My son is now at that age where he's curious about the human body.

I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.

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First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them,

"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an ex...

Q. What human body part is long, hard, bendable, and contains the letters p,e,n,i,s?

A. Your spine.

After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils; they dilate.

The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"

Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That’s correct." She then ...

2 women argue over who designed the human body

2 long time friends meet up at a bar and have some drinks when the conversation turns to who designed the human body.

Women 1 is a mathematician and argued as such a mathematician must have

Women 2 is a scientist and as such argued that due do science and stuff it must have been a sc...

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What’s the most sensitive part of the human body when masturbating?

The ears.

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If planet Earth was a human body, the UK would be the colon because everything it touches turns to shit.

That's why it's called Colonization.

Ron Chestna 89 years of age was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night . Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

Did you know that if you take all the blood vessels from an average size human body and lay them out end to end

You'll go to prison for a very long time.

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which organ of the human body expands to 10 times

Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"


Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the first student to look her way. "Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands...

Three engineers were discussing who could have been the architect of the human body.

The first said, "It definitely was a Mechanical Engineer, look at all the joints."

The second said, "Nah dude, it was an Electrical Engineer, look at all the electrical connections from the brain."

The third said, "Nope, only a Civil Engineer will run piping carrying sanitation waste r...

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Three engineers are standing together as they discuss the possible developer of the human body.

First one says: "It surely was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all these complex joints."
The second one replies: "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system is made of thousands of electrical connections."
The last one: "No, must have been an archtitect. Who the fuck else would...

Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body

When I was young (100 yrs. Ago) and my intent was to go to medical school, the entrance exam included several questions that would determine eligibility.
One of the questions was "Rearrange the letters P N E S I to spell out an important part of the human body that is more useful when erect."
...

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Why do marketers in the human body employ meiosis over mitosis when making their advertisements

Because sex cells!

How much do all the bones in the human body weigh?

A Skele-Ton. Thanks, I'll see my way out.

Using the letters P S N I E... name a part of the human body that works best when erect.

If you answered "SPINE" You are correct

How do you dispose of a human body

Wait this isn't Google

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In sex education, the teacher asked: "does anyone have any questions about the female human body?"

I said: "yes miss, do you know any good places to hide one?"

The human body is made up of about 60% Water

So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.

What is the funniest part of the human body?

It would be the humerus but something in the lungs is cilia

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What's the smartest muscle in the human body?

The anal sphincter; it can differentiate solid, liquid, and gas.

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The Amazing Human Body

It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach. 

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds. 

The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb. 

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete. 

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. 
...

What Engineer Designed The Human Body?

Four engineers are arguing over who designed the human body.

The mechanical engineer points to the ways the bones, the muscles, and the tendons are joined together and move so smoothly and efficiently, and claims it must have been a mechanical engineer.

The electrical engineer diagrams...

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One day, the human body tries to figure out who the leader is ...

The heart says, "it's me! I circulate the blood!"


The brain says, "no! It's me! I control everything."


The liver says, "no, it's me, because I feed."


The anus says, "no, it's me!"


All the other organs laugh. Then the anus refused to open for seven ...

Why are normal human body temperatures around 98.7*F?

Because we're all a little obtuse.

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Why did God make four cheeks on the human body?

He made an ass of the first two.

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The Length Contest

There was this contest for longest lengths on the human body made by an eccentric billionaire who would pay 100 dollars per centimeter on any length measured on a person.

Tall Guy: Measure me from my head to toe!And it measured 186cm, he gets 18600 dollars

Second Guy thinks he is smart...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and an architect are sitting around, talking

They get onto the topic of how amazing the human body is. The mechanical engineer says “God must’ve been a mechanical engineer, I mean, look at the human skeletal system, so well put together, amazing how he did that” the electrical engineer says “no, God was an electrical engineer. Not even the bes...

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The 6th grade science teacher asks her class a question.

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will g...

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They've finally done it!

After years of painstaking research and experimentation scientists have developed a serum that can regrow human body parts

In other news: Reports of individuals who have had their penis accidentally chopped off has increased by 100%

A biology teacher asks a student a question about the homework

Mr. Ambrose says: "Suzie, which part of the human body gets 10 times bigger whenever it is stimulated?"

