The 18+ Best Figuring Jokes

My father believed that men learn by just doing things and figuring it out so when I was 3 my dad threw me into the ocean.

To teach himself CPR.

I’ve developed a fetish for figuring things out.

I just came to that realization.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

While in China, an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days ...

need help figuring out a joke.

A girl I know keeps telling my friends a joke about golf. She insists it's a joke and not a riddle but none of us get it. Here it is:

Four guys go golfing. The first guy tees up, and hits the ball super far. The second guy tees up, and hits the ball really terribly. The third guy tees up, and...

A gorilla walks into the local pub

The gorilla sits down, grunts softly and points to a picture of a pint of beer on the menu.

The barman pours the beer, hands it to the gorilla, who again grunts softly and nods. The gorilla slaps a $100 bill down on the counter and slides it toward the barman.

The barman, figuring the ...

I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

I'm thinking of starting a reading program for inmates...

...but I'm still figuring out the prose and cons.

A gentleman had too much alcohol at a party.

He was heading home and was pulled over by a state trooper.

Upon being tested, the fellow couldn't walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to m...

I spent two years figuring out the opposite word for night.

But after all that time I decided to give up and call it a day.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed..... in short, driving his partner nuts.

Finally, his exasperated partner says, "What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damm ball!"

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

His partner yells back, "Give me a break! You don't stand a chance of hitting her fr...

As a scientist, I received a lot of praise for figuring out a new method of getting drugs to enter cells more effectively and efficiently.

As a prisoner, I received another 2 years on my sentence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My neighbor told me he’s close to figuring out who’s been stealing his clothes

I almost crapped his pants when he said that

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For many, figuring out who to give the free Reddit award will be similar to choosing who to lose your virginity to.

For some: it’s not a big deal, you’ll have fun with it, and it’ll be whoever you see in the moment.

For others: you’ll overthink it and fumble deciding. Soon the moment will pass and you’ll be a virgin forever.

85% of Millennials struggle with figuring out the opposite of these words.

Always
Coming
Take
Me
Down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two blondes at a construction site

Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.

Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked,

\- "Why a...

I stayed up all night figuring out where the sun went

Then it dawned on me

I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.

He was beside himself.

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