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What is a Pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant?

...Long John Silvers. Most probably thought I was gonna say “Arrrrby’s.” Lol

Where do monkeys go to get their fast food?

Burger Kong.

An elderly couple go to their local fast food restaurant.

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries, and a drink.
He unwrapped the hamburger and cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He to...

A fast food employee dropped my burger patty on the floor before serving it to me.

They said it was ground beef.

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To all the teachers who said I would be nothing but a fast food worker and an alcoholic,

Fuck you that just was a lucky guess.

Old couple goes to a fast food restorant.

They order one burger and fries, sit down and divide the burger and fries. A man from table next to them sees that and asks politely: "If you want, I can buy some extra food for you." "No thanks, we are a old couple, we share everything." Time goes by and the man is eating, but the woman is not. Fro...

What’s a bukkake-lover‘s favorite fast food restaurant?

Five Guys.

What Do You Get When You Mix Breaking Bad With Fast Food?

Walter Whitecastle, aka “Heisenburger”.

Have you heard about the activist group that fights for ceramic containers in fast food restaurants?

They call themselves the "Bowl movement".

If you’re interviewing for a fast food job and they ask about your short and long term goals

Short term : I want to work at McDonalds

Long term : I don’t want to work at McDonalds

Which fast food produces the most radiation?

>!Fission chips. !<

Once, many many years ago, there was a fad among fast food restaurants

to put historical, sometimes military or industrial items in their front yards as a kind of attraction/plaything; an old howitzer or maybe even a train caboose that kids could inspect or climb on. Sometimes these unlikely things would be decorated with the characters or dishes of the food chain. For...

A fat man goes into a fast food restaurant and orders his food. The cashier says that it will be a minute or two for his food. Finally his food is ready. The cashier hands the food to the fat guy and tells him,

"Sorry about your weight."

i got a wrong fast food order delivered today with NOTHING in it

i wanted mcdonalds but got jack in the box

Everytime I eat fast food I can talk to dead people...

Maybe I should quit ordering the medium fries.

A guy goes to a fast food shop.

He goes to the counter and asks the worker (old lady) for a burger without onions. The lady takes a couple minutes inside the kitchen and comes back saying to the guy: “I’m sorry darling but we’ve run out of onions, can I offer you a burger without tomatoes instead”.

What are the two kinkiest fast food chains?

Subway and Domino's.

Oh, have you heard about the new Spanish fast food place?

I think it’s called KFSí.

Fast Food Fury

My fast-food order arrived but it was incomplete. I was missing my fries. They had no more ketchup. They ran out of napkins. And the cashier said, “I can’t give you a lid for your drink or you won’t be able to drink it,” and she pointed at the previous customer holding a drink. That is when I threw ...

Today I took my infant son to his favorite fast food place...

"Welcome to Gerber King! May I take your order?"

Have you heard the movie that they’re making about fast food?

It’s getting filmed in Greece.

What do you call a fast food company that also manufactures airliners?

McDonald's Douglas

What did the pirate say when he dropped his fast food order?

Arrr! Me harteys!!!

When Hannibal gets fast food, what does he order?

A kids meal, with extra kids.

I have a weakness for casual fast food....

That's why I keep a condiment in my wallet.

What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?

Chick Fillet

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Which fast food joint would you like to see in space?

Personally, I'd love to see Five Guys on Uranus

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I'm done. Guys, I'm fucking sick of this. I'm almost 20 and haven't been able to score a better job than a fucking cook at a local fast food joint.

What makes it worse is that I live in a small town, so business is pretty limited and where I work is the only place that'll hire high school graduates.

I'd get the hell out of this town if I could actually drive too, but I've failed every damn test I've ever taken.

I'm socially awkwa...

Have you noticed the fast food is tastier lately?

Because the food industry workers are finally washing their hands!

What do you call a fast food chain run by slaves?

Three Guys

Every time I go through a fast food window

They hand me my food and say “sorry about the weight.” I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant?

Wendy's

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Salon and Fast food

The hair salon near where I live, has a special offer where you get free McDonalds whilst you wait for your color to set. . .

It's called "Eat crap & dye".

Our local monastery has opened a fast food outlet.

I went in and said to the guy "Hi, are you the deep fat friar?"

He said "No, I'm the chip monk."

A dung beetle goes for fast food...

Orders a Number 2

Two priests decided to open a fast food joint.

The first became a fish friar, while the other became a chip monk.

My fast food addiction is really starting to cause me issues.

For starters, I can't find anywhere in New York that does a decent cheetah sandwich.

Where do fast food places get those square fish for the filet-o-fish sandwiches?

From the asquarium.

What do you call an American's God-given right to fast food?

Manifest Density

Why wouldn't the pimp eat at the fast food restaurant?

He preferred his meals Ho-made.

First rule of Fast Food management:

Always put the employee with the worst accent on the drive-through.

