

The second one, an Italian said, the finest risotto. And the guards gave it to him.

The third one, a Jew said strawb...

The Seagull and The Octopus

There once was a seagull with sore feet. He had been perching on a seaside railing all day and was starting to get blisters. He had tried going swimming, but the salt water seemed to irritate them and make them worse. He had tried flying, but he soon got so tired that he had to stop. He was in agony...

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Two men are sitting in the pub discussing who has the laziest son...

"My son...", says the first "... is so lazy, that when I sent him three minutes down road to the chip shop to get a couple bags of fish and chips with a twenty pound note and told him he could keep the change- the lazy bugger still wouldn't go."
"That's nothing..." says the second, "...I got in l...

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Boris Johnson walks into a Bank

He needs to cash a cheque. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"

Cashier: It would be my pleasure. Could you please show me your ID?

BJ: Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Bor...

A man was driving a rental car along a old mountain road in Eastern Europe at night when he started having engine problems

Unable to get a signal on his mobile phone, he saw a lit building not far off and made it there just as the car stalled. Getting out of the car, he knocked on the door. A monk in a brown habit opened the door.

"Good evening, brother!" greeted the monk. "What can I do for you?"
"I'm ver...

Doctor, Doctor, I think I've gone blind!

You sure have mate this is a fish and chips shop

New California Department

To save money California is combining the Dept of Fish and Wildlife and the Highway Patrol. The new department is called the Department of Fish and Chips.

:)

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I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...

When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...

I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.

He replied with ‘Fuck off you piece of shit!’

I work in a prison.

On a sparkling summer day,

A penguin is driving his convertible along a coastal road. Accelerating through a bend, he hears a “thump” from the engine bay.

It’s not so far to the next town, so he slows down and limps the car to the local mechanic’s workshop.

“I’m a bit busy right now, mate”, says the mechanic. “C...

A knight is on a quest. It will be a dark and stormy night...

He sees a monastery and asks for shelter for the night. The monks invite him in. One of them tells him "You are in luck. This is Friday, our fish and chips day. We have the best fish and chips in the realm."

The knight finds that they were right. This was the best fish and chips he has...

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside

A young couple on holiday was driving through the English countryside when they approached the gates of a monastery. A sign on the gates announced “Public lunch served daily. Fish and chips our speciality.” The couple were quite hungry and, seeing that the noon hour had just passed, they decided to ...

I like both kinds of british cuisine...

fish AND chips.

Punny monks

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbles across a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, she's just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she's ever had. After dinner, she goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. She is met by two brothers, "Hello, I'm Brother Micha...

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery..

..he knocks on the door, and seeing how it's getting late, asks if he can stay for supper. "I've been fishing all day, I've got plenty of fish to share for dinner". The monks let him in, and he has a fantastic supper on fish and chips. He's so impressed, he says "I'm going into the kitchen to find t...

A Polar Bear walks into a bar...

... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."

The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."

The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."

Fish & Chips

A man walked into a fish and chips shop run by two priests, but only one was out front. He asked, "Are you the fish friar?"

The man replied, "No, I'm the chip monk."

A Man dies and goes to Hell...

... he looks around with an expression of great surprise at it's existence.

He sees souls getting skewered, souls getting beat up with chains, souls stewing in pans with devils pouring in the oil.

An approaching Demon bellows: "Choose your torture."

"Wait wait! Can I look aroun...

An American man walks into a bar...

An American man walks into a bar and grabs a seat. While ordering a pint, he can't help but overhear an obnoxiously loud but indiscernible conversation from three massively large ladies down the bar.

The man calls out to them,, "Hey babes, are you from Scotland?"

Quite rudely, one lad...

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