Lawyer vs catfish

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a scum-sucking bottom feeding scavenger and the other is a catfish.

Why did the catfish have trouble sleeping?

The bass next door was too loud

It's not catfishing

It's Tinder Surprise

I recently saw a catfish at my local river.

No clue how it baits the hook with those tiny paws.

Never had good catfish.

My coworker said “I’ve never had good catfish”

Someone else replied “you haven’t been on the internet long enough!”

I’ll be here all week. Try the veal.

What do you use to catfish on the Internet?

You have to use clickbait.

I went fishing and caught a bass, a catfish and a hammerfer.

What's a hammerfer? Fer driving nails.

My 8year old friend thinks this is the greatest joke, I thought so too when I was his age.

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

A lonely fisherman decided to use his internet instead of a regular fishing net.

All he caught were catfish.

The Blind Sales Clerk

A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about...

I caught a 450 lb catfish the other day

That’s gotta be a record! She was squeezed into yoga pants at the end of the bar.

I reeled in a 6 foot 1 inch catfish

That weighed 280 lbs on Tinder

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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill

and cook a venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. Th...

What's the difference between a lawyer​ and a catfish?

One's a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other's a fish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer and a catfish

What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

me catfishing

Me: I'm going catfishing

friend: no

Me: I want pussy

friend:don't play with people

Me: \*putting catnip on a hook\* what

What does a catfish chase after?

A string ray!

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.

*-Hannibal Lecter*

If being a 23 year old Norwegian swimwear model has taught me anything

It’s that catfishing is surprisingly easy online

In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long.

I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

The teacher gathers the kids around

She says, “Alright, what does the pig give you?” And the kids all reply with “Bacon!” Then the teacher goes “what does the cow give you?” And the kids go “Beef!” And as a joke the teacher goes “What about the Catfish!” And another teacher looking haggard with a cold sore looking uncomfortable goes “...

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A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

A father and son are on a fishing trip...

They’re going around the world fishing for a list of rare and unusual fish. They’ve divvied up which fish each is to catch. The dad catches a zebrafish, the son catches a catfish, the dad catches an elephantfish, the son catches a hagfish, and so on.

It’s the son’s turn and he has to catch a ...

Why did the shark quit dating_

Even though there are still many fish in the sea, he was netted into a relationship and got catfished.

Went to a fancy restaurant and ordered tuna, but they brought something else instead

Obvious catfish situation

Why didn’t the fisherman care about his wireless internet connection?

Because either-net works when he’s catfishing.

The Fishing Trip

On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I’ll swing by the hou...

There once was a man from Alabama . . .

He was a nice fellow. An unsophisticated hillbilly type but amicable to be around nonetheless. He was known as Catfish Jeb around the bayou because of that one time a catfish bit him in the . . .

Well, where the catfish bit him isn't important, now is it?

One day, very tragically, Catf...

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Game Warden goes fishing [long]

This fellow got hired by the Conservation Department as a game warden. He just loved all things hunting and fishing, and being new in town, started asking around where the good fishing holes were. Finally he came to this little country bar, and asked the bartender. "Charlie catches more fish than...

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THINGS I LEARNED LIVIN' IN LOUISIANA Enjoy!

1) A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2) There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in Louisiana .

3) There are 10,000 types of spiders, and all 10,000 of them live in Louisiana .

4) If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite ...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

The South Declares War

President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang.
"Hello, President Obama” a heavily accented southern voice said. "This is Archie, down here at Joe's Catfish Shack, in Mobile , and I am callin' to tell ya’ll that we are officially declaring war on y'all!"


"Well Ar...

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