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Simulation Jokes

I'm now convinced that we live in a simulation, and my ex-girlfriend was a bug.

Because she disappeared after my cash was cleared.

If we're really not in a computer simulation..

Does that mean that we're all non-binary?

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simulation of monkey pressing button

simulation complete

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If life is a simulation

the cunt that created my character was not paying attention when they assigned the skill points

I got kicked out of astronaut training for joking around too much in the underwater simulation course.

They said I didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation.

Proof that reality is a simulation...

The developers accidentally gave Totinos a randomized heat resistance stat.

Two developers are working on a simulation when it suddenly goes haywire before returning to normal

Dev 1: Did you see that? I think the simulation just broke for a second.

Dev 2: I think it's more accurate to say it glitched.

Dev 1: Dude, I'm not about to argue over sim antics.

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

What's scarier than finding out that you have been in a simulation this whole time?

That you can only talk about it with people who always think you're joking.

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SUMMER CAMP FOR Husbands. Evening classes for men. Starting this month.

*Summer camp*

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the content, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants each.

*Topic 1.*
How to fill ice-cube trays and why to fill water bottles before putting them back in the fridge.
Step by step with slide pre...

The election of Donald Trump is proof that we live in a computer simulation

We found a bug!

Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?

Because of the overflow errors!

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Why do you think we are here?

John, Paul, and Bill sit around a campfire.

John turns to Paul, and asks him "Why do you think we are here?"

Paul says "Man, I wonder that all the time. Some people think we exist on Earth in purgatory. We suffer here through the trials and tribulations of life in order to determine if...

a programmer and astronaut walk into a bar

Astronaut: we are just tiny dots in this vast universe. What we do is insignificant. Why should we even do anything ? What's the point ?

Programmer: I should stop making these simulations so real.

I love public transport, even though I get excessively sweaty.

Also, I think I take my Train Simulation game too seriously.

A football judge

Kicked his wife out of the bed for a simulation!

Two Borg walk into a holodeck. ..

They wanted a simulation of all mankind.

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A woman is in a car crash and is in a coma in hospital

Days, then weeks, then months go by with no sign of life or improvement. They were at a loss and running out of ideas.

One day a nurse was in the room changing the lady's bedding and accidentally touched the woman's thigh. The nurse noticed that the woman's eyes flickered very slightly, so sh...

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Skydiving (long)

Once there was a man who decided to fulfil his lifelong dream and go skydiving. So he went to the airport and signed up for a class. Upon arriving for the class, he discovered that the teacher was an elderly Indian gentleman. (East Indian, not Native American)

"Good day, good day everyone and...

At the races

A Statistician, Engineer and Physicist go to the horse track.

Each have their system for betting on the winner and they're sure of it.


After the race is over, the Statistician wanders into the nearby bar, defeated. He notices the Engineer, sits down next to him, and begins lamentin...

[long] My company is locked down and I am required to work from home

I'm used to working in an open office space so this is a huge change for me. In order to make the transition as easy as possible, I have prepared my home office so remind me of work.

* I've purchased a piece of Limburger cheese and placed it on a plate in the middle of the room to remind me o...

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Jump School (NSFW)

I was talking to my marine friend about his training and he tells me this story about going to jump school, (learning to jump out of planes).

"So we climb in the plane with all out gear on and it takes off. This is our first actual jump after a few simulations and dry runs. Everyone is nerv...

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