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Haddock Jokes

A man walks into a bakery with a 25lb haddock under his arm.

He asks the baker, "do you make fish cakes?".

The slightly confused baker replies that they don't.

"That's a shame", replies the man. "It's his birthday today".

The Fishmonger

A woman went to the market to buy some cod. She approaches the fishmonger for assistance.

Woman: Do you have any cod? I’d like a piece of cod.

Fishmonger: We’ve got no cod, madam. We have haddock, would you like some haddock?

Woman: No, I’d like some cod.

Fishmonger: We d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife has an eccentric but harmless new habit. She started taking a fish to bed with her. It didn’t really bother me until last night.

When I suggested we have sex, she replied: “Not tonight, dear, I have a haddock.”

What do you call a fish that won’t walk away from a poker table?

A gambling haddock.

I went to Bill Hayleys fish shop last night

They do Hake, Haddock and Sole

So everyone is getting mad at me after telling jokes about marine wildlife

I think it's a turtle over reaction. It just being shellfish and it's giving me a bad haddock. I mean, I don't do them on porpoise...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish

A woman rushes into a fish shop at 4:45 on a Saturday evening and orders a pound of Cod.

The fishmonger says, “I’m sorry, we’ve sold out of cod.”

The woman says, “But I want a pound of Cod.!”

The fishmonger says, “I’m sorry, but we have sold right out of Cod.!”

The woman ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the fisherman never get any sex?

His wife always had a haddock.

What did the fisherman tell his amorous wife?

Not tonight, honey, I've got a haddock.

An Italian goes into a noisy fish market

He goes up and down the aisles looking for a particular fish and can't find it.



In frustration, he then goes to counter and shouts over the noise "DOA YOU HAVE A HADDOCK"



"No I took to aspirin and now i feel fine"

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