My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long!
You know why it’s women and children first off of a sinking ship?
It’s so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution.
First off, I am or will be okay.
First off, I am or will be okay.
I had a terrible accident yesterday after work, but I am doing better now. I decided to go horseback riding, which I haven't done in quite a while. Well, I got on the horse and started out slow, and then we went a little faster, and then we were going as...
What do you call a person who just fell head first off of a 10 story building?
A crackhead
-I think this is original content. If not, please correct me.
Someone once asked me, "Do you want a graham cracker?" I said, "First off, please don't call me that..."
"... And second off, a gram of what?"
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A drunk blonde woman was sitting at a bar says to the barman, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn."
The barman mixes her drink and puts in down in front of her.
A few minutes later, she calls him over and says, "Barfender, I'd like a marhini for my heartburn." He rolls his eyes but mixes her drink anyway and sets it down in front of her.
A few minutes later, she waves him over agai...
A strict submarine captain is reassigned to a new submarine...
... after a few days of laying down new rules, enforcing them strictly, and allowing the crewmen nary a minute off, he saw derogatory posters about him taped around the craft.
Calling for his first officer, he said: "First Officer, I demand that the submarine be scoured, and every one of t...
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