The whole class starts laughing, and Suzie panicked, saying: "you can't get me to say that, it's inappropriate!
Through all the chaos, Gavin raises his hand and yells: "isn't it the pupi...

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College Anatomy class

A professor at a university was starting a lecture for his new students.

He says "Welcome to college anatomy 101 where we'll be discussing everything about the human body. Some things that we'll discuss may make you feel a little awkward, but don't worry about that."

To test the leve...

My one and only engineer joke.

Three engineering students were discussing what type of engineer created the human body. The first one said “well obviously it’s a chemical engineer because the body couldn’t function without all the chemicals and hormones and everything else.“

The second one said “no no no it’s definitely a...

This is a little science joke my friend told me.

A 99kg man asks his friend “if I eat 1kg of nachos, does that make me 1%nacho.?” The friend replied to that
“Well the human body is made up of sodium, oxygen, carbon and hydrogen. So that practically makes us 100% NaCHO”

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Dave and a group of cannibals were going to have a meal...

They brought him to a room where a cooked body was. It had been sitting there for a while. One of the cannibals immediately took both hands, as he liked the taste of them. Two cannibals took a leg each. Another one took the head and so on...

Finally there was only one body part left. Dave eye...

A man arrives at the gas station...

A man arrives at the gas station and begins refueling. The owner of the gas station is nearby and hears strange rumbling and knocking noises from the trunk of the car. Fearing there is a human body in there he runs to the car and opens the trunk. To his amazement, he finds three living penguins who ...

A man goes to the hospital

A nurse entered the patient's room and asked him to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor.

"In...in front of you?" He mumbles, shyly.

The nurse says: "Don't worry, I've seen the naked human body before. You've got nothing I haven't seen a thousand times." Th...

If God were an engineer...

3 Engineers are sitting at the bar, having a conversation along the lines of "If God were an engineer, what kind of engineer would he be?"

The Mechanical Engineer: "Obviously he was mechanical. Look at the joints, the complex range of motion, the connective tissue. Mechanical Engineer for sur...

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A baby was born premature without eyelids

The doctors were baffled because they had never seen a baby born without eyelids before. Obviously eyelids are an important part of the human body so the doctors decided the best thing to do was take skin from somewhere else and use it to make eyelids for the baby.

The parents of the baby we...

Biology Lesson

Dr Adams is holding forth to his college students on biology and anatomy. "Miss Baker, can you tell me which part of the human body can expand by up to 10 times, and under what conditions?"

Miss Baker blushes furiously, and says, "That is not an appropriate question to ask a lady, and I will ...

A group of engineering students were discussing the nature of God.

The first student asserts that God is an electrical engineer, because of all the complex information and control signals running around in our nervous system.
The second student explains that God is a mechanical engineer, because of all the different kinds of activities that the human body can be...

Engineer Jokes!

**#1**
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail." A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor...

How we know that God is not an engineer

When designing the human body, an engineer would not run a sewer line through a recreational area.

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First-year med-students in their first anatomy class...

It is the first day of medical school, and the doctor in charge of the new class has all the new students gather in the main lecture hall for the orientation. Taking his place in front of the group, he starts his speech.

"In order to succeed in the world of medicine, you must first master two...

Three Engineers

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are sitting around and talking about God.

The mechanical engineer says, "God is a mechanical engineer. Just look at the human body - a light-weight skeleton with moving parts holding up a massive frame of muscle and fat. God m...

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First day of med school

It's the first day of med school and a teacher takes the students to a morgue. "Lesson 1: it's very important that you get used to the human body and are completely at ease with all manner of things." So he takes his finger and shoves it up a corpse's butt and pulls it out. He then puts his finger i...

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Weight loss program

An overweight guy is begging his doctor to help him lose weight. After some discussion, the doctor understands how desperate he is, so he offers to tell him about an unconventional technique.

"Anything, Doc! I'll do anything!"

"Well, the human body can absorb enough nutrition from the ...

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