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Products Jokes

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Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?

Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.

(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)

When I was young, I thought rich people owned Bose music systems and the rest of us had Sony products.

Turns out those were just stereotypes.

What do you call a factory that makes okay products?

A satisfactory....

Testing products on animals

Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals

Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.

Guy: Ya. But we make hammers.

Did you hear about the bandits smuggling feminine hygiene products down the river?

They're a real bunch of douche canoes.

I've just been randomly flicking through the Acme Products website.

There seems to be an awful lot of negative feedback comments by user 'Wile E. Coyote'.

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

One of my coworkers got fired for putting dangerous substances in the products.

I don’t think it was completely his fault though. He did asbestos he could.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

-Sir, there are people protesting our products outside because of our animal testing.

-I'm tired of all this hypocrisy …big pharma and cosmetics test their products on animals all the time…
-Yes sir, but we make dildos.

Before Darryl Hall's music career took off he was an over the road driver for Quaker Products.

He was literally haul'n oats.

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves ...

In solidarity with much of the world pulling Russian products off the shelves and banning them from events, I will do my part and not play Russian Roulette for the foreseeable future.

A cruel and spiteful restauranteur whose restaurants only served Pepsi products, died suddenly, and was shocked to find himself in heaven

As he approached the pearly gates, St Peter cheerily asked, “Would hell be OK instead?”

Where do tyrants shop for palace improvement products?

Home Despot

My employer has recently started testing their products on animals.

I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.

What ethnic group eats the most milk products per capita?

The Kurds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a 17 year old kid just got a job at a Everything-plus kind of store. The manager tells him that he needs to sell at least $500 of their products per week.

The manager comes a week later and asks the kid how much he made, and the kid says he made $100,000. The manager asks how he did it. So the kid says that a man came in on Friday needing some fishing lures, so he sold him the most expensive pack of lures. He then said to the man “ You’ll need a good ...

I drove four hours to attend a beauty pageant for meat products today.

Turns out it was a Miss Steak.

Scottish lawmakers recently voted to make menstrual products free

It's about bloody time.

A chap Tours a factory that produces latex products.

A chap is going on tour of a factory that produces latex products.
At the first stop, he's shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud Hiss-Pop! noise.

"The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold," explains the guide. "The popping sound is a ...

Why does Eric Clapton only buy apple products

Because his son had a bad experience with windows

Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...

...even their phone designs are recycled

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

Why do kinky people who are into objectification prefer free products over paid ones?

If you are not paying for the product, you *are* the product.

Here at Anon's Gas Station, we stand behind our products 100%.

It's exhausting work, but very fuel-filling.

Bakeries often ask me to pose for promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I'm an excellent roll model

People doubting longevity of Made in China products

Rest of the world: Chinese products don’t last long and lack quality.

China invents COVID19 and now asking everyone, “You still doubt my abilities, mofos”.

Why are people buying out all the pasta/macaroni products?

Because when you are in lockdown.. A nice bowl can pasta time quicker

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?

So they won't have to go around being nice while they fix them.

What do you call instructions on how to assemble multiple Ikea products into a single unit?

A Svenn Diagram

My new girlfriend told me she doesn’t eat dairy products.

I said “No whey!”

Do not buy any more products that use velcro

It’s a real rip off.

It's obvious Bill Gates didn't create COVID

none of his other products are able to release new versions this frequently

Milk, cheese and yogurt may be different products

But their origins are udderly similar.

My grandmother was a founding pioneer for the Weathertech products.

She had clear vinyl on her furniture

I keep getting e-mails about meat products

I'm getting tired of the spam

I’m becoming one of those people who spends all of their money on apple products.

I’m addicted to cider.

Why do Microsoft products cost money?

You gotta pay the Bill

Why do Canadians prefer Apple and Logitech products?

Because they are so apple-lo-gitech

Ikea failed miserably at processed meat products business

Someone ordered meatballs and Ikea sends them a cow with DIY instructions

You know why deaf people don't buy new products?

They've never heard of them

I get drunk with power uninstalling microsoft products. I don't do it all the time..

just when I need to take the Edge off.

Tampex has announced they are replacing the string on their products with tinsel.

For the Christmas period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scotland recently became the first country to offer free sanitary products to all women.

Makes sense since all their politicians are just self-serving cunts.

Apple Products

My friend asked me why I don't like Apple products. Told her that the cables remind me of my ex-gf, white and kink-free.

even though coffee is more acidic, all Starbucks coffee products have a pH of 14

Extremely basic

People buying Apple products are so dumb.

Sent from my iPhone.

Apple needs to come up with a new creative naming scheme for their products...

You know what iMean?

I find it wild that people would use cleaning products on their skeletons.

But to bleach their bone, I guess.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yankel the Jew is walking in town one day. He is walking by the stores, admiring all the storefronts and the products they offer.

Suddenly, he notices a peculiar sign on the window of a pet store: "Talking Parrot! Can have real conversations!"
He went inside and inquired about the parrot. As he was shown the parrot, the parrot squawks, "Hello, how are you! I'm rudolph!" In near perfect english and the parrot holds out his w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My city is handing out free healthcare products to women,

Free tampons? No strings attached.

I've been stealing products from the hygiene store

I need to come clean

The Apple Store in my city was looted and thieves took off with $100K worth of products.

Police make no arrests and say they were were able to recover both computers.

After spending 4 years studying men's hygiene products

I'm proud to say I've gotten my Degree

I feel I'm quite a cosmopolitan man, so I'm not phased if I have to buy sanitary products

But, apparently, they're not a 'proper' present

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