I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.

Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

Why wasn't Taco Bell featured at the White House's fast food feast?

Because Trump would have expected them to pay for the whole meal.

Which fast food chain would be a good basketball player?

Dunkin' Donuts

The ancient Romans would be saddened to know how many of their advances we'd forgotten. Aquaducts, fast food, underfloor heating...

But hey, it's all water over the bridge.

What does a neckbeard call a woman he meets at a fast food joint?

McLady.

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Even if Hitler had only run a fast food chain, it would have turned out terribly...

I mean, who wants to order the "Arbeit Macht Fries"?

What’s the most aggressive fast food business right now?

its nacho business

Why did the characters from Fifty Shades of Grey get into a fight about fast food?

They couldn't agree where to go. Christian wanted Domino's, but Ana insisted on Subway!

how much is a life-time supply of fast food?

Not much.

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Which fast food joint is a euphemism for female masturbation?

Jack in the box. (Jackin the box)

Why does animal hate fast food?

Because It keeps running away from them

These days are different, you can't celebrate your kid's birthday at a fast food restaurant anymore

My ex-wife freaked out when I told her about our son's Mario themed party. All I said was that he got a boo cake from Five Guys.

It's quite appropriate that fast food cashiers...

often open with "sorry for the weight".

What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints?

You want flies with that?

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The Tale of Three Heavens

Once upon a time, long long ago, in village far far away, there lived a fairly affluent merchant who lived a nice luxurious life in his spacious mansion. The merchant befriended a homeless man who lived in front of the gates of his mansion and often gave him food.

One day, the merchant n...

My friends favourite NSFW joke

A fast food worker gets home early from his night shift. His wife asks him: "Why are you home so early?"  He replies, "I put my fingers in the potato peeler and they chased me away"  The wife asks confused: "And the potato peeler?"
"She also got fired"

If Bill Gates eats American food and Ghandi eats Indian food, what food does Usain Bolt eat?

fast food

Apparently there’s a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn’t be affected.

What does a shark call a jet-skier?

Fast food. (I’m so sorry)

Chicken Addiction

A guy really wanted to eat chicken. He was craving it for a while and he decided to go get some. But, he didn't want any of the fast food type chicken. So, he decided to cook it himself.

He goes to the butcher to buy it. The butcher gave him a live chicken. The man, surprised, asked the butch...

Why do the French like escargot so much?

Well, they've long expressed their disdain for fast food.

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smelly and colored dick

One guy comes straight from a fast food restaurant with a hamburger in one hand and a cup of cola in the other. Equipped like this he goes straight to the toilet. Standing in there he tells another guy that he can't put his drink or his food down because of a lack of space. So he asks the other man ...

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Bicycles are bad for national economy

Oh Yes Mr. Reader, Bicycles are bad for national economy, even if its sounds ridiculous but it is always true that: -

Cycling is a danger to the country

Now reasons:

• He doesn't buy cars

• He doesn't take loans

• He does not insure the car

• He doesn't b...

A funny story written by some of my Chinese students, 10/11 years old. i hope it makes you laugh

The Foolish Farmer


 
A long time ago, there was a farmer who had never been to the city before. One day, he went to the supermarket in the city. He saw a rubber that was like a small car. He asked the seller, “Why is this car so small?”
 


The seller replied, “ Its not a c...

Why do the French like to eat snails so much?

They can't stand fast food.


It's my first post on Reddit. Hope you like it.

Job application...

This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment.
Not sure if they hired him....


NAME - Greg Bulmash


DESIRED POSITION - Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be a...

What did Jeffrey Dahmer call the guy that ran from him?

Fast food.

Obesity is a problem and needs to be dealt with immediately

But remember, 50% off fast food restaurants for the month of August. Help the economy

Subway

Friend: Why do you always eat at Subway.

Me: It is the healthiest of the fast food options

Friend: Do you usually order one of the vegetable or low.
calorie sandwiches

Me: No, but I at least have to get out of the car.

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TIL that McDonald's and police use the same training material.

It's a 5 step de-escalation procedure. You know, a kind that some corporate HR would come up. Ones with corny, forced acronyms. But this one actually works pretty well:

1. Believe
2. Listen
3. Apologize
4. Satisfy
5. Thank the customer

So when a customer gets all pissy abou...

What did the Pilgrims call the turkeys that were hard to catch?

Fast Food

I have started eating McDonalds after deciding to run a marathon.

I need some fast food

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Doctor: "Unfortunately sir, you have only 1 week to live."

Man: "Doc, what on Earth are you saying?”, clearly shocked. “What can I do to live at least a little longer?"

Doc: "Well, do you eat greasy and fried food?"

Man: "Yes."

Doc: "You must stop!"

Man: "If it allows me to live longer, I'll do it!"

Doc: "Do you drink...

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