Two prawns, Steve and Christian are hanging out when they meet a magic Cod.

The Magic Cod grants them each a wish.

Christian wishes for a lovely big prawn house. Poof! He has a lovely big prawn house.

Steve wishes to become a shark so nobody would mess with him anymore. Poof! Steve's a shark.

Over the coming weeks the two grow apart, Steve's getting ...

What is D.B Cooper's favorite CoD map?

Hijack

CoD WW2 is so realistic...

Even the servers are from 1941.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Cod Captain and His Seamen's Semen

Several centuries ago, Irish fishermen sought fortune fishing cod off the coast of Newfoundland. During the long cross-Atlantic journey, many captains worried about their men after so much time away from their wives.

One devoutly Catholic captain was especially concerned that his men might re...

Two prawns called Christian and Terry are out for their morning swim.

Soon they happen upon a codfish caught in a six pack ring. Cursing the humans, Christian and Terry help the poor fish out of his predicament. Now freed, he begins to glow mysteriously.

“Thank you,” he says. “My name is Cod, and I’m a wish-granting codfish. I’d like to grant each of you one wi...

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

What's the difference between a CoD player and a baby?

A baby eventually grows up.

Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

As a Marxist I could never play CoD,

because I refuse to create a class.

If you wanna see how far we've advanced over the years, just think how it takes just 10 seconds to respawn on COD

...but it took Jesus 3 days!

I heard President Trump is a really good COD player.

Apparently he can tomahawk from across the map on command.

Do you believe in cod?

Because I reely trout it exists.

What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

There is no cod

COD Rolled the Dice

but Battlefield 1

So I bought the new cod game.

Best fishing simulator ever.

Why was jesus bad at COD

He respawns after 2 days

In the shark infested waters of the Caribbean, two prawns, one called Justin and the other called Christian are discussing the pressures of being a preyed-upon prawn. “I hate being a prawn,” says Justin. “I wish I were a shark.”

Suddenly, a mysterious cod appears. “Your wish is granted,” he says. Instantly, Justin becomes a shark. Horrified, Christian swims away, afraid that his former friend might eat him. As time passes, Christian continues to avoid Justin, leaving the shrimp-turned-maneater lonely and frustrated. So...

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Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'
A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wi...

What is a profane chef's least favorite fish to work with?

Cod, dammit.

Something for that cough

The pharmacist needed a short break from the register so he left his son in charge: “just put on the coat and act like you know what you are doing. Ring up the sales as listed. What ever you do, DO NOT give anyone advice. I’ll be back soon”

After a few minutes, a man approached the “pharmac...

What is the motto for the fish stick factory?

In cod we crust.

How did Captain Bird's-eye die?

He was battered by a cod.

A little boy heard about Jesus Christ on tv...

he wanted to know more about who was jesus so he went to this dad "hey dad who's jesus christ?" dad answered "not now son im busy with work, ask ur mom" so the boy went to his mom and asked "mom who's jesus christ?" ,mom answered "baby im washing the dishes right now, ask ur sister" so the boy went ...

A request for Fish Jokes

My girlfriend really likes and jokes and fish. But when looking for fish jokes on the web i did not find anything except:

"What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod"

"Why don't fish play basketball? because they are afraid of nets"

"What did the fish say wh...

So there were two prawns called Peter and Christian...

One day Peter said to his best friend Christian "I don't want to be a Prawn anymore, I want to be something else. I want to be a shark!"

Christan asked why and Peter said he wanted to explore the ocean and that a Prawn was too small and would be eaten. While he was explaining a cod apeared ...

Two prawns are talking to each other

Two prawns, named Graham and Christian, are taking to each other about their life. Graham decides that he is tired of being a prawn, and tells Christian ‘I want to be something bigger and better, I want to live a little, I wish I were a shark’
Suddenly, a magic cod appears and grants Graham’s wis...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

3 Canadian guys discover an old oil lamp...

3 Canadian guys - One Newfie, One Quebecois, and one from Ontario are working together on a construction site. While digging they discover an old oil lamp, which, when picked up immediately belches forth a smoky, strange looking individual they know must be a genie.

"Thank you for freeing me,...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The creation of a pussy, improved version.

Each man was a master-of-craft at his trade,


Now by God in his wisdom a task they'd been laid.


See them gathered together, by calling divine


to fashion a vulva of peerless design.


The first man, a butcher of eminent skill


took a hold of his bla...

Just bought Drakes new single, but I couldn't listen to it because a damn fish jumped and snatched the cd out of my hand

I guess it was cod's plan.

A man goes to a French market

He wanders around the market, looking for ingredients to make a fish stew. He buys some carrots, onions, and even a few exotic spices. But he still needs to find some fresh fish. He heads over to the deli where he sees an amazing arrangement of meats, cheeses, and of course, seafood. He asks the man...

Today, I found out there are places that sell fake scallops made out of white fish...

there are a lot of cod artists out there.

I have this yearly fundraising going on...

So, I have this yearly fundraising going on. Every year in november I take 70€ and donate them to a poor game developer. As a little thank you, they give me a shooter game, every year. But throughout the last years, these games became worse and worse. Many of my friends could not understand, why I w...

Why was the fisherman upset with his new property?

After selling his sole for a small plaice perched by the sea (something to the tuna 500 square feet), he found something fishy within contract and realised he cod do better if he weren't such a cheap-skate.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

True story: Back in 8th grade

My English A teacher: Women are very capable of looking after themselves...

Me: Yeah, in the kitchen...

-whole class chuckles whiles she gives me a dirty look-

She responds, with an insincere smile: Actually, women are slowly moving out of the kitchen and onto better things......

So a man, his son and his daughter go out fishing prior to fishing season...

So man, his son and his daughter go out fishing prior to their local fishing season. In their region it is illegal to keep the fish that they catch prior to the season, but it is still legal to fish. After about one hour and a half, the man hooks a beautiful 55cm cod. He leans over and goes to put t...

John arrives home from work one day to hear a voice in his head telling him to quit his job

...quit his job, sell it all, and fly to Vegas. Day after day, it is the same thing. "John, quit your job, sell the house, don't tell the wife, and fly to Vegas."

Over time it starts to get more and more specific.

"John, quit your job at the bank. Sell the house for no less than $200k...

It's mayhem in the kitchen, and two chefs are at each other's throats over a botched order....

"I told you the manager wanted cod seasoned with parsley!" yelled the first chef, brandisihing a butcher's knife.

"Well I told you that he wanted mackerel seasoned with paprika!" yelled the other, grabbing a pan of hot oil.

At that point the manager walked in holding a plate, just as b...

What did the beaver say when he found out his new neighbour was a fish?

Cod dam

The difference

What